[wm] 96.6 - Imagine Cupcake trumpeting around the Captain's Ready-Room...
wm #96.6 - "trivial"
"I'm keeping it."
"Dorothy. No."
"Oh, come on, don't be such a poop."
"Poop! ...You just called me a poop!!"
"Look, it's following me, it obviously likes me. It wants to come home with me! Don't you, fella?"
"I am not a poop! And you're not keeping a tiny elephant on the TARDIS!"
"Oh, why not? It's not like we don't have room. Jim likes the elephant, don't you, Jim?"
"Oh no, I know you're not dragging me into this."
"Well, it's your elephant too."
"How is it my-- oh."
"See? He likes you!"
"I... didn't know elephants could climb."
"They can't. Well, the big ones can't, what would they climb? They'd just knock trees over, and they're too big and clumsy for mountains--"
"Well, this one's tiny, and he's climbing Jim's leg, so I guess these ones can. Honestly."
"Yeah, speaking of, could somebody get him off me? Not that I don't like elephants, but his trunk's in my pocket and I don't know what he's rooting around for but I'm afraid of what he's gonna find."
"Doctor, please can I keep him? We could keep him in the garden, he'd have more than enough room in there alone! And I'll take him for walks and everything!"
"What're you gonna do, paper train him? Elephants make elephant-sized waste, you know. Ha! See? There's your poop!"
"Yeah, you're real clever. Except how he's five inches tall."
"Ah. Yeah, well, there is that..."
"Alright fine, I'll get him off! Captain's gotta do everything himse-- oh."
"...Oh, that... that's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Really. And I've been to a planet that used cuteness as a defense mechanism. Imagine; weaponized teddy bears! A whole front line of Shirley Temples on a battlefield! But this..."
"See? See, Doctor? It loves him! Who are we to deny a tiny elephant love?"
"...Look, I'm a red-blooded human male and I'm not generally... susceptible to these things but this elephant just touched its itty-bitty trunk to the end of my nose and tweeted. I... think I have a maternal instinct now."
"See?"
"Also I think I might be ovulating."
"Shut up, Jim."
"Dorothy."
"Yes, Doctor?"
"Do you promise to keep it only in the garden?"
"Yes."
"No letting him out for walkies, now, I don't want to be running down the hallway and step onto any 'little presents'."
"I promise."
"Alright then. Jim, take him off your head."
"He likes it up here!"
"What are we gonna call him?"
"Cupcake."
"He looks like a Cupcake."
"You're damned right he does."
"I will never understand humans. Never, ever. And honestly? I don't think I'm missing much. Your whole species is out of your bloody minds."
"We're nuts? I've seen traditional Time Lord costume, mister. Those hats are at least as crazy as anything humanity's ever done."
"What hats? There's hats? Crazy ones? How crazy are we talking, here?"
"That's it, I'm leaving you both on an uninhabited planet. Next place we go, I swear."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Yeah. Cupcake would never let you."
"What's he gonna do? Stampede my ankles?"
"No, I know why you wouldn't leave us."
"Oh really, why's that, then?"
"You need people around to be crazier than you."
"...Oh, you're good."
"Damn right I am."
"Guys? Can we make a stop off at a pet store? I want to get a collar for Cupcake. Maybe with his name on it. Ooh, no, let's get the kind with the little spikes on it, that's even better!"
"I think you're right, Jim. I think you might be ovulating."
"Ha ha, very funny. Ho ho, It is to laugh."
"I'm keeping it."
"Dorothy. No."
"Oh, come on, don't be such a poop."
"Poop! ...You just called me a poop!!"
"Look, it's following me, it obviously likes me. It wants to come home with me! Don't you, fella?"
"I am not a poop! And you're not keeping a tiny elephant on the TARDIS!"
"Oh, why not? It's not like we don't have room. Jim likes the elephant, don't you, Jim?"
"Oh no, I know you're not dragging me into this."
"Well, it's your elephant too."
"How is it my-- oh."
"See? He likes you!"
"I... didn't know elephants could climb."
"They can't. Well, the big ones can't, what would they climb? They'd just knock trees over, and they're too big and clumsy for mountains--"
"Well, this one's tiny, and he's climbing Jim's leg, so I guess these ones can. Honestly."
"Yeah, speaking of, could somebody get him off me? Not that I don't like elephants, but his trunk's in my pocket and I don't know what he's rooting around for but I'm afraid of what he's gonna find."
"Doctor, please can I keep him? We could keep him in the garden, he'd have more than enough room in there alone! And I'll take him for walks and everything!"
"What're you gonna do, paper train him? Elephants make elephant-sized waste, you know. Ha! See? There's your poop!"
"Yeah, you're real clever. Except how he's five inches tall."
"Ah. Yeah, well, there is that..."
"Alright fine, I'll get him off! Captain's gotta do everything himse-- oh."
"...Oh, that... that's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Really. And I've been to a planet that used cuteness as a defense mechanism. Imagine; weaponized teddy bears! A whole front line of Shirley Temples on a battlefield! But this..."
"See? See, Doctor? It loves him! Who are we to deny a tiny elephant love?"
"...Look, I'm a red-blooded human male and I'm not generally... susceptible to these things but this elephant just touched its itty-bitty trunk to the end of my nose and tweeted. I... think I have a maternal instinct now."
"See?"
"Also I think I might be ovulating."
"Shut up, Jim."
"Dorothy."
"Yes, Doctor?"
"Do you promise to keep it only in the garden?"
"Yes."
"No letting him out for walkies, now, I don't want to be running down the hallway and step onto any 'little presents'."
"I promise."
"Alright then. Jim, take him off your head."
"He likes it up here!"
"What are we gonna call him?"
"Cupcake."
"He looks like a Cupcake."
"You're damned right he does."
"I will never understand humans. Never, ever. And honestly? I don't think I'm missing much. Your whole species is out of your bloody minds."
"We're nuts? I've seen traditional Time Lord costume, mister. Those hats are at least as crazy as anything humanity's ever done."
"What hats? There's hats? Crazy ones? How crazy are we talking, here?"
"That's it, I'm leaving you both on an uninhabited planet. Next place we go, I swear."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Yeah. Cupcake would never let you."
"What's he gonna do? Stampede my ankles?"
"No, I know why you wouldn't leave us."
"Oh really, why's that, then?"
"You need people around to be crazier than you."
"...Oh, you're good."
"Damn right I am."
"Guys? Can we make a stop off at a pet store? I want to get a collar for Cupcake. Maybe with his name on it. Ooh, no, let's get the kind with the little spikes on it, that's even better!"
"I think you're right, Jim. I think you might be ovulating."
"Ha ha, very funny. Ho ho, It is to laugh."