cleaning house

[gainingdaylight]

literally. I'm cleaning house this evening... sort of. i still haven't really totally unpacked. there are at least 4 boxes sitting in my living room that have stuff in them. my a/c is still sitting on the floor and not on the window sill. there's a mountain of bills and junk mail piled on my coffee table. and the dishes in the sink are dirty

Comments

[noirbettie]

If you ever just need a few hours' distraction, you're welcome to come by. We're right down the street and we're grilling dinner most evenings.

[gainingdaylight]

i will do that.... thank you! ummmm.... is email best?

[noirbettie]

Email is good - noirbettie@gmail

[anonymous]

I don't know you, but I've been reading your post. It seems to me you are placing your whole existence around her. But is it possible that she was lucky to have you? Maybe with time she will come to realize the treasure that you were. It seems to me that you are a passionate, caring person. I went through a divorce and with time I recovered from the devastation and I am now a much happier person. Take heart and be brave.

[gainingdaylight]

as i've said before on my blog, reason for existence has always been a problem for me and with her, i felt i had found a reason. so, yeah, basically i don't understand existence without her.
to be honest, i've never even considered the idea that she was lucky to have me. never occurred to me. you asking me that has shaken me quite a bit. i sincerely thank you for asking. she has told me a few times since leaving that i'm great and she really treasured our time together... but she had a very long time to get to that place before she left. she had been lying to me for so, so long. how long? i have no idea. how much of what she said to me was a lie? is she lying to me now? was i just an accessory to help her establish a life "the way it's supposed to be"?
thank you for the comment and well wishes.