FanFic100: #072 Fixed
Title: Recovering
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: Cadman/Lorne
Prompt: #072 Fixed
Word Count: 1.984
Rating: K+
Summary: Did Laura Cadman... or didn't she? Survive, that is.
Author's Notes: And so we have the release for "All I can do"... well, part of it anyway. Remember, there are two... err, three more pieces to come, but the latest one is entirely mackenziesmomma's fault because she gave me an idea I had to exorcize and she said she liked Henderson and Linley and then it kind of... turned into yet another RNT-piece... you know, guys, you have to tell me when you're sick of them. Or else the bunnies might not stop coming :S (but, yeah, okay, there are a few other bunnies... mac should know...). Anyway... betaed by The One I Already Mentioned Way Too Much In This Post :) And here's the LDT.
Recovering
“And I can't believe
That it's taken all this time
I can't believe
My life and my destiny
After the clans, after the clearings
Here I am
Recovering.”
Runrig, “Recovery”
She still finds it hard to believe that she’s here, in the SGC’s infirmary. When she’d been on that planet, in the middle of a blizzard, with no chance of reaching the ‘Gate ever again and had felt her body slowly shutting down in the intense cold, she’d already resigned herself to failure and death. It had been harder to accept all those missed chances and the things she’d never see or do again than she had thought but the cold had helped. So in a way she’d been thankful for it.
She had also been thankful for it because it had helped her to numb the pain of having had to send Evan away, to tell him to leave her behind. All the while where she had still been conscious, she couldn’t forget the helplessness and desperation in his eyes and not for the first time she’d wished she’d never said that thing about him not seeing her as herself. As strange as that sounds, in that moment she’d wished he’d see her simply as another soldier, as a nuisance brought in to cover up that Samantha Carter wasn’t there anymore. If he had… it wouldn’t have been so hard for him to leave her behind and she wouldn’t have been forced to cause him pain.
In a way she’s glad she hasn’t seen him at least once ever since waking up three days ago. Henderson had been here, of course, good-naturedly berating her for giving them all such a scare and reassuring her he would of course do everything in his might to get her out of the infirmary as soon as possible - although they both knew she won’t be up to anything besides lying in bed for an extended amount of time.
Linley also sat around her berth, joking around and telling her about the elections she missed due to her coma. There were also visits from General Hammond, a few of the people from the Dynamite gang… but there was one person that never showed up and that no one talked about: Major Evan Lorne.
Out of some unspoken collective agreement none of them had mentioned him and because she had been simply too weak to deal with the mess that was the relationship between her and her CO she’d been thankful for it because it meant that she had to deal with one thing less. At the moment it’s really enough that she has to wrap her head around the fact that she’s missing two toes - and only because her team was lucky enough to find her as fast as they did - and that it could take weeks, maybe even months, until she is her old fit for duty self again.
But it’s been three days now… and even though she doesn’t want to, she started missing him… started wondering what it is that keeps him away… if it’s somehow her fault. As if to rouse her from her musings, the curtain around her berth flaps and for a moment she finds her heart flaring with the ridiculous hope that this time it might be Evan, finally coming to talk. But it’s just Linley again, an apple in his hand, his usual cheerful expression on his face. Although… is she imagining it or is it just façade today?
“Hey, Cadman. Still enjoying the amenities of the Purple Heart Inn?” There’s something in his voice… as if he’s uncomfortable about something but doesn’t want to tell her what it is.
So for the time being she decides to play along. “What does it look like, huh?” She wishes she wouldn’t sound so feeble. It’s not like her to need so much time to bounce back.
“It looks like you’re having a great time.” Still trying to joke around but failing miserably. She wonders why Linley even bothers because he was never able to keep up a blank front for long. In fact… usually he’s as easy to read as an open book. Unlike… certain other officers she doesn’t want to think about right now.
And so it’s no surprise that she decides to cut to the chase and addresses him directly, “Harry… stop beating around the bush. What’s the matter?”
Looking a little embarrassed because she found him out so fast, Linley sits down beside her bed and takes one or two bites of his apple until he starts talking again. “I shouldn’t… I promised Jim I wouldn’t talk about this.” And he shouldn’t have said that. Because it told her several things already: There’s something Henderson doesn’t want her to know - probably to protect her from it, considering how overprotective he can be of her - and it’s something they don’t want to talk about with Evan or Linley would have mentioned him as well.
“Then you shouldn’t have said that. And since you already blurted it out… what’s the use in keeping quiet about the rest of it anyway?” Come on, she thinks. Don’t make me pry too much. I just don’t have the strength to do it yet… and I can’t follow you out of his room if you decide to stand up and walk away. And I just know you want to talk about it.
Squirming a little in his seat, Linley finally takes a deep breath and says, “Don’t tell Jim, right?” She shakes her head. “Okay, it’s just… you should know that… the Major is grounded.” Grounded? Why? People like Evan… they never get grounded. They are loyal and obedient and dutiful enough that they even fall out with their families over their service… or try to lock away their feelings in order to adhere to the rules. “Don’t look at me like that. We can’t believe it either… we should be grounded.” What the…? Obviously she had some very bad influence on her team. “They say General Hammond didn’t want to but… he had to file charges against the Major for insubordination. So until he’s cleared… he’s grounded.”
Okay. She’s out of it for six days and her guys get themselves in the kind of scrapes usually only she gets herself in? Insubordination? It all confuses her enough to be speechless - she refuses to believe it has anything to do with her physical condition - and all she can do is give Linley a perplexed look. “When we came back after… you know what… we were ordered to stand down but the Major… he didn’t accept that. He went head to head with General Hammond. I mean, they didn’t shout at each other… but… yeah.” Head to head. With General Hammond. Evan. For her. It gives her all kinds of funny feelings and it scares her a little that none of them are negative.
Her hand closes around a portion of her covers and she takes a deep breath. “Harry…”
Linley swallows a bite of his apple and then hastens to interrupt her, as if there’s been something on his mind for quite a while now and he needs to get rid of it. “Laura… what’s going on between you and the Major?”
Yeah, that’s something she would like to know as well. First he practically admits he’s in love with her, then it’s ‘Business as usual.’, then he risks his career for her anyway… she turns on her side, facing Linley and curling up as far she can manage without exhausting herself too much. “Nothing’s going on, Harry.” Which isn't a total lie. There is stuff between them but in essence they never really acted on it and they never will act on it either. “I mean… do you see him sitting around here somewhere?” Alright, that was… not a very clever thing to say, most of all if she wants to convince Linley that her feelings for Evan are strictly business.
Linley sighs. “General Hammond sent him home three days ago. After he sat at your bed, for six days straight. If Jim and I hadn’t been here… he’d even forgotten about eating and drinking and the only times he slept would have been when he passed out from sheer exhaustion.” He’s quiet now, knowing full well about the impact this has on her, leaving her to digest all of which he just said. People might think him inconsiderate, boisterous and a show-off, but she knows that there’s more to the book than the cover says.
Then, when he thinks he has given her enough time he says quietly, “Look… I know Jim would never say anything but he thinks the same: Whatever it is between you and the Major… get it sorted out, for the sake of the team.” Even if it means breaking up the team, she thinks and is sure that he thought the same thing.
She closes her eyes, feeling the weariness that has accompanied her ever since waking up welling up just a little more. All of this… it makes her so tired and she wishes for something - or someone - just to give her comfort, without demanding or expecting anything from her. No fake cheerfulness, no forced brave smiles, no clearing up stuff she doesn’t even really understand… just be there and make her feel like everything will be alright again and make this uncharacteristic weariness disappear and let her be herself again.
But she still owes Linley an answer. With a soundless sigh she opens her eyes again… and nearly has a heart attack at the sight. Instead of Linley, Evan is sitting there… when did he and Linley exchange places? Dammit, she really got sloppy.
She blinks and now he seems to have noticed that her eyes aren’t closed anymore. An insecure little half-smile appears on his face. “Oh, you’re… not asleep.” No, obviously not. But she wishes she were because he sure as hell wants something from her as well. To be honest: His mere presence alone gives her headaches because of all the questions and feelings it raises. “I just thought… But yeah, I better leave you alone, huh?”
He already turns to go and she knows she should let him but… this is the guy who risked his life and his career for her, and at least the first more than once. She owes it to him to let him sit by her side, if he wants to do that, no matter how many headaches this causes her. “Three days and you haven’t been here at least once. You really think I’ll let you off the hook that easily?”
A little surprised at her answer, he sits down again. She can also see… relief, probably that she finally is back at the slightly irreverent tone she used to address him with off-duty. And a little guilt. At what she doesn’t know and she’s simply too tired to ponder it anyway. “Glad to see your… charming temper didn’t fully freeze off.” She resists a sigh. No, it didn’t. However, it’ll still take her some time until she’s fully herself again. He seems to have seen that as well and without giving her time for a comeback, he just leans forward and very lightly brushes the back of his index finger against her cheek… giving her the solace she has been craving for these last days. “Come on, go back to sleep, Lieutenant. I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
God, Linley was right. They have to sort this out. Just not… now. Now she’ll just close her eyes and draw comfort from the quiet presence by her bed and the assurance that he’ll keep to his promise to be still there when she wakes up - because he always keeps his promises - and drift off to sleep again.
~*~
TBC in Just Forget The World
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: Cadman/Lorne
Prompt: #072 Fixed
Word Count: 1.984
Rating: K+
Summary: Did Laura Cadman... or didn't she? Survive, that is.
Author's Notes: And so we have the release for "All I can do"... well, part of it anyway. Remember, there are two... err, three more pieces to come, but the latest one is entirely mackenziesmomma's fault because she gave me an idea I had to exorcize and she said she liked Henderson and Linley and then it kind of... turned into yet another RNT-piece... you know, guys, you have to tell me when you're sick of them. Or else the bunnies might not stop coming :S (but, yeah, okay, there are a few other bunnies... mac should know...). Anyway... betaed by The One I Already Mentioned Way Too Much In This Post :) And here's the LDT.
Recovering
“And I can't believe
That it's taken all this time
I can't believe
My life and my destiny
After the clans, after the clearings
Here I am
Recovering.”
Runrig, “Recovery”
She still finds it hard to believe that she’s here, in the SGC’s infirmary. When she’d been on that planet, in the middle of a blizzard, with no chance of reaching the ‘Gate ever again and had felt her body slowly shutting down in the intense cold, she’d already resigned herself to failure and death. It had been harder to accept all those missed chances and the things she’d never see or do again than she had thought but the cold had helped. So in a way she’d been thankful for it.
She had also been thankful for it because it had helped her to numb the pain of having had to send Evan away, to tell him to leave her behind. All the while where she had still been conscious, she couldn’t forget the helplessness and desperation in his eyes and not for the first time she’d wished she’d never said that thing about him not seeing her as herself. As strange as that sounds, in that moment she’d wished he’d see her simply as another soldier, as a nuisance brought in to cover up that Samantha Carter wasn’t there anymore. If he had… it wouldn’t have been so hard for him to leave her behind and she wouldn’t have been forced to cause him pain.
In a way she’s glad she hasn’t seen him at least once ever since waking up three days ago. Henderson had been here, of course, good-naturedly berating her for giving them all such a scare and reassuring her he would of course do everything in his might to get her out of the infirmary as soon as possible - although they both knew she won’t be up to anything besides lying in bed for an extended amount of time.
Linley also sat around her berth, joking around and telling her about the elections she missed due to her coma. There were also visits from General Hammond, a few of the people from the Dynamite gang… but there was one person that never showed up and that no one talked about: Major Evan Lorne.
Out of some unspoken collective agreement none of them had mentioned him and because she had been simply too weak to deal with the mess that was the relationship between her and her CO she’d been thankful for it because it meant that she had to deal with one thing less. At the moment it’s really enough that she has to wrap her head around the fact that she’s missing two toes - and only because her team was lucky enough to find her as fast as they did - and that it could take weeks, maybe even months, until she is her old fit for duty self again.
But it’s been three days now… and even though she doesn’t want to, she started missing him… started wondering what it is that keeps him away… if it’s somehow her fault. As if to rouse her from her musings, the curtain around her berth flaps and for a moment she finds her heart flaring with the ridiculous hope that this time it might be Evan, finally coming to talk. But it’s just Linley again, an apple in his hand, his usual cheerful expression on his face. Although… is she imagining it or is it just façade today?
“Hey, Cadman. Still enjoying the amenities of the Purple Heart Inn?” There’s something in his voice… as if he’s uncomfortable about something but doesn’t want to tell her what it is.
So for the time being she decides to play along. “What does it look like, huh?” She wishes she wouldn’t sound so feeble. It’s not like her to need so much time to bounce back.
“It looks like you’re having a great time.” Still trying to joke around but failing miserably. She wonders why Linley even bothers because he was never able to keep up a blank front for long. In fact… usually he’s as easy to read as an open book. Unlike… certain other officers she doesn’t want to think about right now.
And so it’s no surprise that she decides to cut to the chase and addresses him directly, “Harry… stop beating around the bush. What’s the matter?”
Looking a little embarrassed because she found him out so fast, Linley sits down beside her bed and takes one or two bites of his apple until he starts talking again. “I shouldn’t… I promised Jim I wouldn’t talk about this.” And he shouldn’t have said that. Because it told her several things already: There’s something Henderson doesn’t want her to know - probably to protect her from it, considering how overprotective he can be of her - and it’s something they don’t want to talk about with Evan or Linley would have mentioned him as well.
“Then you shouldn’t have said that. And since you already blurted it out… what’s the use in keeping quiet about the rest of it anyway?” Come on, she thinks. Don’t make me pry too much. I just don’t have the strength to do it yet… and I can’t follow you out of his room if you decide to stand up and walk away. And I just know you want to talk about it.
Squirming a little in his seat, Linley finally takes a deep breath and says, “Don’t tell Jim, right?” She shakes her head. “Okay, it’s just… you should know that… the Major is grounded.” Grounded? Why? People like Evan… they never get grounded. They are loyal and obedient and dutiful enough that they even fall out with their families over their service… or try to lock away their feelings in order to adhere to the rules. “Don’t look at me like that. We can’t believe it either… we should be grounded.” What the…? Obviously she had some very bad influence on her team. “They say General Hammond didn’t want to but… he had to file charges against the Major for insubordination. So until he’s cleared… he’s grounded.”
Okay. She’s out of it for six days and her guys get themselves in the kind of scrapes usually only she gets herself in? Insubordination? It all confuses her enough to be speechless - she refuses to believe it has anything to do with her physical condition - and all she can do is give Linley a perplexed look. “When we came back after… you know what… we were ordered to stand down but the Major… he didn’t accept that. He went head to head with General Hammond. I mean, they didn’t shout at each other… but… yeah.” Head to head. With General Hammond. Evan. For her. It gives her all kinds of funny feelings and it scares her a little that none of them are negative.
Her hand closes around a portion of her covers and she takes a deep breath. “Harry…”
Linley swallows a bite of his apple and then hastens to interrupt her, as if there’s been something on his mind for quite a while now and he needs to get rid of it. “Laura… what’s going on between you and the Major?”
Yeah, that’s something she would like to know as well. First he practically admits he’s in love with her, then it’s ‘Business as usual.’, then he risks his career for her anyway… she turns on her side, facing Linley and curling up as far she can manage without exhausting herself too much. “Nothing’s going on, Harry.” Which isn't a total lie. There is stuff between them but in essence they never really acted on it and they never will act on it either. “I mean… do you see him sitting around here somewhere?” Alright, that was… not a very clever thing to say, most of all if she wants to convince Linley that her feelings for Evan are strictly business.
Linley sighs. “General Hammond sent him home three days ago. After he sat at your bed, for six days straight. If Jim and I hadn’t been here… he’d even forgotten about eating and drinking and the only times he slept would have been when he passed out from sheer exhaustion.” He’s quiet now, knowing full well about the impact this has on her, leaving her to digest all of which he just said. People might think him inconsiderate, boisterous and a show-off, but she knows that there’s more to the book than the cover says.
Then, when he thinks he has given her enough time he says quietly, “Look… I know Jim would never say anything but he thinks the same: Whatever it is between you and the Major… get it sorted out, for the sake of the team.” Even if it means breaking up the team, she thinks and is sure that he thought the same thing.
She closes her eyes, feeling the weariness that has accompanied her ever since waking up welling up just a little more. All of this… it makes her so tired and she wishes for something - or someone - just to give her comfort, without demanding or expecting anything from her. No fake cheerfulness, no forced brave smiles, no clearing up stuff she doesn’t even really understand… just be there and make her feel like everything will be alright again and make this uncharacteristic weariness disappear and let her be herself again.
But she still owes Linley an answer. With a soundless sigh she opens her eyes again… and nearly has a heart attack at the sight. Instead of Linley, Evan is sitting there… when did he and Linley exchange places? Dammit, she really got sloppy.
She blinks and now he seems to have noticed that her eyes aren’t closed anymore. An insecure little half-smile appears on his face. “Oh, you’re… not asleep.” No, obviously not. But she wishes she were because he sure as hell wants something from her as well. To be honest: His mere presence alone gives her headaches because of all the questions and feelings it raises. “I just thought… But yeah, I better leave you alone, huh?”
He already turns to go and she knows she should let him but… this is the guy who risked his life and his career for her, and at least the first more than once. She owes it to him to let him sit by her side, if he wants to do that, no matter how many headaches this causes her. “Three days and you haven’t been here at least once. You really think I’ll let you off the hook that easily?”
A little surprised at her answer, he sits down again. She can also see… relief, probably that she finally is back at the slightly irreverent tone she used to address him with off-duty. And a little guilt. At what she doesn’t know and she’s simply too tired to ponder it anyway. “Glad to see your… charming temper didn’t fully freeze off.” She resists a sigh. No, it didn’t. However, it’ll still take her some time until she’s fully herself again. He seems to have seen that as well and without giving her time for a comeback, he just leans forward and very lightly brushes the back of his index finger against her cheek… giving her the solace she has been craving for these last days. “Come on, go back to sleep, Lieutenant. I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
God, Linley was right. They have to sort this out. Just not… now. Now she’ll just close her eyes and draw comfort from the quiet presence by her bed and the assurance that he’ll keep to his promise to be still there when she wakes up - because he always keeps his promises - and drift off to sleep again.
~*~
TBC in Just Forget The World