Ramblings of a Struggling Writer
Title: Ramblings of a Struggling Writer (Part 1 of ?)
Author: Liz (gaurweth)
Beta: none
Rating: R?
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Warnings: language
Disclaimer: My own ramblings, read at your own risk.
Summary: What happens when you start writing everything in your head in reckless abandon?
Word Count: 2,502
Critique welcomed: Sure.
Every time I try to write I get started then I give up. I used to be good at this. I used to finish these things and here I am struggling to write and stick with an idea long enough to feel accomplished. The last thing I want to do is add to a graveyard of beginnings with no middle or end. These stories beg to be finished and here I am fighting against my own inhibitions to write that next word.
I don't know how others break through their writer's block but it's clearly possible. Why is it I can't seem to break that barrier I put in place? I put it there and I sure as hell should be able to break it. Or at least that is what the fantasy part of my mind tells me. The realistic side chides me and tells me just let it go, let it go to the graveyard and forget it like I've done so many times before.
I am my own worst enemy. That's all there is too it. So how do you fight a war with your own head? Sure you could go the traditional route and curse at it, but what will that accomplish? You'll only have degraded yourself and no one wins.
What about trying to talk nicely to yourself? That could work, could it not? Clearly arguing with one's self to the amusement of on-lookers is clearly not doing the trick, so why not try to be nice to yourself?
Maybe rambling helps too. Is that how writers get past their blocks? Does typing random things without rhyme or reason help get the juices flowing? That's what I'm trying now.
It's frustrating having worlds and stories in your head and the inability to give them life. It's like having a thousand little voices begging for justice and existence and all you can say is, "Not today, I don't know how to do you any justice." And their replies are the incredulous screams of indignation. What kind of creator are you to deny them?
Why can't I let go of the perfection I have in mind? Why can I not just let it go and strive to fix it after the words have been dumped into being? Then at least the characters, the world, all of it imperfect as they are would exist somewhere outside of my head space. Then they'd have a fighting chance to be something more than just thoughts of a crazy author.
Did I say crazy? I meant inspired author sitting in front of a huge cement road block you see on highways when they clearly don't want you going that way. Which brings me back to the question, how the hell do I break that son of a bitch down and set my writing car to cruise and get things done?
Hey maybe there is something to this rambling thing. I mean we got this far didn't we? I think it's better when you have someone enjoying the insanity with you. Now the trick is not to get stuck.
Maybe I can tell you a story while we try blasting this cement block. We could add fireworks or something shiny to attract more people. That sounds like fun doesn't it?
Picture if you will yourself hiking on some nice even terrain. It's fairly easy and relaxing, the sun is out the breeze is just right and the birds are chirping and suddenly out of nowhere God drops a huge mountain in your way. Just BAM! there it is. All you want to do is continue to the end and now you have to either climb said mountain or spend time walking around it. Not what you had planned for your day right? So what do you do?
You clearly do not have the tools to safely climb the mountain, but then what fun would that be? Walking around it could be an easier choice but would you feel as accomplished about it when the day was done? Either way the terrain is unfamiliar to you and you stand the chance of getting lost, but if we're going to get lost we might as well go out with a bang.
Imagine climbing that mountain and kicking its ass. Think about making it through the unmarked trees and pathless spaces, the sharp incline and the air getting colder. The snow crunching beneath your feet as snowflakes chill your skin. Imagine the view at the top and the walk down. Breathe in that crisp air and marvel at what you accomplished on your own. You did it and you're on top and the rest of the way back is smooth sailing from there. Who cares if you get lost and can't find the path you were aiming for? You climbed a mountain. How many people can say they've done that?
I suppose that is how it will feel when I conquer this writer's block. Now that we're done with our hike, maybe we can visit some place different. I have a penchant for the moon and rain so maybe I will mention those things, but one thing at a time right? You are probably still recovering from that mountain so I will give you a moment.
Ready now? Of course not, but here we go. Can't break through that cement block by just staring at it. It's tempting to decorate it though. Then at least I'll have something remotely worth looking at while I stare it down willing it to disappear or at least scoot over enough for me to pass it.
Oh right, moon and rain. They are pretty aren't they? Something about the combination that relaxes you and chases away the woes of the world. They can be inspiring even. The moon watching over us at night while the sun takes a break and the rain washing away the troubles of the day leaving the world clean and ready for more chaos.
I seem to have lost my train of thought on that one so I guess we should move on to something a little more cheery. Kittens are cute. Did you know they have a site that shows you feline friends as a reward for writing? I think that's pure genius but then it's not about me is it? It's seems my ability to focus is lost on me. Give me a moment and I will be right back with you.
The blinking cursor... my nemesis when my brain is blank. It just blinks and sits there taunting me to do something productive. "Hey I'm here, just blinking demanding your attention. Are you gonna write something? No? That's cool. I'll just blink here reminding you about how you're not typing anything." It's worse than staring at a blank sheet of paper. At least that doesn't mock you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a blinking cursor. Just sitting there beating steadily to a set rhythm waiting for the writer to get to work. Might be a nice switch, but then how frustrating would it be not going anywhere? Maybe being a blinking cursor isn't such a good idea. Blink, blink, blink. Still got nothing. Blink, blink, blink.
Did you know that NASA made a pen we can use to write in space? Now you can write upside down or against a wall and not depend on the wonder that is gravity to coax the ink from its dwelling place. It's amazingly useful and I want that pen. Think of all the writing I wouldn't be doing with that amazing piece of technology. Or maybe I would be more inclined to write if I had such a pen and paper to assault with words of... well... anything at all.
On the bright side sitting in a cafe among other writers seems to be helping. Drinking coffees I shouldn't be drinking, snacking on wonderful blackberry muffins and listening to the sounds of a relaxing environment. Maybe a nap sounds amazing. A nice long relaxing nap in a coffee shop that probably wouldn't appreciate my hobo-ing in their establishment. So, writing it is. No nap for this struggling writer!
How are you holding up? I'm rambling quite a bit. If you made it this far with me maybe I should reward you with ponies and unicorns. If that's what you're into. If not, we can pretend I wrote something amazing pertaining to your interests and you can find some enjoyment from it.
After all, we are equipped with imaginations of our own and it's good to let them out every so often. If you don't, you'll end up like me. A crazy writer with a head full of nonsense with no outlet. Well, there is an outlet but I seem to be struggling with it still.
Everyone likes music right? Music is suppose to help, but I get so lost in the music, dancing and singing like a lunatic that it seems more counter-productive than not listening to it. For me it's Japanese and Korean music with a dash of Broadway musicals and suddenly I am on a stage fantasizing about some scene I should probably write down. Alas I don't and we are back to square one. You can see where this is going, can't you?
You had no idea when you started this you would have to deal with the ramblings of a confused writer struggling to make a word count goal. How am I doing so far? Should I tell another story? That sounds like a good idea. Unlike admitting trying to make a goal, but then don't most writers strive to reach a goal? Oh right, story time.
Inserting story in 3... 2... 1...
Blink, blink, blink....
Dammit the cursor strikes again. Okay let's try this again.
Yeah I've got nothing at the moment. I can't possibly be burned out already. I refuse. I refuse so much, here is the story.
It was a dark and stormy night... Too cliché? Yeah I agree.
I never wanted to be alone. I never wanted to shun those who wanted to get close to me but how else could I protect myself? I've been hurt too many times before and know all to well the pain of trusting someone. Sure I am missing out on some real gems but I don't know what the gems are like to know what exactly I am missing out on. Maybe it's not so bad being a spinster. As I say this I am yelling at myself. No one wants to be really alone and if they say they do they are lying or in it much further gone than I am. So many walls to break down, so many mental blocks to destroy that were carefully erected after years of abuse. Is it possible? Quite possibly but it will take some time. Who knows maybe then I can finally let someone in. Might be nice to see what I'm missing, but I also know it will only take one bad experience to send me scurrying back behind the ruins of protection desperate to rebuild. What I need is Hope. Good ole fashion Hope. That and I need to stop being a chicken shit and go out to face the world. Learn from the past and move on. Keep on fighting! No one can make me better but myself. Mental rewiring anyone?
Well it was supposed to be a story. It's progress though. Progress is progress and every bit counts. Stick around long enough and you may find a story worth reading, but until then, enjoy the ride. It can be fun.
Bettas are beautiful. Shiny fish. Thinking of things that make you happy help too I think. Think about something that makes you happy. Kittens? Puppies? A big bonfire with friends and good food? Smiling yet? I know I am! Pretty fire.
This is the most I have written in two years. This is pretty amazing.
I got blackberry bits on my notebook... Boo. Well at least there's a splash of color. Bright side of things and all. Not really using it anyway. I prefer the sound of typing, it's soothing when it comes in steady streams of ideas. Writing is nice too. I do enjoy the feel of a good pen on paper. When the ink flows smoothly on the paper gliding with purpose. The feel of something coming from nothing. Okay, maybe I lied; I like the feel of pen on paper better. Typing is just faster and keeps up with my brain much better than trying to slow down the thought process to write it on paper. Might be better if I learned short hand but then I probably wouldn't understand my own writing.
It must be nice being able to create something out of nothing. I wonder if that is really something I'm doing. What kind of world am I building? At the moment I am just rambling and you've just been in for the ride. If it were me I would wonder where the damn story is by now. You wouldn't be wrong to think that. It's a valid question. Where is the damn story? Truth is, I don't know yet but I will say this, you'll know when I know. It's the least I can do for you since you're still here.
How are you enjoying my head space? It's a bit roomy for my taste but I'd like to think it's, at the very least, entertaining. Maybe should install a water park with big slides and awesome roller coasters... wait. They don't have roller coasters in water parks do they? Well mine will. We could call one the Water Viper. No? Yeah I don't like it either. Maybe something different. How about Sea Serpent. Too cliché? Oh well we'll figure it out. Water park with roller coasters, you just can't go wrong there. Nice fun way to dry off between water slides.
Should I have warned you this ride would be random and nonsensical? Oh well I guess you know now. If you didn't, well, hello this is random and nonsensical.
I appear to be running out of coffees and muffins which is a shame. It's also cold day, good scarf day. Do you have a favorite scarf? I do. Insert creepy smiley face here. It's silky and soft with instruments. Makes me want to sing, but you don't want to hear that. Well you might, but you can't unless I include an audio file. It's possible to do with today's technology but this is a book and there is no place for techno-babble here. Well there is... but that's isn't the point. We really got off track that time didn't we? Oh well, this seems to be a a good place as any to take a momentary break from the chaotic unknown realm that is my mind. After a good refreshing I shall return to you! Have fun!
~~~
Author's Notes:
~ This is what happens when I try to write after so long.
~ Holy wow I wrote something AND got it posted.
~ Comments are loved, but never required.
~ Not sure if you can call this fiction since it's what is going on in my head... Oh well.
~ Thank you to everyone who's commented on my other fics! It really means a lot to me! <3
Author: Liz (gaurweth)
Beta: none
Rating: R?
Genre: Humour
Pairing: None
Warnings: language
Disclaimer: My own ramblings, read at your own risk.
Summary: What happens when you start writing everything in your head in reckless abandon?
Word Count: 2,502
Critique welcomed: Sure.
Every time I try to write I get started then I give up. I used to be good at this. I used to finish these things and here I am struggling to write and stick with an idea long enough to feel accomplished. The last thing I want to do is add to a graveyard of beginnings with no middle or end. These stories beg to be finished and here I am fighting against my own inhibitions to write that next word.
I don't know how others break through their writer's block but it's clearly possible. Why is it I can't seem to break that barrier I put in place? I put it there and I sure as hell should be able to break it. Or at least that is what the fantasy part of my mind tells me. The realistic side chides me and tells me just let it go, let it go to the graveyard and forget it like I've done so many times before.
I am my own worst enemy. That's all there is too it. So how do you fight a war with your own head? Sure you could go the traditional route and curse at it, but what will that accomplish? You'll only have degraded yourself and no one wins.
What about trying to talk nicely to yourself? That could work, could it not? Clearly arguing with one's self to the amusement of on-lookers is clearly not doing the trick, so why not try to be nice to yourself?
Maybe rambling helps too. Is that how writers get past their blocks? Does typing random things without rhyme or reason help get the juices flowing? That's what I'm trying now.
It's frustrating having worlds and stories in your head and the inability to give them life. It's like having a thousand little voices begging for justice and existence and all you can say is, "Not today, I don't know how to do you any justice." And their replies are the incredulous screams of indignation. What kind of creator are you to deny them?
Why can't I let go of the perfection I have in mind? Why can I not just let it go and strive to fix it after the words have been dumped into being? Then at least the characters, the world, all of it imperfect as they are would exist somewhere outside of my head space. Then they'd have a fighting chance to be something more than just thoughts of a crazy author.
Did I say crazy? I meant inspired author sitting in front of a huge cement road block you see on highways when they clearly don't want you going that way. Which brings me back to the question, how the hell do I break that son of a bitch down and set my writing car to cruise and get things done?
Hey maybe there is something to this rambling thing. I mean we got this far didn't we? I think it's better when you have someone enjoying the insanity with you. Now the trick is not to get stuck.
Maybe I can tell you a story while we try blasting this cement block. We could add fireworks or something shiny to attract more people. That sounds like fun doesn't it?
Picture if you will yourself hiking on some nice even terrain. It's fairly easy and relaxing, the sun is out the breeze is just right and the birds are chirping and suddenly out of nowhere God drops a huge mountain in your way. Just BAM! there it is. All you want to do is continue to the end and now you have to either climb said mountain or spend time walking around it. Not what you had planned for your day right? So what do you do?
You clearly do not have the tools to safely climb the mountain, but then what fun would that be? Walking around it could be an easier choice but would you feel as accomplished about it when the day was done? Either way the terrain is unfamiliar to you and you stand the chance of getting lost, but if we're going to get lost we might as well go out with a bang.
Imagine climbing that mountain and kicking its ass. Think about making it through the unmarked trees and pathless spaces, the sharp incline and the air getting colder. The snow crunching beneath your feet as snowflakes chill your skin. Imagine the view at the top and the walk down. Breathe in that crisp air and marvel at what you accomplished on your own. You did it and you're on top and the rest of the way back is smooth sailing from there. Who cares if you get lost and can't find the path you were aiming for? You climbed a mountain. How many people can say they've done that?
I suppose that is how it will feel when I conquer this writer's block. Now that we're done with our hike, maybe we can visit some place different. I have a penchant for the moon and rain so maybe I will mention those things, but one thing at a time right? You are probably still recovering from that mountain so I will give you a moment.
Ready now? Of course not, but here we go. Can't break through that cement block by just staring at it. It's tempting to decorate it though. Then at least I'll have something remotely worth looking at while I stare it down willing it to disappear or at least scoot over enough for me to pass it.
Oh right, moon and rain. They are pretty aren't they? Something about the combination that relaxes you and chases away the woes of the world. They can be inspiring even. The moon watching over us at night while the sun takes a break and the rain washing away the troubles of the day leaving the world clean and ready for more chaos.
I seem to have lost my train of thought on that one so I guess we should move on to something a little more cheery. Kittens are cute. Did you know they have a site that shows you feline friends as a reward for writing? I think that's pure genius but then it's not about me is it? It's seems my ability to focus is lost on me. Give me a moment and I will be right back with you.
The blinking cursor... my nemesis when my brain is blank. It just blinks and sits there taunting me to do something productive. "Hey I'm here, just blinking demanding your attention. Are you gonna write something? No? That's cool. I'll just blink here reminding you about how you're not typing anything." It's worse than staring at a blank sheet of paper. At least that doesn't mock you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a blinking cursor. Just sitting there beating steadily to a set rhythm waiting for the writer to get to work. Might be a nice switch, but then how frustrating would it be not going anywhere? Maybe being a blinking cursor isn't such a good idea. Blink, blink, blink. Still got nothing. Blink, blink, blink.
Did you know that NASA made a pen we can use to write in space? Now you can write upside down or against a wall and not depend on the wonder that is gravity to coax the ink from its dwelling place. It's amazingly useful and I want that pen. Think of all the writing I wouldn't be doing with that amazing piece of technology. Or maybe I would be more inclined to write if I had such a pen and paper to assault with words of... well... anything at all.
On the bright side sitting in a cafe among other writers seems to be helping. Drinking coffees I shouldn't be drinking, snacking on wonderful blackberry muffins and listening to the sounds of a relaxing environment. Maybe a nap sounds amazing. A nice long relaxing nap in a coffee shop that probably wouldn't appreciate my hobo-ing in their establishment. So, writing it is. No nap for this struggling writer!
How are you holding up? I'm rambling quite a bit. If you made it this far with me maybe I should reward you with ponies and unicorns. If that's what you're into. If not, we can pretend I wrote something amazing pertaining to your interests and you can find some enjoyment from it.
After all, we are equipped with imaginations of our own and it's good to let them out every so often. If you don't, you'll end up like me. A crazy writer with a head full of nonsense with no outlet. Well, there is an outlet but I seem to be struggling with it still.
Everyone likes music right? Music is suppose to help, but I get so lost in the music, dancing and singing like a lunatic that it seems more counter-productive than not listening to it. For me it's Japanese and Korean music with a dash of Broadway musicals and suddenly I am on a stage fantasizing about some scene I should probably write down. Alas I don't and we are back to square one. You can see where this is going, can't you?
You had no idea when you started this you would have to deal with the ramblings of a confused writer struggling to make a word count goal. How am I doing so far? Should I tell another story? That sounds like a good idea. Unlike admitting trying to make a goal, but then don't most writers strive to reach a goal? Oh right, story time.
Inserting story in 3... 2... 1...
Blink, blink, blink....
Dammit the cursor strikes again. Okay let's try this again.
Yeah I've got nothing at the moment. I can't possibly be burned out already. I refuse. I refuse so much, here is the story.
It was a dark and stormy night... Too cliché? Yeah I agree.
I never wanted to be alone. I never wanted to shun those who wanted to get close to me but how else could I protect myself? I've been hurt too many times before and know all to well the pain of trusting someone. Sure I am missing out on some real gems but I don't know what the gems are like to know what exactly I am missing out on. Maybe it's not so bad being a spinster. As I say this I am yelling at myself. No one wants to be really alone and if they say they do they are lying or in it much further gone than I am. So many walls to break down, so many mental blocks to destroy that were carefully erected after years of abuse. Is it possible? Quite possibly but it will take some time. Who knows maybe then I can finally let someone in. Might be nice to see what I'm missing, but I also know it will only take one bad experience to send me scurrying back behind the ruins of protection desperate to rebuild. What I need is Hope. Good ole fashion Hope. That and I need to stop being a chicken shit and go out to face the world. Learn from the past and move on. Keep on fighting! No one can make me better but myself. Mental rewiring anyone?
Well it was supposed to be a story. It's progress though. Progress is progress and every bit counts. Stick around long enough and you may find a story worth reading, but until then, enjoy the ride. It can be fun.
Bettas are beautiful. Shiny fish. Thinking of things that make you happy help too I think. Think about something that makes you happy. Kittens? Puppies? A big bonfire with friends and good food? Smiling yet? I know I am! Pretty fire.
This is the most I have written in two years. This is pretty amazing.
I got blackberry bits on my notebook... Boo. Well at least there's a splash of color. Bright side of things and all. Not really using it anyway. I prefer the sound of typing, it's soothing when it comes in steady streams of ideas. Writing is nice too. I do enjoy the feel of a good pen on paper. When the ink flows smoothly on the paper gliding with purpose. The feel of something coming from nothing. Okay, maybe I lied; I like the feel of pen on paper better. Typing is just faster and keeps up with my brain much better than trying to slow down the thought process to write it on paper. Might be better if I learned short hand but then I probably wouldn't understand my own writing.
It must be nice being able to create something out of nothing. I wonder if that is really something I'm doing. What kind of world am I building? At the moment I am just rambling and you've just been in for the ride. If it were me I would wonder where the damn story is by now. You wouldn't be wrong to think that. It's a valid question. Where is the damn story? Truth is, I don't know yet but I will say this, you'll know when I know. It's the least I can do for you since you're still here.
How are you enjoying my head space? It's a bit roomy for my taste but I'd like to think it's, at the very least, entertaining. Maybe should install a water park with big slides and awesome roller coasters... wait. They don't have roller coasters in water parks do they? Well mine will. We could call one the Water Viper. No? Yeah I don't like it either. Maybe something different. How about Sea Serpent. Too cliché? Oh well we'll figure it out. Water park with roller coasters, you just can't go wrong there. Nice fun way to dry off between water slides.
Should I have warned you this ride would be random and nonsensical? Oh well I guess you know now. If you didn't, well, hello this is random and nonsensical.
I appear to be running out of coffees and muffins which is a shame. It's also cold day, good scarf day. Do you have a favorite scarf? I do. Insert creepy smiley face here. It's silky and soft with instruments. Makes me want to sing, but you don't want to hear that. Well you might, but you can't unless I include an audio file. It's possible to do with today's technology but this is a book and there is no place for techno-babble here. Well there is... but that's isn't the point. We really got off track that time didn't we? Oh well, this seems to be a a good place as any to take a momentary break from the chaotic unknown realm that is my mind. After a good refreshing I shall return to you! Have fun!
~~~
Author's Notes:
~ This is what happens when I try to write after so long.
~ Holy wow I wrote something AND got it posted.
~ Comments are loved, but never required.
~ Not sure if you can call this fiction since it's what is going on in my head... Oh well.
~ Thank you to everyone who's commented on my other fics! It really means a lot to me! <3