[Sporking] The Plus One of RWBY - Chapter 11 part 4

[fufuyurifan]

[Note from Fufu]: And I finally return. Once again, I'm sorry about the long wait. And unfortunately, due to ome more procrastination from myself, it's now too late for me to be thinking of posting the entirety of the remains of Chapter 11. However I wanted to give you all something for waiting so long. The rest of the chapter, I would like to get

Comments

[eurowatch]

You came back! I waited so long for this sporking to continue that I almost gave up hope. But you pulled trough in the end.

Oh God, those angels... Look, ProAJ, I know I am supposed to disagree With Michael but since he is the only one who actually is sensible and your OCs are arseholes it is kind of hard. Seriously, he is like the Aro of this fic.

[talonicefire]

It's ironic that you compared Michael to Aro, because in the "Fate" series ProAJ has created, we get to see more of these OC angels he's created... and they're seriously like the Cullens. They're unlikable so we don't want them to win. They at points, treat this like a game so they're not taking the struggle between good and evil seriously. They have to act like the biblical arch angels are "evil", despite there being no evidence to suggest this.

Hell, we even see a little of the demons, and the angels still look worse in comparison! If ProAJ literally wasn't throwing it in our faces that angels = good guys, you wouldn't actually know by the way they behaved.

[eurowatch]

I just read the first Chapter of the "rewrite" and it quite Clear that not only are they all Incredible arrogant (I initially actually liked Anima because he came across as tired of the war instead of just bored With the enemy but he lost any browie points very quickly), they are also all very stupid. When they are attacking the demon army in the cave, there is no reason why they can't just destroy the roof and bury the enemy under millions of tons of rubble. And that is just one display of their military incompetence.
And was I the only one who stopped taking the playing Card-angel seriously when it was revealed his name was Jack?

[beacon80]

While they both were still in the air AJ spun and kicked him in the side sending him off the train.
You effortlessly defeating the guy who beat Weiss only draws attention to the fact that you were deliberately wasting time with a mook when Weiss could have actually used your help.

The red glowing eye became white glowing again, it was AJ, completely normal now with a pure white Aura mist like he always had, no red evil parts anywhere.
Why does this happen now? When I first read it, I thought Boy suddenly fell out of beserker mode (despite never actually entering it), but knowing the whole angel/demon crap, this is just completely unconnected to anything going on.

The Aura that flowed off him returned to normal levels and he was suddenly exhausted.Good job wearing yourself out in the middle of a giant fight. If CFVY and the army weren't about to show up, you would have just become a giant liability, just to take out one Grimm. I'd be lenient, since your "loved one" was in danger, except she wasn't. Jean was already there! He's

[talonicefire]

Good job wearing yourself out in the middle of a giant fight. If CFVY and the army weren't about to show up, you would have just become a giant liability, just to take out one Grimm.

This has been a thing that bugs me so much. Every time ProAJ writes an action scene, he has his SI overuse his Aura very early on. If we had injected a sense of reality into this fic, AJ would have died long ago because he constantly uses up all his Aura early on and gets exhausted before anyone else does.

B) You had Weiss shill for him. You could have had the supportive Yang, excitable Ruby, or his girlfriend do it, but you had to use the one girl who would see his power level as a personal challenge (and doesn't particularly like him).

I feel like whenever he has Weiss shill for AJ, it's to say "look, I'm not terrible to Weiss! They can get along!" because ProAJ - like many Suthors - can't seem to understand that kissing butt is not the same as getting along or having mutual respect for a character.

* Most likely because he hadn't thought of the

[beacon80]

You have no idea how unwilling to edit he is.
Given that, in the next part, he flashes back to earlier in the same chapter, rather than add it in at the time...

AJ has also successfully killed people though. Don't forget he took slow pleasure in killing three OC mooks.
Good point.