Musing of the last 48 hours
Just rambling feelings and practicing lj cuts
It's been five scares and three procedures in less than a year. I can never understand it when I show symptoms of being stressed, somehow I always think that if I'm pushing it aside it isn't really bothering. I'm beginning I get a hint that may not be the case.
When Bob had his first angioplasty twenty years ago and never had a problem in those following twenty years the fear was always in the back of our conscience but we really didn't expect it to recur. When it did it was like being in a time tunnel whirling back, all the fear and anxiety came back.
Then I have to remind myself that this is not as much about me as it is about HIM. So, the deal is remain cheerful and optimistic and don't scare the patient even more than they already are.
Then there are the inevitable thoughts about what if. Some of us have lives that are very independent of our SO, some of us don't, one way is not better than the other but they are very different with very different consequences.
One of the aspects that are forefront in my mind right now is that this is going to be a part of our lives and probably more and more as we get older and who knows what other things we may have to deal with and learn to see as routine.
Another is something that I think of even when I'm not fearing disaster. The absolute luxury of being able to have mundane lives, even boredom can be such a blessing. To be able to be concerned about stuff in varying degrees of importance and annoyance is just a fucking treat. That doesn't invalidate any of the small stuff as it's happening, there is much to be said for being able to live in the moment without always thinking how much worse it could be. Necessary actually so as not to become a bitter, pain in the ass sourpuss.
We are always dodging bullets ... it's just as well we aren't aware of all of them, but a good idea to know which ones to watch out for ...
It's been five scares and three procedures in less than a year. I can never understand it when I show symptoms of being stressed, somehow I always think that if I'm pushing it aside it isn't really bothering. I'm beginning I get a hint that may not be the case.
When Bob had his first angioplasty twenty years ago and never had a problem in those following twenty years the fear was always in the back of our conscience but we really didn't expect it to recur. When it did it was like being in a time tunnel whirling back, all the fear and anxiety came back.
Then I have to remind myself that this is not as much about me as it is about HIM. So, the deal is remain cheerful and optimistic and don't scare the patient even more than they already are.
Then there are the inevitable thoughts about what if. Some of us have lives that are very independent of our SO, some of us don't, one way is not better than the other but they are very different with very different consequences.
One of the aspects that are forefront in my mind right now is that this is going to be a part of our lives and probably more and more as we get older and who knows what other things we may have to deal with and learn to see as routine.
Another is something that I think of even when I'm not fearing disaster. The absolute luxury of being able to have mundane lives, even boredom can be such a blessing. To be able to be concerned about stuff in varying degrees of importance and annoyance is just a fucking treat. That doesn't invalidate any of the small stuff as it's happening, there is much to be said for being able to live in the moment without always thinking how much worse it could be. Necessary actually so as not to become a bitter, pain in the ass sourpuss.
We are always dodging bullets ... it's just as well we aren't aware of all of them, but a good idea to know which ones to watch out for ...