(no subject)
Title: It’s Worth It (Ch 19/19)
Author: me, Chelsea
Rating:PG 13
Summary:When Quinn shows up at Jeph's door, brandishing a handful of religious pamphlets, Jeph sees him as just another random fuck, who may need a little convincing.
Pairing: Quinn/Jeph,
Disclaimer:Don’t own, didn’t happen, get over it
Dedication: blacknovember13 because this is her story. And to sinful_poppet because I love her more than anything. And also to anyone who has been waiting for this story.
Notes: This is the end guys previous chapters in fakehappyending
I don’t know exactly how I knew that he was going to be at the church. It’s not like I found out by a process of trial and error, like by going to the Mormon’s apartment and asking where he was. And it wasn’t even that I really had to think about it. Because when I left Josh’s apartment, I was doing something I had told Quinn to do only yesterday. I wasn’t thinking. I was feeling.
I didn’t pay attention to where my feet were taking me. I just followed them almost zombie like. I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. What I was about to risk. I was about to put myself and my emotions on the line, not knowing what was going to happen. I had never done something like this before, and you want to know what the worst part was?
I had no idea what I was going to say.
I guess I was hoping I would find the words once I got there. That they would just come to me right at the point when I needed them. And call me stupid, call me weird, I don’t care. Now I fully understand the meaning of the saying, ‘love makes you do crazy things.’
Because yes, I am willing to admit it now. I am in love with him. I don’t know when it happened, and I don’t know how. All I know is, somehow it did. Somehow I let my emotions get involved into this little ‘let’s fuck the Mormons’ game. And you know, depending on how this pans out, that might be one of the best things that ever happened to me.
And I never thought I could ever be in love with anyone. Hell, I didn’t think that love existed. But I guess seeing Adam and Josh, and listening, really listening to what Josh said, just made everything click for me. Made everything more real.
And I know some people would argue that I haven’t known Quinn very long. But what some of you don’t seem to realize, is that even though I haven’t known him very long, for the time that I have known him, he has always been on my mind. He became somewhat of an obsession. And I guess when he started staying with me, the obsession developed into something more, something more complicated.
I guess the reason that I never believed in love, is because I am a person who needs to see things for them to be real. If that makes any sense. Love just wasn’t, palpable enough. It didn’t seem possible. I considered it just to be a frame of mind for sickening heterosexual and lonely faggots. But you know what? I think I’m man enough to admit that I was wrong.
Because I realize now that love doesn’t have to be palpable for it to exist. That even if you can’t see it, it’s there. It’s real. It’s not so much an emotion as it is a force. And it drives us, it motivates us, and it’s what some people live for, and others die for. It’s just that strong. It’s something that can’t be denied.
And it’s flowing through my veins at this very minute.
I get to the church, a thousand thoughts racing through my mind. And I stop and look at the doors, and my stomach drops a little from nerves and a million insecurities. It’s a weird feeling for me. A very weird feeling. I’m never like this.
I realize that he could turn me away, tell me to fuck off, or in a worst case scenario, hit me or something. In any case, it could go extremely bad. And for the first time ever, I could have my heart broken. It’s never happened before, but from what I’ve heard, it’s not pleasent. I swallow hard and think about turning back, forgetting this whole thing. I never make myself vulnerable to anyone, why should I start now?
But even as I think this, I know that there is no turning back. I know if I do, if I let him slip through my fingers, I will regret it for the rest of my life, and maybe longer. So I take a deep breath, because without even opening the door, I know he’s in there. And once I take a step into the church, my fate is sealed. I count to three mentally before opening the door and stepping inside.
The door closes behind me with a soft thump, and the sound startles me for some reason. But I think I’m just a little hypersensitive at the moment, very on edge. I see Quinn sitting in one of the pews, his head down, back facing me. I know he’s doing one of two things. Praying or crying, and without even having to walk up, I have a feeling it’s the latter.
My footsteps seem to echo off the room and they send vibrations up my spine. I have to reassure myself with each step, not wanting to chicken out, not wanting to have to turn back. I take a seat next to him in the pew, and without looking up from his lap he knows who it is.
He speaks softly, brokenly, and it almost seems like he’s talking to himself. “What are you doing here?”
I bite my lip and play with my fingers in my lap, still not sure of what to say. I breathe out softly and mutter. “I lied.”
He looks up at me, and I see his eyes are red and bloodshot, still rimmed with tears. He looks confused and I don’t blame him, because hell, I’m pretty confused myself. “What?”
I sigh, letting the words come out as they form in my mind. “Everything I said back at my apartment was a lie.” I pause. “You know what I did when you left?”
He still looks confused, but now I have his attention, and I know he’s really listening to what I have to say. “What did you do?”
I look him in the eyes. “I cried.”
In his eyes I can tell, I can just tell, that he knows how big of a deal that is. He knows I never cry. He speaks softly, unsure. “Why did you cry?”
I struggle to say this next part, and Quinn is patient. He puts his hand over mine to stop me from fidgeting, and he laces our fingers. That’s all the encouragement that I need. When I speak, it’s strong, and sure, and I know I mean it. “Because I realized I told the biggest lie in my life when I said I didn’t need you.” His eyes meet mine again. “I’ve never needed anything from anyone my entire life.” I pause. “But I need you Quinn.” I bite my lip. “I love you.”
It’s very quiet for a few minutes, and I thought it was because Quinn was thinking about what I said, or that he was hesitating to break my heart, let me down gently. But when I take a closer look, I realize it’s because he’s trying to fight back tears, and it’s then that I realize that I’m trying to fight back tears of my own.
A small smile spreads across his face, and he leans in and presses his lips to mine real softly, whispering. “I love you too.”
I smile and I run my fingers down his cheek, saying softly. “I want to be with you.” And it’s true. I know I do. I know it’s what I want, I know it’s what I need.
He looks at me, a serious expression on his face, but his eyes are smiling. “Are you sure? I mean, you’ll be giving up a lot. All that random sex, the whole no commitment thing...”
I don’t even hesitate, I just smile and kiss him again softly.
“It’s worth it.”
****************************************************
Wow. Okay. Gah. I’m really sad now guys. Because this is over.
When I started this story all those months ago, I never expected it to end up like this. Hell, I didn’t expect it to be this long. But your reviews, and knowing that you guys enjoyed it, it what made me keep writing. You guys made this story happen. So thank you. So much. This story has meant a lot to me. And it was very fun to write. I hope you all enjoyed it too.
We had a good run guys.
Love always, chelsea.
Ps. Check out my new fic, ‘Beautifully Numb.’ frank/jepha, frank/gerard :)
Author: me, Chelsea
Rating:PG 13
Summary:When Quinn shows up at Jeph's door, brandishing a handful of religious pamphlets, Jeph sees him as just another random fuck, who may need a little convincing.
Pairing: Quinn/Jeph,
Disclaimer:Don’t own, didn’t happen, get over it
Dedication: blacknovember13 because this is her story. And to sinful_poppet because I love her more than anything. And also to anyone who has been waiting for this story.
Notes: This is the end guys previous chapters in fakehappyending
I don’t know exactly how I knew that he was going to be at the church. It’s not like I found out by a process of trial and error, like by going to the Mormon’s apartment and asking where he was. And it wasn’t even that I really had to think about it. Because when I left Josh’s apartment, I was doing something I had told Quinn to do only yesterday. I wasn’t thinking. I was feeling.
I didn’t pay attention to where my feet were taking me. I just followed them almost zombie like. I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. What I was about to risk. I was about to put myself and my emotions on the line, not knowing what was going to happen. I had never done something like this before, and you want to know what the worst part was?
I had no idea what I was going to say.
I guess I was hoping I would find the words once I got there. That they would just come to me right at the point when I needed them. And call me stupid, call me weird, I don’t care. Now I fully understand the meaning of the saying, ‘love makes you do crazy things.’
Because yes, I am willing to admit it now. I am in love with him. I don’t know when it happened, and I don’t know how. All I know is, somehow it did. Somehow I let my emotions get involved into this little ‘let’s fuck the Mormons’ game. And you know, depending on how this pans out, that might be one of the best things that ever happened to me.
And I never thought I could ever be in love with anyone. Hell, I didn’t think that love existed. But I guess seeing Adam and Josh, and listening, really listening to what Josh said, just made everything click for me. Made everything more real.
And I know some people would argue that I haven’t known Quinn very long. But what some of you don’t seem to realize, is that even though I haven’t known him very long, for the time that I have known him, he has always been on my mind. He became somewhat of an obsession. And I guess when he started staying with me, the obsession developed into something more, something more complicated.
I guess the reason that I never believed in love, is because I am a person who needs to see things for them to be real. If that makes any sense. Love just wasn’t, palpable enough. It didn’t seem possible. I considered it just to be a frame of mind for sickening heterosexual and lonely faggots. But you know what? I think I’m man enough to admit that I was wrong.
Because I realize now that love doesn’t have to be palpable for it to exist. That even if you can’t see it, it’s there. It’s real. It’s not so much an emotion as it is a force. And it drives us, it motivates us, and it’s what some people live for, and others die for. It’s just that strong. It’s something that can’t be denied.
And it’s flowing through my veins at this very minute.
I get to the church, a thousand thoughts racing through my mind. And I stop and look at the doors, and my stomach drops a little from nerves and a million insecurities. It’s a weird feeling for me. A very weird feeling. I’m never like this.
I realize that he could turn me away, tell me to fuck off, or in a worst case scenario, hit me or something. In any case, it could go extremely bad. And for the first time ever, I could have my heart broken. It’s never happened before, but from what I’ve heard, it’s not pleasent. I swallow hard and think about turning back, forgetting this whole thing. I never make myself vulnerable to anyone, why should I start now?
But even as I think this, I know that there is no turning back. I know if I do, if I let him slip through my fingers, I will regret it for the rest of my life, and maybe longer. So I take a deep breath, because without even opening the door, I know he’s in there. And once I take a step into the church, my fate is sealed. I count to three mentally before opening the door and stepping inside.
The door closes behind me with a soft thump, and the sound startles me for some reason. But I think I’m just a little hypersensitive at the moment, very on edge. I see Quinn sitting in one of the pews, his head down, back facing me. I know he’s doing one of two things. Praying or crying, and without even having to walk up, I have a feeling it’s the latter.
My footsteps seem to echo off the room and they send vibrations up my spine. I have to reassure myself with each step, not wanting to chicken out, not wanting to have to turn back. I take a seat next to him in the pew, and without looking up from his lap he knows who it is.
He speaks softly, brokenly, and it almost seems like he’s talking to himself. “What are you doing here?”
I bite my lip and play with my fingers in my lap, still not sure of what to say. I breathe out softly and mutter. “I lied.”
He looks up at me, and I see his eyes are red and bloodshot, still rimmed with tears. He looks confused and I don’t blame him, because hell, I’m pretty confused myself. “What?”
I sigh, letting the words come out as they form in my mind. “Everything I said back at my apartment was a lie.” I pause. “You know what I did when you left?”
He still looks confused, but now I have his attention, and I know he’s really listening to what I have to say. “What did you do?”
I look him in the eyes. “I cried.”
In his eyes I can tell, I can just tell, that he knows how big of a deal that is. He knows I never cry. He speaks softly, unsure. “Why did you cry?”
I struggle to say this next part, and Quinn is patient. He puts his hand over mine to stop me from fidgeting, and he laces our fingers. That’s all the encouragement that I need. When I speak, it’s strong, and sure, and I know I mean it. “Because I realized I told the biggest lie in my life when I said I didn’t need you.” His eyes meet mine again. “I’ve never needed anything from anyone my entire life.” I pause. “But I need you Quinn.” I bite my lip. “I love you.”
It’s very quiet for a few minutes, and I thought it was because Quinn was thinking about what I said, or that he was hesitating to break my heart, let me down gently. But when I take a closer look, I realize it’s because he’s trying to fight back tears, and it’s then that I realize that I’m trying to fight back tears of my own.
A small smile spreads across his face, and he leans in and presses his lips to mine real softly, whispering. “I love you too.”
I smile and I run my fingers down his cheek, saying softly. “I want to be with you.” And it’s true. I know I do. I know it’s what I want, I know it’s what I need.
He looks at me, a serious expression on his face, but his eyes are smiling. “Are you sure? I mean, you’ll be giving up a lot. All that random sex, the whole no commitment thing...”
I don’t even hesitate, I just smile and kiss him again softly.
“It’s worth it.”
****************************************************
Wow. Okay. Gah. I’m really sad now guys. Because this is over.
When I started this story all those months ago, I never expected it to end up like this. Hell, I didn’t expect it to be this long. But your reviews, and knowing that you guys enjoyed it, it what made me keep writing. You guys made this story happen. So thank you. So much. This story has meant a lot to me. And it was very fun to write. I hope you all enjoyed it too.
We had a good run guys.
Love always, chelsea.
Ps. Check out my new fic, ‘Beautifully Numb.’ frank/jepha, frank/gerard :)