(no subject)
i really wish i looked like the pretty thin girls who live in California. Like girls from the show Laguna Beach. You know, the long blond hair, and a flawless face.sigh. I feel so ugly here in Maine. Maybe if i move to cali ill some how magically turn gorgeous like those bitches on Laguna Beach.
Lately ive just been feeling like a fat ugly lard. its been depressing me lately. I just like, sit in front of the tv and eat ice cream. I havent worked out in forever and I havent even hung out with anyone besides shaun and alicia since like, the end of June. its depressing. Im not posting this for sympathy, either. I just need to vent somehow.
Even when i change something about myself, I still find something else im not happy with. Like, i lost almost 15 pounds and I still felt fat. I feel like im gaining some back and I just feel like really fat, and its bringing me todown. Like everywhere I go, I look at the other girls and i compare myself to them, and I always find myself thinking everyone is prettier than me. I'm always feeling jealous towards other girls and im always wishing i had something of theres, like, there flat stomach, or their hair, or whatever. Im just always feeling like im never pretty enough or good enough no matter what I do lately.
Like, sometimes i strive to be the best when in reality its impossible but i still feel like i need to be the best. Whenver i see someone, Im always thinking that theyre thinking something negative about me. Like, ill think "i bet that chick thinks im fat" or "i bet that guy thinks im really ugly". I think I need to stop thinking too much and stop being so paranoid, and it may solve a lot of my problems.
I dont want anyones sympathy, I just really needed to let some things out.