[oneshot] everything happens for a reason
Title: everything happens for a reason
Pairing: d.o/lu han
Rating: pg13
Genre: au, romance
Warnings: swearing
Author: gdgdbaby
Summary: go on blind dates, they said. it will be fun, they said. a young professionals au. written for omoidendo for the 2013 round of sncj_santa, originally posted here. 5,609 words.
It's gotten so out of hand that Chanyeol's actually drawn up a timetable for him.
"Isn't the point of blind dates that one of them will take?" Kyungsoo asks, scanning the calendar. "Why do I have five of them in the next three weeks?" He flips to February, frowning. "Why are they all with different people?"
"Just in case," Chanyeol says. His voice goes high, like it always does when he's trying to be casual. "Look, what did we tell you?"
Kyungsoo narrows his eyes. He never thought moving in with old classmates from college would be like having to deal with a bunch of concerned older brothers trying to marry him off. It'd started out as a simple cost-saving measure. Just renting property in the city was expensive, and his job at the bank didn't pay enough (yet) for him to be able to trek out on his own. At first it was fine, but a year of peaceful cohabitation later, his roommates were acting like a bunch of meddling matchmakers. "What did I tell you?" Kyungsoo says patiently. "I don't need a significant other."
"Hm," Chanyeol says, unconvinced. Jongdae shuffles into the kitchen looking for milk and Kyungsoo pulls the carton out for him. "I'm just saying. A little spark in your life would go a long way."
"Oh," Jongdae says, yawning so wide Kyungsoo can see clear down his throat. "Are we talking about the blind dates? Add a note on Valentine's Day, I've got the perfect guy."
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes so hard they feel like they're going to pop out of their sockets. "I don't need a date. Remember what happened last time?"
Last time: one weekend ago, three days after his birthday, he'd gone out with one of Baekhyun's friends. Jongin, a 2L at Columbia Law, and it'd been going just fine until Jongin scratched the back of his neck and said, as sweet and apologetic as Baekhyun wasn't, I'm into girls. "Hey," Baekhyun hollers from the living room. "It was an honest mistake."
"Kyungsoo," Chanyeol says, grabbing his arm before he can stalk out and throttle the hell out of Baekhyun. Jongdae reaches past them for the box of Cheerios. "You spend all your time at work, and when you aren't at work you're at home. Then you clean. It's unnecessary. Does my underwear drawer really need to be color-coded? Don't answer that. And when there's nothing more to organize-" He tosses a hand at the far wall of the kitchen. "I mean, seriously. You need to get out."
"It was an art project," Kyungsoo says defensively, swiveling on his heel. "I'm allowed to have hobbies." There's a detailed mural of the Manhattan skyline painted on the tile. He'd spent hours picking out the right colors. Kyungsoo's still very proud of it.
Baekhyun appears in the frame of the door, head thunking against the wood. "You aren't even that artistic."
"We're just worried about you," Jongdae says, earnest as ever, before Kyungsoo can do anything to retaliate.
Chanyeol bobs his head, eyes going big. "You need something grand. Something romantic." Kyungsoo and Jongdae share a grimace over his bowl of cereal. Listening to Chanyeol wax poetic was not his ideal way to start the weekend.
"You need to have more sex," Baekhyun cuts in, an irritating twinkle in his eye. "When's the last time you got laid?"
"I'm not answering that."
Baekhyun bites thoughtfully at the hangnail on his thumb. "Don't worry, Kyungsoo. You're kind of cute, in a dazed deer-in-the-headlights way. I'm sure someone will sleep with you."
Chanyeol sighs. Kyungsoo busies himself with choking the living the daylights out of Baekhyun. "I'm fully capable of finding dates for myself," he says evenly. "And I don't need ten every month. That's just excessive."
"Think about it this way," Baekhyun wheezes, clawing at Kyungsoo's arm. "Even if you don't like the guy, at least you won't have to pay for dinner."
It sounds logical. Economical. But then again, Baekhyun's the type of serial dater who leads people on just to see how much he can get out of them, so Kyungsoo's not sure he should trust his judgment. Chanyeol pokes Kyungsoo's stomach and gets him to let go long enough for Baekhyun to slip out, massaging his neck. "It can't hurt," Jongdae agrees, and spoons cereal in his mouth.
Kyungsoo's gaze flicks back toward the calendar. Well. It does seem like the path of least resistance. In college, Baekhyun and Jongdae convinced Kyungsoo to join their a cappella group freshmen year lest they make his life miserable, and he hadn't even been living with them back then. If he's getting a free meal, he might as well go.
The next date, number three since the Find Kyungsoo A Boyfriend This Year campaign started, is Sunday afternoon. He's supposed to meet one of Jongdae's friends at a Japanese bakery in the East Village at four. He takes the 6 train down to Astor Place and steps out into the January slush, arrives fifteen minutes ahead of time. Panya's a cute little place. Very homey. Minseok, who works as a barista in the Upper East Side, is possibly even cuter. He has big eyes and a steady voice that calms Kyungsoo down from his usual nervousness, and pays for Kyungsoo's yakisoba sandwich.
"I would've taken you to my café," Minseok says around his sausage bread, making a face, "but I thought mixing business and pleasure right off the bat wouldn't be wise."
"I won't hold it against you, I promise," Kyungsoo says, wry, and smiles as Minseok's eyes light up with laughter.
Minseok's easy to be around. Comfortable, like a kindred spirit. They talk about work and hobbies, swap the odd story about Jongdae, and Kyungsoo doesn't exactly feel whatever spark Chanyeol was going on about, but he thinks that he could.
When it starts getting dark outside, Kyungsoo sits up in his seat and stares out the window. Snow's falling in fat flakes again. "Would you like to relocate?"
Minseok twists the cap of his sweet tea bottle, mouth lifted in a smile. "I really like you," he says.
"Oh," Kyungsoo says, blinking. "I like you, too-"
"But I think," Minseok cuts in, and Kyungsoo's stomach twists in on itself, "I think we're too similar to be compatible. I'm looking for someone a little more-"
"Exciting," Kyungsoo offers. He exhales when Minseok's face goes soft in apology.
Aren't similarities supposed to be good? Kyungsoo wants to ask, but he freezes up instead, a wooden smile etched across his face. They exchange a few more niceties and Minseok offers to take Kyungsoo home, but he politely declines. No point in drawing this out.
There's half a yakisoba sandwich left on his plate, but Kyungsoo's lost his appetite completely. It's true that he hadn't arrived with high expectations, but Minseok was a pleasant surprise. Kyungsoo's only human. He can't help the disappointing sting of rejection that curdles in his gut.
He's still sitting in front of the window when a new voice cuts in from overhead, soft and lilting. "Hey, you aren't going to cry, are you?" it asks.
Kyungsoo looks up, dry-eyed, the corners of his mouth drooping. "Of course not," he says flatly. It comes out more defensive than he anticipated, but the cashier-and that's who it is, the guy who rang their order up earlier-seems unperturbed.
"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation," he says, and slides a steaming teacup onto the table next to Kyungsoo's sandwich. "Drink this. It's jasmine. You look like you could use it." His whole face wrinkles as he grins. "On the house."
"Oh," Kyungsoo says. He's so taken aback by this unexpected kindness that it isn't until much later, back at home after Jongdae's grilled him about his date, when the invasion of privacy occurs to him. Now, his hands wrap around the warm cup. His gaze flicks to the nametag pinned to the cashier's apron strap. "Thanks, Lu Han. I appreciate it."
The mindless monotony of the bank is usually soothing, but something feels off when he goes to work on Monday morning, like his equilibrium's been disturbed. It doesn't take long for Krystal, one of the clerks he works with, to notice. She snaps her manicured fingers an inch away from his nose when he starts staring at the blank wall behind his cubicle for the third time that morning. "Break room," she says, and tucks a decisive hand inside the crook of his elbow.
"Sorry," he mumbles. He cards a hand through his hair and hunches over, forearm brushing against a stack of filters.
Krystal pours them both mugs of coffee and slides onto the counter, legs swinging. "You don't have to tell me what's up," she says, fingers tapping against the ceramic, "but I hope you fix it soon, because it's difficult to work around someone so obviously distracted."
Kyungsoo sighs. "It isn't anything. Had a bad date over the weekend."
Krystal's eyebrows rise. "Who with?"
"One of Jongdae's friends," Kyungsoo says, and Krystal grimaces. "What?"
"I've met your roommates," she says, rolling her eyes. "I can definitely introduce you to better guys than all of them combined."
Kyungsoo chuckles. "Probably true, but unnecessary all the same." He takes a sip of his coffee. He's feeling a bit more alert already.
She pats his shoulder. "Just think about the numbers and you'll be fine."
He almost backs out of the next date before it even happens. It's with one of Baekhyun's friends again. After the embarrassing misunderstanding from last time, Kyungsoo isn't optimistic.
look for bright rainbow hair, Baekhyun texts him, ten minutes after Kyungsoo was supposed to meet Sehun at Starbucks on Friday night. Rainbow hair. Jesus Christ. "Jesus Christ," he says aloud, and two seconds later a tall gangly kid with pale skin and a fluorescent dye-job barrels around the coffee-bean display.
"Baekhyun told me you'd say that," Sehun says, waving his phone in the air. The screen flashes with a series of scrolling emojis.
"Did he," Kyungsoo says, tired already. "Let's-let's just find a seat."
In some ways, being prepared for the worst means Sehun doesn't have to do much to exceed Kyungsoo's expectations. And honestly, he's a pretty nice kid once Kyungsoo gets past the I'm-too-cool-to-care exterior: smiley when Kyungsoo pays for his coffee, animated when speaking about things he's enthusiastic about (dance, social media, pop music, hair dye), focused on checking his phone when it dings every half-minute. He just-"Isn't really what I'm looking for right now," Sehun says, stirring the stick in his latte. "A full-blown relationship, I mean. Like, I'm young, I don't want to tie myself down too fast, especially if it's to something I might not even want." He sees the look on Kyungsoo's face and rears back for a second. "Not that I think you're old or anything."
"Why did you come, then?" Kyungsoo asks, curious.
Sehun scrunches his nose. "Have you met Baekhyun?"
Kyungsoo laughs. "Okay. Fair point."
"He was right, though."
"About what?"
"Said you were a twink," Sehun sighs, scanning Kyungsoo appreciatively from head to toe, and Kyungsoo feels his face burn up.
"I'm going to kill him," he mumbles.
"Don't do that," Sehun says. When Kyungsoo looks up again, he's grinning. "I think he meant it as a compliment."
Sehun takes his leave at half past seven. "My friends are going bar-hopping in Brooklyn," he says, fingers flying over his iPhone screen. "You wanna come with?"
"I'll pass," Kyungsoo says. "I'm going to get another coffee."
Sehun ducks out of the shop with one last wave. Kyungsoo sends Baekhyun a threatening text message and pockets his phone when he gets to the register. It takes him a minute to recognize the face behind the counter.
"Are you stalking me?"
Lu Han's face screws up in a laugh. "Maybe we're just destined."
"That does seem less creepy."
"Unlucky in love again?"
"I guess you could say that." Kyungsoo stares up at the menu. "There's no jasmine tea here, is there?"
"Only bottled Tazo," Lu Han says, pulling one out from the chiller showcase. "You can buy a tin and steep it at home yourself if you like."
"I think I will," Kyungsoo says.
"Wait a sec, I'm about to go on break," Lu Han says. He rings him up and slides into the seat next to Kyungsoo's after he trades off aprons with a girl whose nametag reads Amber.
Kyungsoo isn't the greatest at small talk, but Lu Han's grinning at him like he can't say anything wrong. "So you work multiple jobs?"
"Yeah," he says. Over the weekend, at Panya, he was wearing a casual outfit that looked more lived-in, but here he blends in well with the other Starbucks employees, typical jeans and black dress shirt. He chugs half his Izze in one go and burps loudly, which reminds Kyungsoo of Baekhyun, except Lu Han has the grace to look a little ashamed about it. "Excuse me. Gotta put myself through grad school somehow."
"Where do you go?"
"NYU," Lu Han says. "My turn. Why do you keep going on these dates?"
"My roommates are dicks," Kyungsoo offers.
"Ah," Lu Han says, eyes crinkling. "Say no more. I understand completely."
Lu Han has his own roommate woes: another grad student at NYU who has a strict hour-long skincare regimen every morning, and another one who can't remember dates or deadlines to save his life. Kyungsoo tells him about Baekhyun's pigsty of a bedroom and Chanyeol sneaking pets into their apartment-and later, when he segues into his job at the bank and his love for numbers, Lu Han doesn't seem bored. He seems genuinely interested.
Kyungsoo ends up staying at the Starbucks and working on his laptop until Lu Han gets off his shift. They split up at 22nd and 3rd, Lu Han waving from the curb as Kyungsoo ducks into his building.
Baekhyun's waiting for him in the living room, textbooks and thesis notes spread out all around him.
"That definitely wasn't Sehun," he says, jerking a thumb at the window.
"Nah," Kyungsoo says. "Sehun didn't work out. That was a friend."
Baekhyun arches an eyebrow, mouth twitching as he presses a hand to his cheek. "You have friends besides us? Really?"
"Fuck off, Baekhyun," he says mildly, unwinding his scarf, and disappears into his room.
Date number five is one of Chanyeol's friends. Kris Wu, mild-mannered college student by day and underground rapper by night, apparently, because they're supposed to be meeting at some club downtown where Kris is set to perform. At six, Kyungsoo steps into the living room. Chanyeol takes one look at him and nearly has a heart attack. "You can't go out with Kris like that," he snaps, hopping to his feet.
Kyungsoo doesn't even have time to glance down at himself and ask, "Like what?" before Chanyeol whips out a minor arsenal of snapbacks and assorted accessories and starts jamming them over Kyungsoo's head.
It takes him half an hour to perfect Kyungsoo's new outfit. "There," he says, stepping back. Jongdae props his door open helpfully so Kyungsoo can see himself in the full-body mirror hanging on the inside.
"I look like a human bandana," Kyungsoo says. He's in one of Chanyeol's paisley-patterned hoodies and a pair of red skinny jeans. He slides the bandanas off his arms and stuffs them between the couch cushions before Chanyeol can protest.
"You look perfect," Chanyeol says. He pops a last-minute snapback on Kyungsoo's head. Jongdae makes a motion with his arm that either means forget about it or I really need to pee as Chanyeol ushers him out the door. "Have fun!"
Kris seems tall and imposing for all of ten seconds. Then he nearly walks into a pole on the way inside the club and gets half a drink spilled on him. Kyungsoo hides his smile behind a hand and lets Kris introduce him to all the backstage staff.
"My set's starting soon," Kris says, and the hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder reaches all the way back to cover the entire blade. "Why don't you go sit at the bar?"
He perches on a stool closest to the stage and motions at the bartender. Kyungsoo almost isn't surprised anymore when the barkeep's face drifts into the light and Lu Han's smiling back at him. His hair's gelled up out of his eyes and he's got thick liner on. Not that he needs it.
"We've got to stop meeting like this," he says, tapping the counter with a finger.
Kyungsoo shakes his head. "You bartend."
"I'm a man of many talents," Lu Han says. He dusts his shoulders off and laughs. "You pick things up here and there. So what would-?"
The rest of Lu Han's question is drowned out by the loud backtrack that comes on over the speakers. Kyungsoo's head jerks toward the stage. Kris is up at the front, decked out in a really long fur coat and a pair of huge shades. The minute he starts rapping to Thrift Shop Kyungsoo turns back around, flushed with embarrassment. "What did you ask?"
Lu Han sends him a strange look. "Want anything to drink?"
"Something strong," Kyungsoo says, fanning his face. "The guy rapping right now is probably a really nice person, but he's my date and I'm going to need it to get through-"
"Hold on," Lu Han interrupts, suddenly choked breathless with laughter. "You're here with Kris?"
Kyungsoo's hands tighten around the seat of his stool. "You know him?"
"We're roommates."
"I see," Kyungsoo says faintly. "Small world."
"Serendipity," Lu Han replies, and reaches over to pat Kyungsoo's shoulder sympathetically. "I'll get you that drink." In the background, Kris moves on to Like A G6.
In all honesty, Kris's open tab isn't a terrible trade-off for having to sit through his entire set. Kris himself is sweet, and surprisingly direct. "Chanyeol-he means well," he says, after he's changed out of his stage get-up into something less furry and a little more tasteful. "He knows I'm trying to get over a bad break-up. I agreed to this because we're friends, but I'm really not looking right now." He smiles, all gums, and claps Kyungsoo's arm so hard that he almost buckles. "You deserve someone who's ready to be in a relationship. Someone who can love you properly."
"So cheesy," Lu Han puts in from behind the bar. He mimes puking. "That's disgusting."
"I can see why you and Chanyeol are friends," Kyungsoo says, and Kris beams like it's a compliment.
Kyungsoo walks into work Monday morning like a zombie. Krystal winces when she sees his face and tosses her packet of Advil onto his desk. "You need it more than I do," she says, and nudges her coffee over as well when he groans.
Three days later Kyungsoo meets Zitao, Baekhyun's hot yoga instructor. "I didn't know you did hot yoga," Kyungsoo says. "Do you even exercise?"
"Everyone at the gym has a great ass," Baekhyun says, sighing dreamily. He snaps out of it when his phone buzzes. "You're meeting him at the gym in Midtown."
"We're taking a class together?" Kyungsoo asks. "I've never done yoga in my life, Baekhyun."
"No time like the present to start!" Baekhyun says, and thrusts a heap of clothing in Kyungsoo's arms. "You can wear my outfit. Look, I even did the laundry for you."
This is how Kyungsoo ends up twisted in on himself like a pretzel in a room set to 100 degrees. Zitao's to his left in perfect crane pose and two of his friends, Fei and Jia, are in locust poses on Kyungsoo's right. Twenty minutes in and Kyungsoo's already wheezing, Baekhyun's soft striped shirt soaked through with sweat.
"You're doing really well," Zitao whispers. He scrambles over to adjust Kyungsoo's arms and Kyungsoo falls hard on his tailbone, a pained whimper escaping his mouth. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Kyungsoo pants. His legs have fallen asleep. He stretches them out, head tossed back. "I don't think I'm cut out for this kind of thing, anyway. I'm not very flexible."
Zitao makes a disappointed noise in the back of his throat. He shifts onto his own mat into a pose that Kyungsoo can't even begin to decipher. He hadn't known bodies could bend that way. "You're cute," Zitao says, "but I need to date someone who can keep up with my personal levels of physical fitness."
"No hard feelings," Kyungsoo says. He sits cross-legged on his mat and tries to copy the next pose. He ends up flat on his ass again, feet prickling with renewed circulation. Fei sends him an encouraging smile, raising herself into a different lift. Kyungsoo sighs and massages his calves.
Zitao helps him hobble to the locker room after the class. They part ways in front of the gym. Kyungsoo exhales into the cocoon of his scarf, and he's halfway home by the time he realizes why he feels more out-of-sorts than usual. It's irrational but he keeps expecting Lu Han to pop up somewhere. He understands the odds of it happening four times in a row is next to nothing, but the impulse is still there. He almost takes the subway down to Panya but decides against it in the end. He has no idea when Lu Han's shifts are. They're probably erratic as hell if he's working three different jobs. He doesn't even have Lu Han's number.
Jongdae's the only one home when Kyungsoo pulls himself through the door, the ache in his body bone-deep. He flops over onto the couch next to him. Jongdae clucks with sympathy. "How was the date?"
"I hate it when people call me cute," he says. It's muffled by the cushion but Jongdae hears it anyway. He bumps Kyungsoo's arm with his knee.
"I'm sorry nothing's worked out. You know we mean well, right?" The corner of his mouth twitches. "Okay, maybe not those other two guys, but I do, at least."
"I know." Kyungsoo rolls over on his side and starts picking at couch threads. "Don't worry about it," he says. "I'm fine. It's all fine."
"Is it, though?"
Kyungsoo props himself up on an elbow. He rolls a piece of string between his thumb and forefinger. "It's not what you think."
Jongdae lets out a faint noise of disbelief. "You're not upset because you were rejected four times in a row."
"No," Kyungsoo says. "I wasn't that interested either. I just-" He frowns. "It's hard to explain. After my date with Minseok I made friends with the cashier at the bakery we went to. Lu Han. I keep bumping into him after my blind dates and it just felt weird for him not to be around after today's yoga class with Zitao. I guess it was because I got so used to it. That's all." He pauses, breathing out slowly. "It really isn't the dates."
When he looks up again, Jongdae's staring at him.
"What?"
"You realize you just talked more about this random Lu Han guy than you did about any of the people we set you up with?"
"What's your point?"
Jongdae sends him another long, measured look before shaking his head and turning back to his book. "Never mind."
Date seven's at Panya again. He expects Lu Han's knowing smile from behind the cash register-but not Chanyeol leaned over the counter talking to him, guitar case slung over his shoulders. His most shit-eating smile blooms across his face when he follows Lu Han's gaze and sees Kyungsoo. "Hey, you came! Right on time. Always so punctual."
"Sorry, Chanyeol," Kyungsoo says drily, "but I'm just not that into you."
"Yixing had to cancel last minute," Chanyeol says. "I decided to come in his place instead. I mean, how long has it been since the two of us last hung out?"
"Not long enough," Kyungsoo returns, and snorts at Lu Han's high laugh.
It turns out Chanyeol knows Kris through the NYU Graduate Admissions office and his roommates by extension. "Yixing and Lu Han go to Juilliard, though," Chanyeol says, before Lu Han can clamp a hand over his mouth.
Kyungsoo swallows a dry mouthful of yakisoba sandwich and says, "Is that so?"
Lu Han sighs. "I was an MBA student at NYU but I dropped out after I got into Juilliard last year. Yixing and I study composition." He shrugs. "My parents weren't very happy. The TA job covers part of my tuition but I have to make up for the rest myself. Hence-"
"The five million jobs," Kyungsoo finishes.
"You know, Lu Han has a really nice voice," Chanyeol says. He groans when Lu Han punches his arm.
"Stop telling all my secrets," Lu Han says, moving back behind the counter to ring a customer up. "I have to keep myself mysterious somehow."
"I can tell you one of Kyungsoo's secrets to level the playing field," Chanyeol says, and dodges smartly out of the way as Kyungsoo reaches for his neck. "He can sing, too. He's great."
"I'm not," Kyungsoo says, but Chanyeol's already strumming the opening chords to Sunday Morning. They make it through the first verse and chorus before Lu Han has to deal with another customer.
"Aren't you happy you stayed?" Chanyeol asks later, tremendously self-satisfied.
Kyungsoo thinks about the look on Lu Han's face when he'd opened his mouth and started singing, the light in Lu Han's eyes, and says, "Yeah, I am."
Jongdae's big Valentine's Day plan for Kyungsoo involves a guy named Joonmyun and a really fancy restaurant. "He works in higher management at a finance consulting firm in the city," he says. "You guys have a lot in common."
And it's true. On paper, Joonmyun looks just like the kind of guy Kyungsoo would be most compatible with. He's sweet. He's charming. He understands economics and policy and engages Kyungsoo in conversation that they both find stimulating. For dinner, Kyungsoo gets gnocchi and Joonmyun gets angel hair and they spend ten minutes talking about the finer aspects of Italian cuisine.
Still, he can't help glancing around the restaurant expecting Lu Han to pop up out of nowhere. Maybe he's the one playing piano in the middle of the restaurant, or he's about to come on for his shift as a server. He doesn't even realize he keeps looking away until he loses the thread of conversation and Joonmyun leans forward over their melting gelato, a concerned look on his face.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes," Kyungsoo says, spine straightening automatically. "I'm fine."
"Good." Joonmyun signals the waiter for the check. "I had a really lovely evening."
"So did I," Kyungsoo says. The bus boy that walks by pushing a cart stacked high with dirty plates isn't Lu Han. The hostess leading a party of four to the table next to theirs isn't Lu Han.
When he turns back, Joonmyun's smiling. "I like you a lot," he says, folding his hands in his lap, "but I know you don't really want to be here."
Kyungsoo opens his mouth and finds he has nothing to say. It's true. Even from the beginning, when Chanyeol and Baekhyun and Jongdae were trying to convince him into it in the first place, he'd set his expectations as low as possible. Hadn't taken it seriously because he thought it wasn't worth the energy. Kyungsoo went on blind dates so his roommates wouldn't give him grief for refusing their setups, not so he'd actually find someone worth dating.
Joonmyun pulls his wallet out and hands his card over. His smile goes a bit sad. "People can tell, you know? You aren't as good as hiding as you might think you are."
"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo says. "It isn't you."
Joonmyun pats his hand. He's kind enough to give Kyungsoo a lift home. He trudges up the stairs to the apartment alone. Jongdae watches him slouch through the door and doesn't even ask.
"I'm done," he says, calmer than he feels. Jongdae nods. He pours a cup of tea out for Kyungsoo. "It's been enough."
Things seem to go back to normal now that the blind date frenzy is over for good. Life picks up where it left off. Kyungsoo starts keeping normal hours again: work from nine-to-five, and holing up at home afterwards. His roommates tread softly around him for a couple of days until they realize he isn't going to bite their heads off, and then they return to their typical half-annoying half-endearing ways. Baekhyun mixes his dirty clothes in with Kyungsoo's so they'll actually get washed. Chanyeol wrecks all the pots and pans every time he tries a new recipe. Jongdae breaks into song every a Billboard Top 40 hit comes on over the radio.
"Lu Han's been asking about you," Chanyeol drops casually in mid-March. They're vacuuming the living room and Chanyeol has to repeat himself twice over the whir of the machine.
"Yeah?" Kyungsoo says. "What did you say?"
"I told him to ask you himself."
Kyungsoo bites his lip. "How is he?"
"Ask him yourself," Chanyeol says, grinning, and squawks when Kyungsoo pinches him right beneath the armpit. "You know where he works. Lu Han is your oyster. Take the pearl, Kyungsoo."
"That analogy doesn't even make sense," he grumbles. Chanyeol shrugs. Kyungsoo goes back to vacuuming.
"I don't understand what the problem is," Baekhyun says when he manages to wheedle the whole story out of Kyungsoo. "Go get that ass."
"The problem is I'm not like you," Kyungsoo retorts. "I can't believe I'm saying that. It's great that I'm not like you."
"Not right now it isn't," Baekhyun says smugly. "Look. You posed a question. I'm presenting a solution. Take it or leave it."
"What he means," Jongdae cuts in, "is that we want what's best for you. And if that's Lu Han-well. What are you waiting for?"
Later, Baekhyun emails him a blog post titled 25 Ways for the Emotionally Constipated to Open Themselves Up More, which is about as helpful as Baekhyun's going to get.
The truth is: he does like Lu Han. They might not share all the same interests, but they had enough in common that it was easy to find something to talk to with him. And despite the smokescreens, once Kyungsoo caught a glimpse of the heart of Lu Han he wanted to know more. Lu Han was interesting. He steeped a mean jasmine tea and didn't care that he looked like an idiot when he laughed too hard. He had no qualms about making fun of his roommates at length. He gave up a guaranteed master's degree to pursue music despite his parents' objections. He worked hard, but didn't let the difficulty of his situation faze him. He didn't think Kyungsoo talking about his job crunching numbers was boring.
Kyungsoo doesn't get a chance to stop by any of Lu Han's places of work until he ends up in Astor Place again for something completely unrelated. Jongdae pulls him along to a film screening at Tisch, some movie he'd worked post on sound editing. Jongdae's talked into going out with friends for drinks afterwards, but Kyungsoo has a meeting early Monday morning and begs off.
He's walking toward the subway station when the sky begins letting down a torrential downpour-because of course these little epiphanies always happen when it's raining. He steps into a puddle while crossing the street and remembers that third date, the first time he'd met Lu Han, walking past this exact street light on the way to a little bakery on Stuyvesant Street. Kyungsoo's drenched through to the skin by the time his feet start tracing the route to Panya.
Kyungsoo's always been pretty self-sufficient. He hasn't ever needed to depend much on other people to get by. Chanyeol had wanted him to get out of the house because he thought Kyungsoo needed something more, but it wasn't true then, and it isn't true now. He pushes through the front door of the quiet store and drips buckets onto the floor not because he needs a spark in his life, or more romance, or whatever Chanyeol couched in pretty words two months ago-not because Kyungsoo needs anything. But because he wants it. He wants Lu Han. That's all.
He loses his breath when he sees Lu Han behind the counter. Lu Han hands the register over to someone else, a sleepy-eyed Chinese kid that might just be Yixing, and brings a cup of tea out on a saucer. "Sit down," he says, looking worried. "Jesus, you're cold as ice. Didn't you bring an umbrella?"
"N-no," Kyungsoo stutters. He peels his jacket off.
"I have an extra change of clothing," Lu Han says. "They might be a little big on you, but it'll have to do. Hold on, they're in the back, let me-"
"Wait," Kyungsoo says. He blinks up at Lu Han. He has to get it out now, but his teeth are chattering too badly. "Will you-your number-go out with-?"
Lu Han's face melts into a wide smile. "Yeah, of course. I'd love to, I really like you-I just. I'd rather not date someone who looks like he's about to die of pneumonia. God, your lips are blue."
"Right," Kyungsoo says. "Okay." Lu Han squeezes his arm and slides into the back of the shop. Kyungsoo takes a sip of the tea, warmth curling right down into his toes. It's jasmine.
fin
Pairing: d.o/lu han
Rating: pg13
Genre: au, romance
Warnings: swearing
Author: gdgdbaby
Summary: go on blind dates, they said. it will be fun, they said. a young professionals au. written for omoidendo for the 2013 round of sncj_santa, originally posted here. 5,609 words.
It's gotten so out of hand that Chanyeol's actually drawn up a timetable for him.
"Isn't the point of blind dates that one of them will take?" Kyungsoo asks, scanning the calendar. "Why do I have five of them in the next three weeks?" He flips to February, frowning. "Why are they all with different people?"
"Just in case," Chanyeol says. His voice goes high, like it always does when he's trying to be casual. "Look, what did we tell you?"
Kyungsoo narrows his eyes. He never thought moving in with old classmates from college would be like having to deal with a bunch of concerned older brothers trying to marry him off. It'd started out as a simple cost-saving measure. Just renting property in the city was expensive, and his job at the bank didn't pay enough (yet) for him to be able to trek out on his own. At first it was fine, but a year of peaceful cohabitation later, his roommates were acting like a bunch of meddling matchmakers. "What did I tell you?" Kyungsoo says patiently. "I don't need a significant other."
"Hm," Chanyeol says, unconvinced. Jongdae shuffles into the kitchen looking for milk and Kyungsoo pulls the carton out for him. "I'm just saying. A little spark in your life would go a long way."
"Oh," Jongdae says, yawning so wide Kyungsoo can see clear down his throat. "Are we talking about the blind dates? Add a note on Valentine's Day, I've got the perfect guy."
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes so hard they feel like they're going to pop out of their sockets. "I don't need a date. Remember what happened last time?"
Last time: one weekend ago, three days after his birthday, he'd gone out with one of Baekhyun's friends. Jongin, a 2L at Columbia Law, and it'd been going just fine until Jongin scratched the back of his neck and said, as sweet and apologetic as Baekhyun wasn't, I'm into girls. "Hey," Baekhyun hollers from the living room. "It was an honest mistake."
"Kyungsoo," Chanyeol says, grabbing his arm before he can stalk out and throttle the hell out of Baekhyun. Jongdae reaches past them for the box of Cheerios. "You spend all your time at work, and when you aren't at work you're at home. Then you clean. It's unnecessary. Does my underwear drawer really need to be color-coded? Don't answer that. And when there's nothing more to organize-" He tosses a hand at the far wall of the kitchen. "I mean, seriously. You need to get out."
"It was an art project," Kyungsoo says defensively, swiveling on his heel. "I'm allowed to have hobbies." There's a detailed mural of the Manhattan skyline painted on the tile. He'd spent hours picking out the right colors. Kyungsoo's still very proud of it.
Baekhyun appears in the frame of the door, head thunking against the wood. "You aren't even that artistic."
"We're just worried about you," Jongdae says, earnest as ever, before Kyungsoo can do anything to retaliate.
Chanyeol bobs his head, eyes going big. "You need something grand. Something romantic." Kyungsoo and Jongdae share a grimace over his bowl of cereal. Listening to Chanyeol wax poetic was not his ideal way to start the weekend.
"You need to have more sex," Baekhyun cuts in, an irritating twinkle in his eye. "When's the last time you got laid?"
"I'm not answering that."
Baekhyun bites thoughtfully at the hangnail on his thumb. "Don't worry, Kyungsoo. You're kind of cute, in a dazed deer-in-the-headlights way. I'm sure someone will sleep with you."
Chanyeol sighs. Kyungsoo busies himself with choking the living the daylights out of Baekhyun. "I'm fully capable of finding dates for myself," he says evenly. "And I don't need ten every month. That's just excessive."
"Think about it this way," Baekhyun wheezes, clawing at Kyungsoo's arm. "Even if you don't like the guy, at least you won't have to pay for dinner."
It sounds logical. Economical. But then again, Baekhyun's the type of serial dater who leads people on just to see how much he can get out of them, so Kyungsoo's not sure he should trust his judgment. Chanyeol pokes Kyungsoo's stomach and gets him to let go long enough for Baekhyun to slip out, massaging his neck. "It can't hurt," Jongdae agrees, and spoons cereal in his mouth.
Kyungsoo's gaze flicks back toward the calendar. Well. It does seem like the path of least resistance. In college, Baekhyun and Jongdae convinced Kyungsoo to join their a cappella group freshmen year lest they make his life miserable, and he hadn't even been living with them back then. If he's getting a free meal, he might as well go.
The next date, number three since the Find Kyungsoo A Boyfriend This Year campaign started, is Sunday afternoon. He's supposed to meet one of Jongdae's friends at a Japanese bakery in the East Village at four. He takes the 6 train down to Astor Place and steps out into the January slush, arrives fifteen minutes ahead of time. Panya's a cute little place. Very homey. Minseok, who works as a barista in the Upper East Side, is possibly even cuter. He has big eyes and a steady voice that calms Kyungsoo down from his usual nervousness, and pays for Kyungsoo's yakisoba sandwich.
"I would've taken you to my café," Minseok says around his sausage bread, making a face, "but I thought mixing business and pleasure right off the bat wouldn't be wise."
"I won't hold it against you, I promise," Kyungsoo says, wry, and smiles as Minseok's eyes light up with laughter.
Minseok's easy to be around. Comfortable, like a kindred spirit. They talk about work and hobbies, swap the odd story about Jongdae, and Kyungsoo doesn't exactly feel whatever spark Chanyeol was going on about, but he thinks that he could.
When it starts getting dark outside, Kyungsoo sits up in his seat and stares out the window. Snow's falling in fat flakes again. "Would you like to relocate?"
Minseok twists the cap of his sweet tea bottle, mouth lifted in a smile. "I really like you," he says.
"Oh," Kyungsoo says, blinking. "I like you, too-"
"But I think," Minseok cuts in, and Kyungsoo's stomach twists in on itself, "I think we're too similar to be compatible. I'm looking for someone a little more-"
"Exciting," Kyungsoo offers. He exhales when Minseok's face goes soft in apology.
Aren't similarities supposed to be good? Kyungsoo wants to ask, but he freezes up instead, a wooden smile etched across his face. They exchange a few more niceties and Minseok offers to take Kyungsoo home, but he politely declines. No point in drawing this out.
There's half a yakisoba sandwich left on his plate, but Kyungsoo's lost his appetite completely. It's true that he hadn't arrived with high expectations, but Minseok was a pleasant surprise. Kyungsoo's only human. He can't help the disappointing sting of rejection that curdles in his gut.
He's still sitting in front of the window when a new voice cuts in from overhead, soft and lilting. "Hey, you aren't going to cry, are you?" it asks.
Kyungsoo looks up, dry-eyed, the corners of his mouth drooping. "Of course not," he says flatly. It comes out more defensive than he anticipated, but the cashier-and that's who it is, the guy who rang their order up earlier-seems unperturbed.
"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation," he says, and slides a steaming teacup onto the table next to Kyungsoo's sandwich. "Drink this. It's jasmine. You look like you could use it." His whole face wrinkles as he grins. "On the house."
"Oh," Kyungsoo says. He's so taken aback by this unexpected kindness that it isn't until much later, back at home after Jongdae's grilled him about his date, when the invasion of privacy occurs to him. Now, his hands wrap around the warm cup. His gaze flicks to the nametag pinned to the cashier's apron strap. "Thanks, Lu Han. I appreciate it."
The mindless monotony of the bank is usually soothing, but something feels off when he goes to work on Monday morning, like his equilibrium's been disturbed. It doesn't take long for Krystal, one of the clerks he works with, to notice. She snaps her manicured fingers an inch away from his nose when he starts staring at the blank wall behind his cubicle for the third time that morning. "Break room," she says, and tucks a decisive hand inside the crook of his elbow.
"Sorry," he mumbles. He cards a hand through his hair and hunches over, forearm brushing against a stack of filters.
Krystal pours them both mugs of coffee and slides onto the counter, legs swinging. "You don't have to tell me what's up," she says, fingers tapping against the ceramic, "but I hope you fix it soon, because it's difficult to work around someone so obviously distracted."
Kyungsoo sighs. "It isn't anything. Had a bad date over the weekend."
Krystal's eyebrows rise. "Who with?"
"One of Jongdae's friends," Kyungsoo says, and Krystal grimaces. "What?"
"I've met your roommates," she says, rolling her eyes. "I can definitely introduce you to better guys than all of them combined."
Kyungsoo chuckles. "Probably true, but unnecessary all the same." He takes a sip of his coffee. He's feeling a bit more alert already.
She pats his shoulder. "Just think about the numbers and you'll be fine."
He almost backs out of the next date before it even happens. It's with one of Baekhyun's friends again. After the embarrassing misunderstanding from last time, Kyungsoo isn't optimistic.
look for bright rainbow hair, Baekhyun texts him, ten minutes after Kyungsoo was supposed to meet Sehun at Starbucks on Friday night. Rainbow hair. Jesus Christ. "Jesus Christ," he says aloud, and two seconds later a tall gangly kid with pale skin and a fluorescent dye-job barrels around the coffee-bean display.
"Baekhyun told me you'd say that," Sehun says, waving his phone in the air. The screen flashes with a series of scrolling emojis.
"Did he," Kyungsoo says, tired already. "Let's-let's just find a seat."
In some ways, being prepared for the worst means Sehun doesn't have to do much to exceed Kyungsoo's expectations. And honestly, he's a pretty nice kid once Kyungsoo gets past the I'm-too-cool-to-care exterior: smiley when Kyungsoo pays for his coffee, animated when speaking about things he's enthusiastic about (dance, social media, pop music, hair dye), focused on checking his phone when it dings every half-minute. He just-"Isn't really what I'm looking for right now," Sehun says, stirring the stick in his latte. "A full-blown relationship, I mean. Like, I'm young, I don't want to tie myself down too fast, especially if it's to something I might not even want." He sees the look on Kyungsoo's face and rears back for a second. "Not that I think you're old or anything."
"Why did you come, then?" Kyungsoo asks, curious.
Sehun scrunches his nose. "Have you met Baekhyun?"
Kyungsoo laughs. "Okay. Fair point."
"He was right, though."
"About what?"
"Said you were a twink," Sehun sighs, scanning Kyungsoo appreciatively from head to toe, and Kyungsoo feels his face burn up.
"I'm going to kill him," he mumbles.
"Don't do that," Sehun says. When Kyungsoo looks up again, he's grinning. "I think he meant it as a compliment."
Sehun takes his leave at half past seven. "My friends are going bar-hopping in Brooklyn," he says, fingers flying over his iPhone screen. "You wanna come with?"
"I'll pass," Kyungsoo says. "I'm going to get another coffee."
Sehun ducks out of the shop with one last wave. Kyungsoo sends Baekhyun a threatening text message and pockets his phone when he gets to the register. It takes him a minute to recognize the face behind the counter.
"Are you stalking me?"
Lu Han's face screws up in a laugh. "Maybe we're just destined."
"That does seem less creepy."
"Unlucky in love again?"
"I guess you could say that." Kyungsoo stares up at the menu. "There's no jasmine tea here, is there?"
"Only bottled Tazo," Lu Han says, pulling one out from the chiller showcase. "You can buy a tin and steep it at home yourself if you like."
"I think I will," Kyungsoo says.
"Wait a sec, I'm about to go on break," Lu Han says. He rings him up and slides into the seat next to Kyungsoo's after he trades off aprons with a girl whose nametag reads Amber.
Kyungsoo isn't the greatest at small talk, but Lu Han's grinning at him like he can't say anything wrong. "So you work multiple jobs?"
"Yeah," he says. Over the weekend, at Panya, he was wearing a casual outfit that looked more lived-in, but here he blends in well with the other Starbucks employees, typical jeans and black dress shirt. He chugs half his Izze in one go and burps loudly, which reminds Kyungsoo of Baekhyun, except Lu Han has the grace to look a little ashamed about it. "Excuse me. Gotta put myself through grad school somehow."
"Where do you go?"
"NYU," Lu Han says. "My turn. Why do you keep going on these dates?"
"My roommates are dicks," Kyungsoo offers.
"Ah," Lu Han says, eyes crinkling. "Say no more. I understand completely."
Lu Han has his own roommate woes: another grad student at NYU who has a strict hour-long skincare regimen every morning, and another one who can't remember dates or deadlines to save his life. Kyungsoo tells him about Baekhyun's pigsty of a bedroom and Chanyeol sneaking pets into their apartment-and later, when he segues into his job at the bank and his love for numbers, Lu Han doesn't seem bored. He seems genuinely interested.
Kyungsoo ends up staying at the Starbucks and working on his laptop until Lu Han gets off his shift. They split up at 22nd and 3rd, Lu Han waving from the curb as Kyungsoo ducks into his building.
Baekhyun's waiting for him in the living room, textbooks and thesis notes spread out all around him.
"That definitely wasn't Sehun," he says, jerking a thumb at the window.
"Nah," Kyungsoo says. "Sehun didn't work out. That was a friend."
Baekhyun arches an eyebrow, mouth twitching as he presses a hand to his cheek. "You have friends besides us? Really?"
"Fuck off, Baekhyun," he says mildly, unwinding his scarf, and disappears into his room.
Date number five is one of Chanyeol's friends. Kris Wu, mild-mannered college student by day and underground rapper by night, apparently, because they're supposed to be meeting at some club downtown where Kris is set to perform. At six, Kyungsoo steps into the living room. Chanyeol takes one look at him and nearly has a heart attack. "You can't go out with Kris like that," he snaps, hopping to his feet.
Kyungsoo doesn't even have time to glance down at himself and ask, "Like what?" before Chanyeol whips out a minor arsenal of snapbacks and assorted accessories and starts jamming them over Kyungsoo's head.
It takes him half an hour to perfect Kyungsoo's new outfit. "There," he says, stepping back. Jongdae props his door open helpfully so Kyungsoo can see himself in the full-body mirror hanging on the inside.
"I look like a human bandana," Kyungsoo says. He's in one of Chanyeol's paisley-patterned hoodies and a pair of red skinny jeans. He slides the bandanas off his arms and stuffs them between the couch cushions before Chanyeol can protest.
"You look perfect," Chanyeol says. He pops a last-minute snapback on Kyungsoo's head. Jongdae makes a motion with his arm that either means forget about it or I really need to pee as Chanyeol ushers him out the door. "Have fun!"
Kris seems tall and imposing for all of ten seconds. Then he nearly walks into a pole on the way inside the club and gets half a drink spilled on him. Kyungsoo hides his smile behind a hand and lets Kris introduce him to all the backstage staff.
"My set's starting soon," Kris says, and the hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder reaches all the way back to cover the entire blade. "Why don't you go sit at the bar?"
He perches on a stool closest to the stage and motions at the bartender. Kyungsoo almost isn't surprised anymore when the barkeep's face drifts into the light and Lu Han's smiling back at him. His hair's gelled up out of his eyes and he's got thick liner on. Not that he needs it.
"We've got to stop meeting like this," he says, tapping the counter with a finger.
Kyungsoo shakes his head. "You bartend."
"I'm a man of many talents," Lu Han says. He dusts his shoulders off and laughs. "You pick things up here and there. So what would-?"
The rest of Lu Han's question is drowned out by the loud backtrack that comes on over the speakers. Kyungsoo's head jerks toward the stage. Kris is up at the front, decked out in a really long fur coat and a pair of huge shades. The minute he starts rapping to Thrift Shop Kyungsoo turns back around, flushed with embarrassment. "What did you ask?"
Lu Han sends him a strange look. "Want anything to drink?"
"Something strong," Kyungsoo says, fanning his face. "The guy rapping right now is probably a really nice person, but he's my date and I'm going to need it to get through-"
"Hold on," Lu Han interrupts, suddenly choked breathless with laughter. "You're here with Kris?"
Kyungsoo's hands tighten around the seat of his stool. "You know him?"
"We're roommates."
"I see," Kyungsoo says faintly. "Small world."
"Serendipity," Lu Han replies, and reaches over to pat Kyungsoo's shoulder sympathetically. "I'll get you that drink." In the background, Kris moves on to Like A G6.
In all honesty, Kris's open tab isn't a terrible trade-off for having to sit through his entire set. Kris himself is sweet, and surprisingly direct. "Chanyeol-he means well," he says, after he's changed out of his stage get-up into something less furry and a little more tasteful. "He knows I'm trying to get over a bad break-up. I agreed to this because we're friends, but I'm really not looking right now." He smiles, all gums, and claps Kyungsoo's arm so hard that he almost buckles. "You deserve someone who's ready to be in a relationship. Someone who can love you properly."
"So cheesy," Lu Han puts in from behind the bar. He mimes puking. "That's disgusting."
"I can see why you and Chanyeol are friends," Kyungsoo says, and Kris beams like it's a compliment.
Kyungsoo walks into work Monday morning like a zombie. Krystal winces when she sees his face and tosses her packet of Advil onto his desk. "You need it more than I do," she says, and nudges her coffee over as well when he groans.
Three days later Kyungsoo meets Zitao, Baekhyun's hot yoga instructor. "I didn't know you did hot yoga," Kyungsoo says. "Do you even exercise?"
"Everyone at the gym has a great ass," Baekhyun says, sighing dreamily. He snaps out of it when his phone buzzes. "You're meeting him at the gym in Midtown."
"We're taking a class together?" Kyungsoo asks. "I've never done yoga in my life, Baekhyun."
"No time like the present to start!" Baekhyun says, and thrusts a heap of clothing in Kyungsoo's arms. "You can wear my outfit. Look, I even did the laundry for you."
This is how Kyungsoo ends up twisted in on himself like a pretzel in a room set to 100 degrees. Zitao's to his left in perfect crane pose and two of his friends, Fei and Jia, are in locust poses on Kyungsoo's right. Twenty minutes in and Kyungsoo's already wheezing, Baekhyun's soft striped shirt soaked through with sweat.
"You're doing really well," Zitao whispers. He scrambles over to adjust Kyungsoo's arms and Kyungsoo falls hard on his tailbone, a pained whimper escaping his mouth. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Kyungsoo pants. His legs have fallen asleep. He stretches them out, head tossed back. "I don't think I'm cut out for this kind of thing, anyway. I'm not very flexible."
Zitao makes a disappointed noise in the back of his throat. He shifts onto his own mat into a pose that Kyungsoo can't even begin to decipher. He hadn't known bodies could bend that way. "You're cute," Zitao says, "but I need to date someone who can keep up with my personal levels of physical fitness."
"No hard feelings," Kyungsoo says. He sits cross-legged on his mat and tries to copy the next pose. He ends up flat on his ass again, feet prickling with renewed circulation. Fei sends him an encouraging smile, raising herself into a different lift. Kyungsoo sighs and massages his calves.
Zitao helps him hobble to the locker room after the class. They part ways in front of the gym. Kyungsoo exhales into the cocoon of his scarf, and he's halfway home by the time he realizes why he feels more out-of-sorts than usual. It's irrational but he keeps expecting Lu Han to pop up somewhere. He understands the odds of it happening four times in a row is next to nothing, but the impulse is still there. He almost takes the subway down to Panya but decides against it in the end. He has no idea when Lu Han's shifts are. They're probably erratic as hell if he's working three different jobs. He doesn't even have Lu Han's number.
Jongdae's the only one home when Kyungsoo pulls himself through the door, the ache in his body bone-deep. He flops over onto the couch next to him. Jongdae clucks with sympathy. "How was the date?"
"I hate it when people call me cute," he says. It's muffled by the cushion but Jongdae hears it anyway. He bumps Kyungsoo's arm with his knee.
"I'm sorry nothing's worked out. You know we mean well, right?" The corner of his mouth twitches. "Okay, maybe not those other two guys, but I do, at least."
"I know." Kyungsoo rolls over on his side and starts picking at couch threads. "Don't worry about it," he says. "I'm fine. It's all fine."
"Is it, though?"
Kyungsoo props himself up on an elbow. He rolls a piece of string between his thumb and forefinger. "It's not what you think."
Jongdae lets out a faint noise of disbelief. "You're not upset because you were rejected four times in a row."
"No," Kyungsoo says. "I wasn't that interested either. I just-" He frowns. "It's hard to explain. After my date with Minseok I made friends with the cashier at the bakery we went to. Lu Han. I keep bumping into him after my blind dates and it just felt weird for him not to be around after today's yoga class with Zitao. I guess it was because I got so used to it. That's all." He pauses, breathing out slowly. "It really isn't the dates."
When he looks up again, Jongdae's staring at him.
"What?"
"You realize you just talked more about this random Lu Han guy than you did about any of the people we set you up with?"
"What's your point?"
Jongdae sends him another long, measured look before shaking his head and turning back to his book. "Never mind."
Date seven's at Panya again. He expects Lu Han's knowing smile from behind the cash register-but not Chanyeol leaned over the counter talking to him, guitar case slung over his shoulders. His most shit-eating smile blooms across his face when he follows Lu Han's gaze and sees Kyungsoo. "Hey, you came! Right on time. Always so punctual."
"Sorry, Chanyeol," Kyungsoo says drily, "but I'm just not that into you."
"Yixing had to cancel last minute," Chanyeol says. "I decided to come in his place instead. I mean, how long has it been since the two of us last hung out?"
"Not long enough," Kyungsoo returns, and snorts at Lu Han's high laugh.
It turns out Chanyeol knows Kris through the NYU Graduate Admissions office and his roommates by extension. "Yixing and Lu Han go to Juilliard, though," Chanyeol says, before Lu Han can clamp a hand over his mouth.
Kyungsoo swallows a dry mouthful of yakisoba sandwich and says, "Is that so?"
Lu Han sighs. "I was an MBA student at NYU but I dropped out after I got into Juilliard last year. Yixing and I study composition." He shrugs. "My parents weren't very happy. The TA job covers part of my tuition but I have to make up for the rest myself. Hence-"
"The five million jobs," Kyungsoo finishes.
"You know, Lu Han has a really nice voice," Chanyeol says. He groans when Lu Han punches his arm.
"Stop telling all my secrets," Lu Han says, moving back behind the counter to ring a customer up. "I have to keep myself mysterious somehow."
"I can tell you one of Kyungsoo's secrets to level the playing field," Chanyeol says, and dodges smartly out of the way as Kyungsoo reaches for his neck. "He can sing, too. He's great."
"I'm not," Kyungsoo says, but Chanyeol's already strumming the opening chords to Sunday Morning. They make it through the first verse and chorus before Lu Han has to deal with another customer.
"Aren't you happy you stayed?" Chanyeol asks later, tremendously self-satisfied.
Kyungsoo thinks about the look on Lu Han's face when he'd opened his mouth and started singing, the light in Lu Han's eyes, and says, "Yeah, I am."
Jongdae's big Valentine's Day plan for Kyungsoo involves a guy named Joonmyun and a really fancy restaurant. "He works in higher management at a finance consulting firm in the city," he says. "You guys have a lot in common."
And it's true. On paper, Joonmyun looks just like the kind of guy Kyungsoo would be most compatible with. He's sweet. He's charming. He understands economics and policy and engages Kyungsoo in conversation that they both find stimulating. For dinner, Kyungsoo gets gnocchi and Joonmyun gets angel hair and they spend ten minutes talking about the finer aspects of Italian cuisine.
Still, he can't help glancing around the restaurant expecting Lu Han to pop up out of nowhere. Maybe he's the one playing piano in the middle of the restaurant, or he's about to come on for his shift as a server. He doesn't even realize he keeps looking away until he loses the thread of conversation and Joonmyun leans forward over their melting gelato, a concerned look on his face.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes," Kyungsoo says, spine straightening automatically. "I'm fine."
"Good." Joonmyun signals the waiter for the check. "I had a really lovely evening."
"So did I," Kyungsoo says. The bus boy that walks by pushing a cart stacked high with dirty plates isn't Lu Han. The hostess leading a party of four to the table next to theirs isn't Lu Han.
When he turns back, Joonmyun's smiling. "I like you a lot," he says, folding his hands in his lap, "but I know you don't really want to be here."
Kyungsoo opens his mouth and finds he has nothing to say. It's true. Even from the beginning, when Chanyeol and Baekhyun and Jongdae were trying to convince him into it in the first place, he'd set his expectations as low as possible. Hadn't taken it seriously because he thought it wasn't worth the energy. Kyungsoo went on blind dates so his roommates wouldn't give him grief for refusing their setups, not so he'd actually find someone worth dating.
Joonmyun pulls his wallet out and hands his card over. His smile goes a bit sad. "People can tell, you know? You aren't as good as hiding as you might think you are."
"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo says. "It isn't you."
Joonmyun pats his hand. He's kind enough to give Kyungsoo a lift home. He trudges up the stairs to the apartment alone. Jongdae watches him slouch through the door and doesn't even ask.
"I'm done," he says, calmer than he feels. Jongdae nods. He pours a cup of tea out for Kyungsoo. "It's been enough."
Things seem to go back to normal now that the blind date frenzy is over for good. Life picks up where it left off. Kyungsoo starts keeping normal hours again: work from nine-to-five, and holing up at home afterwards. His roommates tread softly around him for a couple of days until they realize he isn't going to bite their heads off, and then they return to their typical half-annoying half-endearing ways. Baekhyun mixes his dirty clothes in with Kyungsoo's so they'll actually get washed. Chanyeol wrecks all the pots and pans every time he tries a new recipe. Jongdae breaks into song every a Billboard Top 40 hit comes on over the radio.
"Lu Han's been asking about you," Chanyeol drops casually in mid-March. They're vacuuming the living room and Chanyeol has to repeat himself twice over the whir of the machine.
"Yeah?" Kyungsoo says. "What did you say?"
"I told him to ask you himself."
Kyungsoo bites his lip. "How is he?"
"Ask him yourself," Chanyeol says, grinning, and squawks when Kyungsoo pinches him right beneath the armpit. "You know where he works. Lu Han is your oyster. Take the pearl, Kyungsoo."
"That analogy doesn't even make sense," he grumbles. Chanyeol shrugs. Kyungsoo goes back to vacuuming.
"I don't understand what the problem is," Baekhyun says when he manages to wheedle the whole story out of Kyungsoo. "Go get that ass."
"The problem is I'm not like you," Kyungsoo retorts. "I can't believe I'm saying that. It's great that I'm not like you."
"Not right now it isn't," Baekhyun says smugly. "Look. You posed a question. I'm presenting a solution. Take it or leave it."
"What he means," Jongdae cuts in, "is that we want what's best for you. And if that's Lu Han-well. What are you waiting for?"
Later, Baekhyun emails him a blog post titled 25 Ways for the Emotionally Constipated to Open Themselves Up More, which is about as helpful as Baekhyun's going to get.
The truth is: he does like Lu Han. They might not share all the same interests, but they had enough in common that it was easy to find something to talk to with him. And despite the smokescreens, once Kyungsoo caught a glimpse of the heart of Lu Han he wanted to know more. Lu Han was interesting. He steeped a mean jasmine tea and didn't care that he looked like an idiot when he laughed too hard. He had no qualms about making fun of his roommates at length. He gave up a guaranteed master's degree to pursue music despite his parents' objections. He worked hard, but didn't let the difficulty of his situation faze him. He didn't think Kyungsoo talking about his job crunching numbers was boring.
Kyungsoo doesn't get a chance to stop by any of Lu Han's places of work until he ends up in Astor Place again for something completely unrelated. Jongdae pulls him along to a film screening at Tisch, some movie he'd worked post on sound editing. Jongdae's talked into going out with friends for drinks afterwards, but Kyungsoo has a meeting early Monday morning and begs off.
He's walking toward the subway station when the sky begins letting down a torrential downpour-because of course these little epiphanies always happen when it's raining. He steps into a puddle while crossing the street and remembers that third date, the first time he'd met Lu Han, walking past this exact street light on the way to a little bakery on Stuyvesant Street. Kyungsoo's drenched through to the skin by the time his feet start tracing the route to Panya.
Kyungsoo's always been pretty self-sufficient. He hasn't ever needed to depend much on other people to get by. Chanyeol had wanted him to get out of the house because he thought Kyungsoo needed something more, but it wasn't true then, and it isn't true now. He pushes through the front door of the quiet store and drips buckets onto the floor not because he needs a spark in his life, or more romance, or whatever Chanyeol couched in pretty words two months ago-not because Kyungsoo needs anything. But because he wants it. He wants Lu Han. That's all.
He loses his breath when he sees Lu Han behind the counter. Lu Han hands the register over to someone else, a sleepy-eyed Chinese kid that might just be Yixing, and brings a cup of tea out on a saucer. "Sit down," he says, looking worried. "Jesus, you're cold as ice. Didn't you bring an umbrella?"
"N-no," Kyungsoo stutters. He peels his jacket off.
"I have an extra change of clothing," Lu Han says. "They might be a little big on you, but it'll have to do. Hold on, they're in the back, let me-"
"Wait," Kyungsoo says. He blinks up at Lu Han. He has to get it out now, but his teeth are chattering too badly. "Will you-your number-go out with-?"
Lu Han's face melts into a wide smile. "Yeah, of course. I'd love to, I really like you-I just. I'd rather not date someone who looks like he's about to die of pneumonia. God, your lips are blue."
"Right," Kyungsoo says. "Okay." Lu Han squeezes his arm and slides into the back of the shop. Kyungsoo takes a sip of the tea, warmth curling right down into his toes. It's jasmine.
fin