IM about... everything....

[frozentears21]

Pure Jacy: hi
LstntotheRain: leaf
LstntotheRain: oops
LstntotheRain: hey
Pure Jacy: leaf?
LstntotheRain: yeah
Pure Jacy: hmm... interesting
LstntotheRain: me and sam are talkin' bout baby names
LstntotheRain: or jsut cool names in general...
Pure Jacy: i see.
LstntotheRain: i want one of my kinds to be named tear
Pure Jacy: Merrick is a cool name.
LstntotheRain: and he said 'offspring'
Pure Jacy: cool
Pure Jacy: haha yea  i like offspring
LstntotheRain: so anyway
Pure Jacy: sooo0000oooo
LstntotheRain: yeah
Pure Jacy: lol
Pure Jacy: whats tht supposed to mean =P
LstntotheRain: the 'wwydi' game is when you ask each other questions about random stuff...usually fantasy stuff, it means 'what would you do if' then you finish it
LstntotheRain: its pretty fun
Pure Jacy: haha i wanna try
LstntotheRain: okay...
LstntotheRain: wwydi.....i was kidnapped?
LstntotheRain: i'm kinda braindead...i've been up for almost 36 hrs strait...
LstntotheRain: i usually have better ones, but...yeah. i have an excuse
Pure Jacy: i would go and ask ppl if they knew where u were and then id go looking al by myself and find you and then get kidnapped by the guy that kidnapped u then id punch him and call 911
LstntotheRain: lol
LstntotheRain: sounds similar to what sam said
Pure Jacy: lol
Pure Jacy: ok my turn...
Pure Jacy: wwydi.... i died?
LstntotheRain: he said that he would find me, then he would kidnap me
LstntotheRain: everyone asks that question
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: o well
LstntotheRain: i would be really really really sad and would feel like a part of me died along with you, but eventually, i would have to move one, but you would always be in my heard
LstntotheRain: *heart
Pure Jacy: aww im gonna cry...
Pure Jacy: *tear*
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: ok your turn
LstntotheRain: hmm...wwudi...there was a skool shooting at FM, and i got shot, but wasn't dead, i got shot in, like, the....leg or something?
Pure Jacy: lets see... i would scream hip hip horray for the shooting bc FM sucks but not for you. i would wrap your leg in looooots of paper towels and carry you to a safe spot and call 911 with you handy dandy... CELL PHONE!
Pure Jacy: if u have it...
LstntotheRain: i never have it
LstntotheRain: and you wouldn't be able to do that...everyone would be running and screaming and freaking out
Pure Jacy: hm... then i would sit in that safe spot until someone found us and asked if we were ok and then we would carry you outside and run to the road and scream for help
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: ok my turn....
LstntotheRain: i'm playing this game w/ both you and sam
LstntotheRain: and asking similar questions
LstntotheRain: its interesitng
Pure Jacy: wwydi.... i was bitten by a poisonous snake?
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: ooo....snaaake....
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: lol hehehehehehehe
LstntotheRain: i dunno...be more specific....where would we be, was i with you, etc
Pure Jacy: im in uhh... a forest ok? lol and i scream for help and no one is with me
LstntotheRain: then how would i know?
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: youd hear my cries
LstntotheRain: oh
LstntotheRain: i'd race to see what was happening and....use my handi dandi cell phone to call a parametic
LstntotheRain: because i'm smart
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: yay!!!
Pure Jacy: lol
Pure Jacy: of course you are =D
Pure Jacy: your turn!!! lol
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: anytime now... while we're still young
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: wwydi you really like this guy/girl...'person', and you know someone else that likes them a lot also, and you know that the person like both of you. You can either fight for the person because you like them and you are doing it for yourself, or risk loosing or getting into a fight with the friend?
Pure Jacy: hmmm.....
Pure Jacy: hold on...
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: i would talk to that friend first and say look, i really like this person and i wanna know how you feel about it. i dont wanna risk losing you so i want to know how you feel. angry mad sad? im not doing it to get back at anyone, its just that i really like this person... how do you feel?
Pure Jacy: thats wut i would do
Pure Jacy: did that help
Pure Jacy: =D
LstntotheRain: actually, that helped a lot
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: ooo yay!!! my advice actually got through to someone!!!!
LstntotheRain: lol
LstntotheRain: yes, it did
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: thanks:-)
Pure Jacy: umm... if i may askk... who is this person u like?
LstntotheRain: lol
LstntotheRain: sam
Pure Jacy: o ok...
Pure Jacy: =D
LstntotheRain: its another love triangle...
Pure Jacy: and u dont wanna lose kristi
LstntotheRain: me, sam and kristi
Pure Jacy: yea
LstntotheRain: i know...
Pure Jacy: hmm... tough
LstntotheRain: and we both have done almost the same things w/ him
Pure Jacy: kristi is totally awesome
LstntotheRain: i've done a liiiittle bit more thoug...
Pure Jacy: i see...
LstntotheRain: *though
Pure Jacy: i think kristi might understand better.. u know? talk to her privately and tell her how you really feel.
Pure Jacy: i mean you guys are great friends... we are all great friends
LstntotheRain: but she knows that i know that she reallly  like him
Pure Jacy: and i wouldnt wanna see u guys get all bitchy just bc of a guy
LstntotheRain: i would feel like she would feel like i was betraying her
LstntotheRain: b/c i'm such a nice person...*'nice person'...lol
LstntotheRain: i always think of others before myself
Pure Jacy: yea thats the tough part... i think that if you tell her she will realize u know that she still really likes him, but maybe she should lay off "bragging" about him u know?
Pure Jacy: yea i know... -D
LstntotheRain: yeah
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: bc thats how i feel around andy adn heather
Pure Jacy: *and
LstntotheRain: what, that they brag about each other?
Pure Jacy: nooo.. tht it seems like whenever im there at the wrong times there all over eachother
LstntotheRain: oh
LstntotheRain: yeah
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: and i get really.... jealous i guess
LstntotheRain: sam doesn't do that...not really
Pure Jacy: and frustrated... i jsut wanna die
Pure Jacy: o ...
LstntotheRain: he doesn't believe in 'going out'...but he goes out anyway...its confuzling
Pure Jacy: i see.... im confuzzled myself about him already lol
LstntotheRain: lol
LstntotheRain: its okay
Pure Jacy: ok good. =D
Pure Jacy: ok another question now tht ive somewhat helped you lol
Pure Jacy: wwydi... i liked you?
LstntotheRain: well, there isnt really anything i can/could do...i can't control your feelings
Pure Jacy: well u know what i mean
Pure Jacy: lol
Pure Jacy: ok another one...
Pure Jacy: wwydi....
LstntotheRain: sry
Pure Jacy: i was boring
LstntotheRain: i didn't see the thing flashing
Pure Jacy: its otay
LstntotheRain: if you were boring, i wouldn't talk to you
Pure Jacy: good choice/
LstntotheRain: which means that...UR NOT BORING
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: if i were boring i wouldnt talk to myself either...
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: ok your turn
LstntotheRain: wwydi i told you that i had cancer?
LstntotheRain: or a serious sickness of somekind
Pure Jacy: wow... i would cry and come to the hospital every day to visit and sing to you and make you feel better and bring you small gifts to cheer you up and to remind you of the outside world thats out there waiting for you outside tht hospital bed...
Pure Jacy: ????
Pure Jacy: u there
LstntotheRain: yeah
LstntotheRain: sru
LstntotheRain: *sry
Pure Jacy: lol
Pure Jacy: its otay
LstntotheRain: yay! i'd have a visister
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: wwydi... i had another tumor and it was more serious this time?? like a lot serious?
LstntotheRain: i would cry
Pure Jacy: me 2
Pure Jacy: wwydi i brought a gun to school?
LstntotheRain: wow
LstntotheRain: i would be scared
Pure Jacy: me 2
Pure Jacy: !!!!
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: and, i would talk to you about why you had it
LstntotheRain: and stuff
Pure Jacy: wwydi... i wore a bright pink outfit tomorrow?
Pure Jacy: lol
Pure Jacy: good idea
LstntotheRain: and if you planned on hurting someone, i would tell someone
Pure Jacy: good
LstntotheRain: everything bright pink?
Pure Jacy: yuppppp
LstntotheRain: hmm...
LstntotheRain: eh...
Pure Jacy: lol i wouldnt like it
Pure Jacy: i wouldnt get caught dead in an outfit like tht
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: i wouldnt either
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: haha
Pure Jacy: ur trn
LstntotheRain: shirt, okay
LstntotheRain: everything....no
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: what does terminal mean?
Pure Jacy: im the wrong person to ask
Pure Jacy: hold on im gonna look
LstntotheRain: nvm
LstntotheRain: i got it
Pure Jacy: ok
Pure Jacy: what does it mean
LstntotheRain: like, if someone has a terminal illness, it means that they're gonna die from it
Pure Jacy: ooooo
LstntotheRain: i had to go ask my mom
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: good choice
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: lol
LstntotheRain: yeah
LstntotheRain: she's a nurse
Pure Jacy: wwydi... i became a bitchy "preppy" girl?
LstntotheRain: er..getting there
Pure Jacy: ooooo
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: i would try to get along with you as much as i could...but you would probably eventually drive me crazy...
Pure Jacy: yea yea... i would drive myself crazy too
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: ok ur turn
LstntotheRain: hmm....if you could change anything about me, what would it be?
Pure Jacy: ooo good one...
LstntotheRain: i try
Pure Jacy: but i dont wanna hurt your feelings... but ill be as honest as i can
LstntotheRain: if you weren't honest, you wouldn't be a true friend
Pure Jacy: if i could change one thing about you... it would be.....
Pure Jacy: wow i cant think...
Pure Jacy: maybe to include me in more things... idk... i just sorta feel left out a lot from our little "group" or whatever
LstntotheRain: :-( i'm sorry'
Pure Jacy: hehe
Pure Jacy: its ok
Pure Jacy: well no its not ok
Pure Jacy: lol
LstntotheRain: lol
LstntotheRain: eh...the bottom of my foot itches really badly, but i can't itch it b/c it frickin' tickles!
Pure Jacy: ok if u could change one thing about me what would it be?
Pure Jacy: i know try and hold back the list please
Pure Jacy: lol
Pure Jacy: hahaha
LstntotheRain: i would change a lot, actually
Pure Jacy: me 2
Pure Jacy: just let it out
Pure Jacy: i deserve to hear it
Pure Jacy: im a bitch anyway about everything
LstntotheRain: i would change the need for you to feel accepted and the need to be with the 'in crowd', where ever that is for you
Pure Jacy: i dont know where that is either
LstntotheRain: but its there and we both know it
Pure Jacy: i think i deserve to be a loner
LstntotheRain: i think you deserve to be whomever you are
Pure Jacy: no friends or not needing to feel like i need to fit in.... it would be a lot easier
Pure Jacy: come on... i know theres more...
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: just hit me as hard as u can
Pure Jacy: i deserve it
LstntotheRain: i would change ur self conciousness, self pitty, self need-to-be-and-feel-accepted-and-loved
Pure Jacy: yea me 2
LstntotheRain: i would also change whatever you took from other people...:-\
LstntotheRain: that sounds really harsh
LstntotheRain: the last one
Pure Jacy: whatever i took from other people? u mean their looks?
LstntotheRain: eh, no
LstntotheRain: well, not really
Pure Jacy: hmmmm
LstntotheRain: its hard to explain
Pure Jacy: im lost in tht one
LstntotheRain: like, you take after a lot of other people traits and use them as your own, ya know?
Pure Jacy: lets see... how im not friends with certain ones anymore u mean?
LstntotheRain: no
Pure Jacy: sorta...
Pure Jacy: yea ok
LstntotheRain: like the blood thing...:-\
Pure Jacy: i know wut u mean
Pure Jacy: keep goin
Pure Jacy: hit me hard i gotta listen and realize im a bitch
LstntotheRain: ur not a bitch
Pure Jacy: yes i am!!!
Pure Jacy: wtf are u smoking!! look at me!!!!
LstntotheRain: your a teenage daughter of an alcoholic who is lost and confused
Pure Jacy: agh
LstntotheRain: you are not a bitch
Pure Jacy: yes I AM
Pure Jacy: I HATE MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING IM DOING AND NOT DOING
LstntotheRain: bitch and confused do not equal each other
LstntotheRain: but that doesn't mean ur a bitch
Pure Jacy: wow... did i just say that
LstntotheRain: let it out cait
LstntotheRain: i can tell you really need this talk
Pure Jacy: ...
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: everything i do is wrong...
LstntotheRain: wrong for who? you or someone else?
Pure Jacy: or a mistake or someone else's saying or someone else's smile... someone's else life
Pure Jacy: i hate myself no matter what i do
Pure Jacy: whether im doing it or not doing it
LstntotheRain: who are you living for cait?
LstntotheRain: don't listen to everything you hear
LstntotheRain: take what you want and leave the rest
Pure Jacy: i dont know... sometimes i think my mom... i hate living sometimes bc everything i do isnt me... or its a mistake bc ppl are like wtf is wronf with u
LstntotheRain: a lot of these feelings are symptoms of living with an alcoholic
Pure Jacy: i guess ur right...
Pure Jacy: i just.... agh i wish i had the self confidence u had or somethin
LstntotheRain: nothing is ever good enough, your never good enough, something is always wrong, everything has to be perfect
LstntotheRain: all symptoms
LstntotheRain: i have them too
Pure Jacy: i mean not about the clothes or anything just... the way i carry my body
Pure Jacy: i hate my body
LstntotheRain: i am not as self confident as i project myself
LstntotheRain: i have my body also
LstntotheRain: well, no kidding
LstntotheRain: lol
LstntotheRain: *hate
Pure Jacy: yea but u dont wear huge ass sizes my dear
LstntotheRain: i have a pretty big ass, hunnie
Pure Jacy: nooo not ass sized
LstntotheRain: oh
Pure Jacy: i mean like big huge sizes for eveything
LstntotheRain: yeah
Pure Jacy: *everything
Pure Jacy: and of course my mom makes it worse by telling me i look bad in this and this and that
LstntotheRain: she's only trying to make herself feel better
Pure Jacy: and just makin me feel even more self conscious
Pure Jacy: every morning is a fashion show
LstntotheRain: she's an alcoholic, caitlin. she has many problems that she has to work out
Pure Jacy: i have to worry about wut shes going to think of me
Pure Jacy: and how i look to her
Pure Jacy: how im going to please her
Pure Jacy: I JUST WANNA SAY WELL FUCK YOU MOM! THIS IS MY LIFE! LEAVE IT ALONE!
Pure Jacy: u dont look so fucking hot either miss mom
LstntotheRain: are you afraid to show her because of what she'll say or because you want to impress her?
Pure Jacy: bc of what she'll say about me
Pure Jacy: im just a mistake to her
LstntotheRain: it seems to me that you do a lot for your mom because you want to feel that she loves you
LstntotheRain: thats what i'm getting from this
Pure Jacy: its bc i dont have a mom... i have a confidant
LstntotheRain: no, you have a mom, but she's drowning in alcohol
Pure Jacy: no shit
Pure Jacy: I WANNA SUFFICATE HER IN HER OWN DRINK AND SEE HOW SHE LIKES THE TASTER OF HER OWN DEATH
LstntotheRain: but you don't know your mom
Pure Jacy: she deserves it...
Pure Jacy: agh
LstntotheRain: no
LstntotheRain: she doesn't
Pure Jacy: sorry i need a tissue
Pure Jacy: im cryin
Pure Jacy: brb
LstntotheRain: :-(
Pure Jacy: ok
Pure Jacy: *wipe*
LstntotheRain: lol
Pure Jacy: *blow*
Pure Jacy: *sniffle*
Pure Jacy: alright... um.
Pure Jacy: i want her to go away
LstntotheRain: listen, caitlin
LstntotheRain: you have to understand that who you are living with is not your mom
Pure Jacy: i want to be my own person without her barking at me every fucking mintue
Pure Jacy: ....
LstntotheRain: your mom is hidden under all of the layers of alcohol and fear and layers of secrets and stuff and she's lost, cait
LstntotheRain: shes as lost as you are.
Pure Jacy: i know she is.... she needs to be found before i find her first
LstntotheRain: you can't find her cait
LstntotheRain: she is the only one that can find herself
Pure Jacy: she has no idea whats goin on in my mind bc all she does is jump down my throat and get in my face and critisize me for every fucking thing i do right and wrong
Pure Jacy: this hide and seek game is over... shes done
LstntotheRain: do you know about her childhood?
Pure Jacy: yea
LstntotheRain: has she ever told you her story?
Pure Jacy: its was a fuck
Pure Jacy: i dont care.. she deserves it
LstntotheRain: were her parents alcoholics?
Pure Jacy: no
Pure Jacy: i gg
Pure Jacy: my moms yelling at me
LstntotheRain: oh...
LstntotheRain: ok
Pure Jacy: talk about it tomorrow
LstntotheRain: i'll ttyl
LstntotheRain: i love you:-)
Pure Jacy: i love you.
Pure Jacy: =D
LstntotheRain: :-*((*kissie*))
LstntotheRain: lol