Fic - Time Changes Everything
Title: Time Changes Everything
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kirk/Spock, Kirk/McCoy
Word count: 2300
Warnings: future fic - main character people are dead
Notes: This is a Reaper!Bones fic. My wonderful beta is deerking999 who makes excellent use of a strike through.
Summary: Some decisions will haunt you for a lifetime, the only question is whose lifetime it is.
Leonard H. McCoy hated funerals. He had been to far too many in his much prolonged lifetime. He had now outlived all but one other of his Enterprise crew-mates, he'd had to say goodbye to too many friends. In many ways this last was worse than the others. Humans really weren't meant to outlive a Vulcan's lifespan. His life had extended almost twice that now and unless he got himself involved in something catastrophic it wouldn't be ending anytime soon.
Vulcan funerary practices were not generally greatly exotic or grand ceremonial occasions. The death of the great Vulcan hero and Federation Ambassador Spock, the husband and bondmate of the Immortal Captain James T. Kirk, was of course the exception that proved the rule. It was exotic in the variety of alien dignitaries dressed in gaudy formal attire and grand in the number of attendees to be accommodated.
Bones looked at his best friend's youthful looking face and forced himself not to cringe at the wave of familiar self-loathing that washed over him. He had brought this pain on his friend. At the time the only way to save his young friend's life was to prolong it unnaturally for a human. He had reunited the happy couple, knowing that he had only delayed their inevitable parting and reversed which of the pair would be left behind.
He grieved for his friend. That stoic face was his tribute to his husband's memory. The true face of Jim's grief was the sobbing wreck of a man he had held in his arms for the last two days. Jim would hold himself together for this extravagant acknowledgement of his husband's loss as a great and powerful force for good in the universe. Then Bones would take him away from this planet and culture they had both devoted so much to rebuilding and allow him to grieve however he needed to.
**************
For months Jim was inconsolable, locked in his own memories, and barely speaking at all. Bones simply devoted himself to taking care of him, seeing that he ate, and making him comfortable when he succumbed to exhaustion. Slowly the grief lightened and Jim became more quiet and introspective. One day Bones woke to the smell of coffee and entered the kitchen to find Jim waiting for him with his bags packed and sitting by the door.
Jim rose and walked to Bones wrapping his arms around him. “Thank you Bones, for taking care of me. You always have, you and Spock both. You as my best friend for a hundred and sixty-seven years and Spock as my husband for all but seven of them.” Jim stood back, grasped Bones by the shoulders, and looked into his eyes willing him to understand.
“I have defined myself by the two of you for so long, I'm not sure who I am without you. I need to know who I am now, and I need to go find out by myself.” Jim read shock more than anything else in Bones eyes. He decided he should leave before Bones could think to argue with him.
He did however have one more thing to say. Jim lifted his right hand to caress the side of Bones face. “You've loved me and waited for me for over sixteen decades, wait just a few more years for me Bones.” He leaned forward and pressed a soft tender kiss to his lips, then he turned and walked out of Bones life.
****************
Bones would relive that moment often over the next few years. It was almost torturous to be given that first bit of hope for more than friendship that he'd ever been given, only to have no contact with Jim at all. No news of him either, it was as if he had dropped out of the universe as well as Bones life. Until five years to the day that he had left - he dropped back in with as little ceremony as he'd left.
Bones walked into his home to find Jim had invaded it complete with a romantic dinner setup. Jim took advantage of his shock to greet him with a sensuous kiss, which he broke off to tug him towards the table when Bones had finally started to respond.
Bones sat down and allowed a glass of wine to be pressed into his hand before he finally found his voice. “Jim... I... I don't understand. What's going on?”
Jim laughed and it was so carefree and happy that Bones forgot he had even asked a question he was so entranced. “Bones, oh my, Bones has it really been so long for you that you can't tell?” His voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper as he leaned slightly forward and said, “I'm trying to seduce you.”
Bones set down his glass his hands falling limply into his lap as he let his confusion show. “You just show up after being gone for five years without a word, and you're trying to seduce me after a hundred and seventy years of being friends. Forgive me for trying to catch up. I'm not wherever you are, and I'm not even sure where the hell that is right now.”
Jim let the laugh in his eyes fade a little as he asked, “Are you going to try and deny that you've been in love with me since shortly after we met?”
Bones was flabbergasted and sputtering in shock. “What... I, no... Where did you get an idea...” he trailed off as Jim simply raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Alright, yes. You however have not, so this is coming out of nowhere for me.”
Jim sighed and took a sip of wine. “We both had our issues then. You had your own attachment issues to work out due to your extended lifespan, you were still trying to protect yourself from the pain of losing me eventually. Truthfully within a year of meeting you if you had asked me to marry you, and literally spend forever with you, I would have said yes and had a ring on your finger so fast your head would have been spinning.” He shook his head over the missed connection.
“I thought I didn't have a chance with you. I would occasionally catch you looking but when you never acted on it, well I had plenty of problems with believing in my own self worth. Thinking that my best friend wouldn't take a chance on me added some negative reinforcement for awhile.” Jim paused for a moment, reminiscing with a frown on his face before it left, chased away by a more pleasant memory.
“When Spock came along I had to let go of the hope I still had for you and me - and grab onto what I could have with both hands. We were happy together Bones, and really good for each other. I loved him so very much, I think I shocked myself with how deeply I loved him. He also knew exactly how I felt about you, how much I loved you and depended on your presence in my life. I never held anything back from him.”
“Everything and yet nothing changed for me, when you saved my life at Olduvai. When you were selfish for just that one moment that was necessary to save me and change me forever.” Bones flinched at this. Jim had never before spoken a negative word about what he had done. “When I learned about the C24 and your history I suddenly understood why you had never made a move on me, that you did love me and want me, you were simply too afraid. Too afraid to love and lose - again. Yes, I understood you a little too well then, and there were decisions that had to be made.”
They were both quiet then. That had been the beginning of a huge change in both their lives. It was Jim's decision, his turn for a selfish one, that they tell Starfleet about their extended lifespan and abilities. They had to know for him to remain as Captain of a Starfleet vessel for any length of time. He let them think that they had both been changed at the same time, not giving away Bones age or former identities. That they had been changed was well known amongst the universe, the method though was classified and those few who originally had to be told were long dead. It was generally believed that a powerful and somewhat benevolent entity was responsible for the transformation.
“I didn't blame you though. Not then and not now. You loved me and you had the means to keep me alive and with you when I was dying. I've always recognized that if our positions had been reversed I would have done the same thing. I've always been too selfish to let you go too far from me.” Jim's demeanor was one of wry acknowledgement of his own faults.
Bones wasn't willing to take that at face value. “I'm not so sure Jim, you have never shied away from self sacrifice to save someone else from pain.”
Jim shook his head. “Trust me to know myself a little. Between the option of saving you or losing you, I would save you every time. The rest is just details to be worked out later. You're the pessimist Bones, I'm the optimist.”
“I knew when you gave me the C24 that my love for you was returned, but I was with Spock and I planned to stay with him for the rest of his life. I would keep him for as long as I could. That's where I was selfish too. I knew there would be time for me and you, for us, later. I would only have so much time with Spock, suddenly, he was the fragile one that needed to be protected so we could have as much time together as we could.”
“Spock and I talked everything to death afterward. The fact that I would stay young and outlive him concerned him more than he had ever been concerned about himself in my position.” Jim held his hand out to Bones across the table and waited until it was taken. Jim smiled and lightly squeezed his hand. “He very quickly though came to a conclusion that comforted him to his dying day. He knew he didn't need to worry for me, because I would have you.”
Jim gave Bones a soft smile and lifted the hand that he was holding to his lips and kissed it before holding it to his cheek. “That's why I needed to leave for awhile. I needed to finish grieving and be myself again, coming to you fresh without any lingering ghosts for either of us to contend with. We both needed time.”
“I'm ready now, I hope that you are too.” The hand Jim was holding to his face slid to the back of his head and pulled him into a very passionate kiss.
“That's a yes?” Jim murmured as Bones started to ravage his neck.
Bones gave a rumbling laugh into his shoulder. “That's a hell yes, when can we have the wedding?”
Jim tossed his head back and laughed throwing his arms around Bones and crawled into his lap, pressing kisses all over his face. “Whenever you want, but I'm a little busy now. We'll have to talk later.”
Much later the next morning Jim was ready to discuss plans. Somehow he miscalculated the effect that being woken up by kisses being pressed all over his chest would have on Bones. The discussion was postponed till the afternoon for other activities.
They finally began talking over a late lunch. Jim wanted to know what commitments Bones might have on planet. Which prompted a very knowing look from Bones. “Feeling that itch to get back out there on a ship again huh?”
Jim's innocent look had never worked on Bones. You'd think he would give up trying it after over a century and a half.
“Don't give me that look. I know you. You have a pattern, two decades on a ship, then a decade on planet and cycle back around. It's been a decade, you're due.” Fortunately smug was a good look on Bones.
“You'd follow me back into space again Bones?” Jim's smile wasn't showing any doubts.
“Have I ever failed to follow you out there?” Incredulous was not quite as attractive on him, but Jim wouldn't comment on it.
“Actually Bones I thought we could try something a little different this time.” Jim's coy look merely invited the eyebrow of doom until he explained.
“I'm a rich widower now, you know. I've commissioned a ship, a specialty design, she's not built yet so if you have any changes or additions there is still time to fit them in.” This time Jim's mischievous smile called for comment.
“So I guess being at the beck and call of Starfleet isn't good enough for you anymore. You want to have all the decision making power?” Bones eyebrow had yet to lower.
“Well, not quite, I'm pretty sure you will have a lot of pull on which destinations we choose. See I thought we might try having a mobile hospital ship. Go where the need is greatest?” Jim loved shocking Bones into silence, since he usually always had something to say.
Jim rounded the table to once again seat himself in Bones lap. It was a very comfortable position, he would probably be doing it a lot. He wound his arms around his neck and looked him carefully in the eye. “You have been following me around for a very long time while I was doing what I love. I think it's about time that I follow you.”
Author's Notes: When I wrote this I was having issues with picking one pairing over another. Then I thought well hey! With Reaper!Bones you can have both!