[Operation 05 - Film Review] [voice]
It's time for Duo Maxwell's Lost In Outer Space Film Review!
Oh man. You know how history is riddled with piles and piles of steaming offal, horribly-done motion pictures that only manage to be called 'films' because that's the medium they're recorded on? Well, for those of you who had movies where you came from, of course. The phenomenon isn't actually exclusive to Earth! Aliens make terrible movies too.
It's like...for every good movie back home there's probably a hundred really bad ones. At least. So we're talking thousands, hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of terrible movies, all originating from one planet.
So when you think of all the hundreds of thousands of other planets which have had the (mis?)fortune of developing single-celled creatures destined to sentience within their respective primordial oozes, the number of terrible films leaps exponentially. Millions. Billions. The possibilities and number are endless! It's pretty mind-blowing.
Anyway, I rented some of these alien films and made Heero watch 'em with me. This is what we saw:
[[Voice recording switches to text]]
Title: Single Female Laywer: The Movie
Planet of Origin: Omicron Persei VIII
Summary Based on a television series from Earth with the same name, SFL:TM follows the multiple and varied sexual exploits of lawyer Jenny McNeal (played by Omicronian actress Hnfr Mzxyr) as she struggles to balance a failing relationship and courtroom drama.
Notes: Oh man. This was like...a made-for-TV movie 90's sitcom on crack with aliens. IN A BAD WAY. I laughed my ass off. Also: NOT FOR CHILDREN OR THE FAINT OF HEART. Or maybe anyone with eyes? Fast-forwarding through the sex scenes is recommended if you don't want a second look at your lunch.
Title: Vulcanoids...From the Future!
Planet of Origin: Vulcania
Summary: An idyllic present is disrupted by visitors from the future! But are they friendly...or hostile?
Notes: Startlingly undecided, actually. The visitors seem to want fresh genetic material from the healthy past to intermingle with their diseased and mutated future, but the way they go about convincing people to help is...uh, not very diplomatic. Let's just say it involves lots of explosions and laser gun shoot-outs.
Title: It Came From the Planet Earth
Planet of Origin: Santragnius V
Summary: A small colony of Santragnian pioneers are terrorized by a horrifying, bipedal land-dwelling creature that crashed violently on the outskirts of their little town. Using teamwork, cunning, wit and a nuclear bomb, they fend off the nightmarish creature and save their town!
Notes: This is actually a pretty recent movie. Instead of hiring an actual human actor to play the role of the frightening space invader, they used a rubber suit. Manned by fish. ...Fished by fish? Hilarious. Best rubber monster ever. This thing beats Godzilla, hands down.
Oh man. You know how history is riddled with piles and piles of steaming offal, horribly-done motion pictures that only manage to be called 'films' because that's the medium they're recorded on? Well, for those of you who had movies where you came from, of course. The phenomenon isn't actually exclusive to Earth! Aliens make terrible movies too.
It's like...for every good movie back home there's probably a hundred really bad ones. At least. So we're talking thousands, hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of terrible movies, all originating from one planet.
So when you think of all the hundreds of thousands of other planets which have had the (mis?)fortune of developing single-celled creatures destined to sentience within their respective primordial oozes, the number of terrible films leaps exponentially. Millions. Billions. The possibilities and number are endless! It's pretty mind-blowing.
Anyway, I rented some of these alien films and made Heero watch 'em with me. This is what we saw:
[[Voice recording switches to text]]
Title: Single Female Laywer: The Movie
Planet of Origin: Omicron Persei VIII
Summary Based on a television series from Earth with the same name, SFL:TM follows the multiple and varied sexual exploits of lawyer Jenny McNeal (played by Omicronian actress Hnfr Mzxyr) as she struggles to balance a failing relationship and courtroom drama.
Notes: Oh man. This was like...a made-for-TV movie 90's sitcom on crack with aliens. IN A BAD WAY. I laughed my ass off. Also: NOT FOR CHILDREN OR THE FAINT OF HEART. Or maybe anyone with eyes? Fast-forwarding through the sex scenes is recommended if you don't want a second look at your lunch.
Title: Vulcanoids...From the Future!
Planet of Origin: Vulcania
Summary: An idyllic present is disrupted by visitors from the future! But are they friendly...or hostile?
Notes: Startlingly undecided, actually. The visitors seem to want fresh genetic material from the healthy past to intermingle with their diseased and mutated future, but the way they go about convincing people to help is...uh, not very diplomatic. Let's just say it involves lots of explosions and laser gun shoot-outs.
Title: It Came From the Planet Earth
Planet of Origin: Santragnius V
Summary: A small colony of Santragnian pioneers are terrorized by a horrifying, bipedal land-dwelling creature that crashed violently on the outskirts of their little town. Using teamwork, cunning, wit and a nuclear bomb, they fend off the nightmarish creature and save their town!
Notes: This is actually a pretty recent movie. Instead of hiring an actual human actor to play the role of the frightening space invader, they used a rubber suit. Manned by fish. ...Fished by fish? Hilarious. Best rubber monster ever. This thing beats Godzilla, hands down.