You are not the innocent victim you so desperately desire to be.
I pride myself on being a drama-free person, but sometimes you get yourself involved in situations that end up with you being chased down the street at 4am by a jealous psychopath screaming expletives at you.
I've been dating a man named Rain for about 5 months. He has another girlfriend, V, that he's been seeing for about a year before I met him. She is married to someone else, and all of us are in open or "polyamorous" relationships. If you don't understand that, look up "polyamory" or ask me about it later; this is going to get long enough as it is without me getting into that.
Even before I met Rain, I knew V was going to cause trouble in my life. I have done my best to not add any fuel to the fire, give her any reason to hate me, and just generally tried to not cause any trouble. The second time I met her was at a party at her house. She emailed me afterwards (having found my email address through my website, which was posted on my twitter profile, which I guess she found through Rain's twitter) to apologize for yelling at Rain in front of me, and went on about a bunch of other things about Rain, mostly just complaining about him. It seemed like an honest letter. I thought, "Well, that was nice of her. If the two of us can be friendly with each other, it should help things stay drama-free." I was so, so, so, soooo wrong.
We exchanged a few emails with each other, and she seemed really nice. After a couple weeks, she asked me to go to a party with her. Unbeknownst to me, she had not mentioned the existence of this party, or the fact that she was taking me, to Rain. When he heard about it later, he got really upset. I couldn't quite understand why, but he told me, "Don't trust her."
Nothing really happened after that, and I attended another party at her house, which went down with relatively no problems. The three of us spent a little time together after that, and while no huge issues presented themselves, there were many things V said or did to me which made me feel very uncomfortable. Just for an example, the thing that sticks out the most in my mind: Rain was upstairs, and V came over and told me, "You need to leave." I started to get my stuff together, and she went upstairs. A few moments later, she came back and told me to stay. Confused, I asked if she was sure. She said, "Well, it's better than you taking Rain away." I was fucking floored by that comment, and said, very carefully, "I can leave...without him." She said, "No, if you leave, he said he's going to go with you." I ended up staying with them the rest of the day (my birthday, at that) with an awful, sick feeling in my throat. I finally realized that she had only extended any kind of friendship to me, only wanted me around so she would be able to keep Rain with her; to keep me from spending time alone with him. Recalling other things she had said to me, I felt that she was trying to manipulate me, and turn me against him. She would constantly complain about the awful things he supposedly did (things he had never done around me at all), and would (I am sure, in her mind, subtly) imply that I shouldn't be with him.
I tried to distance myself from her after that. It helped that I moved across town, so I no longer lived close to V's house (we used to be just a few blocks away from each other.) I told Rain that V had been making me uncomfortable, and he acknowledged that she had some problems. There was no real resolution, and while I stopped talking with V, there was no anger between us (or so I thought.)
While I was spending time with Rain this past week, he told me that V was having another party. I said I probably wouldn't want to go, since she didn't invite me and I might not be welcome. He said it was fine, and assured me there would be no drama. I was really apprehensive, but ended up going because I really wanted to see Rain. There was almost no one there, and I went upstairs to the balcony to smoke. I was talking with Rain, and Rain's roommates, and another guy, and V came out. She didn't greet me or even look at me. I figured, "Well, if she doesn't feel like talking to me, I won't force her to." I just tried to enjoy myself talking with the few people that were present.
As I was talking with Rain's roommates, I heard Rain and V start to argue. When I next spoke to Rain again, he told me she was mad because she thought I was snubbing her, and she apparently demanded some kind of bizarre sexual "fairness" policy between us. That is, anytime he had sex with me, she demanded he have sex with her an equal number of times. The very concept of that is so fucking stupid I'm not even going to discuss it further here.
I tried to hang out downstairs after that, but there were so few people there, that quickly got boring. I would have left, but it was after midnight, and catching a bus all the way back home would have been difficult, and taken several hours (if I was lucky.) Rain told me he didn't want me to leave. He eventually took me into one of the bedrooms (I failed to mention earlier that all of these parties are kink/sex parties) and we fooled around, then dozed off. I was awakened shortly thereafter by loud, angry knocking on the door. V came in, woke up Rain and told him we had to get out of the room, because some guests needed to sleep there. She left, Rain got up, got dressed, and put my clothes on the bed for me. V stormed back in and snatched my clothes off the bed. I asked for them back, and she said, "Are you going to leave??" I said yes, and she said, in a weird, high voice, "GOOD!"
I was stunned. Rain said to her, "This is not what we discussed," and they both left the room. I got dressed and went outside. I still didn't know if I was going to be able to make it home on the bus, and I didn't want to leave without telling Rain what I was doing, so I texted him to say I was outside. (Rain later told me that when he got the text, V lunged at him to try and grab his phone away.) A few minutes later, as I'm trying to check the bus times on my phone, V came outside and started screaming at me, calling me "bitch" and "cunt", saying she hated me, that I'm "insanely selfish", that I should have known better than to come to her house. I stated, "I'm going to get my bus," and started to walk away. She chased me down the street, still screaming. I eventually yelled back that she was the one causing all the problems in her own life, and to leave me the fuck alone. She stopped following me, and Rain came after me as I was walking to the bus stop. He tried to apologize for her, and said he'd never seen her act that way before (although stories of her acting crazy, and having psycho anger outbursts are frequent in any discussion about her we've ever had.) He walked me to the bus stop and said he would have to go back and try to work things out with her. Luckily, I caught a late-night bus and got home safely.
I'm still pretty shaken up. I've never had a crazy woman chase me down the street before-and I used to live in Fresno! Did I mention that this woman is 49 years old? And studying to be a psychologist? I've never seen such appalling behavior in anyone. You want to yell at me for some reasons you made up in your head? Fine, but when I say, "I am an adult. I am walking away," don't fucking chase me down the street.
I can't say for sure what this means for me and Rain. I truly love and adore him, and things are wonderful between us when V doesn't interfere...but she does interfere. How am I supposed to happily plan a life with someone when there is a complete nutjob attempting to thwart me any way she can? I can't live my life with some crazy chick out to get me; and this shit is beyond apologizing and making up. What happened was absolutely fucking unacceptable. I don't care how mad you are, I don't care what I could have possibly done-that is simply not the way an adult should act.
I've been dating a man named Rain for about 5 months. He has another girlfriend, V, that he's been seeing for about a year before I met him. She is married to someone else, and all of us are in open or "polyamorous" relationships. If you don't understand that, look up "polyamory" or ask me about it later; this is going to get long enough as it is without me getting into that.
Even before I met Rain, I knew V was going to cause trouble in my life. I have done my best to not add any fuel to the fire, give her any reason to hate me, and just generally tried to not cause any trouble. The second time I met her was at a party at her house. She emailed me afterwards (having found my email address through my website, which was posted on my twitter profile, which I guess she found through Rain's twitter) to apologize for yelling at Rain in front of me, and went on about a bunch of other things about Rain, mostly just complaining about him. It seemed like an honest letter. I thought, "Well, that was nice of her. If the two of us can be friendly with each other, it should help things stay drama-free." I was so, so, so, soooo wrong.
We exchanged a few emails with each other, and she seemed really nice. After a couple weeks, she asked me to go to a party with her. Unbeknownst to me, she had not mentioned the existence of this party, or the fact that she was taking me, to Rain. When he heard about it later, he got really upset. I couldn't quite understand why, but he told me, "Don't trust her."
Nothing really happened after that, and I attended another party at her house, which went down with relatively no problems. The three of us spent a little time together after that, and while no huge issues presented themselves, there were many things V said or did to me which made me feel very uncomfortable. Just for an example, the thing that sticks out the most in my mind: Rain was upstairs, and V came over and told me, "You need to leave." I started to get my stuff together, and she went upstairs. A few moments later, she came back and told me to stay. Confused, I asked if she was sure. She said, "Well, it's better than you taking Rain away." I was fucking floored by that comment, and said, very carefully, "I can leave...without him." She said, "No, if you leave, he said he's going to go with you." I ended up staying with them the rest of the day (my birthday, at that) with an awful, sick feeling in my throat. I finally realized that she had only extended any kind of friendship to me, only wanted me around so she would be able to keep Rain with her; to keep me from spending time alone with him. Recalling other things she had said to me, I felt that she was trying to manipulate me, and turn me against him. She would constantly complain about the awful things he supposedly did (things he had never done around me at all), and would (I am sure, in her mind, subtly) imply that I shouldn't be with him.
I tried to distance myself from her after that. It helped that I moved across town, so I no longer lived close to V's house (we used to be just a few blocks away from each other.) I told Rain that V had been making me uncomfortable, and he acknowledged that she had some problems. There was no real resolution, and while I stopped talking with V, there was no anger between us (or so I thought.)
While I was spending time with Rain this past week, he told me that V was having another party. I said I probably wouldn't want to go, since she didn't invite me and I might not be welcome. He said it was fine, and assured me there would be no drama. I was really apprehensive, but ended up going because I really wanted to see Rain. There was almost no one there, and I went upstairs to the balcony to smoke. I was talking with Rain, and Rain's roommates, and another guy, and V came out. She didn't greet me or even look at me. I figured, "Well, if she doesn't feel like talking to me, I won't force her to." I just tried to enjoy myself talking with the few people that were present.
As I was talking with Rain's roommates, I heard Rain and V start to argue. When I next spoke to Rain again, he told me she was mad because she thought I was snubbing her, and she apparently demanded some kind of bizarre sexual "fairness" policy between us. That is, anytime he had sex with me, she demanded he have sex with her an equal number of times. The very concept of that is so fucking stupid I'm not even going to discuss it further here.
I tried to hang out downstairs after that, but there were so few people there, that quickly got boring. I would have left, but it was after midnight, and catching a bus all the way back home would have been difficult, and taken several hours (if I was lucky.) Rain told me he didn't want me to leave. He eventually took me into one of the bedrooms (I failed to mention earlier that all of these parties are kink/sex parties) and we fooled around, then dozed off. I was awakened shortly thereafter by loud, angry knocking on the door. V came in, woke up Rain and told him we had to get out of the room, because some guests needed to sleep there. She left, Rain got up, got dressed, and put my clothes on the bed for me. V stormed back in and snatched my clothes off the bed. I asked for them back, and she said, "Are you going to leave??" I said yes, and she said, in a weird, high voice, "GOOD!"
I was stunned. Rain said to her, "This is not what we discussed," and they both left the room. I got dressed and went outside. I still didn't know if I was going to be able to make it home on the bus, and I didn't want to leave without telling Rain what I was doing, so I texted him to say I was outside. (Rain later told me that when he got the text, V lunged at him to try and grab his phone away.) A few minutes later, as I'm trying to check the bus times on my phone, V came outside and started screaming at me, calling me "bitch" and "cunt", saying she hated me, that I'm "insanely selfish", that I should have known better than to come to her house. I stated, "I'm going to get my bus," and started to walk away. She chased me down the street, still screaming. I eventually yelled back that she was the one causing all the problems in her own life, and to leave me the fuck alone. She stopped following me, and Rain came after me as I was walking to the bus stop. He tried to apologize for her, and said he'd never seen her act that way before (although stories of her acting crazy, and having psycho anger outbursts are frequent in any discussion about her we've ever had.) He walked me to the bus stop and said he would have to go back and try to work things out with her. Luckily, I caught a late-night bus and got home safely.
I'm still pretty shaken up. I've never had a crazy woman chase me down the street before-and I used to live in Fresno! Did I mention that this woman is 49 years old? And studying to be a psychologist? I've never seen such appalling behavior in anyone. You want to yell at me for some reasons you made up in your head? Fine, but when I say, "I am an adult. I am walking away," don't fucking chase me down the street.
I can't say for sure what this means for me and Rain. I truly love and adore him, and things are wonderful between us when V doesn't interfere...but she does interfere. How am I supposed to happily plan a life with someone when there is a complete nutjob attempting to thwart me any way she can? I can't live my life with some crazy chick out to get me; and this shit is beyond apologizing and making up. What happened was absolutely fucking unacceptable. I don't care how mad you are, I don't care what I could have possibly done-that is simply not the way an adult should act.