Wow!

I find it extremely fucking hilarious to see what happens to your best friends after 19 weeks of abandonment, but I will make sure to touch that later. Right now, I just want to give everyone a heartfelt hello, even the fat chicks and those indignant little charlatan swine Steve "Further Proof that Jews are Sell-Outs" Spielberg, Cillian "Boo- ( Read more... )

You backwards, polluted fucking cadavers, who the fuck decided it was trendy to hop the high horse bandwagon all of a sudden? There are at least six people I've been unable to converse with because watching my fucking fingernails grow is more socially fulfilling and intellectually stimulating and I just keep getting distracted by them. I don't give ( Read more... )

I just about sold my soul to a Texan prostitution ring yesterday.

The Great Vincent Gallo's Next Road Trip
starring I, Vincent Gallo.New York City, 3:32AM, Sometime in February ( Read more... )

Winona Ryder, you twisted, cannabis-soaked no-talent twit, never before have I held a conversation with someone as self-important and pretentious as you. Choke to death on your own ego before my hands find their way around your neck, you backstabbing whore, I'll get you. If I wanted to hear your voice ever again, I'd watch Mr. Deeds and then jerk- ( Read more... )

I was having my morningly organic raspberry tofushake at my very favorite '30s themed diner yesterday morning, but I wasn't in my usual seat, the one I pay the owners to keep free so that I may come around whenever I please to have a tofushake at two-o'clock in the morning or three in the afternoon and look out on the skyline at my beautiful city. ( Read more... )

Apparently. One cigarette subtracts five minutes from the end of your life. It's either the Surgeon General Nazi Police Greedhead tightening the reigns, or the fat mushroom slap of destiny hurling itself down and rippling into the lives of millions. Sans cigarettes, you will live to be two hundred years old, your grandchildren will murder, pillage ( Read more... )