The End of Pop Culture
I woke up a little earlier than intended today, and since I felt like too much crap to read a book, I went down to the television. My little sister already had claims on it and was watching what every teenager likes to watch:
There was a show on called "My Own". If you havn't seen it, as it is relatively new, this is the gist: some poor asshole who is obsessed with a celebrity gets to choose from a handful of look-alikes to be his date. The girls go through different trials/contests, trying to impersonate the celebrity and win a date with the poor asshole.
There are so many things wrong with that concept. Namely, it is not o.k. to go on public television and admit how your life is crippled by your obsession with a celebrity who 1) doesn't give a shit about you and never will, unless it's to get a restraining order 2) you will never meet 3)after admitting said obsession, you now officially have no chance with them. The guy with the obsession is ussually a huge loser who starts out by showing the room in his house that he has dedicated to the celebrity. He ussually looks something like this:
Secondly, what is wrong with these women? They are jumping through hula hoops, pretending to be someone other than who they are, just to win a date with a guy they never met- and let's face- isn't on top of the list for "Most Mentally Stable".
That's not the worst part. I'd like to know, who on God's green earth actually thinks any of these women even SLIGHTLY resemble the given celebrity? These women look nothing like the women they are impersonating, AT ALL. Yet, a bunch of people at MTV said "Wow this is a great idea". To give you a little idea of what these contestants are like, I've freeze-framed some pictures:
CONTESTANT WHO WON FOR LOOKING LIKE ALICIA KEYS:
Oh my GOD!! SHE MUST HAVE TO SIGN AUTOGRAPHS WHEREVER SHE GOES! When people go up to her and be like "ARE YOU ALICIA KEYS?!" does she say yes? Does she autograph her own name or Alicia's? How does she even walk down the street without hordes of fans coming up to her. And here I read that no two people can have the exact same genetic makeup..well move over science, cause you're wrong!!!!
CONTESTANT WHO WON FOR LOOKING LIKE HILLARY DUFF:
WOAH!! DEAD ON IMPERSONATOR! You should go to Vegas with a Hillary Duff act, you'd rake in the cash. It's a good thing you aren't Asian, cause then you'd look even MORE like Hillary Duff. I would say the only knick in your armor is that you have Richard Nixon jowls, maybe some scarring around the eyes, roots that need touching up and you were born in Vietnam. But other than that, you two could be sisters. You should check the hospital records to make sure you weren't seperated at birth.
CONTESTANT WHO WON FOR LOOKING LIKE SHAKIRA:
If the contest was "The Best Lookalike For Shakira...in 100 years" you'd totally win. That dress totally says "Latin Flavor"..and you have definitely been doing your crunches Mrs. Cohen. You should have seen her shake her thaaang on stage, it was amazing. They had a Shakira music video playing on the screen behind this contestant, and at times you couldnt tell what was the video and what was the contestant..they blended into eachother like blue on blue; the resemblance is uncanny. I wonder what it was like when Mrs. Cohen walked into the auditions for the Shakira look-alike show? Were the MTV people totally bowled over? Did someone need to pick their jaws up from off the floor? Did someone IMMEDIATELY call Hollywood, because this woman is on fire. Shakira might be out of a job, actually.
You know what, shows like this make me hate the world, and people, even more. For those of you who watch "My Own" not just on a regular basis, but at all, here's the kind of mentality that you should have at all times:
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copyright Jane Callahan 2006