Thine Own Self (the Lady, Be Good Remix) (2/2)

[beatrice_otter]

Note on the chronology and Carter’s age: I’ve assumed that Carter was born in 1965, the year Amanda Tapping was born. This does not match up with the chronology Christi gives in her fic, in particular, the assertion that Sam was “under 18” twenty-one years before Season Ten starts, which would have required a birth date no earlier than 1968 (1968

Comments

[daisycm83]

Wow. I mean...just wow. I think this is the sort of fic that people always secretly hope for when signing up for the remix and never think they'll really get - this beautiful piece of writing that hints to something I wrote, but takes it further and deeper and makes it just more. I love the layers of detail here - the unexpected twist that while Sam loved her mother, they didn't exactly see eye to eye. The sense of being outcast that really does come from being too damn smart for your own good. The fleshing out of the Jonas situation in a way that makes *sense* to me

[beatrice_otter]

Thank you so much! It was just going to be a short vignette of a character piece. Yeah. Almost 13k words later ...

See, this is the way I've always seen Sam. She's always made sense to me as a realistic person, because let's face it, no one's good at everything and she's been living in a male-dominated society her entire life. (The military and science have always been far more male-dominated and oriented than the rest of society.) So I read other portrayals of Sam and get frustrated because this Sam is so clear to me.

I'm glad it makes you happy. I enjoyed writing it. (Even if it was a bit distressing to watch it get totally away from what I was intending to write.)

[butterflykiki]

And I also love this one! with both the expansion into so much detail from the original fic, and the very good look at Sam-being-good; consciously, and by choice, and then Sam-being-not-so-good, figuring out what expectations in her life she can't live up to, the standards that she doesn't agree with, the parts of Sam Carter which will never be good or bad but are just hers. Not to mention how much it has hurt her, sometimes, to fall short, even if it's jsut in her own head. *hugs tiny Sam watching the moon landing* Awesome job.

[beatrice_otter]

Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it, but it's a bit more ambitious than I normally write, so I was nervous as to whether it actually worked. redbyrd_sgfic assured me it does, but it's nice to get outside confirmation.

[redbyrd_sgfic]

Bwah, hah, hah! Okay, I have to say it- I told you so :)

[beatrice_otter]

I trust your judgment, I really do. I don't have a self-esteem problem or anything, but I do have trouble accepting positive feedback at its face level.

See, my Dad honestly and truly believes I am one of the most wonderful, beautiful, talented, intelligent people the world has ever seen. And that everything I do is extraordinarily awesome. I do happen to be pretty and talented at many things, but with my dad it wouldn't matter if I was butt-ugly and stupid and hopeless at everything because he would still see me as the most wonderful, beautiful, talented person ever because he loves me. It was great when I was little, but then as I grew older I realized that his assessment of me and my accomplishments wasn't always congruent with any objective evaluation. In fact, it was sometimes wildly off because I can be a bit lazy and it doesn't matter how talented and smart you are if you never put any effort into whatever you're doing

[sg_betty]

This is a lovely piece with a very real Sam! I enjoyed very much! I must say, I have never been able to comprehend Sam's involvement with Jonas. I didn't really get the whole Pete thing, either, but at least he was kind of sweet...

[beatrice_otter]

I certainly don't get Jonas' attraction, either (though we obviously saw him at less than his best, in the show). But I know a lot of people (of both genders) who are otherwise intelligent and competent who do the screwiest things in the name of love and stick with the oddest, worst people. Of course, the difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense ...

Thank you for reviewing!

[sg_betty]

*cough* When you put it that way, I recall a couple of mistakes, myself...
Yikes!

[beatrice_otter]

Didn't want to bring up bad memories ;)

[conn8d]

Wow! This is really really great! Well done! This is just *so* Sam. Her voice comes through so well at every stage, from age 4 to 40. Amazing. I love it!
Great job.

[beatrice_otter]

Thank you! This one was supposed to be a little character vignette. 13k words later.... But I like the way it turned out. Sam's such a fascinating character to explore, precisely because of the juxtaposition between her incredible (almost Mary-Sueish) abilities as a scientist and soldier, and her crappy interpersonal skills.

[scifithinker]

You portray Sam's pain so effectively. She spends so much of her life alone and unsure of herself that it colors her life in ways she can only begin to grasp. She's almost forty years old and still picking the wrong person because she doesn't trust herself. And she doesn't trust herself because not even her mother and her father could love her unconditionally enough for her to be herself. Seven is far too young to be hiding who you are, and at thirty-eight, it's so deeply ingrained that she doesn't realize it's what's she still doing.

Very well done.

[beatrice_otter]

Yes! There's always been a lot of grumbling about the way Carter was written, and sure there's things I would have done differently, but I've always understood who she is and why she is the way she is.