Need A Laugh? READ THIS!!!
So I'm job hunting right now and had to have letters of reference. I contacted T. at my old job and what follows is the letter he sent me to give out to prospective employers. It is without a doubt the funniest letter of this kind you will ever read. Enjoy!
To Whom It May Concern:
Your first impression of Allen Stephens may come from his appearance. Admittedly, he does not look like the classic model of a business person. To this, I would ask you to remember the old adage:“Do not judge a book by its cover.”One must look at what is inside a person. So, just what is inside Allen Stephens? ... probably a quart of semen at any given moment. Allen is a seething cauldron of homosexual lust. Whereas sex offenders are required to register themselves, unfortunately queers are not. Therefore, I feel it is my duty to warn you of this individual. Most of the male employees at my company were completely unnerved by his suggestive comments and uncomfortably long stares. Also, If he ever asks you to go into the darkroom and fumble about for a magic broomstick...DON”TDOIT!! To be fair,Allen would fit into an all-female environment. After all, he’s one of the girls. He’ll probably share cooking recipes as well as sexual techniques with them. He did have his good points. If you were ever hard up, you could close your eyes and pretend real hard that it was Pamela Anderson servicing you-he did have excellent oral technique. So again, I ask you to look beyond appearances,You may think that he appears to be a gentle, peace-loving hippy but on the inside lurks a sexual deviant with an unquenchable thirst for manflesh. If you’re into that kind of thing, well then happy days are ahead for you.
Txxx Xxxxxxxxxx
Prepress Manager
XXX Printing
xxxx Second Flag Drive
Austell, GA 3xxxx
(770) 732xxxx
PS. On Allen’s last vacation, he went to Alaska to club baby fur seals.
Of course, he also sent a usable one too. Luckily he left out the cock addiction I apparently have on that one. Man, I miss working with him.
Allen
"Check Out My New Seal Fur Coat!"
S.
Truckin' - Grateful Dead - Ladies And Gentlemen (Disc 1) [BOX SET] [LIVE]
To Whom It May Concern:
Your first impression of Allen Stephens may come from his appearance. Admittedly, he does not look like the classic model of a business person. To this, I would ask you to remember the old adage:“Do not judge a book by its cover.”One must look at what is inside a person. So, just what is inside Allen Stephens? ... probably a quart of semen at any given moment. Allen is a seething cauldron of homosexual lust. Whereas sex offenders are required to register themselves, unfortunately queers are not. Therefore, I feel it is my duty to warn you of this individual. Most of the male employees at my company were completely unnerved by his suggestive comments and uncomfortably long stares. Also, If he ever asks you to go into the darkroom and fumble about for a magic broomstick...DON”TDOIT!! To be fair,Allen would fit into an all-female environment. After all, he’s one of the girls. He’ll probably share cooking recipes as well as sexual techniques with them. He did have his good points. If you were ever hard up, you could close your eyes and pretend real hard that it was Pamela Anderson servicing you-he did have excellent oral technique. So again, I ask you to look beyond appearances,You may think that he appears to be a gentle, peace-loving hippy but on the inside lurks a sexual deviant with an unquenchable thirst for manflesh. If you’re into that kind of thing, well then happy days are ahead for you.
Txxx Xxxxxxxxxx
Prepress Manager
XXX Printing
xxxx Second Flag Drive
Austell, GA 3xxxx
(770) 732xxxx
PS. On Allen’s last vacation, he went to Alaska to club baby fur seals.
Of course, he also sent a usable one too. Luckily he left out the cock addiction I apparently have on that one. Man, I miss working with him.
Allen
"Check Out My New Seal Fur Coat!"
S.
Truckin' - Grateful Dead - Ladies And Gentlemen (Disc 1) [BOX SET] [LIVE]