The repetition in this makes me smile. Is there a specific form you used? If so, do tell.
The ending is wonderful. The last stanza actually makes me so happy. It's beautiful.
There are only a couple tiny things I would suggest: We played lion and gazelle until three in the morning and fell asleep I would prefer this without the and between morning and fell. I think the and is interrupting the flow of the line a little.
Actually that was the only thing. But I did also want to say that This is where I was born to you, in the back corner of a subway car, a seat plastered in grafitti. could probably acutally bring tears to my eyes in slightly different circumstances.
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The ending is wonderful. The last stanza actually makes me so happy. It's beautiful.
There are only a couple tiny things I would suggest:
We played lion and gazelle until
three in the morning and fell asleep I would prefer this without the and between morning and fell. I think the and is interrupting the flow of the line a little.
Actually that was the only thing. But I did also want to say that
This is where I was born to you, in
the back corner of a subway car, a seat
plastered in grafitti.
could probably acutally bring tears to my eyes in slightly different circumstances.
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