Because The World Needs to Know
Some of you may have noticed I've been absent from livejournal for a few days. I could tell you some story about going up to London, being stuck on a train for far too long and having strange flights of fancy, but that would be simply unbelievable. No, what I really did was spend time getting to know the little known and endangered Margin Monsters.
Considering their sheer numbers and long history of attaching themselves to mankind in order to feed, it is surprising that most humans have never even heard of Margin Monsters. In fact, one could go as far as to say that Margin Monsters have not so much been overlooked by politicians, the press and the general public, as wilfully ignored (marginalised, if you will). For those of you who may not have heard of them, therefore, I will now set out a brief explanation.
Margin Monsters are shy, retiring creatures who live in the margins of journals, notepads etc. There are many different species of Margin Monster, and the physical characteristics of each species vary dramatically. For example, here is my friend Leon's impression of a Margin Monster:
Here, is my own impression of a Margin Monster:
Finally, here is my workmate Maurissa's impression of a Margin Monster:
Opinion generally holds that Margin Monsters live on a diet of words. I have found through my own study of Margin Monsters that this is largely erroneous: while Margin Monsters at the larval stage will eat whole words, the mature Margin Monster will happily subsist on the odd letter here and there. Closer inspection of my diagram will also reveal that Margin Monsters wont turn down the occasional number (although in my experience they tend to prefer algebrae).
There is a growing body of evidence to suggest that a new subspecies of Margin Monster has sprung into existence. Rather than feed on the written word, as more traditional varieties of Margin Monsters do, they are attracted to mobile phone and internet signals. The juveniles of this species would appear to be particularly attracted to teenagers, and have succeeded in gaining this social demographic an undeserved reputation for illiteracy.
You may wonder how such a thriving species could be in danger of extinction. As is usual in these cases, it mostly boils down to human interference with their natural habitat. In the 1960s, the misguided "Free The Margin Monsters" movement had a disastrous impact on notepads everywhere, and the highly territorial Margin Monsters suddenly found themselves with no boundaries to protect. Some simply could not cope with the psychological implications on Margin Monster society, and started to kill their young. More alarmingly, some started to believe they were human and joined the Civil Service, where they have remained ever since perpetually creating rules in a pathetic attempt at imposing order.
Margins were re-established at the end of the 60s, and the Margin Monster population began to return to normal. Unfortunately, the advent of the 80s saw a dramatic recession, and cuts unfortunately had to be made. It wasn't long before margins had shrunk to a half of their usual size, and the resulting overcrowding caused rival factions of Margin Monsters to kill each other out in their equivalent of a blood fued. Once many of the larger groups had been obliterated, the remaining factions began to turn their attention towards humans: sentences suddenly began to disappear from books, memos and journals, resulting in chaos and disorder.
The UN eventually managed to establish communication with the Margin Monsters: user24 managed to dig up the following articles:
After the talks with the Margin Monsters fell apart, an eerie silence fell on the subject. Many believe that the military stepped in and wiped out the Margin Monsters. Others believe they are simply rallying their forces and will begin a concerted attack on literature within the next year. Personally, I haven't got a clue: I met their leader but all we did was drink tequilla and tell dirty jokes. It never hurts to be safe though: it might be worth putting a few random letters in the margins of your notebooks whenever you get the chance, just as a way of pl cating th m: and try not to begrudge t em the odd lett r he e and the e. We all get hun ry sometimes. ;)
Considering their sheer numbers and long history of attaching themselves to mankind in order to feed, it is surprising that most humans have never even heard of Margin Monsters. In fact, one could go as far as to say that Margin Monsters have not so much been overlooked by politicians, the press and the general public, as wilfully ignored (marginalised, if you will). For those of you who may not have heard of them, therefore, I will now set out a brief explanation.
Margin Monsters are shy, retiring creatures who live in the margins of journals, notepads etc. There are many different species of Margin Monster, and the physical characteristics of each species vary dramatically. For example, here is my friend Leon's impression of a Margin Monster:
Here, is my own impression of a Margin Monster:
Finally, here is my workmate Maurissa's impression of a Margin Monster:
Opinion generally holds that Margin Monsters live on a diet of words. I have found through my own study of Margin Monsters that this is largely erroneous: while Margin Monsters at the larval stage will eat whole words, the mature Margin Monster will happily subsist on the odd letter here and there. Closer inspection of my diagram will also reveal that Margin Monsters wont turn down the occasional number (although in my experience they tend to prefer algebrae).
There is a growing body of evidence to suggest that a new subspecies of Margin Monster has sprung into existence. Rather than feed on the written word, as more traditional varieties of Margin Monsters do, they are attracted to mobile phone and internet signals. The juveniles of this species would appear to be particularly attracted to teenagers, and have succeeded in gaining this social demographic an undeserved reputation for illiteracy.
You may wonder how such a thriving species could be in danger of extinction. As is usual in these cases, it mostly boils down to human interference with their natural habitat. In the 1960s, the misguided "Free The Margin Monsters" movement had a disastrous impact on notepads everywhere, and the highly territorial Margin Monsters suddenly found themselves with no boundaries to protect. Some simply could not cope with the psychological implications on Margin Monster society, and started to kill their young. More alarmingly, some started to believe they were human and joined the Civil Service, where they have remained ever since perpetually creating rules in a pathetic attempt at imposing order.
Margins were re-established at the end of the 60s, and the Margin Monster population began to return to normal. Unfortunately, the advent of the 80s saw a dramatic recession, and cuts unfortunately had to be made. It wasn't long before margins had shrunk to a half of their usual size, and the resulting overcrowding caused rival factions of Margin Monsters to kill each other out in their equivalent of a blood fued. Once many of the larger groups had been obliterated, the remaining factions began to turn their attention towards humans: sentences suddenly began to disappear from books, memos and journals, resulting in chaos and disorder.
The UN eventually managed to establish communication with the Margin Monsters: user24 managed to dig up the following articles:
After the talks with the Margin Monsters fell apart, an eerie silence fell on the subject. Many believe that the military stepped in and wiped out the Margin Monsters. Others believe they are simply rallying their forces and will begin a concerted attack on literature within the next year. Personally, I haven't got a clue: I met their leader but all we did was drink tequilla and tell dirty jokes. It never hurts to be safe though: it might be worth putting a few random letters in the margins of your notebooks whenever you get the chance, just as a way of pl cating th m: and try not to begrudge t em the odd lett r he e and the e. We all get hun ry sometimes. ;)