The Wedding: Chapter 5 Confusion and Denial
The Wedding: Chapter 5 Confusion and Denial
Pairing: Addek
Rating: PG-13, brief language
Okay, new chapter!!! This one is a little long, but I hope you enjoy! Review please!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
“…So I yank open the door and there is Julie, in my favorite Chanel suit, a string of pearls, and heels saying, “I’m ready for tea, Nana!” Addison laughed as she set the tray on the table in front of Gwendolyn.
“She sounds like quite a handful,” Addison remarked.
“That she is; just like Nancy when she was little,” Gwen replied. She looked at the tray in front of her. “This is the tea set I gave you for a wedding gift.”
Addison looked down at the silver tea service and lovingly stroked the handle. “It’s just so beautiful, I had to keep it.” Addison shook away the memories that were assaulting her mind and returned to the present. “Cream and two sugars, right?”
“Perfect.” Gwen accepted the offered cup. After taking a sip, she fixed Addison with her patented Mama Shepherd stare, a look which could give even Miranda Bailey a run for her money. “So, are we going to continue this inane dribble or should we discuss the events of the day?”
“That’s a rhetorical question, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“I was afraid of that.” Addison looked down at her hands.
Gwen broke the silence, “Why did you run?”
“Well, it was a rather awkward situation, and I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the correct etiquette when your ex-husband says your name at his marriage ceremony to the woman he left you for.” Addison took a deep breath after that mouthful, “I guess I just freaked.”
“Derek said that you weren’t even coming.”
“I wasn’t, but…I kept thinking about our wedding and I just…I don’t know…I just…”
“You just needed some closure.” Gwen stated matter-of-factly.
How does she do that? Addison had never been that close with her own mother. She often thought that the only thing she shared with her mother (aside from the occasional card) was DNA. That was in stark contrast to the relationship she had with Derek’s mother. From the first time they met, Gwen made Addison feel like another one of her daughters; the wedding was just a formality, Addison was already family. They shared a bond that not even the implosion of her marriage could destroy, and for that Addison was truly grateful. “Yeah,” she agreed softly.
“To need closure implies that things are not completely settled between you two. Do you still have feelings for him?’
Now there’s a loaded question. Do I still have feelings for Derek? To say yes would be one hell of an understatement. “I’ll always have feelings for Derek; we were married for over a decade.
“Very well, I’ll put the question another way. Are you still in love with Derek?”
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The subject of their conversation was currently sitting in his trailer, at what passed for a dining room table, downing the last glass of a very good twelve-year-old scotch. He had gone through the entire bottle and was still unable to get Meredith’s words out of his head. “What makes you think she’ll take you back…treated Addison like shit…she’ll probably laugh in your face…you will be alone.” Those phrases replayed in his head like the record from hell. A part of him wanted to write it off as the ramblings of an ex-girlfriend/fiancée; she was hurt and irrational. What could she possibly know about his relationship with Addison? Unfortunately, it seemed that that part of his mind was unable to hold its liquor and was currently sleeping it off, giving free reign to the rest of his mind, the part that was screaming that she was absolutely right. Apparently liquor was also the key to unlocking his memories. He was inundated by flash after flash; coming home to the brownstone seeing her asleep on the couch, his favorite chair, in bed with tear tracks on her porcelain face. He remembered constantly canceling dates, before he just started forgetting about them altogether, not to mention birthdays and anniversaries. Then in Seattle, he continued his indifference while being as cruel as humanly possible, topping it off by sleeping with his mistress and leaving her panties for his wife to find. If he were to really think about it, he was rather surprised that he made it through all of that with his anatomy intact. Addison had every right to hate him and wish him ill. She had taken every sling and barb he could throw at her with absolute class; all she had asked in return was that he showed her that he cared.
He sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand. He looked with bleary eyes around the trailer. This had to be the worst punishment of all; Addie was the embodiment of New York style and class and he forced her to live in a tin can in the woods. On second thought, it’s the second worst; he didn’t think anything could top finding the panties in his tux. “ARGHH!!!!” he yelled into the silence, running his fingers through his hair. Derek didn’t know what to do. He wanted to go to her, but he wasn’t sure if that was the best idea. He needed a friendly ear so he picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.
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Addie and Gwen sat in silence long after the sound of Gwen’s question had died out. Addison didn’t know what to say; she knew how she felt, but admitting the feeling aloud would make it real. Past experience taught her that giving voice to her thoughts could have painful side effects.
“Addie?”
Addison looked up to meet Gwen’s familiar eyes; they were identical to Derek’s. As she held their gaze she felt as though she were being x-rayed, those eyes could see into the very depths of her soul. She quickly broke contact and opened her mouth to speak, “I…”
Beethoven suddenly began blaring throughout the room. “I’m gonna get us some more cookies,” Addison quickly finished and scurried off to the kitchen.
Gwen sighed and answered her phone, “Hello?”
(sigh) “Hi, Mom.”
“Derek. How are you doing, sweetheart?”
“Not good. I screwed up, Mom.”
“Yes you did. Had I known you’d have so much trouble, I would have written her name on your hand like I used to do your Easter speeches.”
“No…well yes, I did screw up my wedding, but I already ended things with Meredith. I was referring to me and Addison.”
“Oh, well yes I’d say you did a pretty good job of decimating that relationship.”
“Gee, thanks, Mom.”
“I’ve never lied to you before, and I certainly don’t intend to start sugar-coating things now. Yes, she made a mistake; about the biggest mistake you can make in a marriage, but Derek you broke her to the point that the Addison we knew no longer existed.”
(another sigh.) “I know.”
“You neglected her.”
“Yes.”
“Then you punished her.”
“Yes”
“You put that woman through absolute hell.”
“Yes.”
“Stop saying yes!”
“Ye-Okay.”
“And yet after all of that, she’s still in love with you.”
“She-she told you that?”
“She didn’t have to. Whenever we discuss you she gets this look in her eye; the same look she had seventeen years ago when you brought her home for the first time. Yes, she still loves you, but she no longer trusts you, and until you get that back, you have nothing.”
“So what do I do?”
“You have to figure that out for yourself, sweetie. However, from the look of things around here, I’d figure it out quickly.”
“Around where? Where are you?”
“In LA with Addie. I’d be on my way down here if I were you.”
“What? Why?”
“Oh, she’s on her way back. I’ll see you soon, dear. ‘Bye.”
“Mom? Wait, why do I need to get down there? Mom? MOM?!” Dial-tone. “Damn it.”
Addison walked back into the room. “I know you must be tired from today and I have to be at the hospital early in the morning so why don’t we turn in.”
Gwen stifled a yawn, “That sounds like a great idea. I’m still on New York time.” She glanced over at Addison as they ascended the stairs, “That was Derek on the phone…he ended things with Meredith.”
Addison was careful to keep her face stoic, “Oh? How’s he doing?”
“Not very well. He misses you.”
Addison showed Gwen to her room, “I already laid out fresh towels for you. Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Addie-”
“He just doesn’t want to be alone and I will not be his consolation prize. Goodnight, Mom.”
“Goodnight, Addison.”
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The next day Addie stood leaning against the nurse’s station stifling a rather large yawn. She had spent the entire night tossing and turning. He ended things with Meredith…he misses you. She sighed. If I was who he really wanted he wouldn’t have treated me the way he did. Alright that’s it, stop thinking about Derek. I’m focusing on Jake now. Jake who cares about me, loves me, and wants to marry me. As if on cue, Addie felt her Blackberry vibrate: Dinner tonight? Pick you up in the lobby at 7. - <3, J. Addison smiled and began to gather her things when she felt a familiar chill up her spine.
September 1990
Addison had just plopped her books down at a table in the library when she felt it. It was weird, as though a chill had gone throughout her entire body, from her head to her toes. She simply assumed that it was due to the air conditioning in the library and pulled on her sweater. She was ten pages into her biochem syllabus when she finally realized that this feeling would not leave her. She glanced around to see if anyone else was being affected and then she saw him. When her eyes locked with his, she swore she could feel her heart rate accelerate. Then he smiled and her body temp increased about 50˚. He rose from his seat and moved toward her table and Addison discovered she was having difficulty breathing. If he speaks, he just might kill me.
“Hi,” he said, extending his hand and smiling that smile, “I’m Derek Shepherd.”
“H-hi,” she replied, cursing her shaky voice.
“So, what’s your name?”
“Umm…” Crap, what is my name? “Uh, Addison. Addison Montgomery.”
“So Addison, do you mind if I join you?”
“Uh, no, not at all.”
Four months later, they were lying in bed together watching Saturday morning cartoons. At the moment, Spiderman was on. Derek commented that he liked Addison’s red hair much more than Mary Jane’s and Addie giggled. “So, I’m more appealing than a cartoon character?”
“Definitely.”
“What about Jessica Rabbit?”
“Ooh…Now that’s a tough one.”
“Derek!”
Derek laughed and pulled her closer. “I would pick you over any woman in the world, real or imaginary.”
Addison leaned over and kissed him. “Compliments will get you everywhere.” She lay back on his chest. She was quiet for a few seconds, “You know, I have my own version of spider-sense.”
“Do you really?” he replied stroking her hair.
“Yeah, I can always tell when you’re around. I just get this feeling, this chill up my spine. It’s my “Shepherd-sense”.”
“You have “Shepherd-sense”.” he stated, laughter evident in his voice.
“Are you mocking me, Shepherd? Because I really don’t think that you are in a position to mock.”
Derek smiled and rolled over so that he was hovering above her. “I am merely admiring how adorable you are. “I love you, Addie.”
“I love you, Derek.”
Addison took a deep breath and turned around to face him, but…no one was there. Her forehead creased as she looked down the hallway both ways. Her “Shepherd-sense” had never failed her before. She could even smell his aftershave, but he was no where to be seen. “I would have sworn…”
“Is something wrong, Dr. Montgomery?” inquired a petite nurse.
“Uh, no. Everything’s fine.” Addison picked up her things and moved on, still searching for him. As she turned the corner, Derek emerged from his hiding place on the other side of the nurses’ station. What the hell was that? You hid. Since when are you afraid of Addie? Since I don’t know what to say to her. You jackass, just go talk to her. “Okay, I’m going.” he said aloud.
“Can I help you, sir? asked the nurse.
“No, just talking to myself,” Derek replied. At the nurse’s raised eyebrow, he quickly elaborated. “Don’t worry I’m not an escaped psych patient, I’m just a little lost. Could you tell me how to get to Dr. Montgomery’s office?
By the end of the day Addison felt like she needed a psych consult. Her “Shepherd-sense” had been going off all day: twice near her office, again at the nurses station and outside of three different patient’s rooms. Yet, at no point had she seen hide nor hair of Derek Shepherd. By the time seven o’clock arrived, Addie was emotionally drained and more than ready for a lovely dinner coupled with a double martini. As she stepped off the elevator into the lobby she got the shiver up her spine, but this time she chose to ignore it. She was determined to enjoy the rest of her evening without looking for imagined people. She caught Jake’s eye from across the lobby and they began to walk towards each other.
“Addie.”
It was barely more than a whisper, but the voice caused her heart rate to double. She closed her eyes and slowly turned, half-hoping that he would once again be a figment of her imagination, but it seemed luck was once again not on her side. “Derek.”
Alrighty, another chapter complete! I know, I know it’s a bit corny at times but I took my little brothers to see Spiderman 3, so give me a break. And I couldn’t resist the Jessica Rabbit reference, best cartoon character ever in my opinion, well you can’t forget Betty Boop…okay, let me stop. I hope that you liked the chapter, review please!! I really appreciate everyone who has reviewed and I hope you continue to enjoy the story. (And I said they would talk, I didn’t say for how long. ;-D There’s a good deal in the next chapter though! Girl Scouts honor.)