[Sporking] Never Say Never - Chapter 6 + 7
Welcome ba- *skims chapters 6 and 7*
...Fuck. I almost forgot this happened. Welp, gotta kill off Masaya somehow. And so, it’s time for fic!Masaya to have his final horrendous hurrah.
Chapter 6:
Long Lost Lover
Considering how you fucking treat Masaya, that seems like the most fucking ironic chapter title you could’ve chosen.
Cat- Omg, I have so much support from all of you! Of course I wasn't planning to discontinue the story. The only reason I was worried was because I'm extremely self-conscious about everything, which comes with being a perfectionist. Thank you all for supporting me! Ilysm ^_^
*bwah* A- a fucking perfectionist?! Wouldn’t that mean that you would want to try and get as close to motherfucking canon as possible?! That you’d want to write the characters as they fucking were in the fucking anime or the manga?! Cause I know you’ve read the fucking manga, you make a fucking author’s note at some point in this saying how you hated the manga’s fucking ending!
Fucking hell! *flips the fucking table*
That just pissed me off, and I would’ve left it if you’d just said you were nervous about posting cause, hell, first fucking story and all.
Somewhere in the Earth…
"Has the task been completed?"
"Yes, Lord. I have hijacked the plane and it crashed two days ago with the target's parents inside. There were no survivors."
"Perfect. Your new mission is to kidnap Momomiya Ichigo, and return to the alternate dimension you have created."
"Yes, Deep Blue-sama." (AN I hope I used that right…)
Oh brilliant. Now we have some sudden evil vague plotting. None of this will really kick in until our two other love rivals are truly out of the way. And I will concede that -sama is used correctly here. Though the mention of an “alternate dimension” is sort of confusing. The aliens did occasionally make use of such things, but they were more like pocket dimensions than anything.
At the Momomiya residence…
"What does it say, Ichigo?" Kisshu asked the teary-eyed girl.
She wanted to laugh. She wanted to laugh everything off like it was one big joke. She wanted to say she was okay, but she wasn't. She was far from it.
...Okay. I will confess that that is actually a good bit of narration. It gets the point across very well. Maybe with a tiny bit more detail added in, though that’s just me. Good job!
"Mint's after me, for what I apparently did to Masaya." She managed to say before she started crying. "She's such a bitch." She gasped, while sobbing into Kisshu's shirt after he pulled her into an embrace.
RSPCC - 71
Aaaaand you instantly spit on my good praise by doing this. She outright admits here that Minto is nothing but a bitch. Given the other story the author has ongoing where Minto is the bitch there as well, I think my suspicions are confirmed that the author really doesn’t like Minto, though I would very much like to know why. I do not ever recall Minto suddenly appearing out of canon and then ordering Mickey to shit on this author’s lap.
"It's okay, Ichigo. I will protect you, and I will be here for you. Never forget that we're in this together." Kisshu said. Then he kissed the top of her head.
They made their way to the couch, both sitting as Ichigo kept crying into Kisshu's chest. She eventually fell asleep. Kisshu took her into her room, put her in bad, and got in with her. He petted her hair until he, too, fell asleep.
Romantic Creeper - 17
How fucking convenient. And how very creepy and Christian Grey-like of you to just join her in her fucking bed. I’m sure Ichigo has no problem with this given that the author is still controlling this story, but if she were thinking straight, she’d probably start screaming as soon as she woke up again, since she didn’t actually give him permission to join her in her fucking bed.
The next morning…
Kisshu woke up with his eyes squeezed shut as he felt a pounding headache. He felt the other side of the bed, trying to feel his kitten.
Hel-lo, sudden gender change over night? Not to mention he’s just woken up and he’s already ready to go…
On a slightly more serious note, this is why nicknames don’t always work in the actual narration, and it is also slightly degrading to Ichigo if you don’t actually use her name.
He made a startling realization. She wasn't there.
"ICHIGO!" He yelled. No answer. He went around the house, calling her name, still no answer. Why would she leave without leaving a note? Kisshu thought to himself.
Maybe she had to go to school? Cause yeah, that’s still a thing here. As for not leaving a note, she could’ve been running late since Ichigo does tend to do that a lot.
But that’s not what happens here folks. This is about to get kind of dark again.
Still feeling the headache, head went to the bathroom to find medicine. He looked in the mirror to find a large lump on the side of his head.
Wait...an actual lump? A bloated little thing the size of a golf ball or a base ball protruding from his head? Pfft- you have legit just transcribed an anime/cartoon gag there, author.
One lump, or two? XD
"What the…" Then he remembered the letter.
"Mint." He grumbled.
RSPCC - 72
Why do you instantly think Minto has done this?! Even with the letter, do you really think she would break into Ichigo’s house, hit you over the head while unconscious to make sure you stay unconscious that little bit longer, and then kidnap her? Not to mention that Minto is smaller than Ichigo, who is also going to be heavy. The very idea that, unless she had help with this heist, she managed to pull this shit off on her own-!
And this is all fucking redundant anyway since Minto ain’t even fucking involved, I’m just pissed off at this author over what’s coming up, so fuckit, I’m not amused that Kisshu instantly assumes this was Minto because of one letter and then Ichigo calling her a bitch.
At Masaya's house…
Cause y’know, why keep this a surprise? Let’s just make it clear that fic!Masaya is the most horrible horrible person to ever be horrible.
Ichigo slowly woke up, feeling dizzy. She was laying o something comfortable. She slowly opened her eyes, only to find someone standing over her. It was Masaya.
dun dun du- *snore*
"You're awake," he said, with lust in his voice. Ichigo tried to move, but found that her arms and legs were chained to the bed. "What am I doing here?"
He laughed. "So curious. You know, curiosity killed the cat." He smirked.
RSPCC - 75 (“Lust in his voice” - which still doesn’t fit his character - having chained Ichigo to the bed with obvious ill intent, and fucking smirking.)
"What am I doing here?" Ichigo demanded.
"Cause I want you here. Now, Ichigo, when we broke up, I didn't give you permission to date that freak."
RSPCC - 77 (Kidnapping her and then saying she apparently needs permission to date another person)
*shudders* Son of a bitch, author, were you purposefully trying to invoke Edward Cullen here? Or Christian Grey? Granted, you do have one of those silly profile fillers - the anti-Twilight, pro-[insert other media here] sorts, and in her case it is for TMM - so maybe this was on purpose if only to make us hate fic!Masaya even more. Cause looooook, he’s being creepy like Cullen!
"Kisshu is not a freak! We're not even dating! We're really close friends and he treats me way better than you ever did!" She yelled.
RSPCC - 82 (5 points for this for both going against canon and out of sheer bitter spite)
FUCKING-- HE WAS THE MOTHERFUCKING BLUE FUCKING KNIGHT, YOU BINT! HE WANTED TO PROTECT HER! HE WAS WILLING TO KEEP HER FUCKING SECRET! HE HID HER EARS! HE WAS A CYNICAL BASTARD WHO BELIEVED HUMANITY WAS JUST HOPELESS AND BEYOND HELP BEFORE HE MET ICHIGO! SHE’S THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD WHO MADE HIM TRULY FUCKING HAPPY! SHE GAVE HIM FUCKING HOPE! HE LOVES HER YOU STUPID SHIT!
RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
"I know you want to date him! Why else would you be sleeping in the same bed with him?!"
Ichigo blinked, realizing her true feelings.
AND OF COURSE ITS THAT FUCKING EASY! WE’RE JUST FORGETTING THE ENTIRE FUCKING SHOW AREN’T WE? BUT DO NOT THINK LADIES AND GENTLEPEOPLE THAT THE ROMANTIC CONFLICT IS RESOLVED SO EASILY. NOPE! ICHIGO AND KISSHU STILL HAVE A WAYS TO GO, EVEN WITH ALL THE PESKY PROBLEMS LIKE “OTHER LOVE INTERESTS” GETTING DEALT WITH, BEFORE THEY CAN TRULY FALL IN LOVE AND BE TOGETHER FOR-FUCKNG-EVER.
"We were in the same bed because he actually cares about me! And I care about him, more than I thought I did. I love him and he is going to find me." She said (AN Took you long enough). Masaya slapped her
RSPCC - 84 (The author and that slap)
*SLAPS THE AUTHOR RIGHT BACK*
"Don't you ever say that again! Now, I'm going to leave. I'm not going to do anything to you right now. Besides, I already got my encore." He smirked.
RSPCC - 86
Okay, I feel as though I’ve missed a trick here by not featuring a damned count for all the fucking smirking. But fuckit, I’m already 7 chapters through this shit, I’m not adding in a new count now (Well, aside from this one that’s coming up, but it’s been planned).
Ichigo looked horrified. "Wait, I thought that letter was from Mint?"
"Let's just say we made an agreement." He smirked evilly and left.
RSPCC - 87
Yep. He got Minto to agree to help him with this sick plan of his. I have no idea how this is working out unless “love” has made fic!Minto into a stupid bitch instead of just a normal bitch.
With Kisshu…
A this point, Kisshu's panicking. He has no idea where Ichigo is. Before he had a nervous breakdown, he called telepathically to Pai.
Dafuq was the point of that inclusion?! Also, what the fucking fuck is wrong with your damn tenses?! Also, I don’t think telepathic communication is something the aliens can do. I should’ve had a “What is canon?” count as well, god dammit.
With Pai…
Pai was floating outside Lettuce's window, debating whether or not he was going to tap. Lettuce was sitting on her bed, reading The Maze Runner (AN One of my all-time favorite books ^_^).
Romantic Creeper - 17 (While I could be giving Creeper points to fic!Masaya for similar behaviour, those can already be counted under RSPCC)
Well, safe to say that freaking Pai has been taking lessons off his step-brother on how to stalk the object of his affections. That is not a good thing.
Also, you should really leave your personal tastes out of your stories, author. No-one cares, and it’s really cheap.
When he was about to tap on the window, he flinched hearing his name yelled telepathically.
"Pai!"
"God damn it Kisshu, what do you want?!"
"Ichigo was kidnapped! I woke up and she wasn't there!" Hearing the panic in his adoptive brother's voice, he teleported to him.
With Kisshu…
As soon as Pai teleported in, he looked horrified at Kisshu. His hair looked a mess, and his face looked depressed and distraught all at the same time.
They both mean pretty much the same thing, though distress has an additional meaning of feeling anxiety. But really, why depression? Why is he sad that his little *ahem* kitten has been kidnapped? Distressed fits, yeah but why isn’t he angry too? Also, if Kisshu believes Ichigo has been kidnapped, why hasn’t he...y’know, gone looking for her?
Seriously, he can teleport as well. He knows where she could be, so why not go to Minto’s house and search for her? And failing that, why wouldn’t he then question Minto as to where she was? This just makes him look like a useless wimp who’s too busy fretting to actually do anything. If this were canon!Kisshu, he’d already have searched half the city by this point. Sure, he might’ve drafted in Pai and Taruto to help him and to cover more ground, but he would’ve done something.
If anything, him having a panic attack in Ichigo’s house cause she’s not there - despite knowing (Except not cause as we saw, what he knows is not the case) where she is - and then calling Pai for help is wasting fucking time!
"Kisshu? Kisshu, calm down, we will find her." Pai reassured him. He nodded. "Ichigo's pendant has a tracking device in it, right? We will take it to my lab and try to track her. I need some DNA of hers as well."
Why does she still have her pendant? I’ve already pointed this out, but I’ll do it again; Ichigo is not a mew anymore in this fic. So there’s no need really for her to have her pendant.
After Kisshu calmed down, he went upstairs and grabbed her pendant. Then he tried to think of things where he would find her DNA. He looked around, when he spotted her hair brush; he took a strand of her hair out of it and teleported downstairs. He gave the items to Pai.
Uuuuuuuh-huh. Yep, interesting. *turns on her DS instead*
Seriously though, author, this is boring. This prose does not incite any feelings of excitement or urgency in me, though it’s also partly because this is all a massive Dead Herring and you ruined your own twist by featuring that scene in fic!Masaya’s house. Not to mention that this doesn’t scream of Kisshu panicking and trying to do this quick so he can find Ichigo. It sounds like he’s hunting down something to add to his shrine.
"Good, now we go to my lab and try to track her." They both teleported, landing in Pai's lab. Kisshu stood by him while he did science-y stuff. He typed in some words in the computer and the results came up. When he read the results, Kisshu's eyes started to glow red.
"The tree-fucker."
RSPCC - 88
Ah right. We couldn’t have Kisshu do something logical cause then we wouldn’t be able to do this. Admittedly, even with my laying out how this should have went in canon, this has cut some corners. But it’s still not exactly what Kisshu would do in canon. So I still won’t take this.
Cat- DONE! Sorry I didn't post sooner, the site was down yesterday when I was planning to update. So here it is! Leave a comment and tell me what you think will happen in the next chapter. I'll try to get that out today for you lovely people :)
Ja ne!
And this is why you should be careful with time references, folks. Or better yet, try not to or just straight up don’t feature them in your Author’s Notes. It just ends up confusing people who read at a later date.
And now, it’s time for fic!Masaya’s grand finale...
Chapter 7:
I Love You
Oh fuck off.
Kisshu was mad. No, he was beyond mad; he was furious. That damn tree-fucker has the nerve to take MY kitten. This time, I will kill him. He teleported into Masaya's house.
Romantic Creeper - 18
Yep, because Masaya dared to steal Kisshu’s property. Cause that’s what you’ve written here author. There’s not even a case of, “That’s what you’ve implied.” No, you have outright written Kisshu as being mad that his toy has gone missing.
Are you sure you don’t like Twilight?
He looked around the medium sized bedroom. Then he saw her. Sprawled on the bed, arms and legs chained to it, bruises all over her body, as she lies unconscious. He held back his tears as he slowly made his way toward her. He wanted to jump on her, hold her tight and never let go,
Cause that wouldn’t freak her out after the ordeal she’s been going through! If her getting raped wouldn’t turn her off physical contact, then this definitely would.
but everything went black, as Masaya hit him over the head with something solid and heavy. He smirked as he let out a cry of pain, and fell on the floor unconscious.
...Okay, so due to poor writing, I first thought that Kisshu was smirking as he was yelling, and then he fell unconscious. But nope, I’ve re-read and I do believe the author meant to say that it was fic!Masaya that was smirking as Kisshu got knocked out.
Good job author.
Masaya dragged Kisshu over to a pillar in his room (What pillar, he didn't have any pillars in his room?) as he chained him up to it. He heard some noises and looked over as he saw Ichigo was waking up. She looked over and saw Kisshu. She would've screamed, but earlier Masaya put a gag in her mouth. Her eyes started tearing up as she saw Kisshu unconscious on the floor.
Masaya smirked and came over. He placed a hand on her cheek, and chuckled when she flinched. "When he wakes up, you will receive more of your punishment, and he will be forced to watch." He laughed maniacally. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He left the room.
RSPCC - 92 (Gagging Ichigo, more damn smirking, enjoying the fact that she flinches at his touch, and the maniacal laughter)
This is legit sick, and I’m torn between crying over Masaya’s obliterated character, or screaming for it instead.
Ichigo stared at Kisshu as she sobbed silently. Kisshu….please wake up. Miraculously, he moaned. As he slowly opened his eyes, he caught Ichigo's stare, and immediately went alert. "Ichigo? Are you okay?" She nodded. He stared into her chocolate brown eyes.
Niiiiice, so we’re using that cliche alongside everything else? -_-
They were filled with helplessness. Then, Masaya came back in. A devilish smile crept up on his face. "You're awake, just in time to see Ichigo's punishment."
RSPCC - 94
Kisshu glared at him, his eyes full of hatred. "If you hurt her again, I will kill you, for real this time."
"How are you going to do that?" Masaya chuckled.
Kisshu grumbled. He's right, he thought. I can't do anything while I'm chained up, these are teleport-proof.
...Whut? Since when was that a thing? And even if they were a thing - coughwhichthey’renotcough - where would Masaya even get such a thing?
Masaya chuckled. "I thought so. Now sit back and watch the show."
Masaya made is way over to Ichigo. She looked terrified and she was about to cry. Masaya then slapped her and punched her repeatedly, smirking as she cried out after every blow. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Kisshu was horrified and furious. Masaya was hurting the girl he loved, his best friend, maybe lover? He wasn't sure about that, but he was sure that he wanted Masaya dead.
RSPCC - 99 (Again, just the sheer violence coming from a non violent character, as well as the act that I’m still feeling pretty spiteful.)
First, why would you even add in the “best friend” part, author? Considering that this is Kisshu for a start and his feelings for Ichigo are completely romantic. Granted, if this were a better written fic and he was acting the way he did at the end of the anime, I’d understand if he would be willing to take things slower for Ichigo’s sake. However given how you’ve been writing this fic so far - which is also another point, since this is a shipping fic after all - it’s pretty clear that Ichigo is beginning to feel the same, so at the very least, I’d say that the best friend part isn’t necessary. Having “Maybe lover” seems fine, all things considered.
And secondly, how is it that Kisshu is only now sure that he wants to kill Masaya? Hey author, did you forget about canon where Kisshu wanted to kill Masaya all the time purely for being the one Ichigo liked? Then again, you’re that kind of shipper; you probably cheered him on whenever he said that, which is kind of a sick thought. But I don’t doubt it.
But otherwise, let’s look at the fic itself; fic!Masaya so far has raped Ichigo, beat her, kidnapped her and beat her some more, and yet only now that Kisshu is watching as fic!Masaya beat Ichigo while she’s tied up and helpless does he want to kill him. Clearly, his brain is running a bit slow.
Suddenly, Kisshu started to glow blue. His strength slowly was building up, as is his anger. Kisshu found the strength to break the chains and stand up. His eyes started to glow red as well.
...So these are things Kisshu is doing. That he, again, could not do in canon. The first one could maybe make some inkling of sense if it was caused by Mew Aqua, except for the fact that we’ve never seen Mew Aqua affect an alien aside from Deep Blue, and even then that was because the Mew Aqua was in Masaya’s body, plus as far as we know, there is legit no more Mew Aqua left by the end of the show. Otherwise, none of this makes sense nor is it something the aliens have been shown doing in the show or in the manga.
Masaya looked terrified, sitting on top of Ichigo, who was still crying. "Get off of her." Kisshu said, still glowing.
"Make me." Masaya said with just a hint of fear in his voice.
"You asked for it," Kisshu said. He lunged toward Masaya, grabbed him by the arm, and threw him into the wall. He summoned his dragon swords, lunged for a second time, and stabbed him. Masaya fell limply on the floor, took his last breath, and stopped breathing.
RSPCC - 100
And there he goes. *salutes for his canon personality*
And this is also where that third count comes in guys. This count that I have actually been planning for. I suppose you’re reading that line and, while ignoring the fresh smack to your face, you may be wondering, “Was that it?” You’d think there would be more of a fanfare since the author just killed off one of the characters she hates most, a fact that she has made more than clear. Not to mention that it immediately jumps from this to Kisshu breaking Ichigo out of the chains and comforting her. And while that is what you would expect to happen, it just reads as being not only very bland, but also really slow.
There was no tense build-up, and the aftermath doesn’t come across as the sort of “coming to terms with the situation” sort of calm and quiet, it just comes across as being insanely boring.
This is most likely down to the author’s poor writing, though whether or not this is purely because of her still amateurish style or the fact that she would want to move on quick with the Kisshu x Ichigo flahfee stuffus, it’s safe to say that this entire scenario was very anti-climactic.
And so begins the “So That Happened” count.
So That Happened - 2
This count won’t actually show up that often. While there are still a few moments like this in this fic, it won’t see that much use. However it still has to be noted that the author can’t really write a climactic scene - from the build-up, to the execution to the aftermath - to save her shit. So to make off for how quiet this count will be, it will see double points for each anti-climax, starting with Masaya’s death scene.
And on the flip side, the RSPCC count should go a bit quieter from now on, since that’s one of our nasty other love interests out of the way. Doesn’t change the fact that we have now hit 100 points on that bad boy. =_=
Kisshu calmed down. He walked toward the still crying Ichigo and broke the chains that were holding her down. He cradled her in his arms as she sobbed, wetting up his shirt, he then teleported to her room.
In Ichigo's room…
Kisshu sat on her bed, Ichigo sitting in his lap. They sat there, holding each other. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner…" Kisshu whispered.
Which is entirely your own fault since you could have been there sooner, but you decided to instead fret and wring your hands while moaning, “Where could my Ichigo beeeeee?”
Ichigo looked up into his eyes, eyes glistening with tears. "The fact that you came when you did is more than enough." She smiled.
"But he could've seriously hurt you. If I wasn't panicking I would've found you."
Fucking exactly! You acknowledge this but you still didn’t actually do jack all!
"Don't blame yourself, Kisshu. It's the tree-fucker's fault. He's the one that put you in that situation."
RSPCC - 101
BWAH?! WHAT?! YOU’RE SAYING THAT FIC!MASAYA KIDNAPPING ICHIGO MADE KISSHU FREEZE UP WITH FEAR EVEN THOUGH HE COULD STILL HAVE DONE SOMETHING?! IN THE END, EVEN THOUGH KISSHU WAS BEING A FUCKING IDIOT AND A COWARD, IT’S STILL FIC!MASAYA’S FAULT?!
AUTHOR, YOU’VE ALREADY VILIFIED HIM ENOUGH, BUT YOU CAN’T HAVE SHIT BE FIC!MASAYA’S FAULT WHEN IT’S JUST A CASE OF KISSHU BEING AN IDIOT AND YOU BEING AN IDIOT AS WELL FOR WRITING KISSHU AS AN IDIOT!!!
Kisshu looked away, still not believing what she was saying. Then he heard the words he wanted to hear when he met her. The words he never thought he would hear because he thought she hated him.
"I love you, Kisshu." She said with a smile.
Kisshu's eyes widened and he stared at Ichigo. A huge smile crept on his face.
"I love you too, Ichigo." Then he kissed her passionately. He deeoened deepened it when she kissed back.
Cat- *sniff* So beautiful. Welp, Masaya's gone *happy dance*, sorry this is a shorter chapter; I didn't want to put too much in there. I most likely update again tomorrow, but no promises. Ja ne my lovely readers!
RSPCC - 102
You are legit sick author, if this is your childish idea of a ship fic. I know that, again, you’re a new writer and this was your first fic, but for the love of fuck-
Just- stop. Leave Masaya alone! In fact, leave Minto alone as well! Neither of them deserve this, not even to make your stupid ship possible!
And as a slightly related aside, the author also likes and now writes fanfic for Fairy Tail. And she ships NaLu. I dread to think what she does to any other possible love interests for Natsu and Lucy after seeing her Tokyo Mew Mew fics.
But whether or not I check those fics will have to be decided on another day, and preferably once I’ve finished crawling through this one.
Till next time guys, when I shall have a special guest with me!
...Fuck. I almost forgot this happened. Welp, gotta kill off Masaya somehow. And so, it’s time for fic!Masaya to have his final horrendous hurrah.
Chapter 6:
Long Lost Lover
Considering how you fucking treat Masaya, that seems like the most fucking ironic chapter title you could’ve chosen.
Cat- Omg, I have so much support from all of you! Of course I wasn't planning to discontinue the story. The only reason I was worried was because I'm extremely self-conscious about everything, which comes with being a perfectionist. Thank you all for supporting me! Ilysm ^_^
*bwah* A- a fucking perfectionist?! Wouldn’t that mean that you would want to try and get as close to motherfucking canon as possible?! That you’d want to write the characters as they fucking were in the fucking anime or the manga?! Cause I know you’ve read the fucking manga, you make a fucking author’s note at some point in this saying how you hated the manga’s fucking ending!
Fucking hell! *flips the fucking table*
That just pissed me off, and I would’ve left it if you’d just said you were nervous about posting cause, hell, first fucking story and all.
Somewhere in the Earth…
"Has the task been completed?"
"Yes, Lord. I have hijacked the plane and it crashed two days ago with the target's parents inside. There were no survivors."
"Perfect. Your new mission is to kidnap Momomiya Ichigo, and return to the alternate dimension you have created."
"Yes, Deep Blue-sama." (AN I hope I used that right…)
Oh brilliant. Now we have some sudden evil vague plotting. None of this will really kick in until our two other love rivals are truly out of the way. And I will concede that -sama is used correctly here. Though the mention of an “alternate dimension” is sort of confusing. The aliens did occasionally make use of such things, but they were more like pocket dimensions than anything.
At the Momomiya residence…
"What does it say, Ichigo?" Kisshu asked the teary-eyed girl.
She wanted to laugh. She wanted to laugh everything off like it was one big joke. She wanted to say she was okay, but she wasn't. She was far from it.
...Okay. I will confess that that is actually a good bit of narration. It gets the point across very well. Maybe with a tiny bit more detail added in, though that’s just me. Good job!
"Mint's after me, for what I apparently did to Masaya." She managed to say before she started crying. "She's such a bitch." She gasped, while sobbing into Kisshu's shirt after he pulled her into an embrace.
RSPCC - 71
Aaaaand you instantly spit on my good praise by doing this. She outright admits here that Minto is nothing but a bitch. Given the other story the author has ongoing where Minto is the bitch there as well, I think my suspicions are confirmed that the author really doesn’t like Minto, though I would very much like to know why. I do not ever recall Minto suddenly appearing out of canon and then ordering Mickey to shit on this author’s lap.
"It's okay, Ichigo. I will protect you, and I will be here for you. Never forget that we're in this together." Kisshu said. Then he kissed the top of her head.
They made their way to the couch, both sitting as Ichigo kept crying into Kisshu's chest. She eventually fell asleep. Kisshu took her into her room, put her in bad, and got in with her. He petted her hair until he, too, fell asleep.
Romantic Creeper - 17
How fucking convenient. And how very creepy and Christian Grey-like of you to just join her in her fucking bed. I’m sure Ichigo has no problem with this given that the author is still controlling this story, but if she were thinking straight, she’d probably start screaming as soon as she woke up again, since she didn’t actually give him permission to join her in her fucking bed.
The next morning…
Kisshu woke up with his eyes squeezed shut as he felt a pounding headache. He felt the other side of the bed, trying to feel his kitten.
Hel-lo, sudden gender change over night? Not to mention he’s just woken up and he’s already ready to go…
On a slightly more serious note, this is why nicknames don’t always work in the actual narration, and it is also slightly degrading to Ichigo if you don’t actually use her name.
He made a startling realization. She wasn't there.
"ICHIGO!" He yelled. No answer. He went around the house, calling her name, still no answer. Why would she leave without leaving a note? Kisshu thought to himself.
Maybe she had to go to school? Cause yeah, that’s still a thing here. As for not leaving a note, she could’ve been running late since Ichigo does tend to do that a lot.
But that’s not what happens here folks. This is about to get kind of dark again.
Still feeling the headache, head went to the bathroom to find medicine. He looked in the mirror to find a large lump on the side of his head.
Wait...an actual lump? A bloated little thing the size of a golf ball or a base ball protruding from his head? Pfft- you have legit just transcribed an anime/cartoon gag there, author.
One lump, or two? XD
"What the…" Then he remembered the letter.
"Mint." He grumbled.
RSPCC - 72
Why do you instantly think Minto has done this?! Even with the letter, do you really think she would break into Ichigo’s house, hit you over the head while unconscious to make sure you stay unconscious that little bit longer, and then kidnap her? Not to mention that Minto is smaller than Ichigo, who is also going to be heavy. The very idea that, unless she had help with this heist, she managed to pull this shit off on her own-!
And this is all fucking redundant anyway since Minto ain’t even fucking involved, I’m just pissed off at this author over what’s coming up, so fuckit, I’m not amused that Kisshu instantly assumes this was Minto because of one letter and then Ichigo calling her a bitch.
At Masaya's house…
Cause y’know, why keep this a surprise? Let’s just make it clear that fic!Masaya is the most horrible horrible person to ever be horrible.
Ichigo slowly woke up, feeling dizzy. She was laying o something comfortable. She slowly opened her eyes, only to find someone standing over her. It was Masaya.
dun dun du- *snore*
"You're awake," he said, with lust in his voice. Ichigo tried to move, but found that her arms and legs were chained to the bed. "What am I doing here?"
He laughed. "So curious. You know, curiosity killed the cat." He smirked.
RSPCC - 75 (“Lust in his voice” - which still doesn’t fit his character - having chained Ichigo to the bed with obvious ill intent, and fucking smirking.)
"What am I doing here?" Ichigo demanded.
"Cause I want you here. Now, Ichigo, when we broke up, I didn't give you permission to date that freak."
RSPCC - 77 (Kidnapping her and then saying she apparently needs permission to date another person)
*shudders* Son of a bitch, author, were you purposefully trying to invoke Edward Cullen here? Or Christian Grey? Granted, you do have one of those silly profile fillers - the anti-Twilight, pro-[insert other media here] sorts, and in her case it is for TMM - so maybe this was on purpose if only to make us hate fic!Masaya even more. Cause looooook, he’s being creepy like Cullen!
"Kisshu is not a freak! We're not even dating! We're really close friends and he treats me way better than you ever did!" She yelled.
RSPCC - 82 (5 points for this for both going against canon and out of sheer bitter spite)
FUCKING-- HE WAS THE MOTHERFUCKING BLUE FUCKING KNIGHT, YOU BINT! HE WANTED TO PROTECT HER! HE WAS WILLING TO KEEP HER FUCKING SECRET! HE HID HER EARS! HE WAS A CYNICAL BASTARD WHO BELIEVED HUMANITY WAS JUST HOPELESS AND BEYOND HELP BEFORE HE MET ICHIGO! SHE’S THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD WHO MADE HIM TRULY FUCKING HAPPY! SHE GAVE HIM FUCKING HOPE! HE LOVES HER YOU STUPID SHIT!
RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
"I know you want to date him! Why else would you be sleeping in the same bed with him?!"
Ichigo blinked, realizing her true feelings.
AND OF COURSE ITS THAT FUCKING EASY! WE’RE JUST FORGETTING THE ENTIRE FUCKING SHOW AREN’T WE? BUT DO NOT THINK LADIES AND GENTLEPEOPLE THAT THE ROMANTIC CONFLICT IS RESOLVED SO EASILY. NOPE! ICHIGO AND KISSHU STILL HAVE A WAYS TO GO, EVEN WITH ALL THE PESKY PROBLEMS LIKE “OTHER LOVE INTERESTS” GETTING DEALT WITH, BEFORE THEY CAN TRULY FALL IN LOVE AND BE TOGETHER FOR-FUCKNG-EVER.
"We were in the same bed because he actually cares about me! And I care about him, more than I thought I did. I love him and he is going to find me." She said (AN Took you long enough). Masaya slapped her
RSPCC - 84 (The author and that slap)
*SLAPS THE AUTHOR RIGHT BACK*
"Don't you ever say that again! Now, I'm going to leave. I'm not going to do anything to you right now. Besides, I already got my encore." He smirked.
RSPCC - 86
Okay, I feel as though I’ve missed a trick here by not featuring a damned count for all the fucking smirking. But fuckit, I’m already 7 chapters through this shit, I’m not adding in a new count now (Well, aside from this one that’s coming up, but it’s been planned).
Ichigo looked horrified. "Wait, I thought that letter was from Mint?"
"Let's just say we made an agreement." He smirked evilly and left.
RSPCC - 87
Yep. He got Minto to agree to help him with this sick plan of his. I have no idea how this is working out unless “love” has made fic!Minto into a stupid bitch instead of just a normal bitch.
With Kisshu…
A this point, Kisshu's panicking. He has no idea where Ichigo is. Before he had a nervous breakdown, he called telepathically to Pai.
Dafuq was the point of that inclusion?! Also, what the fucking fuck is wrong with your damn tenses?! Also, I don’t think telepathic communication is something the aliens can do. I should’ve had a “What is canon?” count as well, god dammit.
With Pai…
Pai was floating outside Lettuce's window, debating whether or not he was going to tap. Lettuce was sitting on her bed, reading The Maze Runner (AN One of my all-time favorite books ^_^).
Romantic Creeper - 17 (While I could be giving Creeper points to fic!Masaya for similar behaviour, those can already be counted under RSPCC)
Well, safe to say that freaking Pai has been taking lessons off his step-brother on how to stalk the object of his affections. That is not a good thing.
Also, you should really leave your personal tastes out of your stories, author. No-one cares, and it’s really cheap.
When he was about to tap on the window, he flinched hearing his name yelled telepathically.
"Pai!"
"God damn it Kisshu, what do you want?!"
"Ichigo was kidnapped! I woke up and she wasn't there!" Hearing the panic in his adoptive brother's voice, he teleported to him.
With Kisshu…
As soon as Pai teleported in, he looked horrified at Kisshu. His hair looked a mess, and his face looked depressed and distraught all at the same time.
They both mean pretty much the same thing, though distress has an additional meaning of feeling anxiety. But really, why depression? Why is he sad that his little *ahem* kitten has been kidnapped? Distressed fits, yeah but why isn’t he angry too? Also, if Kisshu believes Ichigo has been kidnapped, why hasn’t he...y’know, gone looking for her?
Seriously, he can teleport as well. He knows where she could be, so why not go to Minto’s house and search for her? And failing that, why wouldn’t he then question Minto as to where she was? This just makes him look like a useless wimp who’s too busy fretting to actually do anything. If this were canon!Kisshu, he’d already have searched half the city by this point. Sure, he might’ve drafted in Pai and Taruto to help him and to cover more ground, but he would’ve done something.
If anything, him having a panic attack in Ichigo’s house cause she’s not there - despite knowing (Except not cause as we saw, what he knows is not the case) where she is - and then calling Pai for help is wasting fucking time!
"Kisshu? Kisshu, calm down, we will find her." Pai reassured him. He nodded. "Ichigo's pendant has a tracking device in it, right? We will take it to my lab and try to track her. I need some DNA of hers as well."
Why does she still have her pendant? I’ve already pointed this out, but I’ll do it again; Ichigo is not a mew anymore in this fic. So there’s no need really for her to have her pendant.
After Kisshu calmed down, he went upstairs and grabbed her pendant. Then he tried to think of things where he would find her DNA. He looked around, when he spotted her hair brush; he took a strand of her hair out of it and teleported downstairs. He gave the items to Pai.
Uuuuuuuh-huh. Yep, interesting. *turns on her DS instead*
Seriously though, author, this is boring. This prose does not incite any feelings of excitement or urgency in me, though it’s also partly because this is all a massive Dead Herring and you ruined your own twist by featuring that scene in fic!Masaya’s house. Not to mention that this doesn’t scream of Kisshu panicking and trying to do this quick so he can find Ichigo. It sounds like he’s hunting down something to add to his shrine.
"Good, now we go to my lab and try to track her." They both teleported, landing in Pai's lab. Kisshu stood by him while he did science-y stuff. He typed in some words in the computer and the results came up. When he read the results, Kisshu's eyes started to glow red.
"The tree-fucker."
RSPCC - 88
Ah right. We couldn’t have Kisshu do something logical cause then we wouldn’t be able to do this. Admittedly, even with my laying out how this should have went in canon, this has cut some corners. But it’s still not exactly what Kisshu would do in canon. So I still won’t take this.
Cat- DONE! Sorry I didn't post sooner, the site was down yesterday when I was planning to update. So here it is! Leave a comment and tell me what you think will happen in the next chapter. I'll try to get that out today for you lovely people :)
Ja ne!
And this is why you should be careful with time references, folks. Or better yet, try not to or just straight up don’t feature them in your Author’s Notes. It just ends up confusing people who read at a later date.
And now, it’s time for fic!Masaya’s grand finale...
Chapter 7:
I Love You
Oh fuck off.
Kisshu was mad. No, he was beyond mad; he was furious. That damn tree-fucker has the nerve to take MY kitten. This time, I will kill him. He teleported into Masaya's house.
Romantic Creeper - 18
Yep, because Masaya dared to steal Kisshu’s property. Cause that’s what you’ve written here author. There’s not even a case of, “That’s what you’ve implied.” No, you have outright written Kisshu as being mad that his toy has gone missing.
Are you sure you don’t like Twilight?
He looked around the medium sized bedroom. Then he saw her. Sprawled on the bed, arms and legs chained to it, bruises all over her body, as she lies unconscious. He held back his tears as he slowly made his way toward her. He wanted to jump on her, hold her tight and never let go,
Cause that wouldn’t freak her out after the ordeal she’s been going through! If her getting raped wouldn’t turn her off physical contact, then this definitely would.
but everything went black, as Masaya hit him over the head with something solid and heavy. He smirked as he let out a cry of pain, and fell on the floor unconscious.
...Okay, so due to poor writing, I first thought that Kisshu was smirking as he was yelling, and then he fell unconscious. But nope, I’ve re-read and I do believe the author meant to say that it was fic!Masaya that was smirking as Kisshu got knocked out.
Good job author.
Masaya dragged Kisshu over to a pillar in his room (What pillar, he didn't have any pillars in his room?) as he chained him up to it. He heard some noises and looked over as he saw Ichigo was waking up. She looked over and saw Kisshu. She would've screamed, but earlier Masaya put a gag in her mouth. Her eyes started tearing up as she saw Kisshu unconscious on the floor.
Masaya smirked and came over. He placed a hand on her cheek, and chuckled when she flinched. "When he wakes up, you will receive more of your punishment, and he will be forced to watch." He laughed maniacally. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He left the room.
RSPCC - 92 (Gagging Ichigo, more damn smirking, enjoying the fact that she flinches at his touch, and the maniacal laughter)
This is legit sick, and I’m torn between crying over Masaya’s obliterated character, or screaming for it instead.
Ichigo stared at Kisshu as she sobbed silently. Kisshu….please wake up. Miraculously, he moaned. As he slowly opened his eyes, he caught Ichigo's stare, and immediately went alert. "Ichigo? Are you okay?" She nodded. He stared into her chocolate brown eyes.
Niiiiice, so we’re using that cliche alongside everything else? -_-
They were filled with helplessness. Then, Masaya came back in. A devilish smile crept up on his face. "You're awake, just in time to see Ichigo's punishment."
RSPCC - 94
Kisshu glared at him, his eyes full of hatred. "If you hurt her again, I will kill you, for real this time."
"How are you going to do that?" Masaya chuckled.
Kisshu grumbled. He's right, he thought. I can't do anything while I'm chained up, these are teleport-proof.
...Whut? Since when was that a thing? And even if they were a thing - coughwhichthey’renotcough - where would Masaya even get such a thing?
Masaya chuckled. "I thought so. Now sit back and watch the show."
Masaya made is way over to Ichigo. She looked terrified and she was about to cry. Masaya then slapped her and punched her repeatedly, smirking as she cried out after every blow. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Kisshu was horrified and furious. Masaya was hurting the girl he loved, his best friend, maybe lover? He wasn't sure about that, but he was sure that he wanted Masaya dead.
RSPCC - 99 (Again, just the sheer violence coming from a non violent character, as well as the act that I’m still feeling pretty spiteful.)
First, why would you even add in the “best friend” part, author? Considering that this is Kisshu for a start and his feelings for Ichigo are completely romantic. Granted, if this were a better written fic and he was acting the way he did at the end of the anime, I’d understand if he would be willing to take things slower for Ichigo’s sake. However given how you’ve been writing this fic so far - which is also another point, since this is a shipping fic after all - it’s pretty clear that Ichigo is beginning to feel the same, so at the very least, I’d say that the best friend part isn’t necessary. Having “Maybe lover” seems fine, all things considered.
And secondly, how is it that Kisshu is only now sure that he wants to kill Masaya? Hey author, did you forget about canon where Kisshu wanted to kill Masaya all the time purely for being the one Ichigo liked? Then again, you’re that kind of shipper; you probably cheered him on whenever he said that, which is kind of a sick thought. But I don’t doubt it.
But otherwise, let’s look at the fic itself; fic!Masaya so far has raped Ichigo, beat her, kidnapped her and beat her some more, and yet only now that Kisshu is watching as fic!Masaya beat Ichigo while she’s tied up and helpless does he want to kill him. Clearly, his brain is running a bit slow.
Suddenly, Kisshu started to glow blue. His strength slowly was building up, as is his anger. Kisshu found the strength to break the chains and stand up. His eyes started to glow red as well.
...So these are things Kisshu is doing. That he, again, could not do in canon. The first one could maybe make some inkling of sense if it was caused by Mew Aqua, except for the fact that we’ve never seen Mew Aqua affect an alien aside from Deep Blue, and even then that was because the Mew Aqua was in Masaya’s body, plus as far as we know, there is legit no more Mew Aqua left by the end of the show. Otherwise, none of this makes sense nor is it something the aliens have been shown doing in the show or in the manga.
Masaya looked terrified, sitting on top of Ichigo, who was still crying. "Get off of her." Kisshu said, still glowing.
"Make me." Masaya said with just a hint of fear in his voice.
"You asked for it," Kisshu said. He lunged toward Masaya, grabbed him by the arm, and threw him into the wall. He summoned his dragon swords, lunged for a second time, and stabbed him. Masaya fell limply on the floor, took his last breath, and stopped breathing.
RSPCC - 100
And there he goes. *salutes for his canon personality*
And this is also where that third count comes in guys. This count that I have actually been planning for. I suppose you’re reading that line and, while ignoring the fresh smack to your face, you may be wondering, “Was that it?” You’d think there would be more of a fanfare since the author just killed off one of the characters she hates most, a fact that she has made more than clear. Not to mention that it immediately jumps from this to Kisshu breaking Ichigo out of the chains and comforting her. And while that is what you would expect to happen, it just reads as being not only very bland, but also really slow.
There was no tense build-up, and the aftermath doesn’t come across as the sort of “coming to terms with the situation” sort of calm and quiet, it just comes across as being insanely boring.
This is most likely down to the author’s poor writing, though whether or not this is purely because of her still amateurish style or the fact that she would want to move on quick with the Kisshu x Ichigo flahfee stuffus, it’s safe to say that this entire scenario was very anti-climactic.
And so begins the “So That Happened” count.
So That Happened - 2
This count won’t actually show up that often. While there are still a few moments like this in this fic, it won’t see that much use. However it still has to be noted that the author can’t really write a climactic scene - from the build-up, to the execution to the aftermath - to save her shit. So to make off for how quiet this count will be, it will see double points for each anti-climax, starting with Masaya’s death scene.
And on the flip side, the RSPCC count should go a bit quieter from now on, since that’s one of our nasty other love interests out of the way. Doesn’t change the fact that we have now hit 100 points on that bad boy. =_=
Kisshu calmed down. He walked toward the still crying Ichigo and broke the chains that were holding her down. He cradled her in his arms as she sobbed, wetting up his shirt, he then teleported to her room.
In Ichigo's room…
Kisshu sat on her bed, Ichigo sitting in his lap. They sat there, holding each other. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner…" Kisshu whispered.
Which is entirely your own fault since you could have been there sooner, but you decided to instead fret and wring your hands while moaning, “Where could my Ichigo beeeeee?”
Ichigo looked up into his eyes, eyes glistening with tears. "The fact that you came when you did is more than enough." She smiled.
"But he could've seriously hurt you. If I wasn't panicking I would've found you."
Fucking exactly! You acknowledge this but you still didn’t actually do jack all!
"Don't blame yourself, Kisshu. It's the tree-fucker's fault. He's the one that put you in that situation."
RSPCC - 101
BWAH?! WHAT?! YOU’RE SAYING THAT FIC!MASAYA KIDNAPPING ICHIGO MADE KISSHU FREEZE UP WITH FEAR EVEN THOUGH HE COULD STILL HAVE DONE SOMETHING?! IN THE END, EVEN THOUGH KISSHU WAS BEING A FUCKING IDIOT AND A COWARD, IT’S STILL FIC!MASAYA’S FAULT?!
AUTHOR, YOU’VE ALREADY VILIFIED HIM ENOUGH, BUT YOU CAN’T HAVE SHIT BE FIC!MASAYA’S FAULT WHEN IT’S JUST A CASE OF KISSHU BEING AN IDIOT AND YOU BEING AN IDIOT AS WELL FOR WRITING KISSHU AS AN IDIOT!!!
Kisshu looked away, still not believing what she was saying. Then he heard the words he wanted to hear when he met her. The words he never thought he would hear because he thought she hated him.
"I love you, Kisshu." She said with a smile.
Kisshu's eyes widened and he stared at Ichigo. A huge smile crept on his face.
"I love you too, Ichigo." Then he kissed her passionately. He deeoened deepened it when she kissed back.
Cat- *sniff* So beautiful. Welp, Masaya's gone *happy dance*, sorry this is a shorter chapter; I didn't want to put too much in there. I most likely update again tomorrow, but no promises. Ja ne my lovely readers!
RSPCC - 102
You are legit sick author, if this is your childish idea of a ship fic. I know that, again, you’re a new writer and this was your first fic, but for the love of fuck-
Just- stop. Leave Masaya alone! In fact, leave Minto alone as well! Neither of them deserve this, not even to make your stupid ship possible!
And as a slightly related aside, the author also likes and now writes fanfic for Fairy Tail. And she ships NaLu. I dread to think what she does to any other possible love interests for Natsu and Lucy after seeing her Tokyo Mew Mew fics.
But whether or not I check those fics will have to be decided on another day, and preferably once I’ve finished crawling through this one.
Till next time guys, when I shall have a special guest with me!