It's the world I know.
September 11, 2001 - 9:32 AM
Just like a movie...
The World Trade Center is gone.
Both towers have collapsed.
I'm scared. These people want war. It's a warning, a repeat of Pearl Harbor. No one has any freaking clue what to do. If we go to war, we're fucked. No one has any sense of patriotism. No one wants to fight.
I want to move to Canada.
September 11, 2002
The world ain't slowing down...
Today feels like a sigh of relief.
For the past two days, it's been unbearably muggy and hot here in Indiana, even at night. It's the kind of day where getting into your car inevitably means you'll be sweating your teeth off two minutes after you've been inside, especially if your air conditioning is flaky like mine. No one wants to do anything except stay inside.
And today, September 11th, one year after the date that scared us all into cowering in our homes and watching the news... it's sunny and mild, with not a cloud to be seen. It's almost as if God is telling us to get outside and enjoy the land we have so much freedom on.
Don't think I'm being sappy about today. I get like this every time it starts turning into fall. This year, though... the onset of fall feels better than any year before this.
Driving to work today, I saw all the marquees I saw last year ("Enduring Freedom," "God Bless America," "Land of the Free," etc)... I saw all the patriotic t-shirts made especially for this "holiday" (I even wore mine, the Mommy Liberty shirt that gained so much notoriety)... sure, you could say that nobody knows how to be a patriot except when they have to be - but it feels good to know that at least for one day, we're all looking at the big picture. We put aside our petty problems, our road rage, our irritance at long lines at the bank or the store... just to breathe a sigh of relief that we made it. If we were patriotic every single day, it'd lose its meaning.
I don't plan on watching all the memorial services and star-studded galas and whatever else Hollywood has planned to pound into our heads that we're the best country in the world. I see patriotism sort of like religion - it's little, quiet observations that you can't ignore or deny. Mine is just watching people and the way that they treat each other better... saying hello to strangers, opening doors for each other, allowing someone in front of you in a line... if it's only for one day, so be it.
But I hope this weather sticks around.
September 11, 2003
I got up this morning to get ready for work and everything, and the pictures of New York's skyline coupled with my sister's away message on AIM got me all weepy and stuff. I'm so freaking emotional. (I refuse to say 'emo,' heh.)
Anyway, Erin's message said:
Auto response from ErnPrty2415: I woke up this morning thinking "I hate getting up for school!" Then I remembered what today was. Thank you God for allowing me to live yet another day.
Never forget the lives lost in 9/11.
Sometimes she can be really cool.
I wish I was in New York right now.
September 11, 2004
9/11/04
Well, I didn't prepare anything written for today, because I couldn't think of anything appropriate enough, but I did make something in Photoshop. Unfortunately, Derek's computer hates uploading anything, so it'll all have to wait until Monday. Kind of takes away the impact, but at least I can do it later on.
Here are my LJ entries from this day for the past three years.
9/11/2001
9/11/2002
9/11/2003
I guess that's all I have.
September 11, 2005
I was out of town on September 11, 2005 and unfortunately didn't write anything.
September 11, 2006
In 2004, I did something similar to this entry - just listed the entries I'd written prior to this day. Last year I was out of town and was unable to write. I feel like I owe it to myself to write something this year.
It's hard to believe it's been five years. So much has changed, both for America and for my own life. September 11th gets easier to talk about every year, but it gets harder and harder to show the same amount of emotion. I know it will never be "just another day" for our generation, but it seems that you're ridiculed if you look back on it with anything other than disgust for America and what it drove these people to do. For the year after it happened, it was fine to mourn the loss of those innocent people and to be touched by the bravery of the firefighters. Beyond 2002, though, you're hard pressed to find anyone who still feels the sting of that morning when it's called to memory. Now September 11th charges up all kinds of angry propoganda about Bush's appetite for blood and what-have-you.
I don't want to argue politics, so please don't comment and try to tell me why it was America's fault that we were attacked. I don't want to hear it. If that's your opinion, that's fine, but I still feel it's too early to not have some sort of reverence for all that transpired five years ago, and I won't be ashamed for getting a little teary-eyed when I passed under a bridge on the highway this morning and saw a man unabashedly waving an American flag.
---
Evidently, six years is the cutoff point for reverence. There was nothing poignant about my drive to work today - no flags at half-staff, no "God Bless America" marquees... I even expected to see that flag-waving man on the bridge again today and he wasn't there. I turned on my iPod and listened to "The World I Know" by Collective Soul and reflected on this date six years prior.
It was sunny and a little chilly outside. I didn't have work or school that day, so I planned on sleeping in late. The phone kept ringing, however. I finally got up and went to the kitchen to answer it.
"You might want to turn on the news." It was my mom. "Someone bombed the World Trade Center."
For some reason, that information hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, I'd been around for the Oklahoma City Federal Building bombing, Columbine, all that newsworthy stuff. I'd felt bad for the people involved, but I never felt personally affected enough to get emotionally involved. This, however, felt different. I still can't explain why - I didn't know anyone in New York, and at the time, I'd never been there.
I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. I gasped and started crying as soon as I saw what had happened. Katie Couric was nervously trying to piece together the events in Manhattan. They kept showing that first plane deliberately making a beeline for the first tower, over and over. My two cats, Simon and Avery, climbed up on the couch and sat on either side of me, their front paws resting on each of my legs. They knew, too. When the second plane flew in, I couldn't take it anymore. I switched through the cable channels, hoping for something to distract me. Most had gone off the air, leaving a test pattern or a still image of prayers and well wishes for those in New York City.
I called Justin, my boyfriend at the time. We made plans to meet for lunch at Schlotzsky's and talk. I remember getting in my car and thinking how mocking the beautiful fall weather seemed. On my drive to the restaurant, one of the radio stations played "The World I Know" by Collective Soul. I started sobbing, especially when I saw an old man slowly and carefully spray-painting "God Bless America" on a huge piece of plywood propped up outside of a church.
When we got to Schlotzky's, they informed us that they were only accepting cash. All the credit card machines were down. We sat outside, not really eating, just listening to the silence. There were no cars on the road and even more strange, no planes in the sky. We lived very close to the airport and had been accustomed to seeing and hearing several airplanes flying overhead at any given time.
And now, it's chilly and rainy, and the world isn't on pause, and no one's in shock anymore, and it's my husband's birthday and I'm leaving work early to go get party supplies. As I said yesterday, I'm thankful that September 11th can mean something else to me now, but I just wish we could have paid homage a little longer. I'm not quite ready for it to be just another day.