Much More Than a Hunch Part 24 of 30
Title: Much More Than a Hunch Part 24 of 30
Author: Gedry
Pairings: Dean/Cas
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1411
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Spoilers: none
Warnings: mentions of past childhood abuse.
Summary: For lillyg who wanted FLUFF and got a daycare verse instead.
No beta, my bad!
Much More Than a Hunch
“Okay,” Sam says as he slams his laptop shut after Dean clicks through the channels on the TV for the third round without settling on anything. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?” Dean snaps.
“Being a dick,” Sam answers. “We have Fios for fucks sake you can just look at the program guide instead of clicking through the channels and that’s not even the point so don’t get bitchy with me. You’re upset; you’ve been on edge for a week. It’s so bad your phone calls with Cas are getting shorter and shorter and I’m concerned so whatever the hell is going on with you it’s time to get it out.”
Dean’s silent for a long time, staring at the blacked screen of the TV after he turns it off. The boys are in bed and have been for a while now. Whatever’s about to come out Sam’s certain they aren’t going to be disturbed.
“What day is it, Sam?” Dean finally croaks.
“It’s Thursday,” Sam huffs. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“No,” Dean sighs as he slumps back into the chair facing the TV. “The date. Look at the date.”
“Jesus,” Sam complains as he picks up his cell phone. “What does the date have to do with anything?”
There’s a pause and then he whispers “Oh. Oh God, Dean, I’m so sorry.”
“Lisa died a year ago tomorrow,” Dean comments softly. “I’m a mess Sam. The boys seem happy, they haven’t mentioned it at all and I’m not sure I should because I don’t want them to hurt if they don’t remember. But I don’t want them to be mad because they think I forgot too. What the hell do I do? How am I supposed to get through tomorrow?”
“You could ask for help,” Sam comments as he comes over to sit on the floor at Dean’s feet. “You have a lot of people in your life who would love to help you.”
“Yeah,” Dean snorts. It’s a mirthless, choked off laughter. “I could ask my boyfriend what to do to commemorate my wife dying. Sounds really sweet.”
To his credit, Sam manages to not roll his eyes. “I’m staying home tomorrow. We can do a family dinner, say a prayer or something. I don’t know but we’ll figure it out together, the four of us.”
“You have a date with Gabriel,” Dean reminds him even though he’s turning glassy eyed with gratitude.
“I’ll cancel,” Sam shrugs. “He’s going to understand. We need each other.”
Dean doesn’t answer with words. But he sticks his leg out and presses the toe of his boot against Sam’s shin. That simple touch says everything Sam needs to hear.
*****
Dinner had been a painful affair. He’s never been more grateful for Sam’s support than he has been tonight. The boys did remember and because of that the night’s been full of story telling and bitter sweet memories of a woman they all loved so much and lost too soon.
Dean tucks his boys in extra tight that night and wanders out onto the back deck with a glass of water wishing for a beer and hating himself for it. It’s hard to believe he’s gone a year without anything alcoholic to drink. But the association between a drunk driver and the loss of his wife is something he doesn’t know if he will ever get over.
“I miss you, Lisa,” he rumbles to himself in the cool night air. “Our boys are so awesome. I hope you can see them. I hope you’re proud.” He’s not expecting an answer but Dean pauses all the same. “I hope you’re alright with what’s happening between me and Cas. I love him, Lisa. I never stopped loving him I guess. I feel like we’re on the edge of something huge, him and me. I’m scared. I need a little help sweet girl. Can you give me a sign or something?”
“Dean?” Cas’ voice rings out from the right of him.
Dean turns wide eyes to the side of the darkened house to see his friend standing there hesitantly. “Cas? What are you doing here so late?”
“I got home from practice and Gabriel said you forgot to pick up Jesse’s coat today when you got the boys from daycare. Anna was already asleep at Gabriel’s house so I thought I would bring you his coat in case you needed it in the morning,” Cas says softly as he steps up next to Dean and hands over Jesse’s jacket. “Are you alright? You look lost,” Cas whispers as he reaches out to ghost his fingers across Dean’s cheek.
Dean jerks away from the comforting touch. Partly because this night is supposed to be about Lisa and having someone else here with him feels like a betrayal of her. Another smaller portion of Dean’s psyche believing that he doesn’t deserve the affection Cas is trying to give him.
“I see,” Cas whispers, his voice suddenly strained as he drops his hand and clenched it into a fist at his side. “I’m sorry for intruding. I should have called. I won’t make that mistake again.”
He steps backwards and is stalking around the side of the house when it occurs to Dean that he’s going to drive home.
Cas is going to drive tonight, out here in the dark, when anything could happen. Just like Lisa had been a year ago.
He’s not thinking when he tears around the house after his friend, not feeling anything but a fast moving terror at the totally irrational idea that it could happen again; that he could lose Cas too. Dean grabs Cas’ arm only have the other man jerk it away with a growl.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Cas snaps as he shoves Dean away. “Stop it.”
“No,” Dean growls and when Cas moves around him to get into the car Dean does the only thing he can think of and grabs Cas’ keys out of his hand before hurling them off somewhere into the darkness.
They stand there panting, facing each other in silence until Cas takes a deep breath and shouts “WHAT THE FUCK, DEAN?!”
The neighbors probably heard that.
“You can’t drive home,” Dean says like it explains everything.
“No shit,” Cas snaps. “You just lost my keys.”
“No,” Dean grabs at Cas’ arms just needing to touch him. “You can’t drive tonight, not tonight. I’ll find your keys in the morning. Just stay here where you’re safe, with me. Please Cas. I can’t do this again.”
Dean knows he’s rambling, babbling. Cas is staring at him like he’s lost his mind and the tears he’s been holding back for what feels like forever are bubbling up and leaking out his eyes. “Lisa,” he chokes out and is relieved when Cas relaxes in his grip and he sees with blurry vision his friend’s mouth drop open in shock.
“Oh Dean,” Cas gasps and reaches out to slide his hands up Dean’s sides. “I didn’t know.”
“I know,” he mumbles. “I should have told you. I’m sorry. Please don’t go. I’m scared something’s going to happen to you. I know it doesn’t make sense.”
He feels more than sees Cas nod his agreement. Then Dean’s being led back to the house while Sam holds open the front door and Cas guides him through.
He’s so tired, he thinks they might have carried him to bed that night after everything was said and done. Dean doesn’t really remember.
When he wakes up the next morning he’s alone in his bed and has a horrible sinking feeling in his gut until he hears laughter from downstairs. Dean stumbles down to find his sons perched on the edge of the counter top while Cas makes pancakes in the shape of musical instruments; he mimics the noise each instrument makes as he puts them onto the plates. The boys love it. Cas does a mean sounding saxophone.
Dean clears his throat and they all turn to him with smiles that he can’t help but return.