[oneshot] you always hurt the one you love
Title: you always hurt the one you love
Pairing: baekhyun/kai
Rating: nc17
Genre: au, romance, angst
Warnings: swearing, sex
Author: gdgdbaby
Notes: it's not jongin's fault he wants something baekhyun can't offer him. college au. for michaelwesten, because she graciously gave up her advent slot, and slowlynow, because she's a WHINER (:*). 4,065 words.
Baekhyun starts sleeping with Jongin after the dance recital fall semester of sophomore year. His sophomore year-Jongin's a freshman, still fairly untouched by the various vices and vicissitudes of undergraduate education. Baekhyun tells people it was the way Jongin's ass swayed in the skin-tight leather pants Kibum from wardrobe had put him in, or how fluid he looked moving across the stage (I knew he'd be amazing in bed, he said, vindicated, when he'd come crawling back to the apartment the morning after, Jongin's number hastily scrawled across the back of his hand in pink highlighter, and Jongdae replied that's more than I ever needed to know about your sex life, to no avail), or because everyone else who left that concert had been thinking about the same thing: Kim Jongin, the contemporary dance team's latest and greatest darling.
Really, though, it'd been the look on his face. After the performance, Baekhyun watched Jongin come off the stage two steps at a time, chest heaving, chin tucked to his sternum, neck shining with sweat, and the big, goofy grin that had bloomed across Jongin's face sent Baekhyun falling back in his seat, dazed.
In retrospect, that should've been the only indication Baekhyun needed to know that this wasn't going to end well at all.
Contrary to popular belief, Baekhyun doesn't sleep around that much. Word of mouth is a powerful thing. Baekhyun's just more openly appreciative than the average person, suggestive enough to keep up the illusion, and generally considered a catch. "That last bit's debatable," Jongdae says, and Chanyeol coughs, "False," into his palm before narrowly dodging Baekhyun's foot to his crotch.
"You just like being liked," Kyungsoo puts in, sounding bored. He's curled up in the living room armchair pretending to go over his macroeconomics notes, but he keeps sneaking glances at their epic Halo battle playing out on the screen. It should probably be worrying how much Kyungsoo enjoys watching video game people die bloody deaths, but none of them have been murdered yet, so Baekhyun's not going to lose sleep over it.
At any rate, Kyungsoo isn't wrong. Freshman year spring semester Baekhyun rushed every social frat on campus, got bids to all of them, and decided to join the business frat instead. "Is that such a bad thing?" Baekhyun asks, mashing his controller. He hits Jongdae with a beautiful headshot and throws his hands up in the air. Chanyeol kills him two seconds later with a loud cackle. Baekhyun's foot swings around to try for Chanyeol's crotch again and he catches the hard bone of Chanyeol's hip.
"No," Kyungsoo says calmly over Chanyeol's yelp. "But it's going to get you into trouble one day."
"Uh huh," Baekhyun says, and goes back to his controller.
Kyungsoo leans forward, all pretense gone. "How's Jongin?"
Baekhyun bites his lip. Jongin's a cute, earnest kid, and has one of the best qualities Baekhyun could hope to find in a person: he laughed at every single one of Baekhyun's jokes. Three times a week, Jongin has dance practice till late. Most days, Baekhyun picks him up afterward and doesn't let him catch his breath before his hands skate beneath Jongin's flimsy muscle shirt. He presses Jongin against the nearest flat surface and sticks his tongue down Jongin's throat, and Jongin lets him, easy as pie. Last Saturday, before the first round of midterms in February, Baekhyun thrust a bottle of cold Vitamin Water into his hands in the rec center locker room and proceeded to get down on his knees, Jongin already half-hard in his sweatpants.
"That's the new boytoy, right?" comes Jongdae's voice on his left, and when Baekhyun starts paying attention to the TV again the round's over. Bottom of the ranks. "Wow, Baekhyun. That's impressive. You did worse than the computer."
"Kyungsoo fucking distracted me!" he snaps, thumbing his controller. He ignores the pointed look Chanyeol sends him and rocks forward, lips turned down into a scowl. "Rematch, rematch."
Baekhyun almost forgets about Valentine's Day until Jongin wakes him up Saturday morning to ask him out for brunch. "Oh," Baekhyun says, yawning. "I don't celebrate. We usually just splurge on discount chocolate the day after and throw an AKPsi party." Jongin bites his lip and looks disappointed for a long moment. Baekhyun finally takes pity on him and tackles him back into bed. He says, "Don't look so glum. Something else is totally on the menu. Yours for the taking," and distracts him with the best blowjob of his life.
Baekhyun passes all his midterms and scrapes by to March, gains back all the stress weight he lost with a couple of trips to K-town. By then, Jongin's been adopted into their group of friends with rather frightening gusto. "They're fun," Jongin says, grinning as he watches Jongdae zoom around McCarthy Quad passing fliers out for the a cappella concert at the end of the month.
"You don't have to live with them," Baekhyun grumbles.
"Don't listen to him, Jongin," Chanyeol says, flopping down on the grass next to them and sticking a finger under Baekhyun's nose. "You're lucky you don't have to live with him. Horrible housemate. Never does his laundry, never washes the dishes, always steals shit out of my closet-"
Sehun, Jongin's dance team friend and a sullen freshman, rolls his eyes. "They might as well live together," he says under his breath. Baekhyun tenses. When he turns his head to glance back again, Jongin's staring at him, bottom lip sucked into his mouth. Baekhyun shimmies up the lawn and folds his mouth over Jongin's, hand settling against Jongin's waist. Sehun isn't wrong. When he isn't in class or going to vocal practice, he's in Jongin's messy room, appropriating a corner of his bed and distracting him from his schoolwork. It's your freshman year, Baekhyun wheedles, fingers bunching in the collar of Jongin's USC sweatshirt. You can afford to choose fun over the boring shit.
Jongdae comes running back for more fliers and makes a face at them. "That's gross," he pants. "Get a room. Or help me pass these out, at least."
"I'll help," Jongin mumbles. He pulls himself reluctantly from the circle of Baekhyun's arms and grabs a stack, dropping another kiss on the top of Baekhyun's head before dashing after Jongdae.
"He must really like you," Sehun says, offhand. Baekhyun blinks at him, stomach going tight. "He's not usually this touchy with anyone."
Baekhyun's still thinking about it when they grab lunch. He takes a huge bite of his burger and Jongin's leg presses warm against his, gaze following the wave of Baekhyun's hand as he explains something to Kyungsoo, who sharply tells him to keep his mouth shut when he's chewing. Jongin meets Baekhyun's eyes after he swallows, lips curled into a familiar, fond grin. He grabs Baekhyun's hand beneath the table and squeezes.
They go back to Baekhyun's place this time. "Sorry about the mess," Baekhyun mumbles, flushing, self-conscious about the pigsty of his bedroom for the first time in ages.
"I like it," Jongin says drily. He hobbles past a laundry-laden desk chair and almost trips over a stack of textbooks, staring at the Bruce Lee poster hung up next to the closet door. "It's got character."
"You're probably the only person in the world who sees it that way," Baekhyun says, and yanks him down onto the bed.
He may have exaggerated for effect that first morning. Jongin isn't terribly experienced, but he's enthusiastic and quick on the uptake, which counts for more, and so sensitive that Baekhyun dragging his mouth over the flat of his collarbone has Jongin shivering against the headboard. Baekhyun kisses him again and unbuckles Jongin's belt, yanks his boxers down with his jeans and tosses them to the side. Jongin sucks in a long breath. His fingers slide into Baekhyun's hair as Baekhyun shifts lower, exhales over Jongin's dick.
He takes the soft tip into his mouth first. Jongin sighs as Baekhyun's tongue dips into the slit. Baekhyun's hands come up to stroke him to full hardness easy enough, and then he sucks twice at the tip, relaxes his throat, and jams his face down as far as it can go. Jongin's hips stutter up to meet him, the roof of Baekhyun's mouth burning. The fingers in his hair clench tighter. Baekhyun gags a little before pulling back, lips stretched taught around Jongin's dick, tongue laving underneath it. He bobs down twice more, sucking hard, until Jongin hits the back of his throat.
"Baekhyun," Jongin whines. A thin sheen of sweat is already gathered on the tan skin of his chest.
Baekhyun pulls off with a wet pop and Jongin thrusts up into nothing. "Hmm?"
"Please," he says.
Baekhyun smiles. He tugs his own shirt off, roots around and uncovers a half-used bottle of lube beneath his comforter. There's a condom in his wallet, which he removes before shoving his pants away, too.
"Not a Trojan this time?" Jongin asks breathlessly.
Baekhyun snorts and knocks him on the head. "I have heard that joke too many times to tolerate it any more," he says. "You'll learn, freshie." Jongin makes a face and scoots down, head pillowed on the sheets. His legs fall open when Baekhyun nudges at them. He gives his own dick a couple of pulls, going harder when he notices Jongin watching him intently, and slides the condom on. Dribbles lube all over his hand, mindless of how it gets all over the duvet. Works a finger into Jongin, his other hand smoothing against the curve of his ass, head turning to brush his mouth along the bump of Jongin's knee.
Jongin lets out a low groan when Baekhyun crooks his finger. "Too slow," he says, trying to grind down. Baekhyun grins wider and pistons a second finger in. Jongin's spine arches, face half-turned into the mattress, and his groan goes high, turns into a breathy, bitten-off gasp as Baekhyun rubs his fingertips against Jongin's prostate.
Three fingers for another half minute and then Baekhyun pulls out. Jongin's mouth drops open when Baekhyun pushes in with his dick, bends Jongin in half until his knees are touching his shoulders. Jongin cranes his neck up to kiss him, breath fluttering into Baekhyun's mouth as he snaps his hips forward into the tight heat. Baekhyun reaches down between Jongin's legs to stroke his flagging erection, lips moving down to suck on Jongin's neck. Jongin shifts, legs locking behind Baekhyun's back to bring him closer. Baekhyun can feel his abdomen heating up like a furnace, warmth coiling down to a fine point in his groin. "Fuck," he mutters, mouthing at Jongin's Adam's apple as he swallows, and thrusts faster until the top of Jongin's head's thunking against the board and Jongin's crying out against his knuckles, and every slam into Jongin brings with it a loud slap of skin on skin.
One of Jongin's hands reaches up to cradle the back of Baekhyun's neck, fingertips dragging against his sweaty nape. Baekhyun lunges forward and kisses him, tongue tracing his full lower lip and worrying it between his teeth. Two more thrusts and a flick of his wrist around Jongin's dick and it's over, he's spilling into Baekhyun's hand with a muffled wail, lips moving, words dredged up that sound like I love you. He rolls his hips down and Baekhyun pitches over, forehead knocking against Jongin's shoulder as he comes, breath caught in the purgatory of his ribcage, teeth clenched so hard it hurts.
It's half past four in the afternoon when Baekhyun shakes Jongin awake. The sun's slanting through the cracks in the blinds. Jongin squints. The arm around Baekhyun's waist tightens. "Hi," Baekhyun says. There's a painful, gagging feeling rising up in his throat, and he doesn't even have a dick in his mouth anymore. "You have class, kiddo."
Jongin sits up and rubs at his eyes with two fingers. Baekhyun thoughtlessly starts brushing Jongin's bangs to the side before he retracts his hand. "Thought you said I should have fun," he croaks, voice low and husky.
"You should," Baekhyun agrees. He flops onto his back and stretches out. "But you can still make it to physics at five. If you run. And you have practice later tonight, too."
Jongin just gazes at him for a minute. Baekhyun fidgets under his scrutinizing stare and then pops up to press a fleeting kiss to his mouth. He feels like he's teetering right on the brink of something important.
"Come on. Go."
"I'll see you later," Jongin says at the door, shirt hopelessly crumpled, the hair on the back of his head sticking up at odd angles. Baekhyun wants to reach out and drag him back into bed again, but all he does is wave.
"I think Jongin's under the impression that we're dating," he tells Jongdae in passing later that evening, when they're in the kitchen trying to concoct something edible dinner.
He doesn't notice Jongdae's frozen stiff and staring at him until he almost bumps into him on the way to the fridge. "Are you under the impression that you're not dating?" Jongdae demands.
"Huh?"
"Baekhyun, Jongin's always around you. He's like a little love barnacle, got his suckers attached to you and he won't let go."
"That's not how barnacles work, idiot," Baekhyun snaps. "And don't-don't use that word."
"What? Love?" Jongdae's expression morphs into something closer to pity when Baekhyun nods, and Baekhyun turns away to beat the eggs. "Oh, Baekhyun."
"I don't want to have this conversation right now," Baekhyun bites out. His chopsticks swirl the egg so ferociously that bits of it fly over the edge of the bowl. Jongdae wrestles it out of his grip and slides it onto the counter.
"I'll let you off dinner duty this time," Jongdae says lightly, as if Baekhyun hasn't been weaseling out of it for as long as they've lived together. Still, he's grateful.
For all intents and purposes, everything's still normal. Baekhyun still brings Jongin Vitamin Water after dance practice, gives him helpful pointers on gen-ed coursework, and sucks his dick like a pro. If there's ever a weird niggling in his chest any time Jongin grins at him, crows' feet creasing, Baekhyun does his best to quash it down.
Spring break budget is tight this year so they all pile in Jongdae's car and drive up the California coast instead. The original plan was Vegas, but: "Vegas sucks when you aren't twenty-one," Jongdae moans. They hit Interstate 5, him and Jongin and Chanyeol squashed into the back seat.
"I feel like I'm stuck in a clown car," Chanyeol says. "Only tiny people can fit. Jongin and I are being oppressed."
Jongdae throws him the bird over his shoulder. "Buy your own car, then, bitch."
"I will," Chanyeol throws back, jamming his knees into Jongdae's back through the cushioned seat. "Then we can go on the continental road trip we've always dreamed of instead of just fucking around in California."
They have sex in the hotel in Fresno and sex on the beach in San Francisco and sex in the back of Jongdae's car in Reno one night after everyone's gone to bed. It reeks in the morning despite Jongin's best attempts at airing it out. Kyungsoo sprays them both down with Febreze he grabs at the nearest gas station, nose wrinkled, and Baekhyun almost dies laughing.
"If we hopped Oregon we could go see your parents, Baekhyun," Jongdae says idly when they reach the border. Jongin straightens up, hands knocking against the roof of the car.
"No time," Baekhyun says, slouching, which is true. As it is, they'll barely be making it back on time for Monday morning classes. Jongdae shrugs, good-natured, and turns the car around.
A couple of weeks later they all get invitations to Baekbeom's August wedding in the mail. "You'll be Baekhyun's plus one, right?" Chanyeol asks Jongin, who turns to Baekhyun and smiles uncertainly.
"Sure, if you want to," Baekhyun says, trying for casual and probably ending up too flippant, from the way Kyungsoo's eyes are narrowing at him.
"I'll be interning in Chicago," Jongdae says sadly. "I'll try to make time and come! If not, catch the bouquet for me."
They all go into cram mode at the end of April. Jongin brings him canned soup and a 36-pack of Red Bull and doesn't flinch when Baekhyun kisses him on the mouth with terrible ramen breath in thanks. "You didn't have to," he says, macro study packet crumpled in his hand.
"Of course I did," Jongin says. "Consider it your birthday present." His face looks troubled, but maybe it's just because their apartment is a warzone of cheat sheets and highlighted powerpoints.
"Right," Baekhyun wheezes. "Thanks."
When Baekhyun emerges on the other side, like a phoenix reborn from the fires of adversity or whatever, the first thing he does is crash for 48 hours. He wakes up two days after his last final to a long body curled in next to his, the gentle rise and fall of Jongin's body against his chest, and thinks with a sobering clarity: I'm fucked.
They stay until convocation, Baekhyun because he has friends from a cappella and AKPsi who are graduating, and Jongin because Baekhyun's staying. They rush up after the ceremony with bunches of flowers for Joonmyun and Kris. There are some tears from Joonmyun-"Pity they didn't come out during the musical this year," Chanyeol says, which earns a smack on the back from Kyungsoo-and a lot of swapping of contact info.
Jongin doesn't bring it up until they're back at his dorm. Sehun's already gone for the summer, and half of Jongin's boxes are packed. "Are you doing anything in July?" Jongin asks, as Baekhyun helps him peel duct tape.
Baekhyun sends him a questioning look, but his stomach sinks. Feels like someone's running his insides through a blender. He knows where this is going. "Why?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to come visit," Jongin says in a rush. "San Diego, I mean. It isn't that far from Seattle, and I want you to meet-" He chuckles, running a hand through his hair, head ducking like he's embarrassed or something. "My best friend, Taemin-he goes to school on the other side of the country so I don't get to see him that much-and my sisters, and my parents-"
"Jongin," Baekhyun says. He's not even sure what kind of expression he has on his face but Jongin must see it because he goes a little pale when he looks up.
"I'm sure they'd be really happy to meet you."
"Jongin," Baekhyun repeats. He puts the tape down. "I-I'm homesick," he says, even though it's a lie. He likes his family enough, misses them since he hadn't gone home for Christmas this year, but he's fine. "I want to go back home and just rest. Get a job, maybe. Plus, there's Baekbeom's wedding-"
"It'd just be for a week, tops," Jongin says, brow furrowing. "You wouldn't have to stay all summer. I'd really like you to come."
Baekhyun stands and dusts his jeans off. "Jongin," he says, voice a bit thick, "I can't."
Jongin blinks. He reaches out for Baekhyun's arm and seems baffled when Baekhyun flinches away. "What's wrong with you?"
"I don't think this is a good idea anymore," he says carefully. His chest constricts, as if his lungs are fighting water out of them, and Jongin's gaze shutters.
"What do you mean?"
"This," Baekhyun says, gesturing between the two of them.
"But I love you."
Baekhyun recoils. "Please don't say that."
"Why not?" Jongin challenges. "It's true."
"You don't even know what love is," Baekhyun says, taking another step back. "I'm not going home with you over the summer, Jongin. And if you think this thing is going to progress further than where it is now, then we should just end it here."
Jongin's silent for a moment, head bowed, hands clenched in his lap. When he looks up again, his eyes are harder than Baekhyun's ever seen them. "Everyone told me you were the type to string people along just for fun," Jongin says, and he sounds like he's about to cry, Jesus Christ. "But I didn't believe it. You were kind to me, and funny, and Baekhyun, I love you."
Baekhyun's lip curls. "That's just what you think now. You don't know any better."
"I guess the rumors were right about you," Jongin says, eyes shiny, and the bark of laughter that forces its way out of his mouth is sharp and brittle, like broken glass. "Baekhyun Byun. Kiss the boys and make them cry."
Baekhyun's throat throbs so hard he feels like he might throw up. He wants to say: It's not like that this time. He wants to say, I used to get tired of the sex so quickly but I like you too much, and that scares me. It makes me too vulnerable. An exposed wire. But if he said all that now it'd be too hard to leave, so he presses his mouth into a thin line, grabs his backpack, and makes his way to the door.
"When we started this you were already thinking about the end, weren't you?"
"Of course," Baekhyun says. His voice stays admirably level. "Things with me, they don't last. I'm sorry."
Summer flies by in a flurry of wedding preparations, his part-time job at the local 24-Hour Fitness, and lackluster jacking off in the shower. He gets the occasional text from Jongdae and Chanyeol, but there are no calls from Jongin. Baekhyun puts off thinking about him as well as he can, but it's difficult when the only thing he sees when he shuts his eyes is the image of Jongin's face: the wide stretch of his mouth when he laughed too hard, the way his damp hair flopped over to tickle his lashes, the clench of his jaw when he was poring over a calculus problem set or when Baekhyun did something particularly good with his tongue.
He tries to forget. This kind of thing had always been easy enough in the past. But Chanyeol and Kyungsoo arrive for the wedding at the beginning of August, decked out in their Sunday best, and when Kyungsoo asks with detached curiosity, "Where's Jongin?" it all comes flooding back.
"We broke up," Baekhyun says, fiddling with the cuff of his tuxedo jacket. "Well, breaking up is predicated upon the assumption that we were dating in the first place, which I'm not sure we were, so. We aren't together anymore."
Chanyeol bites his lip. Kyungsoo peers at him, arms folded across his chest. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Baekhyun says, exhaling slowly. He pastes a smile on his face. "Try the punch. It's great. I mixed it. Guess the mystery ingredient."
"You don't look okay," Chanyeol says. He reaches out for Baekhyun's arm. It swings back down to his side when Baekhyun leaps out of range.
"You miss him," Kyungsoo adds flatly.
"It's just the sex I miss," Baekhyun says, the words turning to ash in his mouth. "And I can get that anywhere."
Chanyeol rolls his eyes. "Why do you make yourself miserable on purpose?" Kyungsoo asks. He peers at Baekhyun, eyes big and wide, as if he's surveying a particularly interesting specimen through a microscope. "Does the self-flagellation feel good to you?"
Baekhyun presses his lips together, tight and tense. Kyungsoo taps his foot against the ground. "It's done, you guys," he says at last, chest pounding hollowly. "Case closed. Now, if you don't have anything better to talk about, I'm going to go greet the other guests."
Returning to campus for the fall semester hurts in a different way. Baekhyun walks past the Carl's Jr. in the dining hall and remembers the feeling of Jongin's warm leg brushing against his beneath the table. He goes to the gym and remembers pushing Jongin under the spray of the shower after hours, both of them still clothed, and shoving a hand down his pants.
"There's a contemporary dance showcase at the Student Associations Fair today," Jongdae says on their first Friday back. "You gonna be there?"
Baekhyun rolls over in bed to face the wall. "Nah," he says, "I'll pass," and Jongdae doesn't ask.
fin
A/N: please don't hate me too much. also, please anticipate michaelwesten's marginally happier follow-up in the near future (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
ETA: read the sequel here @ fridaysblues!
Pairing: baekhyun/kai
Rating: nc17
Genre: au, romance, angst
Warnings: swearing, sex
Author: gdgdbaby
Notes: it's not jongin's fault he wants something baekhyun can't offer him. college au. for michaelwesten, because she graciously gave up her advent slot, and slowlynow, because she's a WHINER (:*). 4,065 words.
Baekhyun starts sleeping with Jongin after the dance recital fall semester of sophomore year. His sophomore year-Jongin's a freshman, still fairly untouched by the various vices and vicissitudes of undergraduate education. Baekhyun tells people it was the way Jongin's ass swayed in the skin-tight leather pants Kibum from wardrobe had put him in, or how fluid he looked moving across the stage (I knew he'd be amazing in bed, he said, vindicated, when he'd come crawling back to the apartment the morning after, Jongin's number hastily scrawled across the back of his hand in pink highlighter, and Jongdae replied that's more than I ever needed to know about your sex life, to no avail), or because everyone else who left that concert had been thinking about the same thing: Kim Jongin, the contemporary dance team's latest and greatest darling.
Really, though, it'd been the look on his face. After the performance, Baekhyun watched Jongin come off the stage two steps at a time, chest heaving, chin tucked to his sternum, neck shining with sweat, and the big, goofy grin that had bloomed across Jongin's face sent Baekhyun falling back in his seat, dazed.
In retrospect, that should've been the only indication Baekhyun needed to know that this wasn't going to end well at all.
Contrary to popular belief, Baekhyun doesn't sleep around that much. Word of mouth is a powerful thing. Baekhyun's just more openly appreciative than the average person, suggestive enough to keep up the illusion, and generally considered a catch. "That last bit's debatable," Jongdae says, and Chanyeol coughs, "False," into his palm before narrowly dodging Baekhyun's foot to his crotch.
"You just like being liked," Kyungsoo puts in, sounding bored. He's curled up in the living room armchair pretending to go over his macroeconomics notes, but he keeps sneaking glances at their epic Halo battle playing out on the screen. It should probably be worrying how much Kyungsoo enjoys watching video game people die bloody deaths, but none of them have been murdered yet, so Baekhyun's not going to lose sleep over it.
At any rate, Kyungsoo isn't wrong. Freshman year spring semester Baekhyun rushed every social frat on campus, got bids to all of them, and decided to join the business frat instead. "Is that such a bad thing?" Baekhyun asks, mashing his controller. He hits Jongdae with a beautiful headshot and throws his hands up in the air. Chanyeol kills him two seconds later with a loud cackle. Baekhyun's foot swings around to try for Chanyeol's crotch again and he catches the hard bone of Chanyeol's hip.
"No," Kyungsoo says calmly over Chanyeol's yelp. "But it's going to get you into trouble one day."
"Uh huh," Baekhyun says, and goes back to his controller.
Kyungsoo leans forward, all pretense gone. "How's Jongin?"
Baekhyun bites his lip. Jongin's a cute, earnest kid, and has one of the best qualities Baekhyun could hope to find in a person: he laughed at every single one of Baekhyun's jokes. Three times a week, Jongin has dance practice till late. Most days, Baekhyun picks him up afterward and doesn't let him catch his breath before his hands skate beneath Jongin's flimsy muscle shirt. He presses Jongin against the nearest flat surface and sticks his tongue down Jongin's throat, and Jongin lets him, easy as pie. Last Saturday, before the first round of midterms in February, Baekhyun thrust a bottle of cold Vitamin Water into his hands in the rec center locker room and proceeded to get down on his knees, Jongin already half-hard in his sweatpants.
"That's the new boytoy, right?" comes Jongdae's voice on his left, and when Baekhyun starts paying attention to the TV again the round's over. Bottom of the ranks. "Wow, Baekhyun. That's impressive. You did worse than the computer."
"Kyungsoo fucking distracted me!" he snaps, thumbing his controller. He ignores the pointed look Chanyeol sends him and rocks forward, lips turned down into a scowl. "Rematch, rematch."
Baekhyun almost forgets about Valentine's Day until Jongin wakes him up Saturday morning to ask him out for brunch. "Oh," Baekhyun says, yawning. "I don't celebrate. We usually just splurge on discount chocolate the day after and throw an AKPsi party." Jongin bites his lip and looks disappointed for a long moment. Baekhyun finally takes pity on him and tackles him back into bed. He says, "Don't look so glum. Something else is totally on the menu. Yours for the taking," and distracts him with the best blowjob of his life.
Baekhyun passes all his midterms and scrapes by to March, gains back all the stress weight he lost with a couple of trips to K-town. By then, Jongin's been adopted into their group of friends with rather frightening gusto. "They're fun," Jongin says, grinning as he watches Jongdae zoom around McCarthy Quad passing fliers out for the a cappella concert at the end of the month.
"You don't have to live with them," Baekhyun grumbles.
"Don't listen to him, Jongin," Chanyeol says, flopping down on the grass next to them and sticking a finger under Baekhyun's nose. "You're lucky you don't have to live with him. Horrible housemate. Never does his laundry, never washes the dishes, always steals shit out of my closet-"
Sehun, Jongin's dance team friend and a sullen freshman, rolls his eyes. "They might as well live together," he says under his breath. Baekhyun tenses. When he turns his head to glance back again, Jongin's staring at him, bottom lip sucked into his mouth. Baekhyun shimmies up the lawn and folds his mouth over Jongin's, hand settling against Jongin's waist. Sehun isn't wrong. When he isn't in class or going to vocal practice, he's in Jongin's messy room, appropriating a corner of his bed and distracting him from his schoolwork. It's your freshman year, Baekhyun wheedles, fingers bunching in the collar of Jongin's USC sweatshirt. You can afford to choose fun over the boring shit.
Jongdae comes running back for more fliers and makes a face at them. "That's gross," he pants. "Get a room. Or help me pass these out, at least."
"I'll help," Jongin mumbles. He pulls himself reluctantly from the circle of Baekhyun's arms and grabs a stack, dropping another kiss on the top of Baekhyun's head before dashing after Jongdae.
"He must really like you," Sehun says, offhand. Baekhyun blinks at him, stomach going tight. "He's not usually this touchy with anyone."
Baekhyun's still thinking about it when they grab lunch. He takes a huge bite of his burger and Jongin's leg presses warm against his, gaze following the wave of Baekhyun's hand as he explains something to Kyungsoo, who sharply tells him to keep his mouth shut when he's chewing. Jongin meets Baekhyun's eyes after he swallows, lips curled into a familiar, fond grin. He grabs Baekhyun's hand beneath the table and squeezes.
They go back to Baekhyun's place this time. "Sorry about the mess," Baekhyun mumbles, flushing, self-conscious about the pigsty of his bedroom for the first time in ages.
"I like it," Jongin says drily. He hobbles past a laundry-laden desk chair and almost trips over a stack of textbooks, staring at the Bruce Lee poster hung up next to the closet door. "It's got character."
"You're probably the only person in the world who sees it that way," Baekhyun says, and yanks him down onto the bed.
He may have exaggerated for effect that first morning. Jongin isn't terribly experienced, but he's enthusiastic and quick on the uptake, which counts for more, and so sensitive that Baekhyun dragging his mouth over the flat of his collarbone has Jongin shivering against the headboard. Baekhyun kisses him again and unbuckles Jongin's belt, yanks his boxers down with his jeans and tosses them to the side. Jongin sucks in a long breath. His fingers slide into Baekhyun's hair as Baekhyun shifts lower, exhales over Jongin's dick.
He takes the soft tip into his mouth first. Jongin sighs as Baekhyun's tongue dips into the slit. Baekhyun's hands come up to stroke him to full hardness easy enough, and then he sucks twice at the tip, relaxes his throat, and jams his face down as far as it can go. Jongin's hips stutter up to meet him, the roof of Baekhyun's mouth burning. The fingers in his hair clench tighter. Baekhyun gags a little before pulling back, lips stretched taught around Jongin's dick, tongue laving underneath it. He bobs down twice more, sucking hard, until Jongin hits the back of his throat.
"Baekhyun," Jongin whines. A thin sheen of sweat is already gathered on the tan skin of his chest.
Baekhyun pulls off with a wet pop and Jongin thrusts up into nothing. "Hmm?"
"Please," he says.
Baekhyun smiles. He tugs his own shirt off, roots around and uncovers a half-used bottle of lube beneath his comforter. There's a condom in his wallet, which he removes before shoving his pants away, too.
"Not a Trojan this time?" Jongin asks breathlessly.
Baekhyun snorts and knocks him on the head. "I have heard that joke too many times to tolerate it any more," he says. "You'll learn, freshie." Jongin makes a face and scoots down, head pillowed on the sheets. His legs fall open when Baekhyun nudges at them. He gives his own dick a couple of pulls, going harder when he notices Jongin watching him intently, and slides the condom on. Dribbles lube all over his hand, mindless of how it gets all over the duvet. Works a finger into Jongin, his other hand smoothing against the curve of his ass, head turning to brush his mouth along the bump of Jongin's knee.
Jongin lets out a low groan when Baekhyun crooks his finger. "Too slow," he says, trying to grind down. Baekhyun grins wider and pistons a second finger in. Jongin's spine arches, face half-turned into the mattress, and his groan goes high, turns into a breathy, bitten-off gasp as Baekhyun rubs his fingertips against Jongin's prostate.
Three fingers for another half minute and then Baekhyun pulls out. Jongin's mouth drops open when Baekhyun pushes in with his dick, bends Jongin in half until his knees are touching his shoulders. Jongin cranes his neck up to kiss him, breath fluttering into Baekhyun's mouth as he snaps his hips forward into the tight heat. Baekhyun reaches down between Jongin's legs to stroke his flagging erection, lips moving down to suck on Jongin's neck. Jongin shifts, legs locking behind Baekhyun's back to bring him closer. Baekhyun can feel his abdomen heating up like a furnace, warmth coiling down to a fine point in his groin. "Fuck," he mutters, mouthing at Jongin's Adam's apple as he swallows, and thrusts faster until the top of Jongin's head's thunking against the board and Jongin's crying out against his knuckles, and every slam into Jongin brings with it a loud slap of skin on skin.
One of Jongin's hands reaches up to cradle the back of Baekhyun's neck, fingertips dragging against his sweaty nape. Baekhyun lunges forward and kisses him, tongue tracing his full lower lip and worrying it between his teeth. Two more thrusts and a flick of his wrist around Jongin's dick and it's over, he's spilling into Baekhyun's hand with a muffled wail, lips moving, words dredged up that sound like I love you. He rolls his hips down and Baekhyun pitches over, forehead knocking against Jongin's shoulder as he comes, breath caught in the purgatory of his ribcage, teeth clenched so hard it hurts.
It's half past four in the afternoon when Baekhyun shakes Jongin awake. The sun's slanting through the cracks in the blinds. Jongin squints. The arm around Baekhyun's waist tightens. "Hi," Baekhyun says. There's a painful, gagging feeling rising up in his throat, and he doesn't even have a dick in his mouth anymore. "You have class, kiddo."
Jongin sits up and rubs at his eyes with two fingers. Baekhyun thoughtlessly starts brushing Jongin's bangs to the side before he retracts his hand. "Thought you said I should have fun," he croaks, voice low and husky.
"You should," Baekhyun agrees. He flops onto his back and stretches out. "But you can still make it to physics at five. If you run. And you have practice later tonight, too."
Jongin just gazes at him for a minute. Baekhyun fidgets under his scrutinizing stare and then pops up to press a fleeting kiss to his mouth. He feels like he's teetering right on the brink of something important.
"Come on. Go."
"I'll see you later," Jongin says at the door, shirt hopelessly crumpled, the hair on the back of his head sticking up at odd angles. Baekhyun wants to reach out and drag him back into bed again, but all he does is wave.
"I think Jongin's under the impression that we're dating," he tells Jongdae in passing later that evening, when they're in the kitchen trying to concoct something edible dinner.
He doesn't notice Jongdae's frozen stiff and staring at him until he almost bumps into him on the way to the fridge. "Are you under the impression that you're not dating?" Jongdae demands.
"Huh?"
"Baekhyun, Jongin's always around you. He's like a little love barnacle, got his suckers attached to you and he won't let go."
"That's not how barnacles work, idiot," Baekhyun snaps. "And don't-don't use that word."
"What? Love?" Jongdae's expression morphs into something closer to pity when Baekhyun nods, and Baekhyun turns away to beat the eggs. "Oh, Baekhyun."
"I don't want to have this conversation right now," Baekhyun bites out. His chopsticks swirl the egg so ferociously that bits of it fly over the edge of the bowl. Jongdae wrestles it out of his grip and slides it onto the counter.
"I'll let you off dinner duty this time," Jongdae says lightly, as if Baekhyun hasn't been weaseling out of it for as long as they've lived together. Still, he's grateful.
For all intents and purposes, everything's still normal. Baekhyun still brings Jongin Vitamin Water after dance practice, gives him helpful pointers on gen-ed coursework, and sucks his dick like a pro. If there's ever a weird niggling in his chest any time Jongin grins at him, crows' feet creasing, Baekhyun does his best to quash it down.
Spring break budget is tight this year so they all pile in Jongdae's car and drive up the California coast instead. The original plan was Vegas, but: "Vegas sucks when you aren't twenty-one," Jongdae moans. They hit Interstate 5, him and Jongin and Chanyeol squashed into the back seat.
"I feel like I'm stuck in a clown car," Chanyeol says. "Only tiny people can fit. Jongin and I are being oppressed."
Jongdae throws him the bird over his shoulder. "Buy your own car, then, bitch."
"I will," Chanyeol throws back, jamming his knees into Jongdae's back through the cushioned seat. "Then we can go on the continental road trip we've always dreamed of instead of just fucking around in California."
They have sex in the hotel in Fresno and sex on the beach in San Francisco and sex in the back of Jongdae's car in Reno one night after everyone's gone to bed. It reeks in the morning despite Jongin's best attempts at airing it out. Kyungsoo sprays them both down with Febreze he grabs at the nearest gas station, nose wrinkled, and Baekhyun almost dies laughing.
"If we hopped Oregon we could go see your parents, Baekhyun," Jongdae says idly when they reach the border. Jongin straightens up, hands knocking against the roof of the car.
"No time," Baekhyun says, slouching, which is true. As it is, they'll barely be making it back on time for Monday morning classes. Jongdae shrugs, good-natured, and turns the car around.
A couple of weeks later they all get invitations to Baekbeom's August wedding in the mail. "You'll be Baekhyun's plus one, right?" Chanyeol asks Jongin, who turns to Baekhyun and smiles uncertainly.
"Sure, if you want to," Baekhyun says, trying for casual and probably ending up too flippant, from the way Kyungsoo's eyes are narrowing at him.
"I'll be interning in Chicago," Jongdae says sadly. "I'll try to make time and come! If not, catch the bouquet for me."
They all go into cram mode at the end of April. Jongin brings him canned soup and a 36-pack of Red Bull and doesn't flinch when Baekhyun kisses him on the mouth with terrible ramen breath in thanks. "You didn't have to," he says, macro study packet crumpled in his hand.
"Of course I did," Jongin says. "Consider it your birthday present." His face looks troubled, but maybe it's just because their apartment is a warzone of cheat sheets and highlighted powerpoints.
"Right," Baekhyun wheezes. "Thanks."
When Baekhyun emerges on the other side, like a phoenix reborn from the fires of adversity or whatever, the first thing he does is crash for 48 hours. He wakes up two days after his last final to a long body curled in next to his, the gentle rise and fall of Jongin's body against his chest, and thinks with a sobering clarity: I'm fucked.
They stay until convocation, Baekhyun because he has friends from a cappella and AKPsi who are graduating, and Jongin because Baekhyun's staying. They rush up after the ceremony with bunches of flowers for Joonmyun and Kris. There are some tears from Joonmyun-"Pity they didn't come out during the musical this year," Chanyeol says, which earns a smack on the back from Kyungsoo-and a lot of swapping of contact info.
Jongin doesn't bring it up until they're back at his dorm. Sehun's already gone for the summer, and half of Jongin's boxes are packed. "Are you doing anything in July?" Jongin asks, as Baekhyun helps him peel duct tape.
Baekhyun sends him a questioning look, but his stomach sinks. Feels like someone's running his insides through a blender. He knows where this is going. "Why?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to come visit," Jongin says in a rush. "San Diego, I mean. It isn't that far from Seattle, and I want you to meet-" He chuckles, running a hand through his hair, head ducking like he's embarrassed or something. "My best friend, Taemin-he goes to school on the other side of the country so I don't get to see him that much-and my sisters, and my parents-"
"Jongin," Baekhyun says. He's not even sure what kind of expression he has on his face but Jongin must see it because he goes a little pale when he looks up.
"I'm sure they'd be really happy to meet you."
"Jongin," Baekhyun repeats. He puts the tape down. "I-I'm homesick," he says, even though it's a lie. He likes his family enough, misses them since he hadn't gone home for Christmas this year, but he's fine. "I want to go back home and just rest. Get a job, maybe. Plus, there's Baekbeom's wedding-"
"It'd just be for a week, tops," Jongin says, brow furrowing. "You wouldn't have to stay all summer. I'd really like you to come."
Baekhyun stands and dusts his jeans off. "Jongin," he says, voice a bit thick, "I can't."
Jongin blinks. He reaches out for Baekhyun's arm and seems baffled when Baekhyun flinches away. "What's wrong with you?"
"I don't think this is a good idea anymore," he says carefully. His chest constricts, as if his lungs are fighting water out of them, and Jongin's gaze shutters.
"What do you mean?"
"This," Baekhyun says, gesturing between the two of them.
"But I love you."
Baekhyun recoils. "Please don't say that."
"Why not?" Jongin challenges. "It's true."
"You don't even know what love is," Baekhyun says, taking another step back. "I'm not going home with you over the summer, Jongin. And if you think this thing is going to progress further than where it is now, then we should just end it here."
Jongin's silent for a moment, head bowed, hands clenched in his lap. When he looks up again, his eyes are harder than Baekhyun's ever seen them. "Everyone told me you were the type to string people along just for fun," Jongin says, and he sounds like he's about to cry, Jesus Christ. "But I didn't believe it. You were kind to me, and funny, and Baekhyun, I love you."
Baekhyun's lip curls. "That's just what you think now. You don't know any better."
"I guess the rumors were right about you," Jongin says, eyes shiny, and the bark of laughter that forces its way out of his mouth is sharp and brittle, like broken glass. "Baekhyun Byun. Kiss the boys and make them cry."
Baekhyun's throat throbs so hard he feels like he might throw up. He wants to say: It's not like that this time. He wants to say, I used to get tired of the sex so quickly but I like you too much, and that scares me. It makes me too vulnerable. An exposed wire. But if he said all that now it'd be too hard to leave, so he presses his mouth into a thin line, grabs his backpack, and makes his way to the door.
"When we started this you were already thinking about the end, weren't you?"
"Of course," Baekhyun says. His voice stays admirably level. "Things with me, they don't last. I'm sorry."
Summer flies by in a flurry of wedding preparations, his part-time job at the local 24-Hour Fitness, and lackluster jacking off in the shower. He gets the occasional text from Jongdae and Chanyeol, but there are no calls from Jongin. Baekhyun puts off thinking about him as well as he can, but it's difficult when the only thing he sees when he shuts his eyes is the image of Jongin's face: the wide stretch of his mouth when he laughed too hard, the way his damp hair flopped over to tickle his lashes, the clench of his jaw when he was poring over a calculus problem set or when Baekhyun did something particularly good with his tongue.
He tries to forget. This kind of thing had always been easy enough in the past. But Chanyeol and Kyungsoo arrive for the wedding at the beginning of August, decked out in their Sunday best, and when Kyungsoo asks with detached curiosity, "Where's Jongin?" it all comes flooding back.
"We broke up," Baekhyun says, fiddling with the cuff of his tuxedo jacket. "Well, breaking up is predicated upon the assumption that we were dating in the first place, which I'm not sure we were, so. We aren't together anymore."
Chanyeol bites his lip. Kyungsoo peers at him, arms folded across his chest. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Baekhyun says, exhaling slowly. He pastes a smile on his face. "Try the punch. It's great. I mixed it. Guess the mystery ingredient."
"You don't look okay," Chanyeol says. He reaches out for Baekhyun's arm. It swings back down to his side when Baekhyun leaps out of range.
"You miss him," Kyungsoo adds flatly.
"It's just the sex I miss," Baekhyun says, the words turning to ash in his mouth. "And I can get that anywhere."
Chanyeol rolls his eyes. "Why do you make yourself miserable on purpose?" Kyungsoo asks. He peers at Baekhyun, eyes big and wide, as if he's surveying a particularly interesting specimen through a microscope. "Does the self-flagellation feel good to you?"
Baekhyun presses his lips together, tight and tense. Kyungsoo taps his foot against the ground. "It's done, you guys," he says at last, chest pounding hollowly. "Case closed. Now, if you don't have anything better to talk about, I'm going to go greet the other guests."
Returning to campus for the fall semester hurts in a different way. Baekhyun walks past the Carl's Jr. in the dining hall and remembers the feeling of Jongin's warm leg brushing against his beneath the table. He goes to the gym and remembers pushing Jongin under the spray of the shower after hours, both of them still clothed, and shoving a hand down his pants.
"There's a contemporary dance showcase at the Student Associations Fair today," Jongdae says on their first Friday back. "You gonna be there?"
Baekhyun rolls over in bed to face the wall. "Nah," he says, "I'll pass," and Jongdae doesn't ask.
fin
A/N: please don't hate me too much. also, please anticipate michaelwesten's marginally happier follow-up in the near future (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
ETA: read the sequel here @ fridaysblues!