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galaxy_song

(Untitled)

Dec 20, 2010 23:32

Title: A time for giving
Author: galaxy-song
Beta: Wish I had found one in time
Series: Reboot
Rating: Nc17
Length: 3658
Warnings: Small mentions of a few kinks, cross dressing, D/S
Summary: Jim just wants to spend one spontaneous night with Spock
Notes: Based on the prompt Spock offers to do any Kink Kirk want for Christmas
This is a lot longer and ( Read more... )

fanfiction, ks advent, star trek

Comments 13

brisingrdraumar July 4 2011, 05:19:45 UTC

I liked this, but there was one thing that disrupted the mood and flow of the story, and that's the improper usage of "there". It seems like a small thing, but when you use the wrong word it creates a temporary confusion that immediately pulls the reader out of the story, and I noticed that you used "there" instead of "their" about 4 or 5 times (in the smut scene) and I feel like it is a disservice to the story.

I also noticed that you used "staired" when it should be "stared".

I know it sucks when people are grammar nazis; however, for me at least, it is less about having perfect grammar and more about not breaking the link between reader and story which grammar mistakes (especially synonym confusion) does.

Anyway, I really do like this fic. It's cute and entertaining, nit to mention adorably sweet. It is hot as well! ;) And the smut scene will only be enhanced if you decide to go through and fix those "there's".

Cheers!
brisingrdraumar

galaxy_song July 20 2011, 22:39:24 UTC

Hey sory fot taking so long to get back to you. I was at a convention and forgot all about this:)

My grammer has always been terrible and I always did plan and going back to try and fix this. I think I kind of rushed it in the end for the closing date:)

Thanks for taking the time to comment:) I will try and get the time to fix this.

brisingrdraumar July 21 2011, 08:27:40 UTC

It's cool, no worries! I just figured you might have needed a heads up. Sometimes (at least I know that I do!) you will write something and not realize that there are mistakes, just because you know exactly what you mean, you know? At least that is how it is for me.

Anyway, hope you had a good time at your con!

Happy writing!

Cheers