I liked it. I really like your use of words to describe things. However, at some times it seems like you searched too hard for ways to word things. IDK. I'm not good at the whole critizing thing.
Oh Zac, I like it. I really like it. The way you worded some things was so...great. I just laughed and pictured it all in my head. I could see eight year old Zac in a cream lawn chair covering his ears. And I love how you tied the title in with the story. I don't know, when I think Roman Empire I think of like a...colleseum (probably spelled wrong but I couldn't find it in your story). I like the small details a lot, like the corndog and the cream\green lawn chairs. I also like the phrase, "concrete purgatory" for some reason. The only thing I didn't like, and this isn't just directed at YOUR paper, but, the dialouge. It's really hard to have good dialouge when writing what people have actually said, ya know? You can't really embellish things too much. I hate this about my own writing and that's the only thing that I noticed in yours that I wasn't all that fond of. But I really liked the descriptions; they're very vivid. :)
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I really like it.
The way you worded some things was so...great. I just laughed and pictured it all in my head. I could see eight year old Zac in a cream lawn chair covering his ears. And I love how you tied the title in with the story. I don't know, when I think Roman Empire I think of like a...colleseum (probably spelled wrong but I couldn't find it in your story). I like the small details a lot, like the corndog and the cream\green lawn chairs. I also like the phrase, "concrete purgatory" for some reason.
The only thing I didn't like, and this isn't just directed at YOUR paper, but, the dialouge. It's really hard to have good dialouge when writing what people have actually said, ya know? You can't really embellish things too much. I hate this about my own writing and that's the only thing that I noticed in yours that I wasn't all that fond of.
But I really liked the descriptions; they're very vivid.
:)
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