fic: jump in 5/6
jump in. part five.
to want simplicity is to want the impossible. one can only dream of it. lily loveless/kathryn prescott. 2141 words. (NC-17)
disclaimer: This story is lies, lies, lies. Complete fiction.
(credit)
there she goes, a little pain.
make no mistake, she sheds her skin like a snake,
on the dirty road to fame, dirty road to fame my lord now,
oh, there she goes, a little heartache.
(there she goes, babyshambles)
Lily fingers Kat during dinner.
It's the night before they're all set to leave Bristol, months separating the end of this and the beginning of the next. They go out to dinner, before inevitable half-arsed plans are made to get pissed at a club somewhere. On the walk to the restaurant, they'd smoked a spliff.
Lily's hand knows exactly where it's going, the slight catch of her index on the silk of her skirt, cotton and then just Kathryn. Kat practically jumps, knee hitting the underside of the table, but only drawing the attention of Kaya next to her, who barely glances over.
(Still, there's a smirk there, and it doesn't help with how much Kat's face is burning.)
Lily fingers her while Jack tells some ridiculous story and maybe Jamie gets sentimental, talking about how proud he is of the cast or some other noise, and Kat chokes on a moan when everybody laughs at a silly joke, Lily beside her smiling the most deliciously evil smile.
It really isn't fair.
Pounding music finds Kat in the corner of the club and so does Lily. Fingers touch the inside of her wrist.
"Are you not having fun?" Lily's lips glisten, vodka biting into her words. Blue is hidden, eyes bloodshot and shining bright.
Her third (fifth) drink has no patience for playing games: "What was that? Earlier?"
Lily grins from ear to ear. "That was what you call fun."
Kat has to laugh, running her hands through her hair, wanting to pull it all out. "You're acting ridiculous."
"Hey." Lily's fingers find Kat's hand, grazing knuckles before enveloping. Her other hand does the exact same thing. She steps closer, until their noses are practically touching. Blue comes through clear now. "I got carried away."
"It's not...it's not that. Last time we talked - "
"Does it have to mean anything right now?" Lily presses against her, fingers still threaded through Kat's, while her other hand finds her hip easily -
Then, somebody bumps into her on their way to the loo, and sends her face colliding into Kat's.
Kat covers her nose, "Fucking hell - !"
Lily's laughing, gently pulls Kat's hands away and touches her nose tenderly. "Fragile, this."
She gingerly taps it with her thumb, and Kat's smiling before she can help herself.
"I should find that prat and give him a piece of my mind, yeah? Damaging something with sentimental value to me."
"Sentimental value?"
Lily actually blushes. "A little bit, yeah."
There's slight hesitation, but eventually she leans in and presses a kiss to the tip of Kat's nose, and it's so fucking tender and gentle, it's all Kat can do to not turn everything around and throw her against the wall and have her way with her. She does, however, impulsively reach out and grab ahold of Lily's waist. "You have a nose kink, do you?"
"Fuck off," Lily shoots back, voice thick. "It's like a wee little button on your face."
"A button?" Kat practically snorts and the whole thing just dissolves into giggles and eventually, there is Lily's nose brushing hers, and the wall cold against her back and a knee slipping between her legs, stomachs flush against another. Kathryn starts to feel a little dizzy until Lily kisses her, and everything sort of sets straight.
There's something in that, the steadiness it brings, even as the corners of her world start to color warm and sparks dance between them. In this chaos she finds stability.
"C'mon," Lily mumbles against Kat's mouth, hand finding hers and gripping it, pulling her through the crowd until they're at the loo, shoving inside. The momentary sobriety she'd found in intimacy is replaced by the recklessness from before, shoving Kat against a stall without looking to see if they're alone or not. She kisses her and Kat can taste vodka, the cool bite of it in contrast to the warmth of Lily's lips against hers and maybe, maybe she moans.
This is all it takes. She's hers now.
Lily locks the door behind them.
In the stall, Kat's hand curves around the back of Lily's neck and her lips find her pulse immediately. She can feel Lily's breath stop. Kat's tongue darts out and -
"No," Lily pins her against the wall, hands on either of her shoulders as she tries to catch her breath. Kat opens her mouth to say something, but Lily's quicker, teeth finding Kat's bottom lip like a predator finding its prey, deliberate and devastatingly determined.
This time, Kat knows she moans. It catches in her throat, almost painful, and it comes out guttural against Lily, and her hips buck and Lily's hands are pushing at her skirt, up, up, up. Cool air breezes along the inside of her thighs then the drag of Lily's fingers along her skin. It's rough, sloppy, but she nudges Kat's legs open slowly, dropping to her knees and placing butterfly kisses along skin.
Kat sucks in a breath, sharp, when she feels Lily's breath against her knickers. And when she feels her lips graze the fabric, her knees nearly give out. She looks down, sees blue looking back up at her.
"You're gorgeous." It's not a whisper. Her voice is full and strong and sure. "Fucking gorgeous."
Knickers pushed aside, Lily's mouth against her cunt. Everything disappears.
The next day, they head home. They part ways.
London. Rain is lazy, trickling down the cracks in brick and leaving puddles in corners. Dew rests along fingers curling over sleeves and when Kat licks her lips, she tastes it. The middle of the week hangs heavy on her mind and she crosses her arms against the motion of traffic at the crosswalk. Tires glide across puddles that look like glass, secretly pot holes.
Kat tries her best to image a warm, tropical island, but only sees the ocean, the ocean that's both translucent and the brightest blue imaginable. Then, instead of the ocean, she just sees blue.
She shivers, blames it on the cold.
Her pocket vibrates. The light says walk and so she walks, hands into fists and hiding in the shelter of her sleeves. The phone call can wait.
(It'll be a number she doesn't recognize. A voicemail lasting all of two seconds before a click. Kat'll spend all afternoon convincng herself it's nothing.
She would've left a message, she'll think.
She'll know it's a lie.)
To want simplicity is to want the impossible. One can only dream of it.
It's at a café. Or maybe a shopping center. All Kat will remember later is strawberries, the red of it, the red of Lily's lips. (The wide blue of her eyes.)
"Kath...ryn." Lily's breathless and Kat convinces herself she isn't imagining it.
"Lil...y." Cheeky smirk. An eyeroll from Lily. "You're still alive, I see."
"Your hair," Lily reaches out, red curling around her finger, while her other hand lifts a strawberry to her lips. Behind it, there's a smile that sends everything topsy-turvy. "Got a bit longer."
"It's only been a month."
Only. Fuck that.
"A month," Lily echoes, voice fading and her gaze drifting, just for a moment. She takes in a deep breath, holds it, then speaks on exhale: "Cup of tea, then?"
(It's not that it's always easy for Kat to say yes.
It's just that. When Lily asks her to do something? To say something? It never crosses her mind that there's another option.)
At Lily's flat, Kat hesitates in the doorway.
It strikes her as far too intimate, the way Lily kicks her boots off without looking up from the mail she'd grabbed on the way up, the habit of reaching out and turning the light on and shuffling into her living room, half-opened letters placed on a corner. It feels intrusive, watching her like this. It doesn't feel earned.
It's when she's pulling at her jumper that she finally sees Kat still standing there, in the doorway. She stops just short of pulling it over her head to cast a smile at her. "You can come in, you know."
Kat isn't sure if she wants to. Well, of course she wants to. But questions start to sneak in: Is this a good idea? Where is this going?
Lily pulls her jumper off, and her shirt lifts with it momentarily, a brief flash of skin. Kat's fingers twitch forward, magnetized.
She steps inside.
Later:
"I like this place." Kat doesn't even try not to stare when Lily arches over the back of the couch to open the window to let the smoke filter out. She sees the sharp angle of her hip bone and bites down on her lip until it hurts. "Better than my parents."
With a lazy smile, Lily sits back down, closer to Kat now. She even hooks her leg over Kat's knee. "Free room available, if you want."
Kat laughs, and after a second, so does Lily.
(The thing is, neither of them know why it's so funny.)
It doesn't take long -
Lily's mouth over her tit and her thigh pushed between Kat's legs, rocking against each other, biting into her shoulder with a whimper. It sends a shock of pleasure, almost too much, and her nails are digging into the back of Lily's neck and every time Kat thinks to hold back, her tongue circles around her nipple and -
"Oh my g - !" She chokes it out, hands desperately searching for some sort of anchor, nails dragging along skin and she feels Lily moan against her before she hears it.
It's morning and Lily is humming along to Carla Bruni and there's that lanky arm reaching across sheets, long fingers stretching out and flattening the wrinkles, and Kathryn thinks she might be in love.
Lily smiles tu es ma came into her pillow like she knows the words. She doesn't, but Kat wants to kiss her anyways.
Wants to, but doesn't.
Lily falls back asleep and Kat reaches out to touch her cheek, to just touch her, but her hand stutters and her throat goes tight. Everything starts to get a little harder. She can barely breathe, barely fight against the burn of her eyes until she can't see anymore and this, this is what scares her the most.
She grabs her clothes and she leaves.
(Kat's never gone down on Lily. Her hands will find skin and she'll arch into her and Lily will shake, choking out a moan against Kat's mouth. But she always stops her. There's uncertainty in her eyes that's replaced, buried, when she turns the tables and pins Kat down on the bed. A smile, devilish, and Kat never has the strength to argue.
Kat really wishes she could be stronger.)
It's starting to hurt. She can't stop thinking of her and it's starting to really hurt. The worry creeps up and wraps tight around her, suffocating her. Her heart jumps into her throat and her stomach twists and turns and she's on the verge of crying, hands shaking and she doesn't want this, she hates this.
She hates that she loves her - this would be so much easier if she just didn't love Lily, if it weren't so easy to love her then it wouldn't be so hard to stop thinking about her.
But she does, she does.
("I wonder what it feels like? To be in love." All she remembers from that day, that moment, is Lily's eyes cast downward and lips, tongue lazily sneaking out to wet, periodically. "What do you think?"
"Hmm?"
"What do you think it feels like?"
Lily had squirmed next to her. Friction. "I can't answer that - I'm definitely not the girl you ask - "
"I don't care. I'm asking you."
"Maybe..." There'd been a sigh against the rim of a bottle, then Lily thought twice, screwed the cap back on and tossed it to their feet. Her hands were left with little to do but fidget in her lap, where her eyes were focused like it was the most interesting thing in the world. It was all Kat could do to not hold either side of her face, just so she could fucking look at her.
"I'd think - I think it'd feel something like coming inside from the cold..." She still hadn't looked up. "You know, like, everything's nice and warm and you're so glad to be back inside and you never want to leave again. Something like that."
"You've felt that before, haven't you?" Kathryn had asked, voice barely audible. "You've been in love."
"I think so." She was talking about her boyfriend, Kat'd been sure of it.
She'd been sure of it until the second Lily finally looked up and met her eyes.)
TBC...
to want simplicity is to want the impossible. one can only dream of it. lily loveless/kathryn prescott. 2141 words. (NC-17)
disclaimer: This story is lies, lies, lies. Complete fiction.
(credit)
there she goes, a little pain.
make no mistake, she sheds her skin like a snake,
on the dirty road to fame, dirty road to fame my lord now,
oh, there she goes, a little heartache.
(there she goes, babyshambles)
Lily fingers Kat during dinner.
It's the night before they're all set to leave Bristol, months separating the end of this and the beginning of the next. They go out to dinner, before inevitable half-arsed plans are made to get pissed at a club somewhere. On the walk to the restaurant, they'd smoked a spliff.
Lily's hand knows exactly where it's going, the slight catch of her index on the silk of her skirt, cotton and then just Kathryn. Kat practically jumps, knee hitting the underside of the table, but only drawing the attention of Kaya next to her, who barely glances over.
(Still, there's a smirk there, and it doesn't help with how much Kat's face is burning.)
Lily fingers her while Jack tells some ridiculous story and maybe Jamie gets sentimental, talking about how proud he is of the cast or some other noise, and Kat chokes on a moan when everybody laughs at a silly joke, Lily beside her smiling the most deliciously evil smile.
It really isn't fair.
Pounding music finds Kat in the corner of the club and so does Lily. Fingers touch the inside of her wrist.
"Are you not having fun?" Lily's lips glisten, vodka biting into her words. Blue is hidden, eyes bloodshot and shining bright.
Her third (fifth) drink has no patience for playing games: "What was that? Earlier?"
Lily grins from ear to ear. "That was what you call fun."
Kat has to laugh, running her hands through her hair, wanting to pull it all out. "You're acting ridiculous."
"Hey." Lily's fingers find Kat's hand, grazing knuckles before enveloping. Her other hand does the exact same thing. She steps closer, until their noses are practically touching. Blue comes through clear now. "I got carried away."
"It's not...it's not that. Last time we talked - "
"Does it have to mean anything right now?" Lily presses against her, fingers still threaded through Kat's, while her other hand finds her hip easily -
Then, somebody bumps into her on their way to the loo, and sends her face colliding into Kat's.
Kat covers her nose, "Fucking hell - !"
Lily's laughing, gently pulls Kat's hands away and touches her nose tenderly. "Fragile, this."
She gingerly taps it with her thumb, and Kat's smiling before she can help herself.
"I should find that prat and give him a piece of my mind, yeah? Damaging something with sentimental value to me."
"Sentimental value?"
Lily actually blushes. "A little bit, yeah."
There's slight hesitation, but eventually she leans in and presses a kiss to the tip of Kat's nose, and it's so fucking tender and gentle, it's all Kat can do to not turn everything around and throw her against the wall and have her way with her. She does, however, impulsively reach out and grab ahold of Lily's waist. "You have a nose kink, do you?"
"Fuck off," Lily shoots back, voice thick. "It's like a wee little button on your face."
"A button?" Kat practically snorts and the whole thing just dissolves into giggles and eventually, there is Lily's nose brushing hers, and the wall cold against her back and a knee slipping between her legs, stomachs flush against another. Kathryn starts to feel a little dizzy until Lily kisses her, and everything sort of sets straight.
There's something in that, the steadiness it brings, even as the corners of her world start to color warm and sparks dance between them. In this chaos she finds stability.
"C'mon," Lily mumbles against Kat's mouth, hand finding hers and gripping it, pulling her through the crowd until they're at the loo, shoving inside. The momentary sobriety she'd found in intimacy is replaced by the recklessness from before, shoving Kat against a stall without looking to see if they're alone or not. She kisses her and Kat can taste vodka, the cool bite of it in contrast to the warmth of Lily's lips against hers and maybe, maybe she moans.
This is all it takes. She's hers now.
Lily locks the door behind them.
In the stall, Kat's hand curves around the back of Lily's neck and her lips find her pulse immediately. She can feel Lily's breath stop. Kat's tongue darts out and -
"No," Lily pins her against the wall, hands on either of her shoulders as she tries to catch her breath. Kat opens her mouth to say something, but Lily's quicker, teeth finding Kat's bottom lip like a predator finding its prey, deliberate and devastatingly determined.
This time, Kat knows she moans. It catches in her throat, almost painful, and it comes out guttural against Lily, and her hips buck and Lily's hands are pushing at her skirt, up, up, up. Cool air breezes along the inside of her thighs then the drag of Lily's fingers along her skin. It's rough, sloppy, but she nudges Kat's legs open slowly, dropping to her knees and placing butterfly kisses along skin.
Kat sucks in a breath, sharp, when she feels Lily's breath against her knickers. And when she feels her lips graze the fabric, her knees nearly give out. She looks down, sees blue looking back up at her.
"You're gorgeous." It's not a whisper. Her voice is full and strong and sure. "Fucking gorgeous."
Knickers pushed aside, Lily's mouth against her cunt. Everything disappears.
The next day, they head home. They part ways.
London. Rain is lazy, trickling down the cracks in brick and leaving puddles in corners. Dew rests along fingers curling over sleeves and when Kat licks her lips, she tastes it. The middle of the week hangs heavy on her mind and she crosses her arms against the motion of traffic at the crosswalk. Tires glide across puddles that look like glass, secretly pot holes.
Kat tries her best to image a warm, tropical island, but only sees the ocean, the ocean that's both translucent and the brightest blue imaginable. Then, instead of the ocean, she just sees blue.
She shivers, blames it on the cold.
Her pocket vibrates. The light says walk and so she walks, hands into fists and hiding in the shelter of her sleeves. The phone call can wait.
(It'll be a number she doesn't recognize. A voicemail lasting all of two seconds before a click. Kat'll spend all afternoon convincng herself it's nothing.
She would've left a message, she'll think.
She'll know it's a lie.)
To want simplicity is to want the impossible. One can only dream of it.
It's at a café. Or maybe a shopping center. All Kat will remember later is strawberries, the red of it, the red of Lily's lips. (The wide blue of her eyes.)
"Kath...ryn." Lily's breathless and Kat convinces herself she isn't imagining it.
"Lil...y." Cheeky smirk. An eyeroll from Lily. "You're still alive, I see."
"Your hair," Lily reaches out, red curling around her finger, while her other hand lifts a strawberry to her lips. Behind it, there's a smile that sends everything topsy-turvy. "Got a bit longer."
"It's only been a month."
Only. Fuck that.
"A month," Lily echoes, voice fading and her gaze drifting, just for a moment. She takes in a deep breath, holds it, then speaks on exhale: "Cup of tea, then?"
(It's not that it's always easy for Kat to say yes.
It's just that. When Lily asks her to do something? To say something? It never crosses her mind that there's another option.)
At Lily's flat, Kat hesitates in the doorway.
It strikes her as far too intimate, the way Lily kicks her boots off without looking up from the mail she'd grabbed on the way up, the habit of reaching out and turning the light on and shuffling into her living room, half-opened letters placed on a corner. It feels intrusive, watching her like this. It doesn't feel earned.
It's when she's pulling at her jumper that she finally sees Kat still standing there, in the doorway. She stops just short of pulling it over her head to cast a smile at her. "You can come in, you know."
Kat isn't sure if she wants to. Well, of course she wants to. But questions start to sneak in: Is this a good idea? Where is this going?
Lily pulls her jumper off, and her shirt lifts with it momentarily, a brief flash of skin. Kat's fingers twitch forward, magnetized.
She steps inside.
Later:
"I like this place." Kat doesn't even try not to stare when Lily arches over the back of the couch to open the window to let the smoke filter out. She sees the sharp angle of her hip bone and bites down on her lip until it hurts. "Better than my parents."
With a lazy smile, Lily sits back down, closer to Kat now. She even hooks her leg over Kat's knee. "Free room available, if you want."
Kat laughs, and after a second, so does Lily.
(The thing is, neither of them know why it's so funny.)
It doesn't take long -
Lily's mouth over her tit and her thigh pushed between Kat's legs, rocking against each other, biting into her shoulder with a whimper. It sends a shock of pleasure, almost too much, and her nails are digging into the back of Lily's neck and every time Kat thinks to hold back, her tongue circles around her nipple and -
"Oh my g - !" She chokes it out, hands desperately searching for some sort of anchor, nails dragging along skin and she feels Lily moan against her before she hears it.
It's morning and Lily is humming along to Carla Bruni and there's that lanky arm reaching across sheets, long fingers stretching out and flattening the wrinkles, and Kathryn thinks she might be in love.
Lily smiles tu es ma came into her pillow like she knows the words. She doesn't, but Kat wants to kiss her anyways.
Wants to, but doesn't.
Lily falls back asleep and Kat reaches out to touch her cheek, to just touch her, but her hand stutters and her throat goes tight. Everything starts to get a little harder. She can barely breathe, barely fight against the burn of her eyes until she can't see anymore and this, this is what scares her the most.
She grabs her clothes and she leaves.
(Kat's never gone down on Lily. Her hands will find skin and she'll arch into her and Lily will shake, choking out a moan against Kat's mouth. But she always stops her. There's uncertainty in her eyes that's replaced, buried, when she turns the tables and pins Kat down on the bed. A smile, devilish, and Kat never has the strength to argue.
Kat really wishes she could be stronger.)
It's starting to hurt. She can't stop thinking of her and it's starting to really hurt. The worry creeps up and wraps tight around her, suffocating her. Her heart jumps into her throat and her stomach twists and turns and she's on the verge of crying, hands shaking and she doesn't want this, she hates this.
She hates that she loves her - this would be so much easier if she just didn't love Lily, if it weren't so easy to love her then it wouldn't be so hard to stop thinking about her.
But she does, she does.
("I wonder what it feels like? To be in love." All she remembers from that day, that moment, is Lily's eyes cast downward and lips, tongue lazily sneaking out to wet, periodically. "What do you think?"
"Hmm?"
"What do you think it feels like?"
Lily had squirmed next to her. Friction. "I can't answer that - I'm definitely not the girl you ask - "
"I don't care. I'm asking you."
"Maybe..." There'd been a sigh against the rim of a bottle, then Lily thought twice, screwed the cap back on and tossed it to their feet. Her hands were left with little to do but fidget in her lap, where her eyes were focused like it was the most interesting thing in the world. It was all Kat could do to not hold either side of her face, just so she could fucking look at her.
"I'd think - I think it'd feel something like coming inside from the cold..." She still hadn't looked up. "You know, like, everything's nice and warm and you're so glad to be back inside and you never want to leave again. Something like that."
"You've felt that before, haven't you?" Kathryn had asked, voice barely audible. "You've been in love."
"I think so." She was talking about her boyfriend, Kat'd been sure of it.
She'd been sure of it until the second Lily finally looked up and met her eyes.)
TBC...