Winning
In which Will and Kit are 21st-century scriptwriters, but still their usual ridiculous selves.
The Herald, 11th February 2013
As is typical during award season, there was big news and bigger embarrassment at last night’s BAFTAs for a number of rising stars- not least for actor and screenwriter Will Shakespeare, who managed to occupy both ends of the spectrum. In fact, it seems the real reason for his recent divorce became clear in spectacular fashion towards the end of the evening. After collecting his first ever Best Adaptation award for the on-screen version of his play Henry V, and announcing future adaptations of his medieval drama series, he picked up a Best Supporting Actor award for his work on occasional colleague and sometime rival Kit Marlowe’s ‘Doctor Faustus’. All very impressive so far, but Marlowe is known to court controversy at every turn and on receiving his own award for Best Original Screenplay later in the evening, he saw fit to comment.
“I couldn’t have done it without this fantastic cast,” he said, “least of all Mr Shakespeare over there- we may have been in direct competition at times tonight but he really is a credit to the industry... And a fantastic shag.”
The morning that story appeared, both writers were woken by Kit’s obnoxious ringtone. 7 o’clock in the morning, and the papers were already kicking off about his little announcement. Will looked at the display, saw the word ‘Cunts’ through blurry eyes, and elbowed Kit in the ribs.
“Oi, drunkard, the Mail want to speak to you.”
“...F’ckoff.”
“No. I’ve had an idea.”
Will prodded the screen, raising the phone to his ear and making a non-committal grunting noise as greeting. The voice on the line immediately chirped in his ear, asking Kit to make a statement and demanding to know exactly what he thought he was doing when he broke the news of his latest GAY ACTING SCANDAL in the middle of an awards ceremony. By the time they decided that somebody ought to think of the children, Will was awake enough to respond in his very, very distinctive accent.
“I’m sorry, love, I’m afraid Kit’s a bit... tied up at the moment. I can pass on a message if you like- things are so busy, but maybe he’ll get back to you when things aren’t such a handful.”
It really was very nice of that friendly reporter to hang up and save him the trouble of being polite.
The Herald, 11th February 2013
As is typical during award season, there was big news and bigger embarrassment at last night’s BAFTAs for a number of rising stars- not least for actor and screenwriter Will Shakespeare, who managed to occupy both ends of the spectrum. In fact, it seems the real reason for his recent divorce became clear in spectacular fashion towards the end of the evening. After collecting his first ever Best Adaptation award for the on-screen version of his play Henry V, and announcing future adaptations of his medieval drama series, he picked up a Best Supporting Actor award for his work on occasional colleague and sometime rival Kit Marlowe’s ‘Doctor Faustus’. All very impressive so far, but Marlowe is known to court controversy at every turn and on receiving his own award for Best Original Screenplay later in the evening, he saw fit to comment.
“I couldn’t have done it without this fantastic cast,” he said, “least of all Mr Shakespeare over there- we may have been in direct competition at times tonight but he really is a credit to the industry... And a fantastic shag.”
The morning that story appeared, both writers were woken by Kit’s obnoxious ringtone. 7 o’clock in the morning, and the papers were already kicking off about his little announcement. Will looked at the display, saw the word ‘Cunts’ through blurry eyes, and elbowed Kit in the ribs.
“Oi, drunkard, the Mail want to speak to you.”
“...F’ckoff.”
“No. I’ve had an idea.”
Will prodded the screen, raising the phone to his ear and making a non-committal grunting noise as greeting. The voice on the line immediately chirped in his ear, asking Kit to make a statement and demanding to know exactly what he thought he was doing when he broke the news of his latest GAY ACTING SCANDAL in the middle of an awards ceremony. By the time they decided that somebody ought to think of the children, Will was awake enough to respond in his very, very distinctive accent.
“I’m sorry, love, I’m afraid Kit’s a bit... tied up at the moment. I can pass on a message if you like- things are so busy, but maybe he’ll get back to you when things aren’t such a handful.”
It really was very nice of that friendly reporter to hang up and save him the trouble of being polite.