Email to Ellie, Louie's friend.
Hey, Elle,
I told you about the attack on the phone. But my reactions to it are weird. It's not making me afraid. It's making me want to poke the bear. For instance.
I'd noticed already that Shiloh, the first time I met her, made sure to stick her tongue down Jay's throat. Ok, as far as guys go, I could kinda see why someone would want to do that, if they were straight. Jay's not my cup of tea, but that doesn't mean he's not someone else's coffee. (I did like his line about his tonsils missing her already.) I did think it was over the top, like she was afraid the Gay Girl Genes might get on her. And it annoyed me, like I didn't take Mary's misdirection as a no, and lay off. Mary, at least, had the wit to try to change the subject. And I got good conversation out of her, which was nice.
Even so, can no one just offer up a "no thank you, I'm straight/not interested in you/taken" anymore? Is it really so difficult for a woman to 'just say no' anymore? To another woman? I mean, Trisha managed it, and she was drunk! And she's a freshman and was trying like hell to blend in, and she still managed it!
Which means when I saw Shiloh in the coffeehouse yesterday, I mostly behaved myself until she left, then had to make a smartass comment about how I hated to see her leave, but I loved to watch her walk away. It's not even that her ass is that great. It's not bad. I could grab it, if it weren't attached to that almost total lack of personality and an inability to understand the difference between self-defense and actually going on the offensive. But I'm going to have to fight the urge to go /real/ butch on her, every time I see her. Sexual harassment isn't my thing, but honestly, when presented with that level of carefully hidden homophobia, I just want to start poking the bear.
Then, yesterday, I was in the Food Court with Dash, Trisha, Frankie, Jules, Amber and Amber's girlfriend, Rory. (I only found out over Spring Break that Amber and Rory were dating, and let me tell you, the RELIEF! Amber'd wanted to date me. I know most people don't think I could get run over in a relationship, but my last two relationships taught me a lot about being a tough cookie when attacked vs. being a tough cookie to emotional abuse. And that Amber's just the kind of woman who I'd be attracted to and then find myself steamrolled by. Sorry, you know that.) But Dash made a joke to her, and she laughed. I made the same kind of joke and she looked at me like I had two heads. She also said something cutting like how she doesn't have good luck with blondes. Ummm...hello. There's a REASON for that. It's called being a jerk. But it's like it's localized to me, because I dared to say thanks, but no thanks. You'd think she'd be over it by now, she's got a girlfriend, but no. She's not. I guess she lied when she said we'd still be friends, but again, that lack of self-honesty annoys me. Hellfires and damnation, that lack of honesty to ME annoys me. Like I wouldn't be able to take a "I'm pissed at you for rejecting me, go away for a while." Oh, well, it just means I won't have to endure another Spring Break where I end up walking on eggshells and not flirting with someone who's absolutely non-threatening, just to get my head snapped off. Yes, Ellie, I try to be nice, she's still Dash's friend. But let me tell you, the urge to tell her to piss up a rope...or break her nose...
I kinda want to remind people around here that snark has redeeming factors: there's truth in it, and humor. Being a fuckmuppet isn't the same fucking thing. People around here love to pride themselves on their snark factor but a lot of them miss the humor in it, and just go for the cutting truth. It's like some kind of epidemic, where they start off with snark and end up pure fuckwit. Not everyone around here is snarky. I met Frankie and Jules, and let me tell you, Frankie's cookies are pure gold, (mochanut something or other, I might be willing to kill people for more of those,) but more importantly, Frankie is a /darling/. She's like some kind of Disney Princess come to life. And Jules was just nice, I liked her. She made Dash something she was calling 'cyber-roaches'. I'm eaten with curiosity about them. Karli's delicious, Ailey redeemed herself nicely, there's a guy named Nate who's going to help with SAFE, too, and I haven't met Jack, yet, but I'm sure he's pretty much on the cool side, too. (Frankie's dating him. I'm relatively certain that anyone Frankie's dating is going to HAVE to be nice.) Oh, I met this guy named Ian who wants krav maga lessons AND Hebrew lessons. I'm game for that, I won't charge him for the krav maga lessons, but I'll totally charge to teach him Hebrew. Jake, Jay, Doyle, I've mentioned all of them before, I think? All cool. The asshole seems localized to just a few, but they really get up my nose. Oh, and Hemi, there's something about him that just makes me want to get in a bar brawl with him, he gives Dash-like advice, but adds in asking random people about whether they fuck midgets.
Also, that guy John that I mentioned? Dash and I went to his wedding. He didn't. Can we say clusterfuck? I knew we could. He ran off with his ex-girlfriend. Which explains the constant texting when I saw him. I didn't realize until later that this was the same girl going on about her and Bram's homemade porn, Bram being her current boyfriend. What a way to get dumped! I feel bad for him, apparently, he's getting picked on by homophobic twits for being effeminate and his girlfriend dumps him at someone else's altar. It's kinda making my dormant Jewish Mother instincts stand up and take notice, I want to find him, protect him and feed him.
Go figure.
And this was my vent for today, you'll get the happier email later, when I'm not such a raging bitch.
Love,
Louie