Does anyone else worry about what they might have done to upset someone when they notice that they have been "unfriended" or is it just me
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If it's not obvious such as 'I'm having a clean-up because I'm in a different fandom', 'I'm defriending because I'm switching to DW' etc, which are the main two for 'general' defriendings that I've seen, then, yes, I do have a little pout over going off friends lists. This is why I don't have the notification set up - if it's just a general lurker/acquaintance I may not even notice, and thus my amor propre is preserved. *g*
There was no obvious notification that I could see although that does not mean that one was not given. It was someone who had been on my friends list for a few years and I guess it just struck a nerve.
As I already mentioned, I'm obviously needier than I realised. :)
It was only by chance that I noticed I was no longer "friended" as, like you, I do not have any form of notification set up and I confess I am glad I don't as I just know it would depress me if I did. :)
Thanks for taking the time to reply and apologies for the delay in responding.
Your reaction is entirely normal and not any more needy than anyone else. Courteous people explain on their journal why they are 'defriending'. There can be any number of reasons that have little to do with you as a particular individual. For example, they may find their friends list too crowded, taking too much time, they may be trying to manage their own 'world' better, get more control or whatever. Sometimes, people defriend people who rarely comment on their LJ's, or their interests change ie moving into a new fandom so cutting those from the old one.
I can't imagine anyone decided they didn't want you, personally. You're kind and supportive as an individual, and you do your best to share info with others in the fandom.
All I can suggest if you want to remain on their friends list that you write them to ask them why you were cut and indicate you'd like to be reinstated. Or, if you aren't 'engaged' enough with that person or with what they post, maybe just shrug and let it go. ::hugs::
Thank you for taking the time to reply and for your very kind words.
I appreciate that people move on for all the reasons you mention although given my reaction it probably does not seem like it. :D
I guess if I'm honest it feels a little like a rejection which is crazy really as we are all entitled to "friend" or "un-friend" at will. I've been guilty of it myself I am now ashamed to say, again for some of the reasons you mention, and hate to think I caused anyone else to feel as I did when I first noticed I was no longer part of that individual's "inner circle" so to speak. I intend to redress that and (re)friend those who are still friended to me as it is the very least I can do.
As I said, it's silly really but I very much appreciate your comments and indeed those of everyone who took the time and trouble to comment. I don't think I will write to the individual concerned, in part for fear of looking ridiculous but also because they must have had their reasons and I would feel as though I was forcing them to keep me as a contact
Oh gosh no, it's not just you luv. I always worry I've done something to upset somebody if it happens for no apparent reason; I'd never do it on purpose, and I hate to think somebody is festering quietly over something I've said or done.
Try not to let it bother you too much - I'm sure it happens to all of us. *hugs*
Worrying about whether or not it was something I had said or done to upset them is exactly what I had been doing :( but now that the initial feeling of rejection has worn off (as I said I'm sad) I realise that there is no point in worrying about it. Had I done something I feel sure that it would have been commented on and of course we are all free to friend and unfriend as we choose.
I do appreciate the kind words of support and I am feel very fortunate to have the LJ friends that I do.
I do not believe it had anything to do with LJ's recent downtime, although it is a good suggestion, as I think if it had I would have been re-friended by now.
I feel better about it now but appreciate your kind words of comfort. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
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As I already mentioned, I'm obviously needier than I realised. :)
It was only by chance that I noticed I was no longer "friended" as, like you, I do not have any form of notification set up and I confess I am glad I don't as I just know it would depress me if I did. :)
Thanks for taking the time to reply and apologies for the delay in responding.
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Thanks for taking the time to reply and my apologies for the delayed acknowledgement.
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I can't imagine anyone decided they didn't want you, personally. You're kind and supportive as an individual, and you do your best to share info with others in the fandom.
All I can suggest if you want to remain on their friends list that you write them to ask them why you were cut and indicate you'd like to be reinstated. Or, if you aren't 'engaged' enough with that person or with what they post, maybe just shrug and let it go. ::hugs::
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I appreciate that people move on for all the reasons you mention although given my reaction it probably does not seem like it. :D
I guess if I'm honest it feels a little like a rejection which is crazy really as we are all entitled to "friend" or "un-friend" at will. I've been guilty of it myself I am now ashamed to say, again for some of the reasons you mention, and hate to think I caused anyone else to feel as I did when I first noticed I was no longer part of that individual's "inner circle" so to speak. I intend to redress that and (re)friend those who are still friended to me as it is the very least I can do.
As I said, it's silly really but I very much appreciate your comments and indeed those of everyone who took the time and trouble to comment. I don't think I will write to the individual concerned, in part for fear of looking ridiculous but also because they must have had their reasons and I would feel as though I was forcing them to keep me as a contact
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Oh gosh no, it's not just you luv. I always worry I've done something to upset somebody if it happens for no apparent reason; I'd never do it on purpose, and I hate to think somebody is festering quietly over something I've said or done.
Try not to let it bother you too much - I'm sure it happens to all of us. *hugs*
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Worrying about whether or not it was something I had said or done to upset them is exactly what I had been doing :( but now that the initial feeling of rejection has worn off (as I said I'm sad) I realise that there is no point in worrying about it. Had I done something I feel sure that it would have been commented on and of course we are all free to friend and unfriend as we choose.
I do appreciate the kind words of support and I am feel very fortunate to have the LJ friends that I do.
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More hugs, because I can! *hugs*
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There's been a few instances where LJ has dropped friends for no reason. Might it have something to do with their recent downtime?
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I do not believe it had anything to do with LJ's recent downtime, although it is a good suggestion, as I think if it had I would have been re-friended by now.
I feel better about it now but appreciate your kind words of comfort. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
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