I really need this job, please God, I need this job..I've got to get this job!
Are you still good at something even if you're doing it wrong? I sang nasal because Britney Spears did up until seventh grade because my mom helped me. I never took singing lessons until June of last summer, and I used to think I had talent and was had a good voice because people told me so. Not just my mom, but my sister, teachers, friends. And now that I know I was singing incorrectly, it makes me wonder how you know if you're really good at something? Does it matter what other people think? Is there a defined right and wrong, or is it opinion?
Why do I bring this up? I had posted awhile back on the broadway community about Godspell, and I asked if there was anything in the show for someone with my singing range/voice because I know by January my headvoice won't be strong enough. So I got lots of good responses then, but then suddenly someone finds my post and posts to it, saying: "belting is the equivalent of screaming. anyone who taught you to belt clearly has no understanding of the physiology of the voice and there is a chance of developing nodes or otherwise damaging your voice. but, hey. it's your voice *shrug*" And for some reason, this bothers me. Why does it bother me so much? It made me wonder why people told me I was good if I was screaming. Somehow I don't think it was out of pity, because people don't fake it to the extent I experienced, but I mean, how do I really sound? Tell me honestly, especially if you know about singing. I know extremely well that I could NEVER survive doing eight shows a week like Idina with my "natural" voice because even after "screaming" the same song from Wicked for hours upon hours, my throat hurts. Some of it might come from the fact that I'm impatient for my head voice to set in, because I don't want to lose my so-called "talent." And I feel damn proud for sharing this confliction with the public because I feel so damn ashamed of myself. I don't want you to think that I had a big ego that was suddenly shattered--its more like I had confidence that is now breaking and I wonder if it was all some kind of lie that people unknowingly told.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Back to your regularly scheduled program.
So today was pretty good. We meditated in gym instead of the really energizing stuff that was planned. The rest of the day was okay, and I was so glad to FINALLY get to do an impromptu in forensics. I felt like I had taken a drink of really cold, pure, refreshing water. Good stuff. Not to mention it was the first pretty good idea I'd had for impromptu ever since my first one: "Die young, save yourselves!" with The Newman and The Flynn as my judges. Anyway, dance was okay. I actually did better in tap today (she didn't pick on me! haha) than in jazz (I'm not flexible, have no balance, axle turn? what? oh man). And smart me left my purse at home, so I couldn't do my homework without my pen, calculator...not to mention I couldn't call anyone to procrastinate/pass the time or ask for homework. But I didn't have to wait outside like a moron because Andrea and Shaun came on time. Thanks, guys.
Got home, loads of homework...
I got to talk to Mike tonight. A real talk. Not just the homework help, when can we hang out next, can you believe this project type talk. I was able to get things out that I'd been holding inside of me all day, things that were really bothering me. (Ex.: I'm convinced that freshman/the grades under me will continuously win parts over me in drama for the rest of my highschool drama career.) It was another refreshing drink, except this time it was like I was drinking ambrosia, nectar of the gods. I mean, I seriously felt like such a load had been taken off my chest and that everything would really be okay.
That goes to show you how amazing Mike is. He knows exactly what to say, and he always makes me feel so much better about things. He helps me see the positive in things, which is really important since I'm such a negative person. I am extremely grateful to be with someone like him, because nice guys are rare these days. I see so many complete jerks out there and feel sorry for the girls that have to deal with them, whether as friends or more. Mike, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for telling me I can call whenever I need to talk to you, even if you're in the middle of your beauty sleep. ;)
And this is so cliche, but your touch really does just ignite my heart. I swear, when I'm with you I want to melt away my phony exterior, and I do, and then its just me, raw, in front of you, loving you. I say my thanks everyday for you, because without you I would be so lost and I would not know what to do with my feelings and my problems. I'd probably fight with people more often, I'd probably be more jealous than I already am, and I'd probably not have the self-esteem I have because you compliment me so often and make me feel amazing. I want you to know that I'm also here for you, at any hour, any day. And no, I'm not going to sing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough", but I'm sure those of you who got this far and find this annoying might just be reminded of that song. Either that, or the Gilmore Girls theme song by...I don't know the artist who originally had it but whatever. heh.
Mike, I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you. Thank you. Thank you for being you and for loving me.
There's enough sappy, mushy crap in there to write some kind of bad pop song. Or emo ballad. Or some song. Yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about so shut up! You know what??? YEAH!!
Thanks for caring, that is, if you did or do or whatever. Um. I'm out. Actually, I'm onto Algebra hw.
And will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head,
Diana
Why do I bring this up? I had posted awhile back on the broadway community about Godspell, and I asked if there was anything in the show for someone with my singing range/voice because I know by January my headvoice won't be strong enough. So I got lots of good responses then, but then suddenly someone finds my post and posts to it, saying: "belting is the equivalent of screaming. anyone who taught you to belt clearly has no understanding of the physiology of the voice and there is a chance of developing nodes or otherwise damaging your voice. but, hey. it's your voice *shrug*" And for some reason, this bothers me. Why does it bother me so much? It made me wonder why people told me I was good if I was screaming. Somehow I don't think it was out of pity, because people don't fake it to the extent I experienced, but I mean, how do I really sound? Tell me honestly, especially if you know about singing. I know extremely well that I could NEVER survive doing eight shows a week like Idina with my "natural" voice because even after "screaming" the same song from Wicked for hours upon hours, my throat hurts. Some of it might come from the fact that I'm impatient for my head voice to set in, because I don't want to lose my so-called "talent." And I feel damn proud for sharing this confliction with the public because I feel so damn ashamed of myself. I don't want you to think that I had a big ego that was suddenly shattered--its more like I had confidence that is now breaking and I wonder if it was all some kind of lie that people unknowingly told.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Back to your regularly scheduled program.
So today was pretty good. We meditated in gym instead of the really energizing stuff that was planned. The rest of the day was okay, and I was so glad to FINALLY get to do an impromptu in forensics. I felt like I had taken a drink of really cold, pure, refreshing water. Good stuff. Not to mention it was the first pretty good idea I'd had for impromptu ever since my first one: "Die young, save yourselves!" with The Newman and The Flynn as my judges. Anyway, dance was okay. I actually did better in tap today (she didn't pick on me! haha) than in jazz (I'm not flexible, have no balance, axle turn? what? oh man). And smart me left my purse at home, so I couldn't do my homework without my pen, calculator...not to mention I couldn't call anyone to procrastinate/pass the time or ask for homework. But I didn't have to wait outside like a moron because Andrea and Shaun came on time. Thanks, guys.
Got home, loads of homework...
I got to talk to Mike tonight. A real talk. Not just the homework help, when can we hang out next, can you believe this project type talk. I was able to get things out that I'd been holding inside of me all day, things that were really bothering me. (Ex.: I'm convinced that freshman/the grades under me will continuously win parts over me in drama for the rest of my highschool drama career.) It was another refreshing drink, except this time it was like I was drinking ambrosia, nectar of the gods. I mean, I seriously felt like such a load had been taken off my chest and that everything would really be okay.
That goes to show you how amazing Mike is. He knows exactly what to say, and he always makes me feel so much better about things. He helps me see the positive in things, which is really important since I'm such a negative person. I am extremely grateful to be with someone like him, because nice guys are rare these days. I see so many complete jerks out there and feel sorry for the girls that have to deal with them, whether as friends or more. Mike, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for telling me I can call whenever I need to talk to you, even if you're in the middle of your beauty sleep. ;)
And this is so cliche, but your touch really does just ignite my heart. I swear, when I'm with you I want to melt away my phony exterior, and I do, and then its just me, raw, in front of you, loving you. I say my thanks everyday for you, because without you I would be so lost and I would not know what to do with my feelings and my problems. I'd probably fight with people more often, I'd probably be more jealous than I already am, and I'd probably not have the self-esteem I have because you compliment me so often and make me feel amazing. I want you to know that I'm also here for you, at any hour, any day. And no, I'm not going to sing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough", but I'm sure those of you who got this far and find this annoying might just be reminded of that song. Either that, or the Gilmore Girls theme song by...I don't know the artist who originally had it but whatever. heh.
Mike, I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you. Thank you. Thank you for being you and for loving me.
There's enough sappy, mushy crap in there to write some kind of bad pop song. Or emo ballad. Or some song. Yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about so shut up! You know what??? YEAH!!
Thanks for caring, that is, if you did or do or whatever. Um. I'm out. Actually, I'm onto Algebra hw.
And will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head,
Diana