Gears We Never Use - Part 2
Title: Gears We Never Use - Follow up to Love in Every Stitch
Author: Gedry
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Rating: Nc-17
Word Count: 9,547
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Beta: nicole_sill
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Summary: Written for nicole_sill who wanted a follow up for her story so badly that she donated to charity AGAIN! She’s awesome. And then she beta’d her own story. You have to love that!
*****
“Are you unhappy with me?” Castiel blurts out as Dean drives them toward Gabriel’s college for the weekend.
Wednesday night had been awesome, but the next morning Dean went back to his invisible man routine. Dean was out of the house all day Thursday and barely made their 4pm meeting time to leave today. Much worse, Dean was distracted, a little dirty, and not interested in explaining where he'd been. In fact, Dean had hardly said ten words to him since they started this trip.
“What?” Dean asks as he flicks his gaze from the road to Castiel for just a moment.
He struggles to find the words to actually give his fears voice. “You’ve been…gone so much lately. I was wondering if maybe you would prefer me to find my own place. I don't know. Maybe you're feeling stifled?”
Castiel rolls in his seat as Dean jerks the car over to the side of the road. A passing car honks their annoyance, so Dean pops on the hazard light before cutting the engine.
“Wait, what?” Dean demands as he turns to give Castiel his full attention.
Dean looks angry…and confused. It’s not a look that Castiel has seen on him very often.
“Things are different now,” Castiel tries to explain. “I thought you might be getting sick of me. You know, since you obviously want distance.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” Dean asks. But he’s speaking again before he gives Castiel a chance to answer. “Because you can’t…I mean you can, of course you can, I'm not going to stalk you or some crazy shit. But I don’t want to break up with you. I love you. I love having you in my space. I mean, fuck, we’re just getting started. If I did something wrong you need to tell me so I can fix it. I know I’m probably not what you’re looking for now, with you going to college and everything. You probably want someone better than a mechanic's kid who just plans to be a welder. But no other guy is ever going to love you like I do, Cas. I’m serious. Please, just please, don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Castiel explains as he reaches out a hand to tangle his fingers with Dean’s. “I love you. I don’t want to break up with you.”
“Oh,” Dean murmurs and Castiel watches as his skin turns pink, starting with his neck and crawling up onto his cheeks.
It seems he’s not the only one with fears about their relationship.
“You thought I would go to college and find someone else?” Castiel asks as he unbuckles his seat belt in order to get closer to Dean.
“I figured you could find someone better, you know, some artsy college boy,or something.” Dean shrugs but he keeps his gaze down on their linked hands.
“There is no one better for me than you,” Castiel whispers as he leans in and nuzzles against Dean’s cheek.
“You thought I was mad at you?” Dean redirects his gaze hesitant and confused as their eyes meet.
“You’ve been gone so much recently,” Castiel sighs, content in the fact it was all a misunderstanding.
“I'm working on something. It’s a surprise for you,” Dean admits as he swipes a hand across his face. “But it’s not done yet.”
“Oh,” Castiel breathes out slowly before commenting, “We are very foolish.”
Dean snorts. “Something like that, yeah.”
When Castiel kisses him, Dean's tastes like the coffee he recently started drinking. It's bitter and strong with just a hint of sweetness underneath. Castiel slips back over to his side of the car. As he buckles up, Dean eases the car back onto the highway. Castiel spends the rest of the trip dropping his stitches on the socks he's knitting. He keeps ripping and re-knitting the same row over and over. His hands won't behave while his heart swells with happiness. Just when he thinks he can't be any happier, a ball of nervous energy rolls in his stomach as he remembers the box of condoms and bottle of lube stored in the bottom of his bag. Dean still loves him, and tonight he'll get to show him just how much he loves him back.
*****
Gabriel and Crowley nearly fall all over themselves with excitement when they get there. They make a big show of helping them carry in their belongings, then usher them to the kitchen table. Crowley pulls out their chairs while Gabriel finishes dinner. Dean sits, leaned back in his chair like they’re being waited on at some stupidly expensive restaurant. As Castiel takes in his surrounding he notices the candles on almost every surface, the soft music, the way Gabriel and Crowley seem to have transformed their crapped apartment into something that sort of looks like an eatery in the fancy downtown area that he and Dean spent their prom night in. Gabriel gets dinner plated and sends Crowley out to serve Castiel and Dean with a home cooked meal that rivals most of the restaurant food Castiel’s had in his lifetime. He had forgotten Gabriel was majoring in culinary. It’s silly and strange and shockingly romantic. Dean pulls his chair closer and spoon feeds Castiel dessert between long, deep kisses. Castiel’s halfway through eating the pie when he realizes that he wasn’t the only one with a super-secret plan for the weekend.
Dean looks far too relaxed for this to be anything more than a set-up. While Crowley clears the dishes Dean tugs Castiel up, into his arms. Some jazzy music starts playing as Dean spins Castiel into the living room. With a double clap, Gabriel switches off the main lamp over the tiny table they are seated at, and suddenly the place is lit with twinkling strings of Christmas lights. The couch is moved backwards and the living room is opened up like a small, private dance floor.
“You planned this,” Castiel accuses even as he holds Dean a little closer.
“We missed prom,” Dean shrugs before dipping his head to kiss Castiel’s upturned mouth. “But I still wanted to give you dinner and dancing.”
Castiel hums his contentment against Dean’s cheek.
“So yeah,” Dean murmurs into his ear. “I handled dinner and dancing but it sounds like you handled the after party.”
Castiel jerks his head back and glares at Dean. “You knew?”
“For future reference,” Dean chuckles as he kisses Castiel again. “Gabriel tells Crowley everything, and Crowley can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life.”
“I beg to differ,” Crowley comments from the doorway to the kitchen of their apartment.
Dean and Castiel separate enough to turn and give him their full attention. Gabriel comes around and curls his arms around Crowley’s hips. “The clean up’s done,” Gabriel says conversationally. “We’re getting ready to head out for the night. The bedroom is down the hall, door next to the bathroom. I expect clean sheets on the bed in the morning and all the…mess gone. Deal?”
“Deal, and just….ewwww,” Dean answers while Castiel’s eyes bug out and he flushes. His brother is really too much sometimes.
“We will not be available for tech support later,” Crowley announces as he steps around Gabriel and gets an overnight bag out of the closet. “So don’t bother calling if you get confused about what goes where. Work it out on your own.”
“Go slow,” Gabriel teases as he picks up his own bag and heads for the door. “And use lots of lube.”
With the click of the apartment door as it shuts Dean and Castiel are alone for the night.
Castiel had expected a mad rush to the bedroom with clothing flung everywhere. But he’s suddenly nervous and Dean looks….shy.
“Do you want to…” Dean points down the hall and Castiel finds himself shaking his head slowly.
“Not yet,” he mumbles and is relieved when Dean relaxes like he was hoping that was what he was going to say.
Dean tugs on his hand until they lay together on the couch. Dean is on his back and Castiel’s head resting against his chest.
“It feels huge all of a sudden,” Dean murmurs as he ruffles Castiel’s hair. “I mean, I want to. I want you. But now that we have the chance…”
“I’m nervous,” Castiel finishes for him.
“Cas,” Dean breathes out and then they’re kissing, tentative at first before slipping in deeper and wetter. Their hands wander all over each others bodies and slip up under their shirts. This feels easy. They’ve done this before, lots of times. It makes the thought of where this evening is going to end up not seem so huge anymore.
Castiel stops in the act of helping Dean take off his shirt blurting out, “We can be naked.”
Dean blinks up at him. “What?”
“We don’t have to do this here,” Castiel swallows as he waves at the living room. “I know we’re comfortable like this, but we can go back to the bedroom and take our clothes off together. We can be like we were the first night and not have to worry about being caught or getting in trouble. I want that, Dean. I want you naked and spread out all over the bed with the light on so I can see you. I want to make love to you.”
That ball of tension flares into a bright fire of intent inside Castiel's belly. Dean’s eyes widen and then glaze over with lust. Castiel feels everything click into place.
They aren’t going to be virgins in the morning.
The trip down the hallway is far from graceful. Castiel trips trying to yank his pants off and almost falls flat on his face. Dean slams his shoulder into the doorframe hard enough that he yelps and Castiel knows Dean will have a bruise to remember their night by. They can’t find the light switch at first, too occupied with kissing to stop touching one another long enough to find it. They end up knocking half the books off of Gabriel’s low bookcase while they fumble in the dark.
But then suddenly they’re standing naked next to the bed. “I can’t believe we’re doing this in your brother’s bedroom,” Dean comments.
“Better than the backseat of your car,” Castiel offers. Dean snorts. “Besides,” Castiel smiles. “I made him buy new sheets and a mattress pad.”
They laugh until Dean says, “Funny, Cas.”
“No, really,” Castiel comments as he watches Dean take in the shape of his naked body. “I’m serious.”
But then Dean’s trailing a hand down Castiel's side and down his back and anything else he was planning on saying is forgotten. Castiel shivers as Dean curves his calloused hands over his ass saying, “You are so fucking beautiful,” in a voice filled with awe.
Castiel flushes even though he’s fairly certain there isn’t enough blood in his body to both maintain his erection and color his face red. But at least he doesn’t pass out.
“So,” Dean says as he licks his lips nervously, “How do you want me?”
Castiel has to take a deep breath in and think of his Uncle Zachariah naked to keep from coming and ruining their evening right there.
Once he has himself back under control he manages, “What would make you the most comfortable?”
Dean shrugs one shoulder and blinks at him before cracking a smile and admitting, “I’m not sure me being comfortable is really something we can accomplish the first time.”
“Then let me,” Castiel offers instantly.
“No way, Cas,” Dean says with a shake of his head as he crawls up the bed to settle on his back in the center. “I’m way more worried about messing up and hurting you.”
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Castiel assures him. He slides down to lie beside Dean and trails his trembling hand across Dean’s chest. He finds a nipple and begins toying with it. Dean drops his head back against the sheets and moans as his hips roll up against nothing but air.
“You’re so amazing,” Castiel murmurs before he dips his head down to kiss Dean again. It’s a long time before they use their voices for anything other than soft moans.
Dean chuckles later as Castiel leaps off the bed and almost flies down the hallway toward the living room where their bags still sit. Castiel's secret stash of condoms and lube is required for them to move forward. The thought of using Gabriel's stuff is just too weird.
When Castiel reaches the bedroom, he's greeted by his new favorite sight in the world. Dean is sprawled on the bed just where he left him, slowly stroking his erection. Castiel crawls back up on the bed, eyes locked on Dean's hand as it moves up and down. He's enthralled by the sight until Dean blushes, his hand stills, as he asks, "What are you looking at?"
“You,” Castiel comments when time starts moving for him again. “All I see is you.”
Then, things get serious. Dean reaches out a hand and Castiel hands him the bag with the supplies. Castiel sits on his knees while Dean slowly, carefully coats his lover's fingers with lube. Dean rolls over onto his side, a shiver making his body quake.
“Are you sure?” Castiel asks as he trails his finger tips along Dean’s ass.
“Never been more sure of anything in my life,” Dean answers and his tone doesn’t leave any room for argument.
Castiel slides closer behind Dean. With a nudge, he moves Dean's legs apart so he can gain access to Dean's opening. Castiel rubs free hand along Dean’s side as he circles the entrance to his friend's body with trembling fingers. There’s just slight pressure as Castiel waits for Dean to relax enough to open up for him. After a few moments he feels more than hears Dean exhale deeply and Castiel pushes one of his fingers slowly, but steadily inside.
“Oh,” Dean murmurs as he squirms. Castiel strokes along his side and drops his head to press wet kisses along his hip.
“How does it feel?” Castiel asks.
“Weird,” Dean snorts and then chuckles before moaning again as the action makes him more aware of their connection.
“I know,” Castiel says as he slides his finger slowly back and forth. “It’ll get better.”
“How do you know?” Dean asks with a smirk.
“Because I’ve tried it,” Castiel shrugs and then frowns as Dean immediately tenses around his finger.
“With who?” Dean demands.
“With myself,” Castiel clarifies with a snort. “Alone, in my room, thinking about you. So shut up.”
“Oh,” Dean whispers before swallowing and adding, “More, Cas.”
His second finger slips in carefully and Dean groans, pushing back toward him instead of pulling away. Castiel spends the next few minutes whispering nonsense to Dean, fingers moving in and out, until Dean suddenly gasps out, “Do that again.”
Castiel tries to recreate the movement of his fingers and is more than pleased as Dean pushes back and moans out in pleasure.
“Do you like that?” Castiel asks.
“Fuck, Cas,” Dean groans. “This feels so good.”
He laughs shakily, “I think that’s kind of the point, Dean.”
They twist around to kiss each other for a moment and then Dean pulls back and orders, “Get the show on the road, Cas.”
He reaches for the condoms only to have Dean grab them and hurl them off the side of the bed, out of his reach.
“Dean?”
“We don’t need them and I don’t want them,” Dean says firmly. “We’re both virgins, and I’m not going to get pregnant. I want to feel you inside me."
Castiel hesitates for a heart beat, biting his bottom lip. The thought of being inside Dean without a condom can't be unimagined. Cas picks up the lube and slicks himself up until he's almost dripping with it. Dean is on his side, clinging to the sheets as Castiel slides up behind him, curling his body around Dean larger frame until their spooned up tight. Cas maneuvers Dean's legs until he has access before carefully pressing the tip of his aching dick to Dean's ass.
There’s a moment where Castiel wonders if maybe Dean was right, maybe they aren’t meant to fit together like this. But then Dean shifts against him, exhales, and forces his body to relax. The head of Castiel’s dick pops inside Dean’s body. Dean gasps, and Cas pauses, letting Dean get use to the new sensation. When Dean nods, Castiel pushes forward slowly, breaching each ring of muscle, one at a time. With a shattered moan, Castiel buries himself into the tight heat of Dean until they’re pressed as closely together as possible.
Dean’s panting, his breathing ragged and he’s tugging on the sheets in his hand. Castiel can feel every move he makes through where their bodies are connected. He reaches around to offer Dean some comfort but accidentally brushes against Dean’s leaking dick instead making his partner gasp louder and chant, “Fuck! Move, move, move!”
So he does, thrusting into Dean’s body carefully until Dean shoves back demanding “Harder!”
With a shove behind Dean's knee, Castiel rolls them over so he has Dean pinned to the mattress on his stomach. He licks and sucks his way across Dean’s shoulders while he pounds in and out until they’re both moaning and slick with sweat.
Dean’s body quakes beneath him. Goose bumps pop up all over his skin, then Dean stills, his body humming with tension. Suddenly, the tension breaks, and Castiel groans loudly at the feel of Dean clenching down around him as he comes onto the sheets.
Castiel only lasts three more thrusts before he’s coming in waves inside Dean and collapsing across his lover's back.
Dean shifts beneath him, unlinking their bodies so he can roll over and gather Castiel to his chest. Dean plants lazy kisses on Castiel's head.
“Are you okay?” Castiel asks, suddenly uncertain.
“Better than okay,” Dean grins. “Just wait, you’re going to love it.”
Castiel suspects Dean is correct.
*****
“How do you feel?” Dean asks as he drives them home Sunday morning.
Castiel looks over at him from where he’s sipping coffee in the passenger seat. “Wonderful.”
Dean grins and Castiel watches as the sunlight makes his freckles stand out brighter against his skin.
“How do you feel?” he asks.
“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Dean announces. Then he takes one hand off the wheel to slide it along Cas’ knee, adding, “I didn’t think I would feel any different, really. But…I don’t know. I just love you so much. I feel like we’re really connected now.”
“You are a closet romantic,” Castiel teases.
“Yeah, well,” Dean shrugs. “I gotta keep something in the closet, right?”
They laugh.
Castiel doesn’t notice right away that Dean’s not taking them back to the Winchester house. He’s heading downtown instead.
“Where are we going?” Castiel asks.
“To your surprise,” Dean answers with his eyes glued to the road. Cas can still see his freckles even more clearly now that Dean is blushing.
“You said it wasn’t finished,” Castiel points out as they turn down a familiar road. Castiel isn't surprised when they pull into the garage John Winchester works at.
“Yeah, I know,” Dean nods as he turns the car off. “But me sneaking around to work on it made you think I wanted to break up with you. So it’s not done. Maybe we should finish it together?”
Castiel’s beaming as he gets out of the car. He follows behind Dean while they wind around the outside of the auto shop to a smaller, private garage off to the side of the property.
“What is it?” Castiel asks as they step inside the dark building.
“Hold your horses,” Dean laughs. “And don’t get your hopes up. It’s nothing special.”
But he’s so wrong. Castiel knows it as soon as Dean turns on the lights and he sees the beaten up, mismatched car in front of them. Dean is so, so wrong.
“What have you done?” Castiel gasps.
“I got you a car,” Dean explains. “It's not much. It doesn’t run, yet and it needs a new paint job. It'll work to get you back and forth to school every day. You know, so you don't feel like you lean on me too much. Which you don't. I don’t mind driving you around. I hope you know that. But this way you get to drive yourself around.”
“Why?” Castiel asks with tears in his eyes.
“You made me a sweater,” Dean says with a wave of his hand like that explains everything. “I’m not good at that kind of thing, but I’m good at this. I’m good at cars. You always tell me I should play to my strengths.”
Castiel walks around the car in a slow circle as he brushes over it with his fingertips. “I can’t believe you did this…”
“Do you like it?” Dean asks.
That’s when Castiel realizes how nervous Dean is with his hands jammed deep into his pockets, shifting from foot to foot.
“I love it,” Castiel affirms. “And you. I love you so much. I can’t believe you’re giving me this.”
“It’s just a piece of shit car, Cas,” Dean complains.
“No it’s not,” Castiel corrects him as he wipes at the dampness on his cheeks. “It’s freedom.”
*****
It’s a pattern they repeat again and again over the years.
When Dean is twenty-five he’s gotten too big to wear the sweater Castiel originally made for him. He doesn’t say anything but Castiel catches him one night with his face pressed into the knit of that old, ragged sweater and knows what he has to do.
He knits him another.
It’s coincidentally the same year Castiel beat -up car finally dies. Dean gives him a new one for his birthday.
On his thirty-third birthday, Dean opens a box with a new sweater inside it and laughs because he’s still wearing the last one, holes and all. Then he opens Castiel’s second gift and cries.
It’s a white baby blanket.
That year, he trades Castiel’s car in for a mini-van.
Their tiny apartment in the city gives way to house in the suburbs. Down the street from them are Anna and Balthazar with their own brood. Gabriel and Crowley are frequent visitors who love to dote on their niece and nephews.
They still go home every year for the holidays. John finally lets them sleep with the door closed in Dean’s old room the year they turn forty. Their children share the attic room that once belonged to their father.
That's the year Dean finds Castiel outside the night before Christmas. He's standing at the edge of the driveway looking down the street toward his old house.
“What are you thinking about?” Dean asks.
“What I’ll tell our children when they ask why they’re adopted,” Castiel answers as he leans into Dean’s side. After all this time, he's worn a comfortable groove against his husband.
“And what’s that?” Dean asks before pressing a kiss to Castiel’s now graying temple.
“That it’s not who you’re born to, but who you’re born for that matters,” Castiel smiles. “I never really belonged to those people.”
“No,” Dean comments. “You’ve always been mine and so have our kids.”
They share a smile as they hear happy squeals from inside the house. Dean tugs Castiel closer and kisses him deeply out in the evening snow.
There’s a car horn from the street and when they look over Sam is rolling down the window of his car to shout, “Stop trying to scar the neighbors for life!”
They move out of his way. Sam parks the car before bounding out to hug them both and muttering, “Some things never change. It's still the gay-ship lollipop with you two all the time!”
They watch him haul his gifts into the house before Dean leans over and whispers, “When did he get so tall?”
"I just hope I made his socks long enough," whispers Castiel.
Dean’s still chuckling when they follow Sam inside and get ready to eat.
Part 1
Author: Gedry
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Rating: Nc-17
Word Count: 9,547
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Beta: nicole_sill
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Summary: Written for nicole_sill who wanted a follow up for her story so badly that she donated to charity AGAIN! She’s awesome. And then she beta’d her own story. You have to love that!
*****
“Are you unhappy with me?” Castiel blurts out as Dean drives them toward Gabriel’s college for the weekend.
Wednesday night had been awesome, but the next morning Dean went back to his invisible man routine. Dean was out of the house all day Thursday and barely made their 4pm meeting time to leave today. Much worse, Dean was distracted, a little dirty, and not interested in explaining where he'd been. In fact, Dean had hardly said ten words to him since they started this trip.
“What?” Dean asks as he flicks his gaze from the road to Castiel for just a moment.
He struggles to find the words to actually give his fears voice. “You’ve been…gone so much lately. I was wondering if maybe you would prefer me to find my own place. I don't know. Maybe you're feeling stifled?”
Castiel rolls in his seat as Dean jerks the car over to the side of the road. A passing car honks their annoyance, so Dean pops on the hazard light before cutting the engine.
“Wait, what?” Dean demands as he turns to give Castiel his full attention.
Dean looks angry…and confused. It’s not a look that Castiel has seen on him very often.
“Things are different now,” Castiel tries to explain. “I thought you might be getting sick of me. You know, since you obviously want distance.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” Dean asks. But he’s speaking again before he gives Castiel a chance to answer. “Because you can’t…I mean you can, of course you can, I'm not going to stalk you or some crazy shit. But I don’t want to break up with you. I love you. I love having you in my space. I mean, fuck, we’re just getting started. If I did something wrong you need to tell me so I can fix it. I know I’m probably not what you’re looking for now, with you going to college and everything. You probably want someone better than a mechanic's kid who just plans to be a welder. But no other guy is ever going to love you like I do, Cas. I’m serious. Please, just please, don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Castiel explains as he reaches out a hand to tangle his fingers with Dean’s. “I love you. I don’t want to break up with you.”
“Oh,” Dean murmurs and Castiel watches as his skin turns pink, starting with his neck and crawling up onto his cheeks.
It seems he’s not the only one with fears about their relationship.
“You thought I would go to college and find someone else?” Castiel asks as he unbuckles his seat belt in order to get closer to Dean.
“I figured you could find someone better, you know, some artsy college boy,or something.” Dean shrugs but he keeps his gaze down on their linked hands.
“There is no one better for me than you,” Castiel whispers as he leans in and nuzzles against Dean’s cheek.
“You thought I was mad at you?” Dean redirects his gaze hesitant and confused as their eyes meet.
“You’ve been gone so much recently,” Castiel sighs, content in the fact it was all a misunderstanding.
“I'm working on something. It’s a surprise for you,” Dean admits as he swipes a hand across his face. “But it’s not done yet.”
“Oh,” Castiel breathes out slowly before commenting, “We are very foolish.”
Dean snorts. “Something like that, yeah.”
When Castiel kisses him, Dean's tastes like the coffee he recently started drinking. It's bitter and strong with just a hint of sweetness underneath. Castiel slips back over to his side of the car. As he buckles up, Dean eases the car back onto the highway. Castiel spends the rest of the trip dropping his stitches on the socks he's knitting. He keeps ripping and re-knitting the same row over and over. His hands won't behave while his heart swells with happiness. Just when he thinks he can't be any happier, a ball of nervous energy rolls in his stomach as he remembers the box of condoms and bottle of lube stored in the bottom of his bag. Dean still loves him, and tonight he'll get to show him just how much he loves him back.
*****
Gabriel and Crowley nearly fall all over themselves with excitement when they get there. They make a big show of helping them carry in their belongings, then usher them to the kitchen table. Crowley pulls out their chairs while Gabriel finishes dinner. Dean sits, leaned back in his chair like they’re being waited on at some stupidly expensive restaurant. As Castiel takes in his surrounding he notices the candles on almost every surface, the soft music, the way Gabriel and Crowley seem to have transformed their crapped apartment into something that sort of looks like an eatery in the fancy downtown area that he and Dean spent their prom night in. Gabriel gets dinner plated and sends Crowley out to serve Castiel and Dean with a home cooked meal that rivals most of the restaurant food Castiel’s had in his lifetime. He had forgotten Gabriel was majoring in culinary. It’s silly and strange and shockingly romantic. Dean pulls his chair closer and spoon feeds Castiel dessert between long, deep kisses. Castiel’s halfway through eating the pie when he realizes that he wasn’t the only one with a super-secret plan for the weekend.
Dean looks far too relaxed for this to be anything more than a set-up. While Crowley clears the dishes Dean tugs Castiel up, into his arms. Some jazzy music starts playing as Dean spins Castiel into the living room. With a double clap, Gabriel switches off the main lamp over the tiny table they are seated at, and suddenly the place is lit with twinkling strings of Christmas lights. The couch is moved backwards and the living room is opened up like a small, private dance floor.
“You planned this,” Castiel accuses even as he holds Dean a little closer.
“We missed prom,” Dean shrugs before dipping his head to kiss Castiel’s upturned mouth. “But I still wanted to give you dinner and dancing.”
Castiel hums his contentment against Dean’s cheek.
“So yeah,” Dean murmurs into his ear. “I handled dinner and dancing but it sounds like you handled the after party.”
Castiel jerks his head back and glares at Dean. “You knew?”
“For future reference,” Dean chuckles as he kisses Castiel again. “Gabriel tells Crowley everything, and Crowley can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life.”
“I beg to differ,” Crowley comments from the doorway to the kitchen of their apartment.
Dean and Castiel separate enough to turn and give him their full attention. Gabriel comes around and curls his arms around Crowley’s hips. “The clean up’s done,” Gabriel says conversationally. “We’re getting ready to head out for the night. The bedroom is down the hall, door next to the bathroom. I expect clean sheets on the bed in the morning and all the…mess gone. Deal?”
“Deal, and just….ewwww,” Dean answers while Castiel’s eyes bug out and he flushes. His brother is really too much sometimes.
“We will not be available for tech support later,” Crowley announces as he steps around Gabriel and gets an overnight bag out of the closet. “So don’t bother calling if you get confused about what goes where. Work it out on your own.”
“Go slow,” Gabriel teases as he picks up his own bag and heads for the door. “And use lots of lube.”
With the click of the apartment door as it shuts Dean and Castiel are alone for the night.
Castiel had expected a mad rush to the bedroom with clothing flung everywhere. But he’s suddenly nervous and Dean looks….shy.
“Do you want to…” Dean points down the hall and Castiel finds himself shaking his head slowly.
“Not yet,” he mumbles and is relieved when Dean relaxes like he was hoping that was what he was going to say.
Dean tugs on his hand until they lay together on the couch. Dean is on his back and Castiel’s head resting against his chest.
“It feels huge all of a sudden,” Dean murmurs as he ruffles Castiel’s hair. “I mean, I want to. I want you. But now that we have the chance…”
“I’m nervous,” Castiel finishes for him.
“Cas,” Dean breathes out and then they’re kissing, tentative at first before slipping in deeper and wetter. Their hands wander all over each others bodies and slip up under their shirts. This feels easy. They’ve done this before, lots of times. It makes the thought of where this evening is going to end up not seem so huge anymore.
Castiel stops in the act of helping Dean take off his shirt blurting out, “We can be naked.”
Dean blinks up at him. “What?”
“We don’t have to do this here,” Castiel swallows as he waves at the living room. “I know we’re comfortable like this, but we can go back to the bedroom and take our clothes off together. We can be like we were the first night and not have to worry about being caught or getting in trouble. I want that, Dean. I want you naked and spread out all over the bed with the light on so I can see you. I want to make love to you.”
That ball of tension flares into a bright fire of intent inside Castiel's belly. Dean’s eyes widen and then glaze over with lust. Castiel feels everything click into place.
They aren’t going to be virgins in the morning.
The trip down the hallway is far from graceful. Castiel trips trying to yank his pants off and almost falls flat on his face. Dean slams his shoulder into the doorframe hard enough that he yelps and Castiel knows Dean will have a bruise to remember their night by. They can’t find the light switch at first, too occupied with kissing to stop touching one another long enough to find it. They end up knocking half the books off of Gabriel’s low bookcase while they fumble in the dark.
But then suddenly they’re standing naked next to the bed. “I can’t believe we’re doing this in your brother’s bedroom,” Dean comments.
“Better than the backseat of your car,” Castiel offers. Dean snorts. “Besides,” Castiel smiles. “I made him buy new sheets and a mattress pad.”
They laugh until Dean says, “Funny, Cas.”
“No, really,” Castiel comments as he watches Dean take in the shape of his naked body. “I’m serious.”
But then Dean’s trailing a hand down Castiel's side and down his back and anything else he was planning on saying is forgotten. Castiel shivers as Dean curves his calloused hands over his ass saying, “You are so fucking beautiful,” in a voice filled with awe.
Castiel flushes even though he’s fairly certain there isn’t enough blood in his body to both maintain his erection and color his face red. But at least he doesn’t pass out.
“So,” Dean says as he licks his lips nervously, “How do you want me?”
Castiel has to take a deep breath in and think of his Uncle Zachariah naked to keep from coming and ruining their evening right there.
Once he has himself back under control he manages, “What would make you the most comfortable?”
Dean shrugs one shoulder and blinks at him before cracking a smile and admitting, “I’m not sure me being comfortable is really something we can accomplish the first time.”
“Then let me,” Castiel offers instantly.
“No way, Cas,” Dean says with a shake of his head as he crawls up the bed to settle on his back in the center. “I’m way more worried about messing up and hurting you.”
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Castiel assures him. He slides down to lie beside Dean and trails his trembling hand across Dean’s chest. He finds a nipple and begins toying with it. Dean drops his head back against the sheets and moans as his hips roll up against nothing but air.
“You’re so amazing,” Castiel murmurs before he dips his head down to kiss Dean again. It’s a long time before they use their voices for anything other than soft moans.
Dean chuckles later as Castiel leaps off the bed and almost flies down the hallway toward the living room where their bags still sit. Castiel's secret stash of condoms and lube is required for them to move forward. The thought of using Gabriel's stuff is just too weird.
When Castiel reaches the bedroom, he's greeted by his new favorite sight in the world. Dean is sprawled on the bed just where he left him, slowly stroking his erection. Castiel crawls back up on the bed, eyes locked on Dean's hand as it moves up and down. He's enthralled by the sight until Dean blushes, his hand stills, as he asks, "What are you looking at?"
“You,” Castiel comments when time starts moving for him again. “All I see is you.”
Then, things get serious. Dean reaches out a hand and Castiel hands him the bag with the supplies. Castiel sits on his knees while Dean slowly, carefully coats his lover's fingers with lube. Dean rolls over onto his side, a shiver making his body quake.
“Are you sure?” Castiel asks as he trails his finger tips along Dean’s ass.
“Never been more sure of anything in my life,” Dean answers and his tone doesn’t leave any room for argument.
Castiel slides closer behind Dean. With a nudge, he moves Dean's legs apart so he can gain access to Dean's opening. Castiel rubs free hand along Dean’s side as he circles the entrance to his friend's body with trembling fingers. There’s just slight pressure as Castiel waits for Dean to relax enough to open up for him. After a few moments he feels more than hears Dean exhale deeply and Castiel pushes one of his fingers slowly, but steadily inside.
“Oh,” Dean murmurs as he squirms. Castiel strokes along his side and drops his head to press wet kisses along his hip.
“How does it feel?” Castiel asks.
“Weird,” Dean snorts and then chuckles before moaning again as the action makes him more aware of their connection.
“I know,” Castiel says as he slides his finger slowly back and forth. “It’ll get better.”
“How do you know?” Dean asks with a smirk.
“Because I’ve tried it,” Castiel shrugs and then frowns as Dean immediately tenses around his finger.
“With who?” Dean demands.
“With myself,” Castiel clarifies with a snort. “Alone, in my room, thinking about you. So shut up.”
“Oh,” Dean whispers before swallowing and adding, “More, Cas.”
His second finger slips in carefully and Dean groans, pushing back toward him instead of pulling away. Castiel spends the next few minutes whispering nonsense to Dean, fingers moving in and out, until Dean suddenly gasps out, “Do that again.”
Castiel tries to recreate the movement of his fingers and is more than pleased as Dean pushes back and moans out in pleasure.
“Do you like that?” Castiel asks.
“Fuck, Cas,” Dean groans. “This feels so good.”
He laughs shakily, “I think that’s kind of the point, Dean.”
They twist around to kiss each other for a moment and then Dean pulls back and orders, “Get the show on the road, Cas.”
He reaches for the condoms only to have Dean grab them and hurl them off the side of the bed, out of his reach.
“Dean?”
“We don’t need them and I don’t want them,” Dean says firmly. “We’re both virgins, and I’m not going to get pregnant. I want to feel you inside me."
Castiel hesitates for a heart beat, biting his bottom lip. The thought of being inside Dean without a condom can't be unimagined. Cas picks up the lube and slicks himself up until he's almost dripping with it. Dean is on his side, clinging to the sheets as Castiel slides up behind him, curling his body around Dean larger frame until their spooned up tight. Cas maneuvers Dean's legs until he has access before carefully pressing the tip of his aching dick to Dean's ass.
There’s a moment where Castiel wonders if maybe Dean was right, maybe they aren’t meant to fit together like this. But then Dean shifts against him, exhales, and forces his body to relax. The head of Castiel’s dick pops inside Dean’s body. Dean gasps, and Cas pauses, letting Dean get use to the new sensation. When Dean nods, Castiel pushes forward slowly, breaching each ring of muscle, one at a time. With a shattered moan, Castiel buries himself into the tight heat of Dean until they’re pressed as closely together as possible.
Dean’s panting, his breathing ragged and he’s tugging on the sheets in his hand. Castiel can feel every move he makes through where their bodies are connected. He reaches around to offer Dean some comfort but accidentally brushes against Dean’s leaking dick instead making his partner gasp louder and chant, “Fuck! Move, move, move!”
So he does, thrusting into Dean’s body carefully until Dean shoves back demanding “Harder!”
With a shove behind Dean's knee, Castiel rolls them over so he has Dean pinned to the mattress on his stomach. He licks and sucks his way across Dean’s shoulders while he pounds in and out until they’re both moaning and slick with sweat.
Dean’s body quakes beneath him. Goose bumps pop up all over his skin, then Dean stills, his body humming with tension. Suddenly, the tension breaks, and Castiel groans loudly at the feel of Dean clenching down around him as he comes onto the sheets.
Castiel only lasts three more thrusts before he’s coming in waves inside Dean and collapsing across his lover's back.
Dean shifts beneath him, unlinking their bodies so he can roll over and gather Castiel to his chest. Dean plants lazy kisses on Castiel's head.
“Are you okay?” Castiel asks, suddenly uncertain.
“Better than okay,” Dean grins. “Just wait, you’re going to love it.”
Castiel suspects Dean is correct.
*****
“How do you feel?” Dean asks as he drives them home Sunday morning.
Castiel looks over at him from where he’s sipping coffee in the passenger seat. “Wonderful.”
Dean grins and Castiel watches as the sunlight makes his freckles stand out brighter against his skin.
“How do you feel?” he asks.
“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Dean announces. Then he takes one hand off the wheel to slide it along Cas’ knee, adding, “I didn’t think I would feel any different, really. But…I don’t know. I just love you so much. I feel like we’re really connected now.”
“You are a closet romantic,” Castiel teases.
“Yeah, well,” Dean shrugs. “I gotta keep something in the closet, right?”
They laugh.
Castiel doesn’t notice right away that Dean’s not taking them back to the Winchester house. He’s heading downtown instead.
“Where are we going?” Castiel asks.
“To your surprise,” Dean answers with his eyes glued to the road. Cas can still see his freckles even more clearly now that Dean is blushing.
“You said it wasn’t finished,” Castiel points out as they turn down a familiar road. Castiel isn't surprised when they pull into the garage John Winchester works at.
“Yeah, I know,” Dean nods as he turns the car off. “But me sneaking around to work on it made you think I wanted to break up with you. So it’s not done. Maybe we should finish it together?”
Castiel’s beaming as he gets out of the car. He follows behind Dean while they wind around the outside of the auto shop to a smaller, private garage off to the side of the property.
“What is it?” Castiel asks as they step inside the dark building.
“Hold your horses,” Dean laughs. “And don’t get your hopes up. It’s nothing special.”
But he’s so wrong. Castiel knows it as soon as Dean turns on the lights and he sees the beaten up, mismatched car in front of them. Dean is so, so wrong.
“What have you done?” Castiel gasps.
“I got you a car,” Dean explains. “It's not much. It doesn’t run, yet and it needs a new paint job. It'll work to get you back and forth to school every day. You know, so you don't feel like you lean on me too much. Which you don't. I don’t mind driving you around. I hope you know that. But this way you get to drive yourself around.”
“Why?” Castiel asks with tears in his eyes.
“You made me a sweater,” Dean says with a wave of his hand like that explains everything. “I’m not good at that kind of thing, but I’m good at this. I’m good at cars. You always tell me I should play to my strengths.”
Castiel walks around the car in a slow circle as he brushes over it with his fingertips. “I can’t believe you did this…”
“Do you like it?” Dean asks.
That’s when Castiel realizes how nervous Dean is with his hands jammed deep into his pockets, shifting from foot to foot.
“I love it,” Castiel affirms. “And you. I love you so much. I can’t believe you’re giving me this.”
“It’s just a piece of shit car, Cas,” Dean complains.
“No it’s not,” Castiel corrects him as he wipes at the dampness on his cheeks. “It’s freedom.”
*****
It’s a pattern they repeat again and again over the years.
When Dean is twenty-five he’s gotten too big to wear the sweater Castiel originally made for him. He doesn’t say anything but Castiel catches him one night with his face pressed into the knit of that old, ragged sweater and knows what he has to do.
He knits him another.
It’s coincidentally the same year Castiel beat -up car finally dies. Dean gives him a new one for his birthday.
On his thirty-third birthday, Dean opens a box with a new sweater inside it and laughs because he’s still wearing the last one, holes and all. Then he opens Castiel’s second gift and cries.
It’s a white baby blanket.
That year, he trades Castiel’s car in for a mini-van.
Their tiny apartment in the city gives way to house in the suburbs. Down the street from them are Anna and Balthazar with their own brood. Gabriel and Crowley are frequent visitors who love to dote on their niece and nephews.
They still go home every year for the holidays. John finally lets them sleep with the door closed in Dean’s old room the year they turn forty. Their children share the attic room that once belonged to their father.
That's the year Dean finds Castiel outside the night before Christmas. He's standing at the edge of the driveway looking down the street toward his old house.
“What are you thinking about?” Dean asks.
“What I’ll tell our children when they ask why they’re adopted,” Castiel answers as he leans into Dean’s side. After all this time, he's worn a comfortable groove against his husband.
“And what’s that?” Dean asks before pressing a kiss to Castiel’s now graying temple.
“That it’s not who you’re born to, but who you’re born for that matters,” Castiel smiles. “I never really belonged to those people.”
“No,” Dean comments. “You’ve always been mine and so have our kids.”
They share a smile as they hear happy squeals from inside the house. Dean tugs Castiel closer and kisses him deeply out in the evening snow.
There’s a car horn from the street and when they look over Sam is rolling down the window of his car to shout, “Stop trying to scar the neighbors for life!”
They move out of his way. Sam parks the car before bounding out to hug them both and muttering, “Some things never change. It's still the gay-ship lollipop with you two all the time!”
They watch him haul his gifts into the house before Dean leans over and whispers, “When did he get so tall?”
"I just hope I made his socks long enough," whispers Castiel.
Dean’s still chuckling when they follow Sam inside and get ready to eat.
Part 1