Much More Than a Hunch Part 9
Title: Much More Than a Hunch Part 9
Author: Gedry
Pairings: Dean/Cas
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1064
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Spoilers: none
Warnings: None
Summary: For lillyg who wanted FLUFF and got a daycare verse instead.
No beta, my bad!
Much More Than a Hunch
The mad rush that exists between Thanksgiving and Christmas has always weighed heavily on Cas.
Gifts were never heavily featured in his family life as a child. He’s grateful that Gabriel finds himself in a similar situation this year. Without Kali, Gabriel is facing meeting the needs of an over excited and equally as demanding Claire on his own.
“She’s got twenty seven things on her list this year,” Gabriel sighs over a glass of wine at Cas’ house the week after Thanksgiving. “That’s just insane. How can an eight year old think she needs twenty seven things for Christmas?”
“You spoiled her,” Cas comments as he folds laundry. “She’s like a little Napoleon.”
“Fuck you very much little bro,” Gabriel snorts. “I just wanted her to everything we didn’t have when we were kids.”
“The things we didn’t have can’t be bought Gabriel,” Cas reminds him with a sad shake of his head. “We were lacking in love, affection, and safety. Toys would not have made up for the absence of those things.”
“Yeah, well,” Gabriel sighs. “I like toys.”
Cas laughs. He’s still smiling fondly when Gabriel turns and fixes him with too knowing eyes as he asks “What are you planning to buy your boyfriend?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Cas hedges.
“You’ve had the same boyfriend since you were six,” Gabriel huffs. “Even when you were dating other people and separated there’s only been room for Dean in your heart and you know it.”
“I’m not ready to talk about this,” Cas warns. “I am not purchasing Dean anything for Christmas.”
“Because you already have something to give him,” Gabriel finishes. “I know you. You’ve been thinking about this since you started talking to him again. It’s in the closet in your room in that dusty old box that you never let anyone touch.”
“Shut up please,” Cas begs as he feels his face flushing pink. “I mean it.”
“Okay,” Gabriel says with a wave of his hands. “I’ll lay off the teasing but tell me how it’s going. You seemed close at dinner.”
“We’re learning each other again,” Cas admits as he gives up all pretence of being busy doing something else and sits next to his brother on the couch. “It’s been more than I ever hoped for.”
“What exactly are you hoping for here little bro?” Gabriel asks. “I mean, Dean just lost his wife.”
“I’m aware of that,” Cas snaps. His posture tense and his hands clenched in his lap. “I just want my friend back. Anything more than that is too much to ask for right now, maybe forever.”
“But you want him,” Gabriel comments.
“I’ve wanted him for what feels like my whole life,” Cas sighs. “It hasn’t killed me yet. I don’t think it’s going to kill me now.”
“I don’t want you to be hurt,” Gabriel admits. “If you want something more with Dean then it’s only fair you tell him. Even if he’s not ready right now he should be able to tell you if you ever have a shot. If the answer is no then you need move on now Cas. It’s not just you anymore. Anna deserves a better example of love than her father pining for an unobtainable man from afar and having emotionally empty relationships.”
“My previous relationships were not emotionally empty,” Cas argues.
“Oh you got that right,” Gabriel snorts. “They were full of hurt feelings and anger.”
“Oh fuck you,” Cas says as he sticks out his foot and kicks his brother in the leg.
“What did Anna ask Santa for Christmas this year?” Gabriel deflects. He knows Cas will ponder their conversation for a while before he brings it up again.
Cas groans and covers his face with his hands. “She asked to spend Christmas day with Ben and Jesse.”
Gabriel manages to swallow his chuckle. “And?”
“And she asked Santa to bring her another daddy to love so that I could be happy too,” Cas mumbles.
“Baby Brother,” Gabriel laughs. “You are screwed!”
*****
“He’s at least halfway in love with you,” Sam comments as Dean sits in the middle of the floor wrapping some of the presents they already had stored away. “You’ve noticed right?”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” Dean answers. He pays way more attention than he needs to as he affixes the bow.
“Dean,” Sam huffs. “Do you not want to talk about it because you’re so dense you hadn’t noticed, or because you feel guilty for feeling something back?”
“Shut up Sam,” Dean hisses.
“She would have liked him you know,” Sam says. “And she would have wanted you to find someone else to love you and the boys.”
“God Damn It SAMMY!” Dean snaps. “I can’t talk about this right now!”
There’s silence for a long time as Sam shuffles papers without looking at them and Dean tries to calm his panicked breathing and wipe the tears off his cheeks without admitting that he’s crying.
“I don’t know how I feel,” Dean finally mumbles. “I never thought I would see Cas again and then there he is. All those feelings I thought I had gotten over are just right there again. I like him Sammy; so much. But then there’s the boys and Lisa and I can’t even take off my wedding band. How the fuck am I supposed to be thinking about a relationship?”
“So you’re confused,” Sam nods. “But does that mean you’re not interested?”
“No,” Dean whispers. “But I feel guilty as hell for feeling that way. I loved Lisa so much. I still love her. I reach across the bed for her at night and it hurts so fucking bad when she’s not there. How do I deal with that? How do I explain to anyone else how I feel about that?”
“You just did a pretty good job explaining it to me,” Sam answers. “By the way, I’m inviting them over for Christmas so you have three weeks to figure it out.”