no tears tonight. i refuse. i swear i must be a masochist of sorts...i really just keep opening my wounds and salting the shit out of them. intentionally. like i'm trying to upset myself. i'm just so very determined to win back the love of my life...in both senses of the phrase. right now i believe carolyn and i are being tested by some ( Read more... )

i don't know what's wrong with me. all i do is go to work, go home, go downstairs, and smoke cigarettes and cry. i don't want it. i don't want to be that girl. i don't want my life to be totally upside down and the one person i want to care doesn't. everyone else cares and is upset about it for me, and i appreciate that. i just...dammit. i ( Read more... )

i love it when other people blame me for their mistakes and/or shortcomings. it's not my fault you're an attention whore!

this morning, during my first moments of conscious thought, it dawned on me that i have serious issues with anger management. for some reason beyond my understanding, nearly everything angers me. instead of healthily (or unhealthily) expressing this rage, i internalize it. after a few minutes, the steam is gone, but the feeling remains hidden. ( Read more... )

on the surface and for a good bit below the surface, i seem clingy or in need of people. however, i am a very independent individual. i do not rely on the reassurance of others in order to function. in fact, the opposite is true. i avoid "needing" other people because i know how they can be given too much power over anyone else. BUT, i make a ( Read more... )

holy fucking shit. now i can fix it.

i'm lost without you. it's undeniable. however, i'm also really awesome as finding my way when i'm lost. the worst part of it all is that i don't have anyone along for the ride this time...so i'm bored. what's the point in arriving if there's no one there to meet you? i'm taking my time, but i might not even go where i'm supposed to. all i can ( Read more... )

awesome! another day for reflection on my stagnant life! maybe today will reveal something i haven't seen before!

ok guys! after a brief month-long period of adjustment to something i had for four years, i'm cool again. i apologize for any weirdness. actually, i apologize only to carolyn, because fuck what you all think, you don't know ( Read more... )

ok guys. time to start over.