(Untitled)

[funkmaster3000]

OK, hey guys I wrote this song a while back, but I want some suggestions on the lyrics, so anything would be great that anyone has to say, and I really want some feedback. I already have the chord progression already, but I want to hear anything anyone has to say about it. I wish I could play it to you, but.. It's the internet so, yeah, You'll hear

Comments

[diplotot]

damn, the song sounds great but you should change "I'm a jet set Free Rider," its kind of chessy. but i like it, when you come back to town and if you want some help with the rest of the parts i'm sure rob, steve, max, and i can help you out. hell, i'll even write the sheet music for you if you want. hell yeah harry

[funkmaster3000]

Thanks Spence!

About the Jet Set Freerider part, I don't know what to change it to, because I got that idea off of a mix CD I burned a while back. It should kind of rhyme with night, unlike now...

goimg down the street, as high as a kite,
And the party goes on all night!
But now when the sun goes down
The lights still be shinin all around!
Oh the air is hot and the moon is high
The northern lights are beaming from the sky!
And when I go back to where I'm from
You gotta know, I want you to come!

So, that's the new rendition, and how about that?

[funkmaster3000]

Actually, I may very well change the 2nd line to

And Everyone feels all right, YEHA! :)

I wish I had a band right now, we'd have like 3 songs, this one, a sad one I wrote and this blues tune called Little Brown Bottle, which my dad taught me and is a classic!

Any more suggestions? They are very welcome.

[diplotot]

thats real cool

[aplasticred]

aw, harry,
i really like what i'm reading.
i think that you could make something
totally rad out of this.
keep us updated!

p.s.- i like the "jet set free rider" lyric.
it's good to have internal rhyming.
it's the second line i don't like.

[funkmaster3000]

Here's a quote about what my mom said

"Okay, Har,
This is what I think. This song has no coherent message or feeling. I don't understand it.
It leaves me confused. The end seems abit melancholy. The beginning is a party orgy
kind of feel. It feels as if you haven't decided what you think."

Gee Kinda Harsh!

[diplotot]

After someone would listen to the song, what do you want their impression of it to be?

[funkmaster3000]

I want it to be a rock anthem.