I know how that is. And, if you spend a lot of time by yourself, it seems like you can change the facets of reality, by changing the way you think. Then you realize, "Wait, I only control the confines of my mind". That's what really annoys me, realizing that reality still exists. Your post have become increasingly grim, I hope you aren't feeling too shabby. And if you are, remember, time passes, events and situations change. Except if you're trying to change them entirely within the confines of your skull. That doesn't work.
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