(no subject)
i just tried to go to sleep an hour ago. yeah that didnt work. i have all this weird shit on my mind. every time i read someones away message and it has something to do with their significant other, i want to fucking punch them in the face. please rub it in my face that i'm stuck missing him again. still. whichever the case may be. the night he kissed me i told him he was the cutest boy i had ever kissed and he told me i was gorgeous. he called me gorgeous for chrissake. and then last week i told him i thought we'd still be dating if he didn't break up with me over the fact that "things were getting too serious" and the distance was too much for him cause he missed me too bad. he told me he thought we would still be together too. and i haven't been able to stop thinking about him since. i told him i loved him when we were dating. and ive told myself since then that i didnt really love him i was just confused. but i think i did. he was so good for me. and i miss him. a lot. i just cant understand why i get with these boys who are all about me for a period of time and then all out of the blue i get a lame excuse for why we're breaking up. was i your rebound? you told me you loved me too. did you? and why am i stuck feeling like this? shamelessly feeling sorry for myself. i can't stand when i act like this. i wish i could just be one of those girls who always has to be in a relationship. i wish i didnt feel valid without a man in my life. that way i would always find a boy to justify my reason for living. cause those girls always do. and i know several girls like that who are much fuglier than i am. really i just would like a boy to like me for more than ten minutes at a time. i just dont know what it is that i do to make them run away after the two and a half month point. whatever.