Work Update
Omfg I just became a closer like a week ago and now this, wtf.
TL;DR I basically got two managers working on my promotion when I mentioned being promoted IN THE FUTURE, NOT FUCKING NOW and now I'm freaking out.
Don't get me wrong, like I really want this, I mean really really want this. It's been in the back of my head for awhile and then when I came back to work after dropping out it became the kindof thought where it was my only option because I was royally fucking everything else up. But then things went to shit even more- life stress and work shit and just bullshit to the point where I didn't even think I'd ever be fucking good enough for it. I mean the self-doubt was palatable. And then shit got brighter, I've got the new philosophy and I'm starting to get my shit together and I thought "Hey, I'll just work on myself and when I'm satisfied, I'll try again." But that's not how it happened, no, not at all.
So, remember Mr. Starbucks shift manager? Now soon to be assistant manager or whatever. Yeah so, he's been talking about how he thinks I'd be a good crew chief. So like, the boss of the other crew members. I've been wanting it,yes.
And yes, I mentioned to good ol' Dumbass Manager (he's still a dumbass, I love the guy but he's a dumbass) that I want night shift to improve and I think the way to do it would be me and the other closer in leadership positions and then Dumbass and Starbucks. The Dream Team, essentially. And yes, I may have said that I want to be a Crew Chief and I'm going to talk to the GM about it this coming Thursday (this happened Saturday mind you).
I did not mean for this to end up with me coming in today and being called into the office and handed practice materials for the Crew Chief test.
Fuck.
I even said, "I have to work on myself and better myself first, but I do want to be a Crew Chief eventually" I'm not sure how they got "I need to be a Crew Chief right now." Literally what the fuck. What the fuck. What.
I'm not complaining, I'm just like...shocked. I guess. I mean. What the fuck. Dumbass manager literally came in with a whole fucking game plan two days after I mentioned the idea of a promotion (yet another promotion if you count the pay bump from being a closer now).
And he fucking told me he thinks I should be a Crew Chief....
This coming from the guy who spent a week taking his PMS shit out on me. The guy who I thought would bump up his little boy's club before anyone else. This guy who I was really starting to wonder if he still had my back as much as he had in the past.
I mean granted, even after our bullshit, I still have a tremendous amount of respect for him, I'm just....stunned.
And I already knew both Dumbass and Starbucks were fighting to get my closer buddy a promotion, but now they're fucking fighting for both of us and...shit I don't even put myself in the same category of good worker as my buddy. Like. Not at all. A level below and level above some others but still below my friend.
Granted there's one catch, there always is right? Starbucks came in during the meeting and told me "Both you and the other closer have this issue okay, but you need to fix it. You need to leave your personal shit at home. I know it sucks, I know it's hard, I know it's fucked up. But you have to do it. You can't be coming in here pissed off all the time. The managers see it. Your coworkers see it. The fucking GM sees it. You can't be doing that shit."
And of course, he says this after I just kinda-sorta-snapped at him earlier over something (not his fault of course), and of course I took this time to apologize, and he goes "Yeah, it's okay. But *points to Dumbass manager* he saw it. And that's exactly what I'm talking about. You can't do that shit. You got to keep your cool."
Like fucccckkkkkk. I don't know how. Have you not figured that out yet? I fucking don't know.
This is where I deviate from the many personality similarities I have with Barney- I'm not calm. I'm not cool-headed. I'm fucking Lee all the way in that regard. Ranty, bitchy, hot-blooded, raw anger. I snarl and my hands fly around and I curse like a fucking sailor and my face gets red (partly because I'm pale as a fucking ghost and the exertion of lifting a pencil will make my face red) and I do all the jerky, angry movements. I can't be calm. I haven't had the years to mellow and I don't have the immaturity to easily let things go. Things take root, they drive me fucking crazy, I can psychoanalyze the shit out of myself and tell you how much I suck at dealing with things in a healthy way and I can tell you why. But I can't fucking tell you how to fix it.
I wanna seriously sit down with Starbucks and be like "okay, so what's not okay? Yelling at you, snapping at you, throwing the headset (yes I did fucking throw the headset at him...part of the reason I'm amazed he's fighting for me...like, sure I work well for him, but you really gonna promote some emotionally unstable nutjob?), the cursing, yeah I get all that. But what about crying? I mean, you don't know this but I had a fucking breakdown right in this office not too long ago. Is that okay? Or no? What if I go into the back room and kick a few empty boxes and leave it at that? You gotta give me something man. Can I have permission to make hot tea/coffee whenever cause that shit calms me down. But I can't fucking be cool."
I'm excited and terrified and this is a fucking weird feeling.
TL;DR I basically got two managers working on my promotion when I mentioned being promoted IN THE FUTURE, NOT FUCKING NOW and now I'm freaking out.
Don't get me wrong, like I really want this, I mean really really want this. It's been in the back of my head for awhile and then when I came back to work after dropping out it became the kindof thought where it was my only option because I was royally fucking everything else up. But then things went to shit even more- life stress and work shit and just bullshit to the point where I didn't even think I'd ever be fucking good enough for it. I mean the self-doubt was palatable. And then shit got brighter, I've got the new philosophy and I'm starting to get my shit together and I thought "Hey, I'll just work on myself and when I'm satisfied, I'll try again." But that's not how it happened, no, not at all.
So, remember Mr. Starbucks shift manager? Now soon to be assistant manager or whatever. Yeah so, he's been talking about how he thinks I'd be a good crew chief. So like, the boss of the other crew members. I've been wanting it,yes.
And yes, I mentioned to good ol' Dumbass Manager (he's still a dumbass, I love the guy but he's a dumbass) that I want night shift to improve and I think the way to do it would be me and the other closer in leadership positions and then Dumbass and Starbucks. The Dream Team, essentially. And yes, I may have said that I want to be a Crew Chief and I'm going to talk to the GM about it this coming Thursday (this happened Saturday mind you).
I did not mean for this to end up with me coming in today and being called into the office and handed practice materials for the Crew Chief test.
Fuck.
I even said, "I have to work on myself and better myself first, but I do want to be a Crew Chief eventually" I'm not sure how they got "I need to be a Crew Chief right now." Literally what the fuck. What the fuck. What.
I'm not complaining, I'm just like...shocked. I guess. I mean. What the fuck. Dumbass manager literally came in with a whole fucking game plan two days after I mentioned the idea of a promotion (yet another promotion if you count the pay bump from being a closer now).
And he fucking told me he thinks I should be a Crew Chief....
This coming from the guy who spent a week taking his PMS shit out on me. The guy who I thought would bump up his little boy's club before anyone else. This guy who I was really starting to wonder if he still had my back as much as he had in the past.
I mean granted, even after our bullshit, I still have a tremendous amount of respect for him, I'm just....stunned.
And I already knew both Dumbass and Starbucks were fighting to get my closer buddy a promotion, but now they're fucking fighting for both of us and...shit I don't even put myself in the same category of good worker as my buddy. Like. Not at all. A level below and level above some others but still below my friend.
Granted there's one catch, there always is right? Starbucks came in during the meeting and told me "Both you and the other closer have this issue okay, but you need to fix it. You need to leave your personal shit at home. I know it sucks, I know it's hard, I know it's fucked up. But you have to do it. You can't be coming in here pissed off all the time. The managers see it. Your coworkers see it. The fucking GM sees it. You can't be doing that shit."
And of course, he says this after I just kinda-sorta-snapped at him earlier over something (not his fault of course), and of course I took this time to apologize, and he goes "Yeah, it's okay. But *points to Dumbass manager* he saw it. And that's exactly what I'm talking about. You can't do that shit. You got to keep your cool."
Like fucccckkkkkk. I don't know how. Have you not figured that out yet? I fucking don't know.
This is where I deviate from the many personality similarities I have with Barney- I'm not calm. I'm not cool-headed. I'm fucking Lee all the way in that regard. Ranty, bitchy, hot-blooded, raw anger. I snarl and my hands fly around and I curse like a fucking sailor and my face gets red (partly because I'm pale as a fucking ghost and the exertion of lifting a pencil will make my face red) and I do all the jerky, angry movements. I can't be calm. I haven't had the years to mellow and I don't have the immaturity to easily let things go. Things take root, they drive me fucking crazy, I can psychoanalyze the shit out of myself and tell you how much I suck at dealing with things in a healthy way and I can tell you why. But I can't fucking tell you how to fix it.
I wanna seriously sit down with Starbucks and be like "okay, so what's not okay? Yelling at you, snapping at you, throwing the headset (yes I did fucking throw the headset at him...part of the reason I'm amazed he's fighting for me...like, sure I work well for him, but you really gonna promote some emotionally unstable nutjob?), the cursing, yeah I get all that. But what about crying? I mean, you don't know this but I had a fucking breakdown right in this office not too long ago. Is that okay? Or no? What if I go into the back room and kick a few empty boxes and leave it at that? You gotta give me something man. Can I have permission to make hot tea/coffee whenever cause that shit calms me down. But I can't fucking be cool."
I'm excited and terrified and this is a fucking weird feeling.