oo5 ✰ text;

[theantecedent]

Aaah, I know, I know! I'm sorry, my very grateful fans, I have gone absent on you! But trust in me to know it was all within good reason! I have now for you, the dirt upon our ship! I will scrub these horrible untruths away to reveal the clean, pristine core~!! DO NOT DOUBT HE WHO WAS GIVEN THIS GIFT!!

RUMORS OF THOR~!!! ✰✰

✮ CHO HAKKAI ↘

seen performing sexual acts in a classroom?
✔ CONFIRMED
Aaaah ... you're a school teacher even! Shame on you! You're lucky your partner was not caught, ehhh~~??
✮ RELENA DARLIAN & HEERO YUY ↘

unable to have children?
❢ PLAUSIBLE
Heero is said to be birthing the child now! Think of this like a retarded seahorse, ladies and gentlement -- curling umbilical chord and all. Uwahhhh, how fantastical!! I love space!
✮ ANEMONE ↘

a giant bottle of diarrhea suppressant?
✔ CONFIRMED
Don't ask to twist her cap or gross things come out of her mouth.
✮ BADOU NAILS ↘

has an inflammation of his genital area?
✔ CONFIRMED
He was seen buying medicinal supplies for these sorts of problems in Happy Mart! Oooh, Badou-Chu, all of Thor wishes you luck with the burning sensation!!
✮ SHINJIRO ARAGAKI ↘

wears a frilly pink apron with "KISS THE COOK" while ladling soup for homeless people~?
✔ CONFIRMED
What a hero!! Gold star, Shinjiro-Senpai, gold freaking star~!! I like how you're a hobo to BLEND IN~ with your natural environment, too! Would anyone like to see the pictures~?
✮ AERITH GAINSBOROUGH ↘

a send-away bride??
❢ PLAUSIBLE
Have you seen this girl go? She would make some fat, Japanese politician very happy! This reporter is of the mind she slipped out of her box with a razorblade she keeps under her bra.
✮ MARAICH ↘

seen inflagrante with a woman~?
✘ DENIED
Sorry, Ladies, he's completely bent! Be still, my heart...! ♥♥
✮ TEAR GRANTS ↘

a boob job at fifteen?
✔ CONFIRMED
She as a serial code just beneath the left nipple! Rumor has it a member of the family pressured her into it!
✮ BRUCE WAYNE & JUSHIRO UKITAKE ↘

old man sex?
❢ PLAUSIBLE
He puts the "uke" in Ukitake! Or Uki-TAAAAKE IIIIIIIIT up the bunghole!!
✮ RAN FAN ↘

sex change on the horizon?
✘ DENIED
He's already comfortable being a man! LEAVE RAN FAN ALONE!!! HE'S AN ARTISTE!!!!
✮ CHIDORI YOSHINO ↘

secret leader of an underground sex ring?
✔ CONFIRMED
It's always the quiet ones! Too long huffing paint fumes, I'd say. Further rumors confirm she enjoys the feel of studded leather on bare skin and not-so-fuzzy handcuffs, ohmai.
✮ AMATERASU & FAI D. FLOWRIGHT ↘

s-s-stick your hands down his p-p-pants ...
✔ CONFIRMED
Eee, try to keep her out of dog form, Fai. Tsk, tsk, bad form!!

I KNOW, I KNOW.

I'M AS SHOCKED AS YOU.

P.S. ilu kaoru dont hate me