(no subject)
my life sucks right now, so much that i have to write about it. i
really dont feel like living anymore. i dont see any reason for me
living. nobody really cares for me at school, except for maybe one or
two people and they are leaving this year. sometimes i just break down
and cry and i dont know why. if i have changed its because i dont know
how im sposed to be anymore. ive tried to cling to my friends but i
just dont want to turn out like them. everything is just immensly
horrible, every aspect of my life i am unsatisfied with and i dont know
how to make me happy, i dont know what else makes me happy. i am a
person that needs to feel accepted so when im involved with a group of
people and all of a sudden they just disown me or not care anymore and
not want anything to do with me, it hurts more than anything i could
ever describe. i didint know it was going to be this hard. i just wish
everything would end. i wish my life woud end. i dont want to be here
anymore, i want so much to be with jesus right now. i cant stand my
life, everywhere i go its all about that one person and they dont want
me anymore and i cant find a way out, i cant find where im sposed to
be, who im sposed to be, it all just looks so empty. and it hurts even more to see their happiness and joy because they are rid of me and they have nothing to do with me anymore. im at the same
place in my life i was over a year ago and i hate it. i hate my life.
what did i do that was so terrible that now i have to suffer through
the biggest pain i have ever experienced. i dont want to go to school,
i dont want to see my friends, i dont want to talk to my parents, i
dont want to live. what else is there for me if no one cares. i know
one or two of you care, but i just feel so left out, left out of life,
left out of love, left out of happiness. my thoughts are so horrible sometimes i just want to
stop. why did this happen? my heart was ripped from inside me and left
an open bleeding hole. and so inturn ive tried to hurt people. and its
made me this terrible person. what am i sposed to do? i know i shouldnt say this, but sometimes i just want him back.
i cant help the way i feel. and right now its horrible. i just want my
life to be over, because there is no more happiness coming my way,
nothing more for me to be excited about. you might say, oh yes God has
something planned for you, well i dont believe it right now.