Epidemic!
What is Adultitis?
Adultitis is a common condition occurring in people between the ages of 21-121, marked by chronic dullness, mild depression, moderate to extremely high stress levels, a general fear of change, and, in some extreme cases, the inability to smile. Patients can appear aimless, discontent, and anxious about many things. Onset can be accelerated by an excess burden of bills, overwhelming responsibilities, or a boring work life. Generally, individuals in this condition are not fun to be around.
How many people have Adultitis?
Unfortunately, because it often goes undiagnosed, there is no way to tell how many people are currently living with Adultitis. If we had to put a number on it, based on our current research, we'd have to say... a lot. It's certainly an epidemic. So whatever number it takes to qualify as an epidemic, multiply that by at least three. In comparison, Adultitis makes the Black Death plague of 1347 look like a trip to Disneyland.
Who discovered Adultitis?
Although Adultitis has been around for centuries, it has only recently been discovered and named by Jason Kotecki. The first breakthrough came when he made the peculiar observation that children rarely complain about being stressed and seem to enjoy life way more than grown-ups. Further research unveiled that the average four-year-old laughs over 400 times a day, while the average adult laughs just 15 times per day. At that point, Kotecki realized that he was one the verge of something big. He found that this discrepancy between children and grown-ups was not caused simply by a decrease in exposure to Saturday morning cartoons and knock-knock jokes, but by a real, debilitating disease he ultimately dubbed Adultitis.
Is Adultitis lethal? What are the effects of Adultitis?
Yes, Adultitis can kill you. Adultitis causes stress -- lots of it. And stress has been linked to all of the things that kill us, from heart attacks to cirrhosis, suicide to accidents. In fact, 75% of all of our doctor visits are stress-related. People who are relatively Adultitis-free tend to live much longer, enjoy life much more, and are less likely to have co-workers and family members go out of their way to avoid them. Adultitis not only causes stress, but it can be responsible for a loss of vitality, sleeplessness, anxiety, and in some extreme cases, the complete inability to smile. Obviously, it's a force to be reckoned with.
How does a person contract Adultitis?
There are many different ways in which a person can contract Adultitis. Here are a few known ways:
* By being in close proximity to others with Adultitis for extended periods of time.
* By sticking with a job that makes you want to poke your eyes out with chopsticks, regardless of how much money you make.
* By ignoring your dreams to pursue the things that your mom/neighbor/society thinks you should do.
* By regularly answering, "Because we've always done them this way" whenever someone asks, "Why do we do things this way?"
* By habitually chasing the "next big thing" and consciously or subconsciously or trying to "keep up with the Joneses."
* By habitually taking oneself too seriously, while neglecting things that make you smile.
* By becoming a slave to what other people think, and masking your true identity from others.
* By engaging in a perpetual deluge of activities that keep you busier than a one-armed busboy working at Applebee's on a Saturday night.
* Some studies show that people who don't believe in a higher power have a much higher risk of contracting Adultitis.
Can Adultitis be cured?
It is rare for Adultitis to be completely cured, but it can happen. Typically, Adultitis is treated and brought into a controllable state of remission. Of course, the earlier Adultitis is detected in an individual, the easier it is to treat and control. With a steady, non-intrusive and ongoing treatment plan, most people can live productive, exhilarating, and relatively Adultitis-free lives.
Why is Adultitis often undiagnosed?
Adultitis goes undiagnosed for a variety of reasons. For one, adults are not usually able to discern whether or not someone has Adultitis simply by looking at him or her. (Ironically, children can spot an adult with Adultitis almost immediately.) Secondly, most of the physicians who are in position to diagnose and treat patients often have Adultitis themselves, which at best clouds their judgment or in worst-case scenarios, causes them to deny Adultitis even exists. Finally, up until now, we really knew very little about Adultitis. That is why it is so important that you get yourself tested, and help spread awareness to others.
(http://www.adultitis.org/facts.php)
Scary isn't it... Chances are most of us'll get it... I guess I gotta enjoy my disease free time now.
Adultitis is a common condition occurring in people between the ages of 21-121, marked by chronic dullness, mild depression, moderate to extremely high stress levels, a general fear of change, and, in some extreme cases, the inability to smile. Patients can appear aimless, discontent, and anxious about many things. Onset can be accelerated by an excess burden of bills, overwhelming responsibilities, or a boring work life. Generally, individuals in this condition are not fun to be around.
How many people have Adultitis?
Unfortunately, because it often goes undiagnosed, there is no way to tell how many people are currently living with Adultitis. If we had to put a number on it, based on our current research, we'd have to say... a lot. It's certainly an epidemic. So whatever number it takes to qualify as an epidemic, multiply that by at least three. In comparison, Adultitis makes the Black Death plague of 1347 look like a trip to Disneyland.
Who discovered Adultitis?
Although Adultitis has been around for centuries, it has only recently been discovered and named by Jason Kotecki. The first breakthrough came when he made the peculiar observation that children rarely complain about being stressed and seem to enjoy life way more than grown-ups. Further research unveiled that the average four-year-old laughs over 400 times a day, while the average adult laughs just 15 times per day. At that point, Kotecki realized that he was one the verge of something big. He found that this discrepancy between children and grown-ups was not caused simply by a decrease in exposure to Saturday morning cartoons and knock-knock jokes, but by a real, debilitating disease he ultimately dubbed Adultitis.
Is Adultitis lethal? What are the effects of Adultitis?
Yes, Adultitis can kill you. Adultitis causes stress -- lots of it. And stress has been linked to all of the things that kill us, from heart attacks to cirrhosis, suicide to accidents. In fact, 75% of all of our doctor visits are stress-related. People who are relatively Adultitis-free tend to live much longer, enjoy life much more, and are less likely to have co-workers and family members go out of their way to avoid them. Adultitis not only causes stress, but it can be responsible for a loss of vitality, sleeplessness, anxiety, and in some extreme cases, the complete inability to smile. Obviously, it's a force to be reckoned with.
How does a person contract Adultitis?
There are many different ways in which a person can contract Adultitis. Here are a few known ways:
* By being in close proximity to others with Adultitis for extended periods of time.
* By sticking with a job that makes you want to poke your eyes out with chopsticks, regardless of how much money you make.
* By ignoring your dreams to pursue the things that your mom/neighbor/society thinks you should do.
* By regularly answering, "Because we've always done them this way" whenever someone asks, "Why do we do things this way?"
* By habitually chasing the "next big thing" and consciously or subconsciously or trying to "keep up with the Joneses."
* By habitually taking oneself too seriously, while neglecting things that make you smile.
* By becoming a slave to what other people think, and masking your true identity from others.
* By engaging in a perpetual deluge of activities that keep you busier than a one-armed busboy working at Applebee's on a Saturday night.
* Some studies show that people who don't believe in a higher power have a much higher risk of contracting Adultitis.
Can Adultitis be cured?
It is rare for Adultitis to be completely cured, but it can happen. Typically, Adultitis is treated and brought into a controllable state of remission. Of course, the earlier Adultitis is detected in an individual, the easier it is to treat and control. With a steady, non-intrusive and ongoing treatment plan, most people can live productive, exhilarating, and relatively Adultitis-free lives.
Why is Adultitis often undiagnosed?
Adultitis goes undiagnosed for a variety of reasons. For one, adults are not usually able to discern whether or not someone has Adultitis simply by looking at him or her. (Ironically, children can spot an adult with Adultitis almost immediately.) Secondly, most of the physicians who are in position to diagnose and treat patients often have Adultitis themselves, which at best clouds their judgment or in worst-case scenarios, causes them to deny Adultitis even exists. Finally, up until now, we really knew very little about Adultitis. That is why it is so important that you get yourself tested, and help spread awareness to others.
(http://www.adultitis.org/facts.php)
Scary isn't it... Chances are most of us'll get it... I guess I gotta enjoy my disease free time now.