Oh my gosh, I feel a lot of envy at other people's friendships, too. For me, it's not that my friends aren't here but it's that I'm not good at being emotionally close to people (I've told one of my offline best friends that I love her once in ten years and she, equally as awkward, joked and said we didn't have to do that again for another ten). And I see other people doing the things I thought girls/women were meant to do with their friends (hugging, kissing, crying, etc.) and...I don't know. And that the only person who wants to do things with me is my mother. I also get a bit envious of people who get nice gifts from their friends but that's a very materialistic thing to envy.
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I'm sorry you've not been well :(
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