sleep deprived
Decided I desperately needed to update this thing since I desperately wish to join teh LJ wh0rettes of GnH. I'm not pathetic.
So as to not waste a perfectly good post, I shall hand out cookies! Hmm. Yum.
This was an old cookie I posted in teh Cookie Jar aeons ago. Enjoy or skip if you've already read.
Letters: Two deaths, two outcomes, and two letters about one thing.
Dear Potter,
It's been a year since you died. Everyone decided we should do something speical, to commemorate your death. Kind of morbid really, but guess what they suggest? We write letters. We're all supposed to write a letter addressed to you, then we'll stick them in a box and bury it next to your grave.
It's stupid in my opinion, you'll never even read this anyway. But here I am, 3 o'clock in the morning writing this stupid thing that you'll never even get to see.
Really Hermione forced me to. She said it'd be good for me, help me "forget" what happened. But let me tell you this Harry, I'll never forget. You told me to remember, and I swear I'll never forget what happened to you, what happened to us.
I told you not to cry at my funeral because I wasn't worth your tears, and believe me Potter I never was and never will. The only problem is I never thought we'd be having your funeral though, but mine. But you were worth my tears, you hear that? Even if the whole fucking world cried there wouldn't be enough tears that could be shed for you.
You saved me, no matter how cliche that sounds. When I told you that, you said it wasn't true, I had chose to be saved. You told me I had a choice. But believe me Potter I never had a choice.
I remember when I first realized how I felt I told you that you never gave me a fucking choice! and Potter you didn't. But I never needed to choose, it wouldn't have mattered if you had given me a choice because I would've chosen you again -- even a million times more -- if you had given me that chance. Besides, I didn't need choices because I had you, and you were enough. You were more than enough.
And when you died , I stopped living. But I wish I were still alive Harry, and you weren't dead. Living may not of been rainbows and sunshine and happy endings like in those stupid fucked-up fairy tales, Harry it was pain and sacrifice and scars that will never heal, but Living was being alive and I was only alive when you were with me.
You were the only person I've ever hated more than myself and loved more than my father and I wish I had told you that while you were still alive because it would've been the most honest thing I've ever said in my fucking worthless existence. Don't forget that Potter, don't you ever fucking forget that!
I remember when you forced that portkey into my hands and told me, "I love you, always remember that."
And I knew, even after that flash of horrific green light that was as beautiful and powerful as your eyes, after I fell into the Great Hall screaming your name hoping you'd come back. And at that very moment, I died. I died Potter, and it was your fault. I'll never forgive you for doing that to me, for killing me, for loving me.
Merlin, and you said it so calmly, so assuredly. You told me to remember, not to forget, because you knew that the memory would never leave me, just grow cold and dull in the back of my mind. Well you know what Potter, there isn't one day in my whole entire fucking life I don't remember.
So if you're reading this Potter, know that I still remember, and the way you loved me will always be remembered. I'd rather be dead more than I already am than ever forget the way you loved me.
I hope you read this Potter, because even though you may be dead, I am too, and I'm still able to write this letter.
Yours truly,
~ D.M.
*******
Dear Draco,
It's been a year since you died. They've decided that to commemorate your death, we should all write you letters.
I didn't want to at first, I didn't see the point. I mean, you're never going to read this anyway, right? But the stupid part of me believes there's a chance you'll actually receive this letter -- wherever you are -- so I decided to write one anyway.
Hermione told me I should, that it will help me "forget". But know this Draco, I will never forget because you told me not to. It was the last thing you ever asked of me, and I swear there isn't even one thing I haven't remembered.
I remember you told me not to cry at your funeral because you weren't worth my tears. But Draco you were. You were worth every single one that I shed the night you died, and you were worth everyone else's who cried too -- even the ones who didn't. There aren't enough tears I could've shed for you, but you told me not to cry and I swear I tried my best.
I know you hate it when I act sappy, but I have to get this out of my system right now or I'll explode.
I miss you.
I bet you saw that coming, but I just had to say it. You have no idea how much I miss you. There aren't enough words to describe how much I miss you. The way you talked, the way you moved, the way you kissed me, God I even miss the way you used to whine about your hair. I miss you so much my throat gets dry when I think about it, and my chest feels heavy like there's a weight inside my heart.
I miss you so much that it hurts Draco, and it makes the scars you gave me yearn for the times when they used to bleed.
I remember when you said I never gave you a choice when it came to loving me. But I swear, I gave you a choice and I hope that if you had known you would've chosen me anyway because God knows I would've chosen to be with you if you had given me the chance every single day of my life.
And it's so hard to keep going now that you're gone. I try my best to keep going, but it's hard. It's hard to not have nightmares every night and wake up thinking you'll be there right next to me to tell me it's okay. It's hard to not have you there anymore, even though it's been one whole year.
I love you, always remember that. I wish I could've told you those words one more time. I would give anything to be able to say that to you, right before you died.
"You were the only person I've ever hated more than myself and loved more than my father. Don't forget that Potter, don't you ever fucking forget that!"
You told me that, and I swear I never forgot and I never will. Then you forced that portkey into my hands, and you kissed me. There aren't any words I could use to describe what you did. It was fierce and powerful and it burned, as if you were trying to imprint the outline of your lips upon mine, and I swear Draco you did. You left a scar no one else can see, one that I touch every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep because I can still feel the fire on your lips and the blood on mine.
After you died, I couldn't tell whether I was alive anymore. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but I lost a part of me that night when I fell into the Great Hall calling out your name, waiting for you to follow after me. Because you said you'd follow me, that was the plan. You said you'd always follow after me because I was your light, and I guided you through the dark. But I'm not light anymore, because there can't be light without darkness and Draco you were my darkness.
And don't think I mean you were my evil, the bad part of me, because you were the best part of me. I hated the light, because when you were the light you couldn't hide anything, everyone could see you and their eyes would be able to follow you wherever you went. When you were light everyone looked at you and expected something from you. But you were my darkness, my refuge. You were where I hid when there was no place to hide and where I went to see myself and not what everyone else saw.
And I need darkness Draco, because now I have nowhere left to go.
So if you're reading this, know that I never forgot what you said, and the way you loved me will never be forgotten. I'd rather hurt more than I already do then ever forget the way you loved me.
I really hope you get to read this, because even though you're dead there's a part of me that still believes you'll get this. You told me you'd never leave me, and I still believe you.
Love,
Harry J. Potter
So as to not waste a perfectly good post, I shall hand out cookies! Hmm. Yum.
This was an old cookie I posted in teh Cookie Jar aeons ago. Enjoy or skip if you've already read.
Letters: Two deaths, two outcomes, and two letters about one thing.
Dear Potter,
It's been a year since you died. Everyone decided we should do something speical, to commemorate your death. Kind of morbid really, but guess what they suggest? We write letters. We're all supposed to write a letter addressed to you, then we'll stick them in a box and bury it next to your grave.
It's stupid in my opinion, you'll never even read this anyway. But here I am, 3 o'clock in the morning writing this stupid thing that you'll never even get to see.
Really Hermione forced me to. She said it'd be good for me, help me "forget" what happened. But let me tell you this Harry, I'll never forget. You told me to remember, and I swear I'll never forget what happened to you, what happened to us.
I told you not to cry at my funeral because I wasn't worth your tears, and believe me Potter I never was and never will. The only problem is I never thought we'd be having your funeral though, but mine. But you were worth my tears, you hear that? Even if the whole fucking world cried there wouldn't be enough tears that could be shed for you.
You saved me, no matter how cliche that sounds. When I told you that, you said it wasn't true, I had chose to be saved. You told me I had a choice. But believe me Potter I never had a choice.
I remember when I first realized how I felt I told you that you never gave me a fucking choice! and Potter you didn't. But I never needed to choose, it wouldn't have mattered if you had given me a choice because I would've chosen you again -- even a million times more -- if you had given me that chance. Besides, I didn't need choices because I had you, and you were enough. You were more than enough.
And when you died , I stopped living. But I wish I were still alive Harry, and you weren't dead. Living may not of been rainbows and sunshine and happy endings like in those stupid fucked-up fairy tales, Harry it was pain and sacrifice and scars that will never heal, but Living was being alive and I was only alive when you were with me.
You were the only person I've ever hated more than myself and loved more than my father and I wish I had told you that while you were still alive because it would've been the most honest thing I've ever said in my fucking worthless existence. Don't forget that Potter, don't you ever fucking forget that!
I remember when you forced that portkey into my hands and told me, "I love you, always remember that."
And I knew, even after that flash of horrific green light that was as beautiful and powerful as your eyes, after I fell into the Great Hall screaming your name hoping you'd come back. And at that very moment, I died. I died Potter, and it was your fault. I'll never forgive you for doing that to me, for killing me, for loving me.
Merlin, and you said it so calmly, so assuredly. You told me to remember, not to forget, because you knew that the memory would never leave me, just grow cold and dull in the back of my mind. Well you know what Potter, there isn't one day in my whole entire fucking life I don't remember.
So if you're reading this Potter, know that I still remember, and the way you loved me will always be remembered. I'd rather be dead more than I already am than ever forget the way you loved me.
I hope you read this Potter, because even though you may be dead, I am too, and I'm still able to write this letter.
Yours truly,
~ D.M.
*******
Dear Draco,
It's been a year since you died. They've decided that to commemorate your death, we should all write you letters.
I didn't want to at first, I didn't see the point. I mean, you're never going to read this anyway, right? But the stupid part of me believes there's a chance you'll actually receive this letter -- wherever you are -- so I decided to write one anyway.
Hermione told me I should, that it will help me "forget". But know this Draco, I will never forget because you told me not to. It was the last thing you ever asked of me, and I swear there isn't even one thing I haven't remembered.
I remember you told me not to cry at your funeral because you weren't worth my tears. But Draco you were. You were worth every single one that I shed the night you died, and you were worth everyone else's who cried too -- even the ones who didn't. There aren't enough tears I could've shed for you, but you told me not to cry and I swear I tried my best.
I know you hate it when I act sappy, but I have to get this out of my system right now or I'll explode.
I miss you.
I bet you saw that coming, but I just had to say it. You have no idea how much I miss you. There aren't enough words to describe how much I miss you. The way you talked, the way you moved, the way you kissed me, God I even miss the way you used to whine about your hair. I miss you so much my throat gets dry when I think about it, and my chest feels heavy like there's a weight inside my heart.
I miss you so much that it hurts Draco, and it makes the scars you gave me yearn for the times when they used to bleed.
I remember when you said I never gave you a choice when it came to loving me. But I swear, I gave you a choice and I hope that if you had known you would've chosen me anyway because God knows I would've chosen to be with you if you had given me the chance every single day of my life.
And it's so hard to keep going now that you're gone. I try my best to keep going, but it's hard. It's hard to not have nightmares every night and wake up thinking you'll be there right next to me to tell me it's okay. It's hard to not have you there anymore, even though it's been one whole year.
I love you, always remember that. I wish I could've told you those words one more time. I would give anything to be able to say that to you, right before you died.
"You were the only person I've ever hated more than myself and loved more than my father. Don't forget that Potter, don't you ever fucking forget that!"
You told me that, and I swear I never forgot and I never will. Then you forced that portkey into my hands, and you kissed me. There aren't any words I could use to describe what you did. It was fierce and powerful and it burned, as if you were trying to imprint the outline of your lips upon mine, and I swear Draco you did. You left a scar no one else can see, one that I touch every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep because I can still feel the fire on your lips and the blood on mine.
After you died, I couldn't tell whether I was alive anymore. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but I lost a part of me that night when I fell into the Great Hall calling out your name, waiting for you to follow after me. Because you said you'd follow me, that was the plan. You said you'd always follow after me because I was your light, and I guided you through the dark. But I'm not light anymore, because there can't be light without darkness and Draco you were my darkness.
And don't think I mean you were my evil, the bad part of me, because you were the best part of me. I hated the light, because when you were the light you couldn't hide anything, everyone could see you and their eyes would be able to follow you wherever you went. When you were light everyone looked at you and expected something from you. But you were my darkness, my refuge. You were where I hid when there was no place to hide and where I went to see myself and not what everyone else saw.
And I need darkness Draco, because now I have nowhere left to go.
So if you're reading this, know that I never forgot what you said, and the way you loved me will never be forgotten. I'd rather hurt more than I already do then ever forget the way you loved me.
I really hope you get to read this, because even though you're dead there's a part of me that still believes you'll get this. You told me you'd never leave me, and I still believe you.
Love,
Harry J. Potter