BREATHE.
Title: Breathe
Pairing: G-Ri
Rating: PG-13
Summary: TOP and Seungri are eating ice cream- in the middle of the night!
AN: Well, this is bound to happen. Seungri's got it coming.
BREATHE
Jiyong can't breathe.
This isn't reality, Jiyong reminds himself and he snickers inwardly. This is amazing. Brilliant- just brilliant.
Seungri's laughing at something that TOP was saying and they are sitting next to each other on the couch in the living room and Jiyong has no idea- really, none- why he is hiding along the hallway, shadows covering him from sight as his two band mates - the two Seunghyuns- are up this late at night eating ice cream.
It's because this isn't reality, Jiyong reminds himself again and he suddenly wants to cry.
Pathetic.
Jiyong forgets he's thirsty and that the little fridge he has in his room has ran out of water. He heads back to his room and curses Youngbae.
---
This is your fault, you know? But Jiyong can't say that to Youngbae. Youngbae's his best friend and Youngbae hasn't done anything wrong, has always been right, always.
"Seungri and TOP hyung are getting along pretty well," Jiyong says instead and Youngbae smiles, petting Gaho with his left hand.
"Great, right? Now it's only Daesung we need to work on," Youngbae has Gaho on his lap and Jiyong suddenly wants to take Gaho onto his own lap- because Gaho is his property.
"We both were busy. TOP hyung has had some free time, Daesung was with his parents, Seungri must have been lonely," Jiyong looks out the window and feels like he doesn't need this, feels like this is the end of the world.
"TOP hyung has liked Seungri ever since, he just didn't know how to react to Seungri's personality," Youngbae's slowly getting it.
"But I do. I know how to- but I was busy with my damn activities and-"
"-and nothing. Seungri's not yours, Jiyong."
Silence because Youngbae's right. Jiyong can't keep Seungri all to himelf. Jiyong can't have all the others shunned away because Seungri's his- his favorite- his favorite what?
"I miss him."
"I know."
"He's right there but I miss him."
Well, damn.
--
Gaho's playing with one of the many soft squishy toys that now litters Jiyong's bedroom floor. Jiyong stares at Gaho fondly. At least nobody's going to take Gaho away from him. And at least, Gaho wouldn't trade Jiyong for anybody else who gives him attention.
Unlike his previous pet. That ungrateful git.
--
Jiyong's moving along just fine. He's feeling rather perfectly well these past few days.
He's not jealous.
Youngbae pointed this out and Jiyong laughed and told Youngbae that he isn't fucking jealous because damn- he doesn't care if Seungri's getting along just fine with TOP hyung cause that's supposed to be great. That'll help the amazing group dynamics of Bigbang.
Jiyong frowns.
Bigbang-1 Jiyong-0
--
It's a Tuesday when Jiyong finally corners Seungri. It's 1:37 am in the morning and they're both thirsty.
"What did I do wrong this time?" Jiyong asks, wants to know. He's serious and Seungri shrugs.
"You didn't do anything wrong, hyung," Seungri's tone is light as he sips his glass of water. Jiyong doesn't have the energy to push the kid and yell some sense into him.
"I did something wrong again, didn't I?"
"No, you didn't. You did nothing."
"Nothing?" Jiyong wants to laugh all of a sudden but he doesn't. He tries not to because he's so tired, so fucking tired and down.
"Yes, hyung, nothing."
"Exactly, Seungri. I've done nothing-" smirk, "-but miss you like crazy."
Then Jiyong turns, angry. He goes back to his room and locks it. He looks at Gaho innocently sleeping and wonders why he had the dog in the first place. Why had he ever thought that a dog can replace a human being?
Jiyong was stupid right after Japan, that's why.
--
It's a photoshoot. They're wearing red. Christmas and Seunghyun's got an arm around Seunghyun's neck- just like Jiyong did. Exactly just like Jiyong did. A long time ago. Millions of other photoshoots ago.
"Hyung, you look more drained than I'm supposed to feel," Daesung tries to smile but he feels like it won't help. Help what? He has no idea. But it feels like something's wrong- something's off.
"Sorry, Daesungah~ I'm supposed to be worried about you but I'm worried about-" Jiyong looks at the ceiling, flinches, "-other things."
"TOP hyung's not all over me today," Daesung notes and Jiyong smiles at the younger's understanding. Daesung shouldn't be Dumber, he's rather smarter than he lets on. Jiyong makes a mental note to call Jaesuk hyung later.
"And I'm not violating Seungri's personal space and this isn't even 2008 so there's no excuse to be apart," Jiyong mumbles and Daesung returns the smile.
"What happened, hyung?"
"Nothing. Nothing happened."
--
Jiyong attempts to jump over his balcony. He did. But then he felt like he's going to be sick and that dying wouldn't make any difference. He'd only destroy five dreams, one company and millions of hearts. Not to mention make thousands of reporters rich and hordes of anti fans overjoyed.
Jiyong wasn't really going to jump. He wouldn't. Ever. He isn't psychotic but he just wanted to see how long he can push back an impulse so strong that he can't breathe. He took pretty quick. When he touched the railings his palms burned and he knows he can't touch- no-
-damn it, this has nothing to do with Seungri and the impulse to- the need to-
-damn it!
--
When his door opened that night, Jiyong thought he really did jump over the balcony and that he's in Hell.
Seungri slips under the covers. Without trouble. (Practice makes perfect, they say.)
"You were too busy, hyung. I didn't want to get in the way," he's silent and breaking apart.
"Funny, Seungri. We both know that's a lie."
"Better lie than tell the truth."
There's silence as Jiyong gets it.
"I've missed you. I've been missing you so much."
"That's why lying is better. With you, lying is always better."
"With me- Seungri- hey-"
"With you, it's better to pretend than to open my eyes and know. Hyung, don't you get it? This is what I want."
"What, Seungri? For me to die of jealousy?"
Laughter. Jokes are half-meant. Jiyong thinks of the burn of the railing on his palms and decides not to tell Seungri.
"No- hyung- no."
"Then what? Enlighten me."
"With TOP hyung, it's nothing more than it should be. It's simply what it's supposed to be. Fan service. Fan service and nothing else."
There- Seungri has said it. Fanservice. The magic word.
"I'm not in love with you, you know? I'm not," Seungri chuckles at Jiyong's words as he shifts on the bed. Jiyong moves closer a little.
"I know, hyung. But fan service with you has become-"
"Sorry."
"- too real, has become-"
"I said I'm sorry."
"- hurtful because-"
"Fuck, Seungri, shut up!"
"- it's just fan service."
--
Jiyong snaps because, well- Seungri's wearing TOP hyung's style. Fuck the world. TOP hyung style! For crying out loud! For fuck's sake! A beanie! Worn that way! And glasses-- !!! And- and- and that shirt and-
"Damn you."
Then he hugged Seungri. He's not supposed to. It was an impulsive decision, much like wanting to jump over his balcony and when he hugged Seungri, his whole body burned. Then they fell. Jiyong's grinning like crazy, looks at the others to see if they saw. Daesung did. Taeyang did. TOP, well, he wanted to do something but he was stunned for a second, took another to realize what just happened, then another to act and well-
When they stood up, Jiyong's grinning ear to ear. Jiyong's happy because when Seungri gets up, he's disoriented. He missed a few notes, few seconds of his lines and his dance step was off.
That's right, kid. I can make you disoriented, Jiyong thinks and smirks.
Triumphant. Victory! No pun intended.
--
"Funny stunt you pulled there," TOP hyung's amused and Jiyong's an 11 year old boy with a school crush under the older's gaze. Jiyong shrugs.
"Fan service."
"Been a while, fan service," TOP says, smirking. "You're jealous."
"Of course. Just because I don't go about declaring it anymore doesn't mean it's lost its validity: Maknae is still mine," Jiyong says then thinks, then adds, "hyung."
TOP laughs, "And Jiyong belongs to Panda."
Jiyong laughs with him.
--
It's Monday and Jiyong's busy but Seungri's so fucking gorgeous like this that-
Hmmm-
"Hyung, we're not in that kind of relationship, you know?"
"Of course we aren't."
Seungri smiles in the darkness and Jiyong snickers.
"Good, cause I'm worried you might start putting a leash on my neck."
"Seungri, you aren't Gaho."
"Would've been nice to be him, though."
Fuck. Did Seungri just say that? Fuck.
"Erhm."
"Then what kind of relationship are we in?"
How do you count infinity? Silence like the vast night sky.
"I don't know either."
"Good, cause I don't want to know, really."
Silence again, but this time, shorter- like eternity.
"Hey."
"Hm?"
"Sometimes, lying is better than telling the truth."
They both let that sink in. Realization hits and they both can't breathe.
Yes, this is why lying is always better.
Because when they tell the truth, they both can't breathe.
AN: Only a few more days and freedom! Anyways, I touched on quite a lot of my ideas here. I hope people spot some of them. When I get back, I'll return all the comments I owe and read all the new fics!
Pairing: G-Ri
Rating: PG-13
Summary: TOP and Seungri are eating ice cream- in the middle of the night!
AN: Well, this is bound to happen. Seungri's got it coming.
BREATHE
Jiyong can't breathe.
This isn't reality, Jiyong reminds himself and he snickers inwardly. This is amazing. Brilliant- just brilliant.
Seungri's laughing at something that TOP was saying and they are sitting next to each other on the couch in the living room and Jiyong has no idea- really, none- why he is hiding along the hallway, shadows covering him from sight as his two band mates - the two Seunghyuns- are up this late at night eating ice cream.
It's because this isn't reality, Jiyong reminds himself again and he suddenly wants to cry.
Pathetic.
Jiyong forgets he's thirsty and that the little fridge he has in his room has ran out of water. He heads back to his room and curses Youngbae.
---
This is your fault, you know? But Jiyong can't say that to Youngbae. Youngbae's his best friend and Youngbae hasn't done anything wrong, has always been right, always.
"Seungri and TOP hyung are getting along pretty well," Jiyong says instead and Youngbae smiles, petting Gaho with his left hand.
"Great, right? Now it's only Daesung we need to work on," Youngbae has Gaho on his lap and Jiyong suddenly wants to take Gaho onto his own lap- because Gaho is his property.
"We both were busy. TOP hyung has had some free time, Daesung was with his parents, Seungri must have been lonely," Jiyong looks out the window and feels like he doesn't need this, feels like this is the end of the world.
"TOP hyung has liked Seungri ever since, he just didn't know how to react to Seungri's personality," Youngbae's slowly getting it.
"But I do. I know how to- but I was busy with my damn activities and-"
"-and nothing. Seungri's not yours, Jiyong."
Silence because Youngbae's right. Jiyong can't keep Seungri all to himelf. Jiyong can't have all the others shunned away because Seungri's his- his favorite- his favorite what?
"I miss him."
"I know."
"He's right there but I miss him."
Well, damn.
--
Gaho's playing with one of the many soft squishy toys that now litters Jiyong's bedroom floor. Jiyong stares at Gaho fondly. At least nobody's going to take Gaho away from him. And at least, Gaho wouldn't trade Jiyong for anybody else who gives him attention.
Unlike his previous pet. That ungrateful git.
--
Jiyong's moving along just fine. He's feeling rather perfectly well these past few days.
He's not jealous.
Youngbae pointed this out and Jiyong laughed and told Youngbae that he isn't fucking jealous because damn- he doesn't care if Seungri's getting along just fine with TOP hyung cause that's supposed to be great. That'll help the amazing group dynamics of Bigbang.
Jiyong frowns.
Bigbang-1 Jiyong-0
--
It's a Tuesday when Jiyong finally corners Seungri. It's 1:37 am in the morning and they're both thirsty.
"What did I do wrong this time?" Jiyong asks, wants to know. He's serious and Seungri shrugs.
"You didn't do anything wrong, hyung," Seungri's tone is light as he sips his glass of water. Jiyong doesn't have the energy to push the kid and yell some sense into him.
"I did something wrong again, didn't I?"
"No, you didn't. You did nothing."
"Nothing?" Jiyong wants to laugh all of a sudden but he doesn't. He tries not to because he's so tired, so fucking tired and down.
"Yes, hyung, nothing."
"Exactly, Seungri. I've done nothing-" smirk, "-but miss you like crazy."
Then Jiyong turns, angry. He goes back to his room and locks it. He looks at Gaho innocently sleeping and wonders why he had the dog in the first place. Why had he ever thought that a dog can replace a human being?
Jiyong was stupid right after Japan, that's why.
--
It's a photoshoot. They're wearing red. Christmas and Seunghyun's got an arm around Seunghyun's neck- just like Jiyong did. Exactly just like Jiyong did. A long time ago. Millions of other photoshoots ago.
"Hyung, you look more drained than I'm supposed to feel," Daesung tries to smile but he feels like it won't help. Help what? He has no idea. But it feels like something's wrong- something's off.
"Sorry, Daesungah~ I'm supposed to be worried about you but I'm worried about-" Jiyong looks at the ceiling, flinches, "-other things."
"TOP hyung's not all over me today," Daesung notes and Jiyong smiles at the younger's understanding. Daesung shouldn't be Dumber, he's rather smarter than he lets on. Jiyong makes a mental note to call Jaesuk hyung later.
"And I'm not violating Seungri's personal space and this isn't even 2008 so there's no excuse to be apart," Jiyong mumbles and Daesung returns the smile.
"What happened, hyung?"
"Nothing. Nothing happened."
--
Jiyong attempts to jump over his balcony. He did. But then he felt like he's going to be sick and that dying wouldn't make any difference. He'd only destroy five dreams, one company and millions of hearts. Not to mention make thousands of reporters rich and hordes of anti fans overjoyed.
Jiyong wasn't really going to jump. He wouldn't. Ever. He isn't psychotic but he just wanted to see how long he can push back an impulse so strong that he can't breathe. He took pretty quick. When he touched the railings his palms burned and he knows he can't touch- no-
-damn it, this has nothing to do with Seungri and the impulse to- the need to-
-damn it!
--
When his door opened that night, Jiyong thought he really did jump over the balcony and that he's in Hell.
Seungri slips under the covers. Without trouble. (Practice makes perfect, they say.)
"You were too busy, hyung. I didn't want to get in the way," he's silent and breaking apart.
"Funny, Seungri. We both know that's a lie."
"Better lie than tell the truth."
There's silence as Jiyong gets it.
"I've missed you. I've been missing you so much."
"That's why lying is better. With you, lying is always better."
"With me- Seungri- hey-"
"With you, it's better to pretend than to open my eyes and know. Hyung, don't you get it? This is what I want."
"What, Seungri? For me to die of jealousy?"
Laughter. Jokes are half-meant. Jiyong thinks of the burn of the railing on his palms and decides not to tell Seungri.
"No- hyung- no."
"Then what? Enlighten me."
"With TOP hyung, it's nothing more than it should be. It's simply what it's supposed to be. Fan service. Fan service and nothing else."
There- Seungri has said it. Fanservice. The magic word.
"I'm not in love with you, you know? I'm not," Seungri chuckles at Jiyong's words as he shifts on the bed. Jiyong moves closer a little.
"I know, hyung. But fan service with you has become-"
"Sorry."
"- too real, has become-"
"I said I'm sorry."
"- hurtful because-"
"Fuck, Seungri, shut up!"
"- it's just fan service."
--
Jiyong snaps because, well- Seungri's wearing TOP hyung's style. Fuck the world. TOP hyung style! For crying out loud! For fuck's sake! A beanie! Worn that way! And glasses-- !!! And- and- and that shirt and-
"Damn you."
Then he hugged Seungri. He's not supposed to. It was an impulsive decision, much like wanting to jump over his balcony and when he hugged Seungri, his whole body burned. Then they fell. Jiyong's grinning like crazy, looks at the others to see if they saw. Daesung did. Taeyang did. TOP, well, he wanted to do something but he was stunned for a second, took another to realize what just happened, then another to act and well-
When they stood up, Jiyong's grinning ear to ear. Jiyong's happy because when Seungri gets up, he's disoriented. He missed a few notes, few seconds of his lines and his dance step was off.
That's right, kid. I can make you disoriented, Jiyong thinks and smirks.
Triumphant. Victory! No pun intended.
--
"Funny stunt you pulled there," TOP hyung's amused and Jiyong's an 11 year old boy with a school crush under the older's gaze. Jiyong shrugs.
"Fan service."
"Been a while, fan service," TOP says, smirking. "You're jealous."
"Of course. Just because I don't go about declaring it anymore doesn't mean it's lost its validity: Maknae is still mine," Jiyong says then thinks, then adds, "hyung."
TOP laughs, "And Jiyong belongs to Panda."
Jiyong laughs with him.
--
It's Monday and Jiyong's busy but Seungri's so fucking gorgeous like this that-
Hmmm-
"Hyung, we're not in that kind of relationship, you know?"
"Of course we aren't."
Seungri smiles in the darkness and Jiyong snickers.
"Good, cause I'm worried you might start putting a leash on my neck."
"Seungri, you aren't Gaho."
"Would've been nice to be him, though."
Fuck. Did Seungri just say that? Fuck.
"Erhm."
"Then what kind of relationship are we in?"
How do you count infinity? Silence like the vast night sky.
"I don't know either."
"Good, cause I don't want to know, really."
Silence again, but this time, shorter- like eternity.
"Hey."
"Hm?"
"Sometimes, lying is better than telling the truth."
They both let that sink in. Realization hits and they both can't breathe.
Yes, this is why lying is always better.
Because when they tell the truth, they both can't breathe.
AN: Only a few more days and freedom! Anyways, I touched on quite a lot of my ideas here. I hope people spot some of them. When I get back, I'll return all the comments I owe and read all the new fics!