damn, it's too early to sleep.
so like moving away and going to ucla is constantly on my mind, and why shouldn't it, it's going to be my first taste of freedom and shit. the thing is, i don't want to be the taciturn girl that i've always been throughout high school. i want to be different, and i want to have fun and meet new people, meet new GUYS for god sakes but i just don't know how to make myself into that kind of person. and the thought of changing myself really bugs me because i LIKE myself kind of i mean, can't i just change a little part of myself? i mean at orientation it was really hard to just put myself out there because it seemed like the white people were already forming their own groups and the asians were forming their own too, so where's the group for the white washed middle easterns?? i'm so lost. i mean, if i was a bit more cultural, i'd be hanging out iwth the middle easterns smoking up the hookahs, but i'm not, i'm just a tad more whitewashed. so yeah i don't know what i'm going to do, i'm hoping that my roommates will be chill and that i meet lots of cool people in my classes and on my floor. i really do want to have fun. THEN AGAIN this stupid little thought comes in the back of my mind...dad is not paying freakin' thousands of dollars for me to have fun, but to study it up!! can i handle having fun with my studies?? especially since i'm fucking double majoring now. i want to do so many things. fun, study, stay in shape, experience LA. the most scariest part is the fun part because i don't know how to change myself, i'm so used to being introverted. i need more self confidence, that's for damn sure. i hate being the quiet girl in class. i hate not being able to be MORE sociable...i want things to change. but not too much. what the fuck was this rant about anyway, i'm such a douche.
ANYWAY
today i took my sister to target so she can get her school supplies...then we went to the mall to eat. i love chicken teriyaki cheesesteaks. i went to cardio, finally. it was killer! then i hung out with my parents. YEAH THATS RIGHT. with my parents. they're cool...when they're together. my mom is a different story when she's alone. anyway, my dad made fun of us cause we're always at some mall. which is true. umm he said he'd never trust me with a credit card. he said that he's going to send me and my sister to live in afghanistan so we can see what life is like for those people. MY people. lammmmme.
tomorrow, my cousin gets 50 percent everything at the store she works at. totally there. saturday is AFGHAN INDEPENDENCE DAY BITCHES...haha...there's like a celebration/concert and we're going. it's funny, my dad always tells us to be pround of our heritage. BUT he didn't want us to go to this concert because, in case you didn't know, afghans are belligerent fucks and there always turns out to be some violence at these events. it's hard to be proud, dad. it's hard.
oh yeah! more stuff about afghani's! interesting!
yesterday we went to Fremont, which is more north about 30 minutes away. it's afghan-town. yes, "little kabul" as they like to call it. I HATE IT THERE. omg, i hate it to bits. it's like not wise to wear revealing clothing. and you have to smile and say "salam" to anyone who looks remotely brown. it's just...horrible. and usually afghani food is good. like really, i love my mom's cooking. but we went to a restaurant there and the food tasted like shit.
i need some good music to listen to. i finally got this soulseek working but nothing comes to mind to download. suggestions would be appreciated! :)