Comments | frumfertility: Notes from the weekend

kmelion in frumfertility

Notes from the weekend

Jan 09, 2006 15:17

Motzei Shabbat, I went to an ATIME lecture in Jerusalem. There were three women speaking, a bit about their experiences in the life of a frum person dealing with infertility as well as coping mechanisms in dealing with their own feelings and dealing with well-meaning and unknowing friends and family and yes, even strangers ( Read more... )

Comments 4

estherchaya January 9 2006, 14:33:47 UTC

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

It's hard for us to remember that no one intentionally rubs our infertility in our faces. People are filled with nothing but good intentions. I can understand people's frustrations, however, with constant questions of why you don't have children.

When a total stranger found out I have a foster son, her immediate reaction was "I'm sorry. Were you not able to have children of your own?" And then she proceeded to suggest that if I lost weight and my husband drank coffee, I'd get pregnant. She was overweight herself, by the way. It was rather difficult to not think of her as an insensitive idiot.

As for changing the perception, I'm with you on that one. I just don't know how.

eyelid January 9 2006, 20:04:04 UTC

People are filled with nothing but good intentions.

I don't think I'd go that far. :P :) Some people lecture because it gives them a thrill to be the Fertility Teacher. Some people have bitterness that they like to take out on other people by making them feel bad.

It was rather difficult to not think of her as an insensitive idiot.

She WAS! Even if she DID only have good intentions. Her statements were flat-out rude - she had no right to delve into your reproductive life, much less insult your weight. What's next: "Does your husband have erectile dysfunction?" There's a LINE! ...I can understand forgiving comments which are hurtful despite being polite and unoffensive. But really! When did it EVER become "acceptable" to lecture a stranger on their weight?

happyduck1979 January 9 2006, 15:22:30 UTC

I agree 100%.

But I also think there ar those who enjoy being cruel. I think they are more common than we care to admit.

eyelid January 9 2006, 20:15:02 UTC

I'm not in the frum community, but I have spoken with my mikvah lady (who struggled for years to have a child) about it, and she said that it was doubly hard dealing with infertility in the frum community. I can only imagine the pressure. Is there anything you can do to help develop support resources?

For Rachel, having a child came at the expense of her relationship with Yaakov. For Leah however, being a mother was secondary to being a wife.This seems to be just the "Grass is greener" aspect of human nature coming out. Both women wanted what they didn't have. Leah thought it was more important to have a close relationship with her husband, because that's what she didn't have. Rachel thought children were more important, because she had difficulty conceiving ( ... )