A Nice Day to Start Again for omnipresentdmat

[perdiccas]

Author: nova33
Title: A Nice Day to Start Again
Recipient: omnipresentdmat
Skaters/Pairings: Johnny Weir/Evan Lysacek, (Johnny Weir/OMC)
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 10,807
Warnings: None.
Prompt: Johnny's seeing someone, and it seems to be getting pretty serious. Like, engagement-serious or close. Evan, surprisingly, doesn't feel great about it. This could go any way you're inspired for it to go; requited or unrequited is fine, and Evan's approach could be whatever you think is appropriate, from repressing to working to rectify the situation. with a little bit of I want them trapped in a closet together!
Disclaimer: The events portrayed in this story are fictional and do not reflect on the actual people written about.
A/N: Thanks to my three wonderful betas for their support and patient advice; also thanks to the many people who listened to me talk about this endlessly. Title taken from Billy Idol's "White Wedding."

Summary: On the day of Johnny's wedding, Evan wakes up to Lady Gaga singing about a ‘Bad Romance’ in his ear, and feels a strange pang of regret at watching Johnny marry another guy. Thank goodness he can leave early on Sunday and never have to see them being disgustingly in love ever again.

Except for how Evan wakes up the next morning with Lady Gaga blasting again, and is horrified to find that it's not a bad case of déjà vu - it's Saturday all over again. And again. And again...


Saturday

The ballroom looks perfect. It’s tasteful and elegant, all draped fabrics and perfectly-placed centerpieces, and Evan can almost see Johnny poring over a notebook, planning everything in detail. He’s been wandering the chateau for almost an hour, and it seems like everything is colour-coordinated, and maybe like Johnny even checked to see which flowers were in bloom in the garden before deciding on a palette. It seems like something he would do.

Johnny’s across the ballroom, standing with his mother and a few friends. He looks happy, a wide grin on his face, filling out his suit perfectly. He’s put on a few pounds since Evan last saw him, finally, and the little bit of extra weight looks good on him. As Evan watches Johnny’s fiancé walks up - Theo, Evan remembers from the invitation - and slides his arm around Johnny’s shoulders. He’s tall and handsome with a toothy grin and dimples, and the way he leans in to kiss Johnny’s temple is easy and familiar. Evan wishes he knew how long they’ve been together. He stopped following Johnny online a while ago.

He doesn’t realize he’s humming until another guest walks by him and gives him an odd look over her shoulder, and he turns to walk back out towards the gardens. He’s had ‘Bad Romance’ stuck in his head since this morning, when it came on the radio alarm clock. He’d set it for earlier than he needed to, because he wanted to sneak down to breakfast and eat before people woke up, but he’s not really used to early mornings anymore, and he hasn’t been sleeping very well lately anyway.

He’d actually managed to break the alarm clock in his hurry to shut it off; why that song, of all songs, an outdated single from years ago? By the time he’d blearily dragged himself through the shower and stared at his reflection for a long time, he’d been on time for breakfast instead of early like he’d planned. Mirai had called him over to her table and since Evan was her plus one, it didn’t seem right to refuse to sit with her, even if she was sitting with Yu Na and Adam. They’d been a firm clique for a long time, and Evan always feels out of place when he’s with the three of them.

Breakfast had been awkward and he’d rushed through it; he’d never been good at making small talk, and food wasn’t really sitting with him very well. Mirai had invited him because she thought it might help him get over Johnny - “Evan, you haven’t actually dated anyone in years” - but now that he’s here, Evan isn’t certain it’s such a good idea.

He’d taken a long walk around the chateau, hands tucked in the pockets of his suit, trying to look nonchalant, even though he knew it ruined the line of the pants. Johnny had told him that, a long time ago. “And don’t slouch, either,” he'd snapped, and Evan had straightened immediately. No slouching, no hands in pockets, no bronzer, no popped collars - there had been a lot of rules, but Evan had followed all of them. There had been rules for how to keep the apartment, too; everything had a place and Evan was expected to remember all of them. He always felt a little bit like one wrong move would have Johnny kicking him out. Not seriously, or anything, because things with Johnny had been good, for a while, but just - it was always something that had nagged at the back of his mind.

They’d moved in together early, maybe too quickly, and Evan had gone to Johnny. Of course he had; as if Johnny would have lived in LA. “Everything’s so fake there,” Johnny had said once, and then smirked at him. “Sort of like your tan.”

“Because that’s not hypocritical at all,” Evan had said, and then they probably had a big fight, one that ended with Johnny locking him out of the apartment for hours so he could clean.

“Evan,” a voice calls, and Evan turns around and is surprised to see Johnny walking towards him. He should have recognized his voice. Evan pulls his hands out of his pockets and then feels self-conscious, arms dangling by his sides.

“Hi, Johnny,” Evan says, and then, belatedly, “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Johnny replies, and it’s like he can’t help the grin that spreads across his face. “But what are you doing here?”

Evan wants to say something cutting about appropriate welcomes, but instead he stumbles through the honest answer. “I’m - Mirai invited me? I’m her plus one.”

“Ah,” Johnny says, but he’s still giving Evan a searching look, like maybe Evan’s planning something nefarious.

“I just wanted to see you again,” Evan says, which is the truth, but it somehow sounds a lot more pathetic out loud. It sounds like he means something by it, when all he really wants to do is maybe talk to Johnny again, just for a little while.

Johnny already looks angry, though, steeling his features into a look that Evan is sure he caught Johnny practicing once or twice in front of the bathroom mirror. It’s a look of determination and indignation, and Johnny’s perfected it. “You can’t just Facebook stalk like everyone else? You had to crash my wedding?”

“Firstly,” Evan starts, because sometimes he likes talking points, just to help organize his thoughts, “I’m not crashing, I’m Mirai’s plus one. And secondly, you deleted me on Facebook. Or defriended me. Or whatever it’s called.”

“You are not so old that you don’t know the Facebook lingo,” Johnny says, and Evan just shrugs, slipping his hands back into his pockets. Johnny eyes flicker down for a second, and Evan wonders if maybe Johnny is resisting the urge to tell him to straighten up, to stand properly, to stop ruining the line of his pants. “I wish you weren’t here,” Johnny says finally, sighing, and it hurts Evan more than it probably should.

“I’m sorry,” Evan says, and he’s only really apologizing for being here when he’s not wanted, but it sounds like he’s apologizing for a lot more.

“Me, too,” Johnny says, and there’s that searching look again, the one that always makes Evan want to squirm under his gaze. Johnny always could read him better than anyone, even when they were younger. (Like that one time at a random party after Junior Nationals when they’d been sprawled around a hotel room in various little groups, and it had been just Evan and Johnny talking in a corner, and Johnny had given Evan that look and said, “You want to kiss me, don’t you?” He said it like it was a certainty, even though at the time even Evan hadn’t been that certain.) “I’d better go,” Johnny says, but he doesn’t make a move.

“Okay,” Evan says, and doesn’t know what to say. ‘Have a good wedding!’ doesn’t really seem to work. “I’ll, uh - I’ll see you in there.”

Johnny nods and turns to walk back up the little path, and then looks back at Evan. “Take your hands out of your pockets, for heaven’s sake,” he says, and he’s glaring a little, like maybe Evan’s poor posture is going to ruin the entire aesthetic of his wedding, but there’s no real malice in it. Evan smiles as he follows Johnny up the path.

***

It’s a nice ceremony, somehow cozy and intimate even with so many people there. They’ve written their own vows, and Johnny’s are funny and clever but still heartfelt, like a lot of what Johnny says. Theo is kind and sweet and squeezes Johnny’s hands when he tells him, quite simply, that he loves him. When Theo slides his hand to the back of Johnny’s neck and Johnny smiles up into the kiss, Evan feels a pang in his chest that he hadn’t expected, and he looks down at his hands in his lap as people whistle and cheer around him.

Evan uses the reception as an opportunity to get incredibly, ridiculously drunk. He dances with Mirai for a while, because he actually kind of likes dancing. Apparently he still looks awkward while doing it even despite Dancing With the Stars, though, because Mirai giggles at him as he spins her, looking stunning as her blue dress fans out around her. “You flail so much,” she says, smiling up at him, and he grins down at her.

“I have the grace of a swan, what are you talking about?” As soon as he’s said it, though, he can’t help but look over to where Johnny and Theo are dancing. Evan almost wishes they were doing the cliché thing of slow-dancing to a fast song so he could hate them, but it actually looks like they might be doing the hand jive from Grease.

Evan dances with Mirai for four songs and resolutely ignores Johnny and Theo’s section of the dance floor. Eventually Mirai begs exhaustion and goes to get a slice of cake, and Evan sits back down at the table, stopping for another drink on his way.

Evan is only a little surprised when Stéphane sits down beside him. They’d become friends when Evan had been with Johnny, right around the time they were all retiring, and they’ve stayed in sporadic contact over the years. Stéphane still sends Evan a birthday card every year, and most years Evan remembers to reciprocate.

“Evan,” Stéphane says warmly. “Your dancing is very lovely.” If Evan didn’t know him better, he’d be certain Stéphane was teasing him.

“Thanks,” he says, and takes a sip of his drink. “How are you?” He tries to think of the last time he talked to Stéphane and can’t remember, which isn’t a great sign. Evan sometimes thinks he’s not a very good friend.

“I am very well, thank you,” Stéphane replies. “I am very happy for him.” He says it with such fondness that Evan can’t help but follow his gaze over to where Johnny is dancing with Boz. Theo’s sitting with Patti, making her laugh. Evan is pretty sure that all he ever made Patti do was scowl. “And how are you?” Stéphane turns to look at him, but Evan can’t stop watching Johnny.

“I’m drunk,” Evan says finally, grinning a little. It’s not even close to the answer Stéphane is looking for. “Actually, I think I might go to bed.”

Stéphane nods as Evan stands, and then stops him with a hand to his arm. “Have you spoken to him?”

“We talked, yeah.” Evan focuses on the ridges on the glass instead of looking at Stéphane, the way it’s slippery in his hand from the condensation.

“Did you tell him that you are very sorry?”

“Yes,” Evan says, because that’s sort of what he did.

Stéphane looks like he wants to say something more, but instead he just squeezes at Evan’s arm lightly. “Sleep well. Perhaps we can have breakfast in the morning?”

“Sure,” Evan says easily, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair. “Goodnight.” He leaves his half-finished drink on the table and avoids everyone on his way out of the hall.

Day One

For the second day in a row, Evan is startled awake by an old Lady Gaga song. He groans as he recognizes the opening notes of ‘Bad Romance’ and slams his hand down on the alarm clock. He sits up slowly and blinks at the alarm clock - he could have sworn he broke it yesterday morning. He looks down at his worn t-shirt and boxers, confused; all he remembers doing last night was falling into bed in his shirt and pants, barely managing to kick his shoes off before falling asleep.

Evan steps out of bed and sinks his feet into the plush carpeting, walking across the room to the closet. His suit is hanging in its garment bag, looking mostly unwrinkled. His shoes are lined up neatly underneath the bag, shiny with polish, as if he’d freshly reapplied it the night before. He must have woken up in the middle of the night and straightened everything; sometimes he does that, though normally he remembers it the next morning.

What’s weirdest is that he doesn’t feel hung-over at all, just a little sore. He brushes his teeth and runs a comb through his hair just enough that it sits straight, and makes sure all of his things are packed so he can leave quickly after grabbing some breakfast.

When he gets to the dining room there are a lot more people than he’d expected, but most of them are still wearing their wedding clothes. Mirai waves him over again to her table with Adam and Yu Na, and she looks bright and fresh, like she didn’t just spend the whole night partying.

“Why aren’t you in your suit?” Adam asks, and Evan looks down at his sweatpants and polo shirt.

“Evan probably didn’t want to spill anything on it,” Mirai says, smiling at him. “I understand.”

“You make it seem like I’m incapable of eating without spilling food on myself,” Evan replies, but he takes a seat. “So I guess you guys went to sleep pretty late last night, if you’re still in your party clothes.” He takes a sip of water as the others pause, sharing a look.

“We’re dressed for the ceremony, silly,” Yu Na says, and Evan frowns.

“The ceremony was yesterday,” he says, because surely they didn’t get so trashed that they don’t remember it.

“No, that was the rehearsal dinner,” Adam says slowly, like Evan is incredibly stupid. In fact, Mirai and Yu Na are looking at him with similar expressions.

“Are you feeling okay?” Mirai asks, and she seems genuinely concerned.

“Yes!” Evan exclaims. “I went to bed earlier than the rest of you last night and everything.”

“Okay,” Mirai says, nodding, but she’s giving him a considering look. “That’s fine, but - why do you think the ceremony has already happened? Did you hit your head?”

“No! It has already happened. You cried a little, I sat beside you and handed you my handkerchief, and then we went to the reception and danced for a while before I went to bed early.”

There’s another long pause. “Evan, I think you’re really confused,” Mirai says finally.

“I am certainly confused,” Yu Na adds.

“Okay, just-” Evan has no idea what’s going on. “What day is it?” That’s a relatively simple question, they should all be on the same page-

“Saturday,” Mirai responds. “What day did you think it was?”

“Sunday,” Evan says, and he tries to sound certain but it comes out sort of faint.

“Did you maybe dream about what today was going to be like, and it was just really, really vivid?” Adam suggests, and even though he sounds pretty dubious himself, Evan considers that as a possibility.

“Are you guys just messing with me?” he asks, but one look around the room tells him that’s impossible. No way would all of these people - obscure relatives of Johnny and all of Theo’s friends - be in on such an elaborate joke, and definitely not the night after such a big party.

“No, Evan, you’re worrying me now. Are you - are you having a nervous breakdown?” Mirai grabs his hand tight, peering up at him. “Maybe I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

“I’m - I’m fine, Mirai, it’s okay-”

“I thought it would help, you know, for him to get over Johnny,” Mirai is explaining to Adam and Yu Na, who are regarding him thoughtfully, like maybe his weird behavior actually makes sense in light of that information. Evan flushes, tugging his hand away.

“I’ve got to - I haven’t showered yet,” Evan says. “I think I’ll go do that now.” He doesn’t turn around as he walks out of the dining room, wanting to avoid their quizzical looks. He has absolutely no idea what’s going on.

The calendar on his phone tells him it’s Saturday, but that could just be a weird glitch. He gets to his room and has a cold shower, trying to wake himself up a bit more. When he gets out he stands in the middle of his room in his towel and looks around blankly, hoping something will give him an answer. The alarm clock is still in perfect condition, and he knows he broke it yesterday. Or whatever day that was. Unless they just replaced it when they cleaned the room, which would make some sense.

But then what happened with that whole discussion with Mirai, Adam, and Yu Na? He eventually walks over to the closet and pulls out his suit and puts it on. Maybe the whole thing was a dream. Maybe this part is, too. He feels restless and uncertain, and his fingers shake a little as he does up the buttons on his shirt and then laces his shoes. And then he unlaces them and undoes the buttons, goes through the process three times to settle himself down a little.

Evan feels better afterwards, but being in the room isn’t helping him much - he keeps humming ‘Bad Romance’ to himself, and he’s sick of it already - so he decides to go for a walk. He stops by the ballroom on the way, admires the decorations once again and looks over at Johnny in his huddle of friends and family, Theo’s arm around his waist. It seems exactly like it was yesterday.

He’s walking down one of the garden pathways when he hears his name being called, and he’s going to stop and turn but then again - maybe Evan is supposed to learn something from this whole experience. Maybe his talk yesterday with Johnny wasn’t a good idea; maybe it just made things harder on both of them. He knows how these things are supposed to go - there’s probably a lesson here somewhere - so instead of turning to face Johnny he speeds up and ducks between a hedge and some rose bushes, crouching down.

Johnny calls out again and then walks past where Evan is hidden, stopping to turn around in confusion for a second before sighing and heading back towards the chateau. Evan waits a long time, until his thighs start to hurt from crouching for so long, and then he slides out onto the path and tries to brush off his suit.

He almost considers skipping the ceremony, but that would seem petulant, and it’s not like he can explain that he’s already seen it before. The vows are just as touching the second time around, but this time Evan forces himself to watch their kiss. He watches the way Johnny’s hands cradle Theo’s face, the way he goes up on tip-toes to kiss him, the way he comes away with a huge grin on his face. He tells himself that Johnny being happy is what this is all about.

He goes to the reception long enough to get some of the cheesecake and dance with Mirai. He smiles at Stéphane from across the room and heads up to bed early. He lies in bed for hours just staring up at the ceiling. Evan knows how these sorts of things work in movies, and he hopes that letting Johnny be and just staying quietly in the background is enough to prove that he’s over him, that he can just let go and move on with his life. Tomorrow he’ll wake up and it’ll actually be tomorrow; he’ll have an early breakfast and head back to LA and Johnny can live happily ever after with Theo. Evan rolls over in bed and closes his eyes.

Day Two

Evan wakes up to Lady Gaga again and really hopes it’s just a strange coincidence. He sneaks downstairs wearing just a pair of sweats and a t-shirt again, hoping it really is Sunday, but one look around the dining room tells him otherwise. He takes a step back from the doorway so Mirai can’t see him and wave him over again and sags against the wall. He was absolutely certain that avoiding Johnny would work, that it would prove to the universe that Evan’s over him and isn’t trying to cause trouble. Evidently the universe doesn’t believe him, or that’s not what it wanted to hear.

He’s hoping to escape to his room and maybe feign illness for the entire day - he’s not sure he can watch that ceremony again - but then there’s a strong hand gripping his wrist and tugging him into a closet.

“Don’t worry, the irony is not lost on me,” says a wry voice, and Evan knew it was Johnny from his fingers around Evan’s wrist, but that confirms it. Johnny flicks on the light and raises an eyebrow at him, hip cocked to the side. “You don’t seem to be dressed appropriately for my wedding.”

“I didn’t want to spill food on my suit,” Evan says, because he is careful like that, even if he is also capable of eating food without spilling it on himself. Regardless, it seems weird that Johnny dragged him in here just to pester him about his clothing choices for breakfast.

“You were hoping it was Sunday,” Johnny says, and Evan blinks.

“No,” he says slowly, because saying yes emphatically would be rude.

Johnny rolls his eyes. “How many times have you woken up on this Saturday?”

“Three,” Evan says without thinking, and Johnny nods.

“Me, too.”

“I thought maybe avoiding you would fix it,” Evan says after a moment.

“So that’s why you ran away in the garden yesterday. Or today. Or whatever the hell it is.” Evan nods, and then a thought seems to cross Johnny’s mind. “You know, that’s sort of typical of you. Just avoid the problem and hope it goes away.”

“I thought maybe it would be better if you didn’t have to talk to me,” Evan says, because it seemed reasonable at the time. He wasn’t running away from anything.

“Right,” Johnny says, but he doesn’t sound at all convinced.

“I didn’t want to cause any problems,” Evan says.

“How could you possibly cause problems?” Johnny huffs, and Evan shrugs.

“I don’t know; you didn’t want me here, and I am, so I thought maybe that was a problem. I just figured I’d stay in the background and you could be married and then I could finally wake up on Sunday and leave.”

“That doesn’t sound like avoidance to you?”

“What am I supposedly avoiding?” Evan asks. Having conversations with Johnny ties him up in knots; he always feels like he’s missing some incredibly important piece of information that would help him understand what the hell Johnny wants from him.

“If you don’t know-” Johnny starts, but Evan slams his hand against a shelf in frustration, making Johnny jump a little.

“Don’t do that!” Evan says. “I can’t read your mind.”

“You’re avoiding your emotions, for one,” Johnny says, and Evan just stares at him.

“What emotions?” he asks, and Johnny throws his hands in the air.

“You know what? I can’t be in here with you anymore,” Johnny says, but when he turns to open the door, the handle won’t even turn. “Oh fuck.”

“Johnny, I am sorry,” Evan says sincerely, stepping closer, and Johnny reels and shoves him backwards into some shelving.

“You don’t get to be sorry, finally, five years down the line, at my fucking wedding. That’s not how it works.”

“Well, I am,” Evan says, because it’s maybe too little, too late, but he still needs to say it. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell people.”

“You could have,” Johnny counters. “But you just wouldn’t.”

“It was hard,” Evan says, but it’s not the right thing to say at all.

“That is not hard. Telling people that you want to be with someone isn’t hard. Having people treat you like crap for how you look and how you talk and how you walk and how you skate, something that you love and do better than almost anyone - that’s hard. Pretending to be straight because it’s easier? That’s not hard at all, Evan, and you know it.”

“You know how my mother would have reacted to that information, the rest of my family, Frank-”

“What, they would have wondered why you were dating such a campy loser like me?” Johnny snaps, and Evan pushes him back against the door.

“No, they wouldn’t have handled me being gay, and you know it!”

“That’s just it, Evan - I have no idea how any of the people in your life would handle anything, because I never got to really know them. Because you could never introduce me as your boyfriend.” Johnny’s almost yelling now, colour rising in his cheeks as he tries to squirm out from between Evan and the door.

“I’ll tell you how well they reacted, okay?” Evan hisses, pinning Johnny’s arms to the door so he stills. “My parents stopped speaking to me. Most of my friends suddenly drifted off. It wasn’t easy.”

“So why’d you do it?” Johnny asks. “What changed?”

Truthfully, what changed was Johnny - Evan realized he’d messed things up in a big way and wanted to see if he could fix things, but by the time he’d sorted things out in his head and then with his parents, Johnny had resolutely moved on. “I was lonely.”

“You were lonely so you decided to come out and ostracize yourself?” Johnny says skeptically, and Evan sighs, ducking his head.

“I missed you,” he mumbles, because he doesn’t really know if he’s allowed to say things like that to Johnny anymore. He’s not even sure he said things like that to Johnny when they were together.

Johnny thumps his head back against the door and growls a little. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to walk back into my life again and screw things up.”

“I’m not trying to screw anything up!” Evan says, and he pulls back from Johnny a little, only to have Johnny pull him back in again, one hand on the back of Evan’s neck.

“Well, you are,” Johnny breathes against his lips, and then he’s kissing Evan, hot and messy, and it’s exactly like Evan remembers it. The way Johnny’s fingers tug at the hair at the back of his neck, the way his lips feel against Evan’s, how his body feels pressed along the line of Evan’s body - Evan slides his leg between Johnny’s and earns a gasp, Johnny’s nails digging into his neck. Johnny’s hand is warm as it slides underneath Evan’s shirt along his stomach, and then Johnny traces along his tattoo and Evan presses closer, tilting Johnny’s head back to bite at Johnny’s neck, sinking his teeth in just enough that Johnny arches into him, but not enough to leave a mark; it is his wedding day, after all.

Evan jerks back at the thought, resting his forehead against Johnny’s and breathing hard. “You should go get married,” Evan says, and when he pulls back far enough to properly look at Johnny, Johnny’s schooled his features into blankness.

“I should,” Johnny says, and then forces Evan to move back before turning to bang on the door. “Hello? Help!” he shouts, and it doesn’t take very long until they hear footsteps and then the door is opened. It’s one of Johnny’s friends, some tall blonde with a ridiculous outfit on. “Oh, thank goodness,” Johnny says, falling onto his friend dramatically. “We were trapped.”

“Trapped with him?” The blonde says, giving Evan a dubious look, and Evan wishes he could be offended. Instead he just brushes past them and goes up to his room to change, because he should go to the wedding. Again. Now that he has that out of his system and he’s properly apologized to Johnny, maybe it’ll be done. He can be happy for Johnny for finding a guy as great as Theo, and tonight he can dance with Mirai and maybe even with Stéphane, and tomorrow it’ll be Sunday.

Day Three

“I want your drama, the touch of your hand,” Lady Gaga sings, and Evan actually throws the alarm clock across the room, feeling only a little satisfied as it cracks against the wall. He rolls over onto his back with a sigh and stares at the ceiling, at the way the light filters in through the curtains across the walls. It’s a nice room and a lovely morning, but Evan is sick of it.

He goes to the closet and pulls out his suit, which still looks perfect and pressed even though he left it in a crumpled heap on the floor the night before. It had almost killed him to do it, fingers actually twitching a little as he lay in bed, but it had felt like some small act of rebellion, at least. Evan smoothes down the suit and walks down to breakfast, ready to have the same conversation with Mirai, Adam, and Yu Na again - something pleasant about the decorations, a little small talk about what everyone’s doing with their lives, compliments on how lovely everyone looks - but as he’s passing by a small room he sees Theo sitting on a window seat, head in his hands.

Evan’s doesn’t know a lot about Theo at all. The guy is a successful studio musician, playing primarily piano - “He’s very good with his fingers,” Johnny had quipped at some point, winking at the crowd - and he has good taste in clothes and seems to really love Johnny. Evan feels a pang of guilt as he stands in the doorway, looking at Theo, trying to decide whether to keep walking to breakfast or stop.

He steps into the room. “Hey, man,” Evan says, and resists the urge to slide his hands into his pockets. “Everything okay?”

Theo looks up at him, hair a mess, and smiles. “Oh, hi,” Theo says, and straightens a little, running a hand through his hair. “You’re Evan, right?” For a second Evan thinks that maybe Johnny told Theo about their relationship, said something about how they’d actually tried to make it work, but then Theo says, “I remember you from his show.” He laughs a little, but not meanly - of course not, Evan thinks - and grins at Evan. “I’m assuming you’re not as bad as he made you seem, since you’re here.”

Evan decides Theo doesn’t need to know that he wasn’t actually invited. “Yeah, I guess they needed a villain.” During the second season of the show he hadn’t seemed as bad at all, which Evan knows had been Johnny’s concession to him, an attempt to meet him halfway. It had been so nice to finally feel like he wasn’t a total jackass, and then he’d screwed it up anyway. “So,” Evan says, “is everything okay?”

Theo’s smile falters a little. “Oh yeah, for sure. Just needed a little bit of a breather, you know?”

Evan nods, because he definitely understands those moments. “Is there, uh - do you want to talk about anything?”

“I just,” Theo starts, and then shakes his head, looking down. “I’m not sure if I’m making the right decision.”

“The right decision…?” Evan asks, sitting down in a plush armchair and leaning forward.

“In marrying Johnny,” Theo says, and Evan sits back a little.

“Oh,” Evan says, because that’s not at all what he was expecting. He was thinking maybe there was some drama with relatives or something had gone wrong with the catering.

“I love him, I really do,” Theo says. “He’s fantastic and talented and caring but…I just don’t know if marriage is right for us. For me.” He looks up at Evan and laughs a little. “Man, I’m sorry, this is probably more than you wanted to hear.”

“No, it’s okay,” Evan says, because maybe this is it - this is why he’s here again. To help Theo. “Do you think you’d both be here if it wasn’t the right decision?”

“I’m not sure. I feel like we got caught up in all the planning and the spectacle of it all - because it is a bit of a spectacle-”

Evan shrugs. “Well, it is Johnny.”

Theo grins. “It is definitely Johnny. I don’t know, it all just feels so huge, and I think that maybe it would have been better if it we weren’t getting married. It just feels so…”

“Permanent?” Evan supplies, and Theo nods. “Do you - okay.” He tries to collect his thoughts. “When you picture yourself down the line, maybe retired and chilling out in a nice house somewhere, maybe near a beach-” and this is not Evan’s fantasy, not at all “-are you alone? Are you with some nameless, faceless person? Or do you see him?”

Theo closes his eyes like he’s really considering it, imagining the scenario. “I see him.” Theo opens his eyes and grins at Evan. “I don’t know if there’s a beach, though.”

Evan flushes a little. Johnny has never liked the beach as much as Evan, and they only ever lasted a few hours laid out in the sand before Johnny called it a day. “Whatever works for you,” Evan says, smiling a little. “But I guess the important thing is that he’s there with you. That it can be permanent, that it’s what you want.”

“Yeah,” Theo says, almost to himself. “Thanks,” he says, and reaches out to shake Evan’s hand. “I really appreciate it.” Evan nods and stares out the window at the gardens as Theo leaves the room.

Evan spends most of the ceremony watching other people’s reactions - Stéphane has cried every time so far, and it makes Evan grin - and trying to work out what Theo’s friends are like. They seem slightly less glittery than Johnny’s, but everyone looks genuinely happy for the two of them. Evan doesn’t think he’s imagining the way Johnny hesitates a little in pressing up to kiss Theo this time around, but he seems to melt as soon as Theo pulls him closer, throwing his arms around Theo’s neck and using more tongue than is probably appropriate for a wedding. But then again, it is Johnny’s wedding.

Evan finally feels a little bit of contentment as he watches them, like this time he actually made a difference.

Day Four

Evan cannot believe he is waking up to Lady Gaga again. He avoided Johnny and didn’t bring up old wounds, and he helped Theo, and he actually felt genuinely happy for them. He rolls out of bed and gets dressed - he really wishes he’d brought other clothes with him - and heads off in the direction of the dining room, determined to talk with Johnny. They’re both stuck in this loop, and maybe there’s something they have to do together to get out of it. Evan’s brain helpfully supplies all sorts of things that they could do together, but he does his best to focus on the matter at hand.

He sees Johnny walking down the hallway and calls out to him, and Johnny promptly turns and starts walking the other way. Evan hurries to catch up, and then almost bumps in to Johnny when Johnny stops in a doorway. He peers over Johnny’s head and tries to ignore their proximity, the way he can feel the warmth of Johnny’s body even thorough his suit.

It’s the same small room from yesterday, and this time Theo’s sitting with one of his friends, looking haggard.

“I’m just not sure if this marriage is such a good idea,” Theo says, and his friend murmurs something that Evan can’t hear, but it doesn’t matter anyway, because Johnny’s clenching his fingers around the door frame. He takes a step back and forces Evan to move, looking up at Evan before swallowing and closing his eyes just for a second. He walks off down the hallway and ignores Evan’s hand on his shoulder.

Evan eventually finds Johnny sitting in a little alcove, knees pulled up to his chest. It makes him look young and vulnerable in a way that Evan hasn’t seen in years. “I don’t want to talk to you,” Johnny says, looking out the window.

“But-”

“Evan, just go away.” He still won’t look at Evan, and even though Evan wants to sit down beside him and talk to him, see if he can help, he doesn’t really know if he can fix anything. He walks away instead.

Evan almost doesn’t go to the ceremony, but he wants to see if anything is different this time, if maybe Johnny won’t go through with it or if things will stay the same. He’s not really sure which outcome he’s hoping for. They say their vows and something seems off to Evan, like it’s just a show Johnny’s putting on, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

He goes to the reception just to watch the way Johnny is with Theo, and he mostly just sits at a table and drinks more than he needs to. It’s a welcome change when Stéphane sits down beside him.

“You seem very worried, my friend,” Stéphane says.

“I’m not sure if they’re going to last,” Evan admits, watching Johnny and Theo dancing, pressed closed together.

“But they are so very much in love!” Stéphane exclaims, and then he puts his hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Perhaps it is just that you hope it does not last?” He says it kindly, like that’s not an awful thing for Evan to hope for.

“I want him to be happy,” Evan says, and is startled to realize how true it is. If Johnny were happy with Theo, Evan would be happy for them. For him.

“I believe he is, no?” Stéphane says, and smiles as he watches the two of them dance. All Evan can see is the way Johnny seems almost unsure of himself in Theo’s arms, like he’s not so certain anymore that he belongs there.

“I hope so,” Evan says, and then a fast song comes on and Stéphane asks Evan to dance, and Evan can’t say no. He watches the way Johnny smiles; it’s not a real smile, and Evan is at once sad that Johnny’s unhappy and pleased that he still knows the difference.

Day Five

The next day Evan wakes up with Lady Gaga already stuck in his head, and he sighs as he shuts the alarm clock off. Obviously Johnny wasn’t supposed to overhear Theo having second thoughts. Or maybe they weren’t supposed to go through with the wedding.

Evan doesn’t really know what else he can do, so he sets off to find Johnny, because maybe this time Johnny will actually talk to him and they can make a plan. He’s wandering around in the other end of the chateau, where he knows Johnny and his party are staying, when he overhears Johnny’s voice. He looks around the doorway to see Johnny and Tanith sitting on a couch, his hand in hers.

Evan feels like he spends a lot of time lurking outside of doorways and eavesdropping on personal conversations, but this is Johnny and Tanith, and he can’t just walk away now. “I don’t think he wants to marry me,” Johnny says.

“Johnny, no - he’s the one who proposed, and he loves you, it’s obvious to everyone,” Tanith says, pulling Johnny into a half-hug.

“I heard him say it, though, Tan,” Johnny responds, and he sounds defeated in a way that makes Evan want to be there for him, too. “He said he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. Like he was making a mistake.”

Tanith looks shocked at that, but she pulls Johnny closer. “Oh, Johnny,” she says, like she doesn’t know what to say. Johnny leans into her shoulder and then pulls back, wiping at his eyes.

“You should go get ready before I ruin your dress,” Johnny says, untangling himself. “I’ll just be a minute.”

“Are you sure?” Tanith asks, looking concerned, and Johnny manages a shaky smile and waves her out.

“I’ll be fine, Tan, really,” Johnny says, and Evan hurries away from the door as Tanith leaves. When the coast is clear Evan walks back into the room and stands in front of Johnny, who looks up and then lets his head fall into his hands. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry about Theo,” Evan says, and Johnny shakes his head.

“Sure you are,” he says, and Evan sits down next to him, a careful distance apart.

“I am,” Evan says. “A couple days ago - or a couple Saturdays ago, I guess - I talked to him. He wasn’t sure about the wedding, but, I mean…he realized that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, so.”

Johnny looks at him. “You had a conversation with Theo about our relationship?”

“Yes?” Evan says tentatively, because he can’t read Johnny’s tone, and he’s not sure if he’s angry.

“That’s-” Johnny starts, and then stops himself. “Thank you.”

“Are you still going to marry him?” Evan asks, because Johnny doesn’t seem so sure anymore.

“Not if he doesn’t want to marry me,” Johnny replies with a sigh. “I guess I am too much to handle.”

“You’re not,” Evan says immediately, and Johnny gives him a wry smile.

“Evan, you broke up with me,” Johnny says. “I don’t really think you’re the one who should be making that argument.”

“I did not!” Evan exclaims. “You broke up with me.”

“You drove me to it,” Johnny replies.

“It wasn’t all my fault,” Evan counters, because sure, he was a jackass, but a relationship takes two people.

“It was entirely your fault!” Johnny snaps.

“You didn’t give me any time,” Evan says, trying to sound reasonable but feeling frustrated. It feels like every conversation he ever had with Johnny that just ended in a fight.

“You had so much time,” Johnny hisses. “You had years and years, and you didn’t do anything, and then I was stupid enough to try and make it work.”

“You always acted like it didn’t matter!” Evan had tried so hard to make it work with Johnny, and Johnny had always acted like it was inevitable that it would end, sooner rather than later.

“Of course it mattered,” Johnny says, and he pushes at Evan’s chest. “How dumb are you?”

“I’m not dumb,” Evan snaps, and he grabs Johnny’s hand as he rocks backwards, glaring. “You know I’m not dumb.”

“You sure act like it,” Johnny replies, and he tries to twist his wrist out of Evan’s grip, but it’s a half-hearted attempt.

“I never knew what you wanted from me,” Evan says, quiet, and he feels like all the anger’s gone out of him.

“I wanted you to make an effort,” Johnny says, and suddenly Evan is very aware of Johnny’s pulse under his hand and how close they are, and he leans in to kiss Johnny, close-mouthed and brief. “You can’t-” Johnny starts, but then stops himself and leans into Evan, kissing him deeply, hand fisted in Evan’s shirt. Evan tries to catalogue details - the way Johnny’s hair brushes against Evan’s forehead, how his hand feels at Evan’s jaw, the way his barely-there stubble scratches against Evan’s chin. Evan lets Johnny control the kiss, sighing into it when Johnny leans back a little and pulls Evan down, sliding his hand to rest at Evan’s collarbone, fingers a light pressure against Evan’s neck.

And then there are footsteps in the hall, and they break apart just in time for Tanith to walk into the room. “Johnny, I - oh,” Tanith says. “Hi, Evan.”

“Hi,” Evan says, moving away from Johnny and standing up, slipping his hands into his pockets. “I, um…I should go.” He walks out of the room before either of them can say anything else, conscious of Tanith’s gaze on him.

“Well that looked intimate,” Evan can hear Tanith saying as he walks away.

“We were fighting,” Johnny responds primly.

“That’s sort of what I meant,” Tanith replies, because she knows them both better than almost anyone, but Evan rounds the corner and doesn’t get to hear Johnny’s response.

Evan doesn’t go to the ceremony or the reception. He stays in his room and then changes into sweatpants and a t-shirt, slipping into a pair of sneakers to wander around the gardens. He can hear the music from the reception and he stops to look in a window, just long enough to see the flash of blue of Mirai twirling around the dance floor, and then Johnny’s gold sequined jacket as he dances past.

Stéphane eventually finds him sitting on a stone bench at the far end of the garden and hands him a glass of punch. “You were not at the ceremony today,” Stéphane says. “Are you feeling unwell?”

“I felt sick,” Evan says, and he thinks it probably seems plausible, with how wrecked he looks, but Stéphane’s smarter than that.

“It is hard to watch for you?” Stéphane asks, and Evan nods, because it is hard to watch, just not exactly for the reason Stéphane thinks. It would have been the sixth time he’d seen the ceremony, and it hurts more to watch the way Johnny seems so uncertain than it did to watch Johnny smiling into the kiss on that first day. “It will get easier,” Stéphane says, and Evan abruptly wants to tell Stéphane about this whole time loop thing, because Stéphane would probably have some excellent answer.

“Stéphane,” Evan starts, “Have you ever seen a movie called Groundhog Day?”

Stéphane frowns, considering. “Perhaps? Is this the one where every day is the same?”

“Yeah, he wakes up on the same day over and over again and has to, like, learn a lesson before he can go back to regular time.”

“Yes?” Stéphane says, and Evan takes a deep breath.

“That’s actually happening to me.” Stéphane just stares at him. “And Johnny, it’s happening to him, too.”

“Mon ami-” Stéphane starts, but Evan cuts him off.

“I know that sounds crazy, but it’s actually true. This is the sixth time I’ve lived through this Saturday.”

“That is unfortunate,” Stéphane says, but he sounds thoughtful. “What lesson do you think you have to learn?”

Evan thinks for a moment. “I…I don’t have any idea.”

“Perhaps you should find out what it is,” Stéphane says, and pats Evan’s knee gently.

“Yeah,” Evan says, and takes a sip of punch. What is he supposed to be learning from this experience?

Day Six

Evan wakes up to Lady Gaga again and decides that it’s probably time for desperate measures. He lies in bed for a long time, watching the shadows play across the ceiling and thinking about what went wrong between him and Johnny, hoping the answer might come to him.

They’d gotten together about a year and a half after the Olympics, and the first time Johnny came over to his apartment Evan had hidden the medal, locked it away in a cupboard. Normally it was one of the first things people saw when they came in through the door, but Evan had been nervous, palms sweaty, and he’d cleaned the apartment three times. He didn’t want anything to ruin it.

Somehow he’d done something right. He’d managed to convince Johnny that he wasn’t the guy Johnny seemed to think he was - “I’m really bad in front of cameras,” Evan had insisted, and Johnny had rolled his eyes and said, “Obviously.” - and when they’d gone on their first official date Evan had been so surprised at how well it worked, the two of them together

But Johnny loved being front and centre, and couldn’t stand to be kept a secret, and Evan just hadn’t been ready to tell everyone about it, to come out to the press and to the USFSA and to his friends and family, to the entire figure skating community. It had given him panic attacks just thinking about it, and more than once Johnny had tugged him sleepily back to bed and pressed kisses to his neck to calm him down, tangling their limbs together.

Evan wasn’t ready to tell everyone then, but he certainly is now. He messed it up once, but this is a second chance.

He puts on his suit and takes it off three times and decides to not go down to breakfast, so he just sits in his room nervously for the entirety of the morning. He arrives early to the ceremony so he can find a seat a little closer to the front and more centered than his usual one, and he takes deep, calming breaths as he waits for the ceremony to start.

It’s not a traditional ceremony, so there isn’t actually any point where Evan can object unless he just interrupts. He waits until they’re just about to do the vows and then stands up. “Wait!” he shouts, and he knows every eye is on him, but he’s really only looking at Johnny. “I object to this wedding.” He can feel his skin buzzing with nerves and he feels out of breath already, like just standing up was a gargantuan effort.

“On what grounds?” The officiant asks, and Evan looks at Theo.

“Do you even want to marry him?” He’s pretty sure there are actual gasps from around the room. His voice is shaking and he wishes he could keep his hands in his pockets, slouch down a little, but he bites his lip and swallows and looks at Theo. “Well, do you?” Johnny’s just watching him carefully, head cocked to the side just slightly.

Theo pauses for a moment, and then looks at Johnny. “I’m not - I don’t know.” And now there really are gasps from around the room, and the kind of buzz that only comes from hushed voices, and Johnny gives Evan a look and leans in to whisper in Theo’s ear before walking back down the aisle and out of the room. The bridesmaids follow after him and Evan can feel people glaring at him from around, so he makes a quick escape on shaky legs, going out the opposite door from Johnny.

He’s hiding in his room when there’s a knock at the door, and he opens it to find Stéphane on the other side. “That was either very brave or very, very stupid.”

“Both, I think,” Evan says, relieved that Stéphane isn’t angry or disappointed in him.

“But I think it was maybe also the right thing,” Stéphane muses, sitting down on Evan’s bed. “Perhaps you are smarter than you look.” Stéphane smiles as he says it, though, and then lies back on the bed, tugging Evan with him. “You still love him, non?”

“I-” Evan says, and then thinks about it properly. “I guess I do, yeah.”

“I believed in you two very much, you know,” Stéphane says, and he sounds almost wistful. “This is maybe a second chance.”

“More like an eighth,” Evan mutters, and Stéphane laughs.

“Your relationship has been very rocky,” Stéphane says, reaching down to pat Evan’s hand. “But I have faith.”

“That makes one of us,” Evan replies, and Stéphane squeezes his hand.

“Do not be silly,” Stéphane chides, “You would not have done that today if you didn’t believe.”

Evan thinks Stéphane may be right and squeezes back. “Yeah.”

“I know it is very difficult to go through this so many times,” Stéphane says, “But I think you are very near to the end.” Evan nods and they spend the rest of the night watching Friends reruns, because Stéphane is inexplicably charmed by them, and it’s not until Evan’s falling asleep that he realizes what Stéphane said.

Day Seven

Evan finds Johnny sitting alone in the dining room at breakfast. “Hey,” Evan says.

“Hi,” Johnny replies as Evan sits down beside him. “I can’t stand this time loop thing anymore. If I have to wake up to Jay-Z one more time I might actually scream.”

“I love Jay-Z,” Evan says, and Johnny glares at him.

“I hope you’re waking up to something awful.”

“’Bad Romance’,” Evan says morosely, and for a moment, it almost looks like Johnny is going to smile.

“That makes me feel a bit better,” he says.

“I think the universe is trying to tell me something,” Evan admits, because he’s had a lot of time to think about it.

“Possibly,” Johnny agrees, and then they just sit there looking at each other for a second.

“That…what you did yesterday…” Johnny starts, and Evan grins a little.

“Embarrassing myself in front of hundreds of people?”

“Yes,” Johnny says. “That.”

“Sorry. To, like, ruin your wedding.”

Johnny shrugs. “Only you and I remember it. Besides, I don’t think my wedding is really meant to be.”

“No?” Evan says, and Johnny snorts.

“Don’t act so surprised - you clearly agree.”

“I have ulterior motives,” Evan says. “I’m a little biased.”

“You have ulterior motives?”

“I think I’m in love with you,” Evan says, and he’s proud of how his voice doesn’t shake when he says it. “I mean, I’m still in love with you. I don’t think that ever changed.”

“Oh,” Johnny says. “I, um.” He bites his lip.

“You didn’t know that?” Evan asks.

“Evan, you’re not that great at showing emotion,” Johnny says. “And you refused to tell even some of your friends about us, which wasn’t exactly a great display of love.”

“I know,” Evan says. “I tried to fix that. I mean, I realized that I love you-” it’s already getting easier to say “- and I interrupted your wedding. I made a scene. I objected and everything,” Evan says, because that was hard to do, and he feels like he needs to point it out. “So everyone would know.”

“I noticed,” Johnny says. “It was kind of embarrassing watching you. You’re painfully awkward sometimes, you know? Even when you’re making a big romantic gesture.” He stops and looks at Evan. “Or maybe especially.”

“You love it,” Evan says, and he’s just teasing, it just slips out of his mouth, but they both sort of still. After a few seconds Johnny doesn’t respond, and Evan continues, “I just wanted to show you that I do care,” Evan says. “And that I’m not hiding anymore.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Johnny says quietly.

“I guess it doesn’t really count, though, since no one except us remembers it,” Evan says. He honestly thought a grand gesture would work.

“I don’t understand this at all,” Johnny replies, frustrated. “Why is it still Saturday if we called off the wedding? Isn’t that what was supposed to happen?”

Evan shakes his head. “I don’t know.” He frowns, trying to figure out if there’s anything else he’s supposed to confess or come to terms with. He’s having troubling focusing, and having Johnny being so short with him isn’t making it any easier for Evan to think straight.

“Damnit,” Johnny says, and slams his hand on the table, making Evan jump. “I need to go talk to Theo.”

“Okay,” Evan says, but he’s still not sure where they stand, and that makes him restless; he tugs at the sleeves of his hoodie and curls his fingers into the fabric.

“I don’t know if it’s as easy as making a big gesture,” Johnny says, rueful, and he’s not looking at Evan anymore, playing with a napkin instead. He’s folding the napkin like he’s going to make a fan, or maybe a crown. Evan didn’t know he could do that. “I’ll talk to you later, Evan,” Johnny says, and he rests his hand on Evan’s shoulder just briefly before he walks away, weaving his way through the tables and smiling brightly at people on his way to find Theo.

Evan doesn’t get to see Johnny again at all that day. Everyone wants to talk to him about what’s going on with the wedding, why things have been postponed, but Johnny and Theo are holed up together somewhere. Evan’s walking through the gardens when he sees them, standing near a small pond. He’s far enough away that they haven’t seen them yet, but one glance at Johnny’s posture and Theo’s expression is enough to tell him that they’re fighting.

“You don’t even want to marry me!” Johnny says, and he sounds like he’s trying very hard not to shout.

“Johnny, I do want to marry you. I have been trying to get you to come marry me all afternoon, but we keep having this discussion.” Evan realizes that Theo is wearing his suit, the one for the ceremony, but Johnny’s just in a pair of jeans and a sweater that’s too big for him.

“But do you actually want to? Or are you just doing all this because you think it’s the right thing to do, because we have everyone here so, you know, might as well?” Johnny throws his hands in the air, exasperated, and Theo lets out a sigh.

“You’re being ridiculous,” he starts, but Johnny snaps, stepping closer.

“It’s not fair on either of us to get married if it’s not what you want, Theo,” Johnny says, voice low, and he stalks off in the other direction, leaving Theo looking defeated, shoulders slumped.

Evan spends the rest of the day trying to find out what’s really going on, but no one really knows much; all Stéphane tells him is that he believes Johnny is very angry at Theo, though he doesn’t know why, and Mirai just shrugs and looks sad. By the time Evan gets in bed he’s frustrated and tired, and hoping that Johnny fixed whatever it was he needed to fix and that this time it finally sticks. Even if Johnny doesn’t want to be with him, he hopes this works. He’s just starting to drift off when his phone rings, and Evan almost doesn’t pick it up, but in the end he gives in, almost knocking the alarm clock off the bedside table as he fumbles for his phone. “Hello?” he says, and it’s Johnny at the other end, sounding exhausted.

“Hey,” he says, and Evan wishes Johnny were here with him.

“Are you okay?” Evan asks, and Johnny lets out a quick breath of air.

“I fucked things up,” Johnny says, and then there’s a long pause. “Do you think you can do this again?” Evan blinks, and Johnny continues before he can say anything. “Go through this day one more time, I mean. Because I think I know how to fix things, maybe.”

Evan doesn’t know what Johnny’s planning, and he’s not sure Johnny would tell him if he asked, but he nods anyway, then, remembering that Johnny can’t see him, says, “Okay.”

“Meet me at the White Rabbit Inn tomorrow for breakfast?” Johnny says. “It’s just in town.”

“Alright,” Evan says, and then, “’Night, Johnny.”

“Goodnight, Evan.”

Day Eight

Evan tries to hate Lady Gaga a little less as he wakes up and gets dressed in his sweatpants and the same hoodie from yesterday, slipping on his comfortable sneakers and ignoring the perfectly pressed suit hanging in the closet. He drives into town and plays his annoyingly loud dance mix, hoping to get something other than ‘Bad Romance’ stuck in his head. He doesn’t know what this conversation with Johnny is going to be like, but he’s sure he doesn’t want to catch himself singing, “I want your love,” at random points during the conversation.

The restaurant is small and cozy like the rest of the town, and Evan settles in a big plush chair by the window and orders a coffee. He sits and watches people go by along the street for maybe half an hour, and then Johnny comes in looking a little flustered, and sits down across from Evan, stealing a sip of his coffee. “I had to talk to Theo,” he explains. “Actually talk to him, not just-” Johnny makes a vague gesture and sits back in his seat. “I don’t know, not just yell at him.”

“That must have been difficult for you,” Evan replies mildly, and Johnny flicks his arm. He looks relaxed, Evan thinks, wearing just a simple pair of jeans and a cardigan over a loose t-shirt, his pendants dangling at the vee of his shirt.

“I’m sorry to make you do this again,” Johnny says, and Evan shrugs. He waits while Johnny struggles to find the words. “I had to work things out with Theo.”

“It’s okay, Johnny,” Evan says, because Johnny actually looks a little upset, now, and Evan can’t stand it.

“Well, it’s not, really,” Johnny says, and he takes another sip of coffee before settling back into his chair. “I think - no, I know - that I sabotage my relationships. With Theo I just - I think I scared him. Not on purpose, not consciously, anyway, but I talked about marriage like it was this big, sweeping, epic thing, and obviously having a weekend-long party with hundreds of people at a chateau in the country is…maybe a bit much. At least for a quiet musician.” He pauses and stirs the coffee idly. “I love him, I just-” Johnny looks at Evan and takes a deep breath. “And with you, well. I didn’t let you be yourself at all.”

“You were just trying to help,” Evan says faintly, because he’s worried about where this is going. Johnny’s grand speeches never seem to end well for him.

“I wasn’t being fair at all,” Johnny counters. “I was so convinced that things were going to end badly between us that I almost forced us in that direction.” He gives Evan a crooked smile. “Part of that was definitely you, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Evan nods, and Johnny laughs a little.

“But mostly that was me. I’m sorry, Evan,” Johnny says. “I should have given you more time.”

“I should have been less of a jackass,” Evan says, and Johnny laughs again, a little freer.

“Maybe,” Johnny replies.

“I think we should try this again,” Evan says, and Johnny bites his lip. “Don’t you?” Evan asks, unsure.

“I don’t know,” Johnny says.

“I think that the time loop was maybe a second chance,” Evan says, because he really, really hopes that’s what the time loop was. “I haven’t dated anyone since we broke up.”

Johnny looks up at him sharply. “Not one person?”

“There was a really bad blind date,” Evan says, shaking his head a little at the memory. “And then Stéphane tried to set me up with a friend of his who’d just moved to LA from Switzerland, but he didn’t speak very much English and we both know how bad I am with foreign languages.” Johnny snorts a little, but he’s still watching Evan like he’s waiting for more. “I guess - I’ve been pretty hung up on you. I screwed up the first time-”

“We both did,” Johnny interrupts, and Evan continues.

“But I think it’ll work this time,” he says, and then grins a little. “Hopefully, anyway. I promise, no more bronzer.”

Johnny laughs and then looks serious, like he’s really considering it. Evan waits, feeling slightly panicked, because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if Johnny says no, because he is still hung up on him, 110%. But then Johnny nods, moving closer and putting the coffee down on the table.

He leans in to kiss Evan, tentative, fingers light on Evan’s jaw, and Evan shifts closer to him so their knees bump together.

“We shouldn’t do this here,” Johnny says, and Evan nods before pulling him back into another kiss, and it feels lazy and unhurried, like maybe they do actually have time to do this right, finally. Johnny hums a little and then bites lightly at Evan’s lower lip.

“You’re right,” Evan says, grazing his teeth along Johnny’s neck. “It looks bad.”

“Very bad,” Johnny agrees, squeezing at Evan’s hip as Evan slides one hand into the open vee of Johnny’s shirt, fingers stretched across his chest and along his collarbone. “We’ll scandalize the townspeople.”

Evan makes a noise of agreement, smiling into another kiss, and then pulls Johnny closer.

Sunday

Evan wakes up to what he thinks is a Johnny Nash song and lies back in bed in relief, stretching out. The covers on the other side of the bed are thrown back, the sheets still warm, and Evan’s just idly running his hand along the bed when his phone buzzes. It’s a message from Stéphane, just a smiley face and “happy sunday!!!” Evan is frowning at his phone, puzzled, when Johnny steps out of the bathroom. His hair is wet and he has a towel wrapped loosely around his waist, and he grins at Evan as he leans against the doorway, humming along with the song for a second before crawling back into bed. Evan resolves to tell him about Stéphane some other time. Maybe not until tomorrow.

-END-