Sento un certo non so che
I know you probably won't be online for a while, Deej, but a thought occurred to me this morning, and I wanted to bring it up while the idea is fresh in my mind. As far as I know, you might've already considered all this, but it also makes me feel a little better to talk this out and to lay out a few points I think are important.
We sort of discussed at several points last night how we wanted to be careful about focusing too much on the idea of me moving down there to see if we work out as a couple. Things are going well, but we can't get TOO excited about it, after all, without the potential risk of getting let down. Still, it felt like we put a lot of emphasis on that point: my reason for moving, and how it shouldn't be all about you. I was kind of wondering, though, if that means we are specifically waiting for me to move down to Texasland before anything serious even becomes a possibility.
I hope that isn't necessarily the case. While I'm not saying that we need to jump into anything now, and I'm not saying that a long-distance relationship is ideal, I do hope that we're using this time - us spending time together online - to also consider whether or not a more serious relationship is viable.
I bring this up, I suppose, because it might yet be a while before my road to Texas gets cleared. If the jobs I apply for don't work out, I'll have to wait for Dollar General to open up that new facility, and I still haven't really heard much regarding that yet. Since other employers might not like that I currently live so far away, that could be a reality. It could be an entire year before the transfer happens. In the meantime, I hope we are not completely limiting ourselves because of the distance.
My living closer, whether I'm in San Antonio or right there around Dallas, will certainly make it so much easier for us to be physically right there spending time together, and I'm pretty sure we both enjoy that a lot. It's great, after all! I'm already looking forward to my visit next month, so I can only imagine how great it'll be when I don't have to count down the weeks before I see you again (currently at 5). But at the same time, I see us building up something with quality even with the way things are right now.
I can't put my arm around you right now, but we can still watch movies or TV together and laugh about all the silly things that happen. I can't cuddle up with you in bed at the moment, but I can still wish you good sleeps and go to bed myself with a smile on my face. Trash talk doesn't have quite the same effect while we're playing games together online, but the experience of fun is still there. Our talking online has just as much value as talking face-to-face - we're still developing a rapport and discovering each others' little ticks.
Do I need to know that we're going to be a couple even before I move down to Texas? No - like I said, things are always in flux. Lots of possibilities, before and even after I move. But what we've got right now is good stuff, and I want to make sure that the moments we share across this distance are just as much of a factor as anything that happens after that distance gets lessened. What's more, how are things going to change once I'm living in Texas? We'll probably be talking over AIM and playing certain games online on weeknights almost as much as we do now. The difference is, instead of saying "okay, I'll see you again in two months", we'll be able to say "I'll see you this/next/whatever weekend".
Of course, don't let me sound too presumptuous. We're excited about this idea at the moment, and for good reason, but I know we still need to spend more of this quality stuff together over time and let that crucial sense of trust build up so that anything potentially more serious becomes more of a comfortable reality. We still have plenty to learn about each other, too, and much of that stuff only comes out with age and opportunity.
And since I know it is important to you, let me honestly emphasize again that even if things did build up to that point, the reason for my moving still isn't focused solely on you. I still want that fresh start, that warmer climate, a different work environment, and the excitement of living around a bigger city. If, heaven forbid, something happened at that point and 'we' don't work out, I won't be horrendously crushed by my having gone through the effort of moving and being in this different place. THERE IS ANOTHER PURPOSE. And other good things will likely be discovered.
I think that's all I've got at the moment. Let me know what you think later.
We sort of discussed at several points last night how we wanted to be careful about focusing too much on the idea of me moving down there to see if we work out as a couple. Things are going well, but we can't get TOO excited about it, after all, without the potential risk of getting let down. Still, it felt like we put a lot of emphasis on that point: my reason for moving, and how it shouldn't be all about you. I was kind of wondering, though, if that means we are specifically waiting for me to move down to Texasland before anything serious even becomes a possibility.
I hope that isn't necessarily the case. While I'm not saying that we need to jump into anything now, and I'm not saying that a long-distance relationship is ideal, I do hope that we're using this time - us spending time together online - to also consider whether or not a more serious relationship is viable.
I bring this up, I suppose, because it might yet be a while before my road to Texas gets cleared. If the jobs I apply for don't work out, I'll have to wait for Dollar General to open up that new facility, and I still haven't really heard much regarding that yet. Since other employers might not like that I currently live so far away, that could be a reality. It could be an entire year before the transfer happens. In the meantime, I hope we are not completely limiting ourselves because of the distance.
My living closer, whether I'm in San Antonio or right there around Dallas, will certainly make it so much easier for us to be physically right there spending time together, and I'm pretty sure we both enjoy that a lot. It's great, after all! I'm already looking forward to my visit next month, so I can only imagine how great it'll be when I don't have to count down the weeks before I see you again (currently at 5). But at the same time, I see us building up something with quality even with the way things are right now.
I can't put my arm around you right now, but we can still watch movies or TV together and laugh about all the silly things that happen. I can't cuddle up with you in bed at the moment, but I can still wish you good sleeps and go to bed myself with a smile on my face. Trash talk doesn't have quite the same effect while we're playing games together online, but the experience of fun is still there. Our talking online has just as much value as talking face-to-face - we're still developing a rapport and discovering each others' little ticks.
Do I need to know that we're going to be a couple even before I move down to Texas? No - like I said, things are always in flux. Lots of possibilities, before and even after I move. But what we've got right now is good stuff, and I want to make sure that the moments we share across this distance are just as much of a factor as anything that happens after that distance gets lessened. What's more, how are things going to change once I'm living in Texas? We'll probably be talking over AIM and playing certain games online on weeknights almost as much as we do now. The difference is, instead of saying "okay, I'll see you again in two months", we'll be able to say "I'll see you this/next/whatever weekend".
Of course, don't let me sound too presumptuous. We're excited about this idea at the moment, and for good reason, but I know we still need to spend more of this quality stuff together over time and let that crucial sense of trust build up so that anything potentially more serious becomes more of a comfortable reality. We still have plenty to learn about each other, too, and much of that stuff only comes out with age and opportunity.
And since I know it is important to you, let me honestly emphasize again that even if things did build up to that point, the reason for my moving still isn't focused solely on you. I still want that fresh start, that warmer climate, a different work environment, and the excitement of living around a bigger city. If, heaven forbid, something happened at that point and 'we' don't work out, I won't be horrendously crushed by my having gone through the effort of moving and being in this different place. THERE IS ANOTHER PURPOSE. And other good things will likely be discovered.
I think that's all I've got at the moment. Let me know what you think later.