I'm so glad you're keeping these coming.... write on.premabastApril 5 2009, 21:00:15 UTC
Two case errors here: 1) "He ended the call and stuffed it in his pocket." sentence structure states that he stuffed the call into his pocket. You need to add a specific noun other than it after stuffed (he ended the call and stuffed his phone.....) 2) "...He could hear bits of reporters from New Orleans describing what was going on..." sounds like bits of reporters are commenting... like their ears or their elbows or their ankles. Change this sentence for clarification. Not that decomposing zombie reporters with talking bits isn't funny, of course! ;)
Gosh I look forward to these stories. *thumbs up* Thanks for writing them.
Re: I'm so glad you're keeping these coming.... write on.geisha_kitten69April 5 2009, 22:52:35 UTC
Will do! Apocalyptica's "Nothing Else Matters" haunted me for a week and every time I cleaned a room by the courtyard at work, I could see Cassie kicked back with a bottle of wine by the pool. One time, I could hear her say clearly "Just write what you see. Everything else will follow." Glad you enjoy them:) <3
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1) "He ended the call and stuffed it in his pocket." sentence structure states that he stuffed the call into his pocket. You need to add a specific noun other than it after stuffed (he ended the call and stuffed his phone.....)
2) "...He could hear bits of reporters from New Orleans describing what was going on..." sounds like bits of reporters are commenting... like their ears or their elbows or their ankles. Change this sentence for clarification. Not that decomposing zombie reporters with talking bits isn't funny, of course! ;)
Gosh I look forward to these stories. *thumbs up*
Thanks for writing them.
<3
k*
Reply
Apocalyptica's "Nothing Else Matters" haunted me for a week and every time I cleaned a room by the courtyard at work, I could see Cassie kicked back with a bottle of wine by the pool. One time, I could hear her say clearly "Just write what you see. Everything else will follow."
Glad you enjoy them:)
<3
Reply
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