Yo, Keira! Listen up!
This is a bit of poetry I did, as part of a larger project. Y'all can read it if you like, and I always love feedback, but it's kinda crap.
Yeah. So, turns out that our character -- Annie (did I tell you his name?) -- doesn't actually fall for a rocker-songwriter named Keiko, he's a rapper named Nova (his street name. His real name's yet to be determined). Anyshoes, did I mention that part where said (now) rapper does his little performance-confession thingy? Yeah, I put it into words. At three in the morning. So, it might have a chance at being decent. I'm leaving it up to you to decide for yourself and give me critique, cos that's the role I've delegated you until I get the balls up to show this to, say, my writing teacher. Or smth. I'm already baring it to the rest of my flist, kind of. This is a huge step for me. ANYSHOES. On to the poetry.
Baby, if I thought I had the chance,
You can bet your ass right now I’d be in your pants.
But I know you’re the good one,
I know you don’t feel the same…
So I won’t embarrass you with a full name.
This is not me demanding that you spend the rest
Of your life with me, just wanna get this off my chest.
It’s been weeks now, I’ve been wanting to say this,
But all I want in my life right now is your kiss.
I know it’s cliché, I sound like some lovestruck foo’.
But when you’re in love, some o’ those dumb clichés
come true.
I shoulda seen it coming, day we first met,
True cliché numbah one: A day I’ll never forget.
But this is where the fairy tales start to go wrong.
Listen to the radio, you don’t hear no love song
Where the prince ain’t lookin’ for no pretty princess bride.
And they’re wrong, cos I didn’t get lost in your eyes.
I don’t fall for plain ol’ beauty - not that you aren’t -
But good looks don’t steal no Romeo’s heart.
Superficial things don’t make people fall in love.
The truth is, there’s somebody that you remind me of.
My mom. Died. A while ago. She told me ‘fore she went,
Honey, you gotta let go.
Life is always worth living, no matter who you live it with.
If there’s one thing she taught me, it’d be this:
You gotta give yourself time to confused and young
You’ll grow up one day. For now, just have fun.
Well I must be grown up now, cos I know,
without a doubt,
babe. You’re all I dream about.
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always.
So long as I’m living,
My Annie you’ll be.
... yeah. Nova has an accent. And it's rather difficult to write, since Tei has these random seizures where it goes away. We're working on it Here being read as: I'm kicking his ass for doing this to me. I was supposed to be rewriting Rachel's porn! But NOOOOOOO, he likes this shit better, and refuses to allow me any further plot on said porn. He's an absolute bitch lately. >:( YEAH YOU FUCKER, I'M TALKING TO YOU. Asshole.
Yeah. So, turns out that our character -- Annie (did I tell you his name?) -- doesn't actually fall for a rocker-songwriter named Keiko, he's a rapper named Nova (his street name. His real name's yet to be determined). Anyshoes, did I mention that part where said (now) rapper does his little performance-confession thingy? Yeah, I put it into words. At three in the morning. So, it might have a chance at being decent. I'm leaving it up to you to decide for yourself and give me critique, cos that's the role I've delegated you until I get the balls up to show this to, say, my writing teacher. Or smth. I'm already baring it to the rest of my flist, kind of. This is a huge step for me. ANYSHOES. On to the poetry.
Baby, if I thought I had the chance,
You can bet your ass right now I’d be in your pants.
But I know you’re the good one,
I know you don’t feel the same…
So I won’t embarrass you with a full name.
This is not me demanding that you spend the rest
Of your life with me, just wanna get this off my chest.
It’s been weeks now, I’ve been wanting to say this,
But all I want in my life right now is your kiss.
I know it’s cliché, I sound like some lovestruck foo’.
But when you’re in love, some o’ those dumb clichés
come true.
I shoulda seen it coming, day we first met,
True cliché numbah one: A day I’ll never forget.
But this is where the fairy tales start to go wrong.
Listen to the radio, you don’t hear no love song
Where the prince ain’t lookin’ for no pretty princess bride.
And they’re wrong, cos I didn’t get lost in your eyes.
I don’t fall for plain ol’ beauty - not that you aren’t -
But good looks don’t steal no Romeo’s heart.
Superficial things don’t make people fall in love.
The truth is, there’s somebody that you remind me of.
My mom. Died. A while ago. She told me ‘fore she went,
Honey, you gotta let go.
Life is always worth living, no matter who you live it with.
If there’s one thing she taught me, it’d be this:
You gotta give yourself time to confused and young
You’ll grow up one day. For now, just have fun.
Well I must be grown up now, cos I know,
without a doubt,
babe. You’re all I dream about.
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always.
So long as I’m living,
My Annie you’ll be.
... yeah. Nova has an accent. And it's rather difficult to write, since Tei has these random seizures where it goes away. We're working on it Here being read as: I'm kicking his ass for doing this to me. I was supposed to be rewriting Rachel's porn! But NOOOOOOO, he likes this shit better, and refuses to allow me any further plot on said porn. He's an absolute bitch lately. >:( YEAH YOU FUCKER, I'M TALKING TO YOU. Asshole.